A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
1. Adam Ruzek: "Did you actually read this new chase directive? I feel like we get a new directive every week." Kim Burgess: "Yeah, it was two paragraphs. I managed to make it through."
2. Adam Ruzek: "I don't know what the hell we're doing out here half the time."
3. Kim Burgess: "I didn't want to believe it either. Come on. What about you? What makes you so sure that he's clean?" Adam Ruzek: "Because I know him. So I don't care how desperate or how broke he is. He's not a thief. It's not who he is. He's a cop." (Jessica C)
1. Robyn: "Are you upset because the article implies you exist or because it doesn't imply you exist?" Mel: "Yes."
2. Robyn: "Baby, some people's minds aren't worth trying to change, not after they've shown you who they are."
3. Assistant: "The director wants to see you guys." Bradley: "What about?" Assistant: "I'm guessing your jobs." (Most satisfying dialog in the episode. - Prpleight)
1. Renee: "Look, I'm gonna be straight with you. This-this place is a shithole. It'll suck you in. Everyone comes here thinking they'll stick to cocktailing, but after a while you always end up on the pole."
2. Henriette: "A body? Wow, that's a big deal right?" Alan: "Sure, if he's telling the truth, but he's not. He just wants more privileges so he's trying to play me." Henriette: "What if you just play the game too?" Alan: "What's that supposed to mean?" Henriette: "Alan, finding a body would be good for you, no?" Alan: "Yeah. Look believe me if there's a body in the woods, and this is a big if, this guy put him there." Henriette: "So what? A body is a body." Alan: "Well, if I call out body side, and dogs and all that shit and nothing's there, I'm the asshole" Henriette: "But if you call them and they find something, then you're the hero. The star! Yeah, the up-and-comer who only just made sergeant but is known to close his cases!"
3. Leslie: "Divorce is great. I recommend it." (Folie-lex)
1. Denise: "Everyone shut up. Emily's here!" Sarah: "Okay... can you please keep your crush on my brother's ex-wife down to a simmer." Denise: "It's not a crush! She's just objectively stunning in every way."
2. Marina: "This is big honey. We are making real life neighborhood friends. Like they do in the movies."
3. Tom: "Halloween isn't usually a sentimental holiday. That's reserved for Christmas, or Thanksgiving, or a drunken Fourth of July. [...] But this Halloween the Haywards discovered that in spite of their differences [...] in spite of all common sense, this family didn't just need to spend time together. They actually liked to." (Folie-lex)
1. Nancy: "That lid is really on there." George: "Seventy years worth of people with the good sense not to mess with it. You know it's not too late to leave it the heck alone." (Prpleight)
1. Esme: “We can’t do it another night! It has to be the night Alex realized Kelly was the love of her life! Don’t you believe in love, Al?”
2. Esme [calling for help when Nyxly and Lex attack]: “SUPEGIRL!”
3. Alex [proposing to Kelly]: “You are the person that I want to watch Die Hard with for the rest of my life. Will you marry me?” (Donna Cromeans)
1. Guillermo: "You can't make any rational decisions right now because you're dealing with Colin Robinson's death and I think you're running away from your feelings." Nandor: "Yeah, so what? I hate my feelings!"
2. Nandor: "It's gonna be a real eat prey, love kind of journey for me." Guillermo: "What do you mean? You're gonna pray?" Nandor: "Well, how am I gonna eat if I don't prey on people, dummy?"
3. Laszlo: "The British are a pack of classist wankers." The Baron: "Hear, hear!" Laszlo: "And those fuckers expelled me from the Sherwood...-" Nadja: "From the Sherwood Club. Yes I know. You have told me so many times." Laszlo: "Yeah, I've told you so many times, but I've never told you why... And now I will." Nadja: "I always thought it was because of the whores and the whoring." Laszlo: "They don't give a fuck about whores and whoring, my darling. They didn't even care that I was a vampire. What they did object to however, was the fact that I fell in love and eventually married the most beautiful, simple girl. A girl with no surname, no social standing. They actually called her a peasant girl. A girl from a tiny village, on a dirt island in the Mediterranean. That girl is the most beautiful girl I have ever known. That girl's name - yes, my darling...-" Nadja: "My name." Laszlo: "It's your name. Nadja." (Folie-lex)
1. Lillian: "Where are you gonna find the time to run a Scout troop?" Bill: "Well, I thought maybe you could help me out with the paperwork... and making snacks... and maybe lead a few meetings if I have band practice." Lillian: "Where am I gonna find the time for you to run a Scout troop?"
2. Cliff: "We've been off this map at least a mile." Bill: "Impossible. My lensatic compass tells me the lake is just up ahead." Cliff: "Well my 1/16 Cherokee blood tells me it's back that way." Cliff: "You still spewing that BS about being part Indian? I didn't believe you in third grade when you made it rain and I don't believe you now."
3. Adult!Dean: "When you're 12 it's hard to process the first time you realize your dad isn't good at everything." (Folie-lex)
What Else We're Watching
What We Do In The Shadows - 3.07
1. Nadja: "She's gone!" Nandor: "Who?!" Nadja: "My baby dolly! She's gone! She has left home! I can't find her!" Nandor: "How do you know she has left home? Maybe she's just under the couch." Nadja: "No! I can feel it inside my bones. It is exactly what I would do if I wanted to make everyone worry about me and cause a big drama." Nandor: "Just give her some space, I'm sure she will come back." Nadja: "37 wives and you still cannot read the room when a woman needs some attention! Come on, we have to go and find her!" Nandor: "Oh, do I have to? Nadja: "Ooooh! I hope she's okay out there all by her small self...- you know what? If she wants to go out there, get kidnapped by a Turkish hord of gangsters and sold off as mincemeat, fine by me. Rolled up, turned into kofta, then I'm fine with that. This is all my fault. I have been neglecting her. And when I find that little skatomalakia I am going to melt her head. I am going to make a chalice out of her face and drink from it." (Folie-lex)
What We Do In The Shadows - 3.08
1. Guillermo: "You've been brainwashed but it's okay, because we are going to deprogram you." Nandor: "You will not do any...-" Guillermo: "Stop. Let it go." Nandor: "Did you not think for a second...- Listen to me! Did you ever consider for one moment that I might be happy for the first time in decades? Decades! That I found somewhere where I belong? That makes me feel useful and powerful in ways I've never felt. Never! Not in 700 years. Did you ever consider that?" Guillermo: "No." Nandor: "No. So what I'm going to do now is I'm going to get out of this car, and I'm going to go and get a taxi or a bus or a subway or Lyft or Uber, and I'm gonna go back to my human community. And that is that. AH! When did you install silver rope-lined seat belts in this little shitbox?" Guillermo: "Sorry, Master. It's for your own good." (Folie-lex)
