A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
1. Gloria: “Hey, you want to give up, give up.” Dottie: “I don’t want to give up. I want to complain until you give up.” Gloria: “Honey, it’s your life. You want to spend it on wheels, be my guest. Enjoy the good parking.” Dottie: “I know what you’re doing - mind games to make me prove you wrong.” Gloria: “Maybe. Maybe I just don’t care.” Dottie: “You’re good.”
2. Dottie, about Bob: “You think he’s soft, don’t you?” Abishola: “Only because he has never had to be anything else.” Dottie: “Abishola, I love you but you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.” Abishola: “He cries when the plane flies over the football field before the game starts.” Dottie: “So he’s sensitive. That doesn’t mean he’s weak. You didn’t see him after his father’s funeral, when he told me he was leaving college so we wouldn’t have to shut down the company. A 20-year-old kid learning the business on the fly. He’s the one that kept this family afloat.” Abishola: “I did not know.” Dottie: “Well, now you do and don’t you ever forget it.” Abishola: “Perhaps I underestimated your children.” Dottie: “No, no, no, just Bob. The other two are as worthless as my left arm.”
3. Abishola: “Bob said his mother paid him when he did well in school. I thought maybe it was an American thing.” Gloria: “It’s a white thing. First, they pay the kid. Then, they pay the tutor and if the kid’s still an idiot, they just pay the school.”
4. Abishola: “We have to find someway to reduce your stress.” Bob: “Don’t worry. We will.” Abishola: “I do worry. I don’t want to lose you.”
5. Abishola: “Why have I never heard the story of what you did for your family?” Bob: “What are you talking about?” Abishola: “How there would be no company if it were not for you.” Bob: “I don’t know if I’d put it that way.” Abishola: “That’s the way your mother puts it.” Bob: “Really? Was she drinking brandy? Brandy makes her nice.”
6. Bob, after Abishola calls a family meeting about lowering his stress level and they all start bickering: “You’re right. That helped a lot.” Abishola: “I’m shocked you’re not dead already.” (Dahne)
1. Rick [re the spam wrestling]: " Everybody loves Jell-O wrestling. This is the same thing just with a... local flair. First event is next weekend and guess who's facing off mano-a-mano: Me and you my friend." TC: "That ain't happening." Rick: "What, you scared?" TC: "Of rolling around in a gelatinous meat product? Yes." Rick: "Yeah, it sounds pretty gross."
2. Rick: "Oh, God, I'd love to, but, you now, the bar it's slamming... right now..." Magnum: "Come on, if you're gonna lie, at least make it believable."
3. Higgins: "What did you mean earlier?" Magnum: "I'm sorry you're gonna have to be a little more specific than that." Higgins: "About the background check. About how it says more about me that it does about Ethan." Magnum: "Well I think you're just... looking for a reason to pull the rip cord before it even has a chance to be something." Higgins: "And why would I do that?" Magnum: "You don't want to get hurt. And after everything that's happened, I can't say I blame you. Look the law of averages says it's probably not gonna work our with this guy anyway, but, I think you owe to yourself to at least give it a chance."
4. Magnum: "TC, I love you but you're a terrible liar. You're too honest. Alright? You're just too honest." TC: "Yeah, that might be true. But ain't nothing I wouldn't do to protect my family. Including lying."
5. Katsumoto: "What took you so long to pick up.?" Magnum: "We tried to get downstairs." Katsumoto: "Of course you did, because I told you to stay where you were." Magnum: "Gordy if I start listening to you now, it's gonna throw our whole dynamic out of whack."
6. Magnum [to Teeney]: "I could explain." Higgins: "Hard to imagine you can make it any worse." Magnum: "It was my fault. Higgins didn't want any part of it, neither did TC. I was the one who came up with the whole fake marriage scheme. And, um, Higgy thought that because we were partners we wouldn't be able to pull it off, so I essentially forced her to marry TC. And this whole thing spiraled out of control because of my stupidity. And to make it worse when I found out you were onto us I turned around and blamed them, because I couldn't accept the fact that... I was the one who put this whole thing in motion. And that Higgins would-would maybe have to leave us. But I did that because, I mean... this is my family." Higgins: "Was that an apology, Magnum?" (Folie-lex)
1. (Sloane had to leave the party early and gets an overview of what she missed.) Sloane: "What did I miss?" Torres: "Well, Gibbs ordered more tequila shots, and Kasie and Bishop decided to sing 'Islands in the Stream.'" Sloane: "I didn’t know that bar had karaoke." Bishop: "They, um, they don’t." (KathM)
1. Hetty: “Take it from me. Never let age stand in your way.”
2. Eric: “I’m sorry. I really messed things up.” Nell: “And yet, still managed to save the day. Your new Kaleidoscope found our suspect just in the nick of time. Eric, you built a really brilliant system, so even if you aren’t here anymore, a part of you kind of will be.”
3. Eric, after telling Deeks that he plans to use the money he’s made to end homelessness in CA: “You think I’m crazy, don’t you?” Deeks: “I mean, have you looked at you lately? Cause you’re riding a unicycle, your glasses look like a Bono tribute band, and you’re growing a Tribble on your face, so yeah. Yeah, I think that you’re crazy, but let’s be honest. You’ve got to be crazy to change the world, right?” Eric: “A lot of people need our help right now. We’re the lucky ones.” Deeks: “Yes, yes, we are the lucky ones. My brother, we are.” (Dahne)
1. Clay: "I take it Emma hasn't told this guy what her Dad does for a living, yet?" Jason: "I really don't think 'Chief Ops' title is going to scare the pants off him." Clay: "I actually think you want to scare the pants back on him." (Prpleight)
1. (Georgiou has left Discovery and the gang is toasting her in abstentia.) Saru: "She was always honest. Punishingly so. Her barbs, however piercing, were glorious." Reno: "She had no tact and god, I loved that about her."
2. (Reno and Adira disagree on what constitutes food.) Adira: "You’re not allowed to have food in here." Reno: "This isn’t food, it’s candy. It’s practically an accessory." (KathM)
1. George: “Hey, where do you think you’re going?” Georgie: “Bathroom.” George: “No, you’re not. You don’t live here.” Mary: “George…” George: “You want him making grandkids in that van?” Mary: “You heard him. Get!”
2. George: “Mary, I appreciate how much you take care of the house and...well, all of us. I know it’s not easy.” Mary: “Thank you. That means a lot.” Wayne: “I love it. Mary, you’re up.” Mary: “Well, George, I appreciate how hard you work. I know you make a lot of sacrifices for us and you don’t get enough credit for that.” George: “Thank you.” Wayne: “Now let’s hear how much you appreciate me for fixing your marriage.” George: “Shut up, Wayne.”
3. Georgie: “It’s got low mileage, great stereo, and check this out. (The back seat has a refrigerator and couch bed) Look at all the room.” George: “Hell no.” Georgie: “Why?” George: “This isn’t a car. It’s a hotel room on wheels?” Georgie: “Is that how little you think of me?” George: “Yes, maybe less.”
4. George: “Look, I used to be your age but can you try thinking with your brain for once?” Georgie: “If you used to be my age, I think you know the answer to that.”
5. George: “Why’s he reading the Bible?” Sheldon: “To humiliate and destroy Paige at Bible camp.” Mary: “That.” George: “Missy doing anything stupid?” Mary: “No.” George: “One out of the three, not bad.”
6. Adult Sheldon [voiceover, about being the Dragon Master]: “I didn’t believe in God but I sure loved acting like one.” (Dahne)
What Else We're Watching
1. Eli: "This girl is saving your life. That's all that matters. She's your tight-end and you're the quarterback she's protecting." Sam: "Eli, this guy can't throw an apple. Don't make sports analogies."
2. Drew: "Hey. How was your day." Gina: "Well I complained about you to you to my elderly friends. It was fun." Drew: "Well I complained about you to my dialysis friends, so checkmate." (Folie-lex)
1. Joe: "This whole place screams "I went nuts when I found the eye." It's kinda cool." (Prpleight)
