A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
Bob Hearts Abishola -
1. Goodwin: “We need to defeat her magic with our own.” Kofo: “How?” Goodwin: “I will seek the counsel of my great-grandmother, who still knows the old ways...or I will find a video on YouTube.”
2. Abishola: “You are a crazy person.” Bob: “And you are the whack job who’s marrying me.” (Dahne)
1. Bull, to Chunk: “Didn’t anyone tell you? The law is a contact sport, too. You got tackled. He took you down. Now get up. It’s your ball.”
2. Chunk: “It just doesn’t seem right?” Bull:: “How do you mean?” Chunk: “If Evelyn loses, if his client loses, practically nothing changes in her life. She gets to go home to the same 800-thread count sheets she’s been sleeping in for the past 2 decades. But if Lily loses, if our client loses, everything changes. She’s staring at a mountain of debt, possibly a decade in prison, and I will have profoundly failed her.” Bull: “Welcome to a life in the law, Counselor.”
3. Bull: “In a perfect world, I’d want to seat intentionalists and deselect consequentialists.” Taylor: “One more time for those of us who don’t speak PhD.” (Dahne)
1. Jubal: “The FBI defines serial murder as the unlawful killing of two or more victims at separate events by the same offender or offenders. Welcome to Tuesday morning.”
2. Castille: “Maggie said the case was solid.” Jubal: “Yeah, I mean, hopefully. You see that coffee cup?” Castille: “Mmm hmm.” Jubal: “That is filled with vodka.” Castille, putting to his current coffee cup: “Any vodka in that?” Jubal: “No.” Castille: “Listen, I get why you’re concerned, but if the collar was good then, there’s no reason to look back. I need your head here in this case.”
3. Rina: “You were there. You saw the case.” Jubal: “Yeah well, you know, I was a mess. I wasn’t sober a day that entire investigation.” Rina: “Okay, but I was and I was beside you every step of the way. It was a good arrest, Jubal. We did everything right. So I don’t appreciate you digging up the past and drawing attention to this case because you feel guilty about your drinking.” Jubal: “It’s not the guilt.” Rina: “So then what is it?” Jubal: “It’s a hunch, okay? It’s just a hunch. That’s all.” (Dahne)
FBI: Most Wanted - 1. Sheryll: “You need to head home?” Hana: “No, they’re just roommates. This is family.”
2. Jess, about a car company who was hacked: “They make hybrids and high end SUVs. Their selling point is their state-of-the-art technology.” Kenny: “They might want to rethink that.”
3. Hana: “Growing up, I lived on my computer. My family didn’t get me either. A different roll of the dice and that could have been me in the basement, living out my revenge fantasies.” Jess: “Hana, Lucas crashes planes. You save people’s lives. There’s no comparison.” Hana: “I feel like a platypus, put together from all different parts.” (Dahne)
1. Nell: “Hey, Kens, how’s it going?” Kensi: “Well, have you seen A Few Good Men? Because it’s the exact opposite of that. Actually, it’s more like an episode of Judge Judy mixed with a mattress commercial.”
2. Callen, asking for all of us: “What the hell’s a human directional?”
3. Nell: “I think I’m just kind of feeling, you know, a little overly anxious here and trying to be on top of everything and be there for you guys. But Hetty has this way of making everything look so easy, like she’s not even trying.” Sam: “Nell…” Nell: “...here I am trying and the more I try, the more awkward it looks and feels.” Sam: “Nell!” Nell: “Yeah.” Sam: “You’re doing a great job.” Nell: “No, I’m not but thank you for saying that.” Sam: “Have I ever lied to you?” Nell: “No.” Sam: “Then you have to believe me when I say these words, ‘You’re doing a great job.’ Okay?” Nell: “Thanks, Sam.” (Dahne)
NCIS: New Orleans -
1. Blakely: “Look, why don’t you go back to busting drunk sailors or whatever it is you guys do. None of this has anything to do with you.” Pride: “Well you’re wrong there, Blakely. You abuse the badge and that reflects on all of us who wear it, so it has everything to do with me. Now I may not have enough to make a case against you yet, but I don’t ever give up, so get ready. I’m coming for you.”
2. Patton: “I thought you said you don’t like those frou-frou drinks.” Gregorio: “Trying new things. I’m expanding my horizons.” Patton: “What’s going on? Because that doesn’t sound like you.” Gregorio: “Nothing’s going on. I’m in a great mood.” Patton: “Yeah, this really doesn’t sound like you.”
3. Zahra: “So, does this mean we give up?” Pride: “You ever know me to give up, Zahra?” Zahra: “Can’t say I have. It’s one of the things I like about you.” Pride: “One way or another, I’m gonna take those guys down.” Zahra: “They’ll come after you if it looks like you’re out to get the NOPD.” Pride: “They’ll come after both of us. You want to step away from all of this, I’ll understand.” Zahra: “You ever known me to give up, Dwayne?” Pride: “I can’t say that I have, Zahra.” Zahra: “I ran for office so that I could fix this city. You tell me what you need. Whatever the blowback, we’ll do this together.” (Dahne)
1. Governor Zack [in his political ad]: "School should be an awesome experience, a time for kids to evade math homework and torment their principal with no consequences!"
2. Slater: "Hey, nice job up there, Mama. Sorry, I know we had the HR meeting about this. Dr. Mama." Jessie: "That’s not what we settled on."
3. Daisy [referring to The Max when she realizes she’s short on cash]: "Stupid overpriced magician restaurant." (popcultureguy)
What Else We're Watching
1. Catro: “Careful what you wish for, because if I find out you or anyone working with you was responsible for my witness changing his testimony or not showing up to court, you will be disbarred so fast that coffee will still be hot enough to burn you.” (Dahne)
1. Patton to teenage Donna: “I’m gonna keep it real with you. You’re right. The world sucks right now. Everybody’s finding it hard to deal with. I have plenty of practice being upset with the way the world works. (He pats his wheelchair.) But dwelling on it never helped me sleep at night or get up in the morning, so I don’t.” (Dahne)
1. Dinesh: "I was always like the cool cousin of the family, you know what I mean?" Gilfoyle: Wait, did you just say you were the cool cousin?" Dinesh: "Yeah." Gilfoyle: "Please explain." Dinesh:
"Well, when we were kids, I was the one getting good grades, I was the
one who was planning for my future, I would bring gifts for my teachers
cause they worked so hard, you know, cool stuff. He was getting in
trouble, he got caught smoking opium in the toolshed, he crashed my
uncle's motorbike." Gilfoyle: "And you think you're the cool one?" Dinesh: "Yeah, it's different in Pakistan." Gilfoyle: "I've never been, but I know it isn't."
2. Jared: "Well, get some sleep, my bros. I'll set the meeting, and, um, then I'll go find some hoes to prioritize behind you." (Lindsey)
