A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
1. Karima: "Look at yourself. You look depressed." Ben: "I'm not depressed. I was diagnosed as culturally derealized by a bunch of 12-year-olds." (Natalie)
1. Deborah: "Do you know how old you're going to be when I'm 109?" Ava, crying: "Please don't make me do math right now." (Natalie)
What We're Watching
1. Lyle: 9-1-1 called him? Yeah, I'm sticking with that dude. (Prpleight)
1. Esposito: “You know of anyone who’s been threatening Stan lately?” Landlord: “I’m the manager here, not the den mother.” Ryan: “Okay, then. When was the last time you saw him?” Landlord: “This morning. Stan was all smiles. Gave notice he was moving out because his ship was coming in.” Ryan: “What ship?” Landlord: “Oh I don’t know. The Titanic from the looks of things.” (Dahne)
1. Garcia: “You’ve reached Penelope Garcia, in the FBI’s Office of Supreme Genius.” Derek: “Hey, it’s Morgan. I need you to work me some magic here. I got a program called Deadbolt Defense and a girl with only a couple hours to live, so what do you know?” Garcia: “Then you’ve got a problem. Deadbolt’s the #1 password crack resistant software out there. You’re gonna have to get inside this guy’s head to get the password.” Derek: “I thought I was calling the Office of Supreme Genius.” Garcia: “Well, gorgeous, you’ve been rerouted to the Office of Too Fricking Bad.” 1.01
2. Spencer: “Hotch told me that when he came to the BAU, you told him he didn’t need a gun to kill somebody.” Gabriel: “Well, the only truly effective weapon we have is our ability to do the one thing they can’t.” Spencer: “Which is what?” Gabriel: “Empathize. They dehumanize their victims. We humanize the killers.” Spencer: “You’re just saying that to convince me I don’t need to carry a gun.” Gabriel: “I don’t carry if you carry a gun or not.
The deadliest weapon we have is a thorough and accurate profile.” Spencer: “Of course you believe that.” Gabriel: “The Footpath Killer, he had a shotgun in the back of my head. I’m here. He’s not.” 1.06
3. Derek: “And you believe it?” Spencer: “No, I’m just saying it’s possible. I don’t know everything. I mean, despite the fact that you think that I do.” Derek: “I never said that. When have I ever said that?” Spencer: “Every day since I met you.” Elle: “This morning at breakfast.” Hotch: “Yesterday when he beat you at cards.” Derek: “Anybody ever hear of sarcasm?” The others: “Mm-hmm.” 1.05 (Dahne)
1. Melinda: “It’s hard to say, ‘I forgive you,’ after your spouse whacks you.” 5.08
2. Jim to Melinda: “See these rings? They mean you and I are bound together. Your problems are my problems, so talk to me.” 1.03 ~~~Aww, this is why Jim Clancy is the best TV husband of all.
2. Jim to Melinda: “See these rings? They mean you and I are bound together. Your problems are my problems, so talk to me.” 1.03 ~~~Aww, this is why Jim Clancy is the best TV husband of all.
3. Melinda: “Hey, I don’t care about the money. This is our home.” Jim: “Alright, I agree, but then why are we trying to sell it?” Melinda: “Well, because we are so stupid in love that we’d do anything to make each other happy.” Jim: “This is like an O. Henry story told by Donald Trump.” 1.06
4. Andrea, when she learns that her neighbor’s dead fiance is haunting her even at the hospital: “Awwww. That is so…creepy.” 1.04
5. Jim: “You’re gonna spend the night in a haunted house alone…I feel like I’m in a John Carpenter film.” 1.05 (Dahne)
Leverage - 3.07
1. Eliot: “You feeling confident?” Hardison: “Not really.” Eliot: “Good, ‘cause overconfidence will kill you faster than a bullet any day.” Fear is good.” Hardison: “Oh, I have fear…and doubts…and really serious regrets. I should be fine.” Eliot: “Alright, you’re ready then.”2. Hardison, after creating a trap in the woods and before MacGyvering a bomb: “Science. It works.” (Dahne)
