On this week's episode of American Housewife, Katie goes to extreme lengths to get some time to herself and finally finish Gone Girl, and that includes recreating her and Greg's first apartment!
Apparently, Katie's been trying to finish Gone Girl for several years since checking it out of the library (Greg's terrified the library's gonna revoke his microfiche privileges as revenge!) But, the kids keep interrupting her. Today, Oliver wants driving lessons and Anna-Kat wants help redecorating her "big girl room." (She's decided on Jackie O's 5th Avenue Apartment as her theme!) When Katie tells Anna-Kat they don't have any money for new furniture, she snitches on Taylor for using Katie's money to buy an expensive new hoodie, leading Katie to have to ground a now angry Taylor.
Greg's dealing with his own problems regarding Lonnie and their book. Apparently, there's a new Youtuber who's even stupider than Lonnie, and he's getting more views. The new Youtuber Johnny Goodwin has been busy doing things like throwing an alligator into his father's bath. So, Lonnie's trying to find ways to take things up a notch - with Greg's reluctant help! First, he asks Greg to come to the aquarium with him to "distract the guards while I jump into the shark tank." Greg refuses to go along with this plan, but soon Lonnie comes up with something even better (Well, worse for Greg!). Since Johnny Goodwin's videos all feature him pulling pranks on his father, Greg's going to become Lonnie's channel's designated old man/prank target! When Lonnie brings up that this is the only way to guarantee he stays relevant enough for their book sales to be substantial, Greg has no choice but to go along. Greg's suddenly the target of all of Lonnie's newest stunts, which include pieing him in the face, saran wrapping the entryway so he runs into it and falls, and chasing him around in a guerrilla suit.Katie meanwhile, decides to consult Angela and Doris about everything the kids want her help with. Doris agrees to take Oliver driving because "he's fun to yell at!" At home, Katie's happy to discover that Anna-Kat's using the furniture stored in the basement for her new room, especially when she brings out the saucer chair that used to be in Katie and Greg's first apartment. Soon enough, Katie's dragged just about everything from the first apartment upstairs and recreated it in Anna-Kat's room. (It's definitely not Jackie O on 5th Avenue!) Anna-Kat's not happy that her room renovation has been taken over, but Katie is thrilled to relive the old memories of when she actually had time to herself, so she locks the kids out of Anna-Kat's room, turns on some Smash Mouth, and decides to finish Gone Girl in the comfort of the recreated apartment!
Greg soon joins Katie in her recreation of their first apartment, circa 1999. Lonnie's googling "How poisonous are scorpions?" so Greg needs a safe place to hide! As Greg and Katie enjoy their pre-kid dreamworld, they even decide to have sex like it's 1999. (Though Greg says he "needs 15 minutes to stretch" first!)
Doris arrives to take Oliver driving. Their intended destination? - Her dentist's office! Yep, that's right. Doris is using a 15-year-old as her "designated driver" after she has dental surgery. While pre-surgery Doris is mean and even makes Oliver get on the highway, which he doesn't know how to drive on, post-surgery high-as-a-kite Doris is much nicer. She's also eager to talk about her failed marriage with Richard. Although Doris threatens to punch him if he tries to council her like his Teen Helpline callers, Oliver gets her talking. Doris is deeply upset that Richard wouldn't even try to work on their marriage. She also admits that the reason she used Oliver to drive her home from surgery is that she was too embarrassed to tell Katie and Angela that she didn't have anyone else to do it. For all her talk of how great the single life is, Doris is still pretty miserable and lonely. Oliver advises Doris to open up to Katie and Angela about how she's really feeling and tells her that he's confident that with their help, she can move on from Richard and be happy.
With Anna-Kat stuck hanging out in Taylor's room until Katie gives her her room back, Taylor is forced to tell her she's planning to sneak out to go to a party. Anna-Kat more or less says she's going to tell, and Taylor tells her that one day she's going to need Taylor to cover for her, but she'll only do that if Anna-Kat learns to do the same now. Anna-Kat insists she'll never need Taylor to cover for her, but Taylor reminds her Katie will never let her get the Hindenburg disaster tattoo she wants when she's older, and she'll need someone to cover for her then. Anna-Kat seems to get it and Taylor sneaks out.
Katie's invited Angela and Doris over to experience her recreation of 1999. When Greg asks Katie how long she's planning on hiding out and pretending she doesn't have kids, Katie says maybe 6 months! Unfortunately for Katie, she and Greg catch Taylor sneaking back in right then, and it's back to parenthood!
The next morning, Katie and Greg are laying into Taylor about sneaking out when Anna-Kat swoops in and says that Taylor was doing her a favor by going to the park and retrieving a jacket she left there. Although it's pretty obvious Anna-Kat's lying, Katie takes the explanation. She's thrilled that the kids are starting to take care of each other, which means more free time for her!
Upstairs, Katie finds Doris still passed out and hungover in Anna-Kat's room. Doris admits how miserable she is being divorced and Katie tells her she thought she was. Doris also admits that Oliver is becoming "less hate-able" (aka "detestable-lite") and tells Katie that he helped talk her through her grief about Richard. Katie tells Doris that as much as her kids drive her crazy, hearing Doris's words about Oliver make it all worth it. Doris leaves to make Oliver go drive her to Taco Bell for hangover food!Lonnie continues to prank Greg in a gorilla suit and Greg finally puts a stop to it. When Greg goes to teach the first day of his new John Stuart Mill class (which only three people have enrolled in), he's shocked to find that the classroom is full. Apparently being the target of Lonnie's various stunts has gained him quite a following online!
Later, Katie helps Anna-Kat rearrange her room. She apologizes for taking it over to recreate the old apartment and says that she and Greg will try to find some money for Anna-Kat to redecorate for real.
Random Thoughts:
-The best quote goes to Katie, about Greg being a dork "That's it. We're losing the swear jar and getting a dork jar."
Were you surprised to find out how Doris has really been feeling? Let me know below!
