The first Bob's Burgers episode after the winter break opens with a discussion of a pressing matter in both the Belcher and Crofton households: the even distribution of tater tots. Luckily for me, my girlfriend and I have been able to avoid a Tatergate situation while we've been cohabitating, unlike the Belchers.
No amount of food based drama can keep Gene down, however, because he's on his way to the Ocean Avenue Hi-Fi Emporium to spend a few minutes with a drum machine that he doesn't have the money to buy. Gene's and the drum machine's connection is so deep that Tina is a bit jealous, but that doesn't stop her from joining Gene to try and find her own musical soul mate - she's thinking Tamborina. Louise tags along like the good sister she is (and also to avoid working at the restaurant).
It turns out that Dino, the owner of the aforementioned Emporium, does not appreciate kids with sticky fingers and no money messing around with his merchandise. He tells Gene to scram. Louise tries sticking up for her brother, telling Dino to be Dinyes instead of Dino, and when that doesn't work she promises retribution John Wick style for making Gene sad. She's not entirely sure what that means since she's only seen the movie's trailer, but it's a good enough threat.
Seeing how down Gene is from getting kicked out of the Emporium, Louise sets her revenge plan into motion. Tina thinks revenge is a bad idea, especially since Gene is more sad than angry, but Louise merely scoffs at her sister and enlists Jimmy Jr., Zeke, Andy and Ollie to help her make some trouble.
The kids set out with mayhem on their minds, the plan to one by one go into the Emporium and start playing instruments as loud as they can, annoying Dino and avenging Gene. Jimmy Jr. knows how to play only one song, but unfortunately this is not a "Lady in Red" situation.
The execution of the plan is flawless, but it ends up backfiring on them. They annoy Dino so much that he bans anyone under the age of 14 from trying the instruments. Meanwhile Gene is ready to negotiate with Dino about regaining permission to try out the drum machine, hoping a promise of future non-sticky fingers will soften him up, but instead he walks in right as the ban is announced. He is understandably upset, especially since he never asked Louise to get revenge on Dino in the first place.
Louise, duly chastened, steps back and lets tempers cool. Haha, just kidding! Louise plans to escalate her feud with Dino, enlisting her glitter guy so she can build a glitter bomb that will explode all over Dino and make him really mad since he hates glitter. Louise, Tina, Jimmy Jr., Zeke and the twins camp out across the street from the Emporium, eagerly waiting for Dino to open the glitter bomb they very stealthily delivered (Zeke is very impressed with Jimmy Jr.'s fake lady voice used as a distraction over the phone) when they watch in horror as Gene enters. Wanting to prevent collateral damage, the kids rush in after Gene.
Gene arrived at the Emporium with his own, non-revenge based, plan: challenge Dino to a drum machine battle. If Gene wins, he can try the instruments again. Unfortunately Gene did not know that Dino is in a cover band, Bell Biv Devo (covering Bell Biv DeVoe and Devo, of course), and he loses to Dino, despite making Jimmy Jr. wiggle dance with his sweet tunes.
Dino turns out not to be such a bad guy, relenting and allowing Gene to come in once a month, mostly because Gene reminds him of himself, only more annoying. Gene also ends up telling Louise that he doesn't need her to fight all his battles for him - he can take care of himself. Sometimes Louise is such a selfish schemer that we forget that she has a soft spot for Gene. I guess if Gene were my brother I'd probably worry about his too - he's not exactly the self-sufficient type.
All ends well, except that the kids end up getting glitter bombed when the package they recovered from the Emporium opens as they're walking home. I know from experience - that stuff gets absolutely everywhere.
In the B storyline Teddy gets a job doing some handyman work at Jimmy Pesto's and feels weird about it, especially since he gets free fettuccine while on the job and doesn't have any room for burgers for lunch. At first Linda chalks up Teddy's awkward behavior as him having had a sex dream about her but eventually Bob and Linda catch on that Teddy is working for the enemy when he's scurrying around Pesto's patio and throwing noodles at Mort.
Part of Teddy feels guilty that he's working for Bob's archnemesis, but other parts are jealous that Mort looks to be taking his place at the restaurant and angry that Bob doesn't seem to care that he's working for Jimmy. Linda tells Bob to go fake some outrage so that Teddy knows that he cares and Bob ends of half faking, half truthfully telling Teddy that they have a special relationship that won't be ruined by Jimmy or Mort. And my heart melted just a teeny tiny bit.
Odds and ends:
Favorite use of descriptive language: When Louise calls Dino a "dingleberry wrapped in a dirty diaper."
Best blink and you'll miss it moment: When Linda picks a fight with Tina as she's telling everyone else to stop their own fighting.
A basic truth made clear: Fractions are the devil's numbers.
Thoughts on this episode? Feel free to add them below!
