A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
1. Monica: "What the hell was that?!" Wayne: "We go away for lunch and come back and your giving away a car!" Nick: "Yeah! Word from product Integration just came through half and hour ago. I mean isn't this great!" Monica: "Forget the bloody car!"
2. Justin: "I want my dad to see me dance and say your amazing! You know, that was awesome." Nick: "Everyone wants that from their parents, and if they won't say it or they can't say it then you need to find people who will." Nick: "So I'll start, Justin you are an amazing dancer and I cannot wait for the world to meet you." (SarahR)
3. Nick: “Guys, this is really great news.” Monica: “No, an aneurysm would be great news.” (SarahR and Dahne)
4. Mike [about Paula’s breasts, after she tells him about getting implants after a double mastectomy]: “They’re great. You know, you’ve got a great, just normal looking, American rack.” Paula: “The left one’s a little wonky like a lazy eye.” Mike: “The imperfections are what makes us beautiful, and you wanted my assessment and my assessment is that you’re smoking hot.”
5. Justin: “I want to be good. I want to be better than good. I want to kill it. I’ll do whatever you tell me.” Monica: “Good. I’m gonna work you so hard you’ll wish you were dead.” (Dahne)
Chicago PD -
1. Jay Halstead: "Let me tell you something right now. I look around this room, you know what the first thing I think is? Here's a bunch of relationship experts."
2. Staff Sgt Baxter: "Not every day 10 bricks of C-4 walks out the door." Trudy Platt: "I really, really hope that's true."
3. Jay Halstead: "I'm sorry for holding things back. I know I don't talk about my time in the Army that much. It's not that I want to keep anything from you, it's just..." Hailey Upton: "You don't have to tell me anything. You can, and I'll love you all the same." (Jessica C.)
CSI: Vegas -
1. Folsom: “You never bet on an underdog?” Max: “My sweet Folsom.” Folsom: “Hey, I know what it’s like in the kind of neighborhood where Danny’s from. It’s a petri dish of self-destruction. Not every angry young man turns out to be trouble.” Max: “Okay, I’m gonna send mine to live with you.”
2. Max, about Folsom: “He’s a lot nerdier than he looks.”
3. Maxine: “What? You thought there was gonna be a fight?” Sara: “A little. Yeah.” Maxine: “Nope. Saddle up, sis.” (I love that they didn’t go the typical “new crew vs old crew” posturing route. It allows the show to get started quicker." - Dahne)
The Equalizer -
1. Robyn: "You were sneaking around and you found something you were not ready to see. That's on you." (Prpleight)
5. Justin: “I want to be good. I want to be better than good. I want to kill it. I’ll do whatever you tell me.” Monica: “Good. I’m gonna work you so hard you’ll wish you were dead.” (Dahne)
1. Jay Halstead: "Let me tell you something right now. I look around this room, you know what the first thing I think is? Here's a bunch of relationship experts."
2. Staff Sgt Baxter: "Not every day 10 bricks of C-4 walks out the door." Trudy Platt: "I really, really hope that's true."
3. Jay Halstead: "I'm sorry for holding things back. I know I don't talk about my time in the Army that much. It's not that I want to keep anything from you, it's just..." Hailey Upton: "You don't have to tell me anything. You can, and I'll love you all the same." (Jessica C.)
1. Folsom: “You never bet on an underdog?” Max: “My sweet Folsom.” Folsom: “Hey, I know what it’s like in the kind of neighborhood where Danny’s from. It’s a petri dish of self-destruction. Not every angry young man turns out to be trouble.” Max: “Okay, I’m gonna send mine to live with you.”
2. Max, about Folsom: “He’s a lot nerdier than he looks.”
3. Maxine: “What? You thought there was gonna be a fight?” Sara: “A little. Yeah.” Maxine: “Nope. Saddle up, sis.” (I love that they didn’t go the typical “new crew vs old crew” posturing route. It allows the show to get started quicker." - Dahne)
1. Robyn: "You were sneaking around and you found something you were not ready to see. That's on you." (Prpleight)
1. Jay: “Almost losing you made me realize that I don’t care where we live, because as long as I’m with you, I’m home. Was it corny? Did it sound corny? I’m not gonna lie; I practiced it.”
2. Hetty: “Murderer.” Trevor: “Okay again, I didn’t mean for her to trip and fall. You have to believe me. I would never intentionally hurt anyone that hot.”
3. Thorfinn: “Enemy’s not supposed to ignore. It hurts feelings.” (Dahne)
1. [Scott tells Riley why he thinks they’re by the La Brea Tar Pits in the past, but she is skeptical.]
Riley: "Wait, you think we’re in Los Angeles?" Scott: "Yes." Riley: "Are you high?" Scott: "Yeah, but it’s not relevant." (KathM)
2. Gavin: "That professor said those birds came from the past. So what if your mum and josh somehow ended up in the same place that they came from?" Izzy: "Dad..." Gavin: "I know how it sounds! I'm not even sure I believe it myself."
3. Riley: "Hey, I'm sure they'll be back soon!" Josh: "Maybe our parents are stuck in traffic." Riley: "Are you just gonna start making jokes?" Josh: "You should check out my tiktok when we get home, very funny."
4. Hill: "I thought you said you had theories on that?" Scott: "I do, I thought maybe that I ate some really strong edibles, like Neo in the Matrix." (SarahR)
1. Ernie: "Bro, you’re here late." Kai: "You mean early." Ernie: "Well, it’s early today, but if you sleep in the office and shower in the locker room, it’s really just an extension of yesterday." (KathM)
2. Tennant: "Tell me you did just start packing?" Jules: "He also didn't finish his history paper." Alex: "Traitor." Tennant: "Hey, what did I say about accusing your sister of treason?"
3. Lucy: "No prints on Hayward's car, but forensics did find some on his body." Jesse: "Any matches?" Ernie: "See for yourself." Jesse: "I'm just missing the hieroglyphics." Lucy: "Short answer is not yet." Kai: "Okay. So what about ballistics on the slugs?" Lucy: "Looking at 9mm." Ernie: "Yeah, it's the pumpkin spice latte of bullets."
4. Kai: "You know, I never got into bodyboarding, but... must be something about your heart being closer to the waves." Brad: "When you're out there, the whole world just disappears." Kai: "Is that why you considered the Navy?" (SarahR)
5. Kai: “Barricaded shooter in an elevated position.” Jesse: “They teach you to talk like that in the Marines?” Kai: “Oh, I’m sorry. I’ll use cop words. Guy up there. Gun bad.” Jesse: “Alright, smartass. What would the Marines do?” Kai: “Call in an airstrike.”
6. Jesse: “So you’ll be fine but if this haole drops in without paying the proper respects, that gang will be waiting for me the second I step out of the water.” Kai: “See, now we’re in perfect sync. We’re like Seigfried and Roy.” Jesse: “You remember what happened to Roy, right? Right?”
7. Alex: “You’re doing the mom thing.” Jane: “Oh, you mean the thing where I want to make sure my son’s okay?” Alex: “Yeah, that. I’d be better if I had a burger.” Jane: “Well, there’s some veggie patties in the freezer.” Alex: “How are you scared of a 9-year-old?” Jane: “Same way you are.” (Dahne)
1. Tim [re: Harper's new Rookie]: "Did he puke?" Harper: "Yeah. But it was more than just the gore. You know it seems to have brought back some uncomfortable memories. I don't know. It almost feels like he shouldn't be a cop." Grey: "Luckily he has the best T.O. in the business to help him through it." Tim: "He can say that now that I've been promoted."
2. Lucy: "I think I've just been having, like a really hard time, because... you know it makes it real, that... that [Jackson]'s never coming home and... I'm sorry." Tamara: "I know. Every time I change something, it just feels like I'm erasing him. I want to be happy that I'm living here, but I can't stop feeling guilty that he's not." Lucy: "He would want you here. He would want something good to come out of this. This is good. And he would mock us, endlessly."
3. Tim: "I stepped up. I took charge." Grey: "You put yourself in the centre of the action." Tim: "It was the best use of my skills." Grey: "It wasn't a tactical move, Tim. When push came to shove, you just didn't trust anyone else to do it. Control freaks don't make good sergeants." Tim: "Look, I know you've got decades more experience...-" Grey: "Whoa, whoa. Hey. A decade." Tim: "Okay. But I got my own. And directing the action from a distance works for you. I don't know if it will ever work for me. I need to find my own way of being a sergeant." (Folie-lex)
1. Michael: "How is Liz's work Max doing?" (Prpleight)
1. Mariner: "Why would you tell an entire ship that I get bad cramps?!" Captain Freeman: "You were on duty! Your commanding officers have to know any medical issues that could impact the mission!" Mariner: "Billups doesn't need to know! He's not good with that stuff, it freaked him out!" Captain Freeman: "If I had to dance around everything that freaks out Billups, we wouldn't get anything done!" Mariner: "Cool! Then maybe I'll tell him to boost the environmental controls to help with your hot flashes!!"
2. T'Lyn: "Perhaps if you did not spend all of your time following rules, you too would appreciate that there is more for us to learn and achieve." Vulcan officer: "Are you attempting to insult me?" T'Lyn: "I merely wish for you to join me in broadening your definition of how to synthesize data." Vulcan officer: "That sounds like an insult to me."
3. Pakled Captain: "We wanted to test it on a big asteroid, but then it stopped working." Klingon Captain: "It was a bomb! You can only use it once!!" (Folie-lex)
1. Alex [her hand out to young Esme]: "C'mere kiddo."
2. Dreamer [after being hexed by Lena's failed spell]: "Lena broke my brain."
3. Supergirl [who ends her balcony conversation with William when she hears someone scream for help]: "Duty screams." (Donna Cromeans)
1. Ted: "The point is, y'all found out about something from somewhere, when you should've found out about it from me first. But I chose not to tell y'all and that was dumb. You know fellas we make a lot of choices in our lives every single day, ranging from 'am I really about to eat something called Greek yogurt?' to 'should I leave my family and take a job halfway around the world?'. Me choosing not to be forthright with y'all, that was a bad choice. But I can't be wasting time wishing for a do-over on all that. 'Cause that ain't how choices work. No, sir. No. That choice and my Chicago Bulls Starter jacket that I let Janelle Rhodes borrow my sophomore year 'cause she spilled ketchup all over herself and it looked like she'd been shot, well those are two things I ain't ever getting back. 'Cause every choice is a chance, fellas. And I didn't give myself the chance to build further trust with y'all. To quote the great UCLA college basketball coach, John Obi-Wan Gandalf it is our choices gentlemen that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."
2. Keeley [re her telling Rebecca she's leaving]: "I don't want to appear like I'm not grateful for the amazing opportunity she's given me here." Higgins: "Keeley, a good mentor hopes you will move on. A great mentor knows you will."
3. Roy: "Wait! So sometimes the fucking Diamond Dogs is just chatting about shit, and no one has to fucking solve anything and nothing fucking changes?" Ted: "Sometimes, yeah." Roy: "That's cool." (Folie-lex)
1. Jess: "Scott went out to Cypress Beach. He might have got into some trouble. He's missing." Xavier: "Okay. I'll head out there now." Jess: "Wait. Are you sure? You don't have much to go on." Xavier: "I don't need much. He's my partner."
2. Walton: "You Turner s gotta be the heroes, don't ya? I guess you wanted a story, just like your dad. Toss the gun!" Scott: "No. You're wrong, Walton. My story is not like my dad's. 'Cause in my story, no dogs die at the end."
3. Jess: "Come on, Scott. You're a single guy at a wedding. You should be out on the dance floor." Scott: "With who? Hooch?" Jess: "Scott Turner, you know exactly who you should be dancing with at this wedding." (Folie-lex)
What We're Watching
1. Erica: “Sometimes I think ‘cause I’m a senior, I've learned everything I need to know, but every now and then, I realize that I don’t know anything at all.” Beverly: “What are you talking about?” Erica: “I was wrong to look down on what you do and I guess I didn’t realize that all your hard work is for us.” Beverly: “Baby, it’s okay. It’s just what a Mama does.” Erica: “Well, saying thanks is what a daughter needs to do.”
2. Murray: “For a smart girl, sometimes you’re a real moron.” [He hands her Beverly’s household binder.] Erica: “What’s this?” Murray: “Budgets and meal plans. Your whole life, she’s been crimping and coupon-ing just to save enough money for you to go to any college that you choose.” Erica: “I didn't know that.” Murray: “Well, now you do. Don’t make me start parenting you again. This is supposed to be my blow-off year.”
Voiceover: “That’s the thing about family. Even though you think you have nothing in common, they’re the people who teach you the most.” (Dahne)
1. Patient: "I've been playing a game with my friends. We call it mintonette, though some call it volleyball. Have you heard of it?" Julia: "No..." Patient: "It's like badminton, only you use your hands and a ball." Julia: "Oh! Well I suspect your womanly parts are just fine."
2. Giles: "One of you went up to his room, found his knife, took it away and planted it at the murder scene." Fenton Wallace: "Someone call the police!" Giles: "All in due time, Fenton." (SarahR)
