A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
And thank God. Otherwise we’d have a life coach and an underwear model on our Board of Directors.” Olu: “Our niece is a good Christian girl. She’d be a step up for your family.” Dottie: “The Wicked Witch of the West would be a step up for my family.”
2. Bob: “Wow, you look great.” Dottie: “Thank you.” Bob: “What’s the occasion?” Dottie: “I’m tired of laying around, waiting to die.”
3. Dottie: “What’s the big deal?” Bob: “Nothing. It’s just the club’s kind of a stuffy place. They may raise some eyebrows.” Dottie: “Eh, those old hags have had so much Botox, their eyebrows aren’t going anywhere.”
4. Abishola: “Kemi, be careful. He’s going to want something in exchange for this gift.” Kemi: “Oh, he already got it. This was not a please. It was a thank you.” (Dahne)
2. Addy, paraphrasing Collette, her coach: “If you work hard enough, you get strong and you rise.”
3. Addy, voice over: “There’s something dangerous about the boredom of teenage girls. Coach said that once, but she said it not like a mom or a teacher or a guidance counselor. She said it like she knew and understood. Coach saw something in us, something quivering and real. She saw past the glitter and the hair and the attitude to everything beneath, all our miseries. Most of all, she could see that we were waiting, had always been waiting for her.”
4. Addy, VO: “Coach told me something once. She said, ‘Someday you’re gonna really want something. That’s when you’ll find out who you are, but there’s a price for everything. You have to give up the old things - the things that feel easy, the things that feel safe - this is how you become strong. This is how you become a woman.” (Dahne)
1. Bishop: “Welcome to the 10th floor, Sheriff. The scowlers, you can trust. The smilers, you gotta worry about.”
2. Paula: “You need three things to do your job: your badge, your gun, and what’s in your heart. If your heart is telling you that it’s time to walk away, I’ll support you. But if this is you feeling sorry for yourself because the job’s harder than you thought, suck it up.”
3. Hollister: “Whoa, whoa, whoa, you’re not going to school dressed like that.” Maggie: “Like what?” Hollister: “Like a feral Kardashian. Like you just escaped some post-apocalyptic truck stop harem.” Maggie: “Stop talking to me like I’m a suspect.” Hollister: “Those aren’t Daisy Dukes, Maggie. Those aren’t even Miley Cyruses. They lack the requisite surface area. It’s a sash with delusions of grandeur.”
4. Hollister: “The odds of finding this kid alive..” Cade: “50-50, alright. Either we find her or we don’t. No reason not to be optimistic.” Bishop: “Who taught you math?” (Dahne)
1. Yasmin: "You know what she'd ask now? What do we have at our disposal?" Graham: "Well..I've got to admit I did keep a couple of those spy gadgety things." Ryan: "Me too. Hey, are you wearing those laser shoes?" Graham: "I might be." Yasmin: "Why didn't you use them on the plane?" Graham: "What? In a confined space like that? You're having a laugh ain't ya? That wouldn't have been very smart, would it? Besides which....I forgot to read the instructions." (Prpleight)
1. Sister Agatha: "I have looked for God everywhere in this world and never found him." Jonathan: "Then why are you here?" Sister Agatha: "Like many women of my age, I'm trapped in a loveless marriage, maintaining appearances for the sake of a roof over my head."
2. Dracula: "You were a child once. You know the feeling. Didn't you break your toys apart to see how they worked?" Jonathan: "You're a monster." Dracula: "And you're a lawyer. Nobody's perfect."
3. Zoe: "A man of your breeding and ego is temperamentally incapable of hiding. One just looks for an unnecessarily tall building, multiple exits, and no view of a church...also, your number's listed."
4. Dracula: "How kind of you, bringing a bottle to the party. Very inferior vintage but the gesture is appreciated." Zoe: "Put him down." Dracula: "Why?" Zoe: "This is England. Conversation precedes dinner." (Sandi)
5. Harker: "You're a monster" Dracula: "You're a lawyer. Nobody's perfect."
6. Harker: "You took everything from me." Dracula: "Well of course I did. You are the high road that leads me to England." Harker: “Why England?” Dracula: “Ahhh, the people. All those sophisticated and intelligent people. As I have been trying to tell everyone for centuries, you are what you eat!”
7. Sister Agatha: "Undead, but apparently you're not yet a vampire. One must cling on to any good news that there is."
8. Sister Agatha: "Mother Superior under no account invite that creature in." Mother Superior: "That is not a temptation with which I was struggling. What is happening, what is this?" Sister Agatha: "We are under attack from the forces of darkness." Mother Superior: Why would the forces of darkness wish to attack a convent?" Sister Agatha: "Perhaps they are sensitive to criticism?"
9. Dracula: "I don't want to worry you but your army of the faithful can't seem to look me in the eye." Sister Agatha: "You're naked and they're nuns. It isn't your eye they're not looking at." (Prpleight)
6. Harker: "You took everything from me." Dracula: "Well of course I did. You are the high road that leads me to England." Harker: “Why England?” Dracula: “Ahhh, the people. All those sophisticated and intelligent people. As I have been trying to tell everyone for centuries, you are what you eat!”
7. Sister Agatha: "Undead, but apparently you're not yet a vampire. One must cling on to any good news that there is."
8. Sister Agatha: "Mother Superior under no account invite that creature in." Mother Superior: "That is not a temptation with which I was struggling. What is happening, what is this?" Sister Agatha: "We are under attack from the forces of darkness." Mother Superior: Why would the forces of darkness wish to attack a convent?" Sister Agatha: "Perhaps they are sensitive to criticism?"
9. Dracula: "I don't want to worry you but your army of the faithful can't seem to look me in the eye." Sister Agatha: "You're naked and they're nuns. It isn't your eye they're not looking at." (Prpleight)
2. Ryan: “Cool place. Very Texas Chainsaw Massacre. You want the house or the outbuildings.”
3. Alex: “You’re the acting chief of police. Act like the chief of police. What are you doing?” Chris: “Finding my phone.” Alex: “You left your phone on the boat?” Chris: “Yes, yes, I did. And if that boat docks before my battery dies…” Alex: “We find the boat. I’m gonna take back some of the things I said about you.”
4. Jo: “How’s Mia?” Alex: “She’s sad. I don’t know what to do for her. I don’t know what to do for anybody.” Jo: “We need to figure out how we’re gonna talk to her about this. I don’t want to lie to her.” Alex: “Talk about what?” Jo: “The way this probably ends.” ALex: “Jo, what happened today?” Jo: “You don’t want that in you head.” Alex: “I hate that. I hate when you do that.” Jo: “I have nothing. Not a thing. I am no closer and I don’t know how much longer I can do this.” (Dahne)
2. Scola: “You’re gonna make a terrific agent, Kristen. I just needed to say that.” Kristen: “What? In case I die?” Scola: “No, no, not at all. I...I’m screwing this up. I’m just not a good communicator. Um, I never tell you how much faith I have in you.” Kristen: “You don’t have to tell me. I know.”
3. Lorna: “I sullied my reputation, my name, to get in business with Keith Gilroy, because I knew that the best purpose this vile, irredeemable man could serve would be to commit his fortune to make a difference and change lives.” OA: “He was still going to give money to the foundation.” Lorna: “Not enough; not what he promised. And why? So he could give it to some long-lost child he never even knew he had and the women he abused.” Maggie: “Well, what’s wrong with that?” Lorna: “All the money in the world cannot fix the damage that he did to those women. Trust me I know. I am one of those women.” Maggie: “Lorna Robbins, you’re under arrest.” Lorna: “It was worth it.” (Dahne)
2. LaCroix: “Megan, you’re graduating next week. You did that. You did the work, not him. You’re starting a new life, your life, a good life. Don’t let your anger at him take that away from you. You’re gonna be okay.”
3. Barnes: “Okay, take a deep breath.” LaCroix: “They expect us to dance a minuet with that piece of dirt. He doesn’t want Brock found. Brock would be a witness against him.” Random Agent: “Agent LaCroix…” LaCroix, yelling: “Don’t you cut a deal with him. We’ll find Brock without him!” Barnes: “Now we know why you didn’t take the desk job at 26 Fed.”
4. Megan: “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you.” LaCroix: “Megan, don’t.” Megan: “I looked up to you. You were my hero, but it’s all fake.” LaCroix: “Listen to me.” Megan: “Everything that I am, you took from me with your lies. I have nothing.” LaCroix: “Megan, don’t do it. Listen to me, Megan. You can get it back, but not if you kill him. You do that and you lose it all forever.” (Dahne)
1. Tani: “You have a family here, Adam. You have a family that you can count on. After everything that we’ve been through together, after everything you and I have been through together, I just...I hope you know that.” Adam: “I do, Tani. Really I do.”
2. Tani: “We think that she’s here to reestablish the operation of her deceased husband, arms trafficker, Wo Fat.” Higgins: “Wo Fat.” Grover: “Why doesn’t somebody else say his name? Maybe he’ll pop up like Beetlejuice.
3. Magnum: “Who the hell was that?” Steve: “I don’t know, but on the plus side, technically that’s not your car.” Magnum: “That’s not a plus.”
4. Tani: “I have to be honest. We’re usually a much more dysfunctional bunch. I think you caught us on a good day.” (Dahne)
1. Mary [about Pastor Jeff's wedding suit]: "I feel like I'm in the presence of James Bond." Pastor Jeff: "Well, I don't have a license to kill, but I do have a license to officiate funerals."
2. Sheldon [finding out Georgie recorded Baywatch over a new episode of Stark Trek]: "Georgie, why are there bathing suit ladies where Captain Picard should be?"
3. Sheldon: "I would slam this door right now, but it would startle me, so just imagine I did."
4. Adult Sheldon [as we see young Sheldon connecting his computer to the internet]: "Fortunately, having a modem granted me access to an even better kind of friend: the kind you don't have to see or talk to." (Prpleight)
