A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the SpoilerTV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
1. Mr Johnson: “Well, I’m a pacifist. You mess with me, I’m-a pass a fist across your face.” (Sandi)
2. Melissa: “I’m telling you, Barb, I’ve never had a class make this much reading progress this fast. We’re riding that Magic Schoolbus straight to victory.” Barb: “I never cared for that Ms. Frizzle. Always wearing those kooky outfits and that overzealous can-do attitude.” (Dahne)
3. Melissa to a student struggling with reading: “You see the story’s about a little girl who, um…had to read things a few times until they made sense and sometimes some of the other kids would make fun of her. But at the end, she figures out that it doesn’t matter how fast or slow you read. Reading’s about having fun. You see, my teacher gave this (book) to me when I was a little girl, just about your age, And I promise you, I grew up to love reading.” ~~As a librarian, this moment made me smile and nod. (Dahne)
4. Melissa: “I just think it’s cute how you’re still trying, Janine. You’re not gonna catch us. That Wimpy Kid can’t crank out diaries fast enough.” (Dahne)
Big Sky (Spoiler Girl)
1. Donno: “Do you remember when you stabbed me with that stick?” Tonya: “Of course.” Donno: “Not killing you was the best thing I ever did.”
2. Tonya: "One last job, Donno. That's it. Then we're out."
Doom Patrol (Sandi)
Doom Patrol (Sandi)
1. Cliff: “If people want to love you, there isn’t really anything you can do to stop them.”
Ghosts:
1. Flower: “I think Pete just wanted to help, Thor. Like an uncle. That's what uncles do. They give you advice and buy you weed, and stare too long at your friends.” (Chris C)
2. Sam: “The point is you went way too far. Hetty, what were you thinking?” Hetty: “I was not the best mother. I delegated the care and raising of my children to others and I missed out on being a part of their lives. And then, after my death, I had to watch my children become adults in this house - unable to help them, to give advice, to guide them…I have watched generations of Woodstones make mistakes in this house. But then after 100 years, a miracle happened. You fell down those stairs and I was given a second chance to be heard.” Sam: “You know, my mom used to point out my mistakes…a lot. We would get into these huge fights and I would do the opposite of what she said and because of that I probably missed out on some good advice.” Hetty: “Well, maybe this is a second chance for both of us.” Sam: “That’s a nice way to think of it.” (Dahne)
3. Pete: “Hmm, I see. You want some advice?” Sass: “From you? About women? I mean…sure.” Pete: “You know how you can tell 100% if someone’s cheating on you. You can’t. That’s the thing about relationships. You know, you have to trust.
Now in my case, the trust wasn’t warranted, but the alternative is to let paranoia take over and ruin what could be a good thing.” Sass: “That actually makes a lot of sense. Thanks, Pete.” Pete: “Any time, roomie.” (Dahne)
Gossip Girl (Sandi)
Gossip Girl (Sandi)
1. Luna: “You’re not broken. You’re growing. Will matters to Audrey, so therefore he matters to you. The problem is, you think you have to be someone else to get you to matter to him. You don’t.”
Happy Valley (SpoilerGirl)
1. Catherine: "Yoga’s dangerous. Someone came to do a session for us at the nick one dinnertime. We were all farting like billy-o after the first few moves. We gave off enough methane to melt a polar icecap. Greta Thunberg had to come and speak to us.”
2. Catherine to Ryan: "I’ve seen how you draw a cock-and-balls when we play Picture Consequences and it’s nothing like that."
The Last of Us (Bradley)
1. Bill: "The government are all Nazis!" ~~Nick Offerman bringing the spirit of Ron Swanson to HBO? Glorious.
2. Frank: "Take me to bed." ~~A wonderfully poignant line to end our brief-but-beautiful experience with these two fascinating, absorbing side-characters.
Mythic Quest (Sandi)
1. Poppy: “ ‘It is what it is.’ That’s your big revelation?” Ian: “Yeah, I am who I am. And, I do what I do. And you, you are who you are, and you do what you do. And that should be enough for both of us. And if it isn’t, then we shouldn’t be doing any of it anymore.”
2. Ian: “Yes. We are broken, but in all the right places. And for some reason, we, like, fit together. I don’t know why. Humans are messy. Relationships are insane! I mean, we’re a bunch of monkeys that stood up straight on a rock that’s floating around a ball of hot plasma that’s four billion years old. And we’re walking around like we know what the fuck is going on. I don’t know, man. All I know is I love you, you love me, and everything else is semantics. We mess up, we apologise, we move on. But the point is, no matter what, our relationship is worth it.” Poppy: “I love you, too.” Ian: “What?” Poppy: “I love you, too.” Ian: “Yeah, I know. I just covered that in my speech“
3. Brad: “Hey, Rachel, I just want you to know that I’m gonna do everything in my power to help your girlfriend.” Rachel: “Oh, thanks, Brad.” Brad: “Crush you. And crush Mythic Quest and anyone else who gets in her way.” Rachel: “Dana would never do that. That’s not her.” Brad: “Oh, just like you would never abandon all your convictions for a paltry bonus cheque? The one that you’re currently clutching in your pocket?” Rachel: “I’m...I’m not clutching anything.” Brad: “I can hear it crinkle.”
Night Court (Dahne)
1. Dan: “I prefer leaving the past in the past. If these walls could talk, they’d say, ‘Kill me.’ “
2. Judge Abby: “By any chance, are you dyslexic?” Mr. Buchwald: “I am, your Honor, but it’s my understanding that’s only a crime in Texas.”
3. Dan to Howie, the conspiracy lizard person theorist: “Were you attacked by a salamander when you were a kid? Did your dad leave your mom for a gecko? Paint me the science fiction country song that is your life.”
4. Olivia to Maggie: “You have the memory of a serial killer…in a fun way.”
Poker Face (Joshua)
1. Sterling Frost Jr: "To everyone working here, I'm the kid clamping around in his dad's shoes. Its humiliating; I've made mistakes I haven't,uh if you Google me you know I've had bad situations previously. I can't live as a failure in his shadow for the rest of my life. I swear to God, I'd rather die. This is my last chance to prove I'm not what he thinks I am."
The Rookie (Spoiler Girl)
1. Suspect: “You look good out of uniform.” Angela: “I know.”
2. Lucy: "I feel like I need you to reset your expectations a little bit. You're not going to see me naked for a while. I don't want to rush into that. I want to take things slow. Go on this date, maybe a second date. Have our first, maybe real kiss. I just don't think we should jump into bed together just because we know each other so well."
3. Bradford: “I guess this is our official first date.” Lucy: “Last night was. For sure. I mean it's a better story for the grandkids.” Bradford: “We've got grandkids now. Nice.”
Son of a Critch (Sandi)
1. Mark: “You never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory. If only we knew what ones we would yearn for when we are older. Then we could soak them in before they were gone forever. Maybe then, we would have fewer regrets.”
2. Mary: “Hi there, I’m just her daughter from the first marriage. Surprise, she’s not the vestal virgin you thought!” [to mother] “Have fun with that.” Johanna: “You little bitch.” Mary: “No. It’s Critch.”
That ‘90s Show (Sandi)
1. Red: “Now, where’s my granddaughter?” Ozzie: “I’m not saying jack squat until I talk to my mother.” Red: “You’ll never see your mother again until you start talking.” Ozzie: “Okay fine. She went to nunya.” Red: “Now we’re getting somewhere. Where’s nunya?” Ozzie: “Nunya business.” Kitty: “Well, Red, you just kinda walked into that.”
The Way Home (DJRiter)
1. Kat, after encountering her uncharacteristically upbeat teenage daughter Alice early one morning: “Who replaced my daughter with Rainbow Brite?”
2. Kat, later that day, after an emotional outburst from said daughter: “At least I know my teenage daughter’s still in there.”
3. Elliott, joking with Alice about the polaroid that shows her on one of her time travel visits to the past: “Be careful that you don’t start to fade away in it like Marty McFly.” (Alice stares at him befuddled.) “You know like Back to the Future?” Alice: “You’re so old.”
Willow (Sandi)
1. Jade: “This is so silly. There’s no one here.” Boorman: “Oh, they’re here. They’re hiding.” Jade: “From who?” Boorman: “From us.” Graydon: “Well, if they’re hiding from us, that means they know that we’re here. In which case, who are we hiding from?” Boorman: “From them. It’s like you’ve never snuck into an undead city before.”
Young Sheldon (Sandi)
Young Sheldon (Sandi)
1. Missy: “What’s going on?” Georgie: “Sheldon wants to quit college.” Missy: “So I’m the only one who’s not a dropout? Who saw that coming?”
