A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the SpoilerTV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
1. Dottie: “I won’t fight back. Smother me.” Abishola: “I’m not going to do that.” Dottie: “Oh, why?” Abishola: “You don’t pay me enough to commit murder.” Dottie: “Fine, get my purse.”
2. Bob: “Are you smoking pot?” Douglas: “The book says it helps with stroke.” Bob: “For the patient.”
3. Christina: “But Mom, you’ve got a bed that tilts up. You’ve got a bathroom with a nice high toilet seat and safety rails.” Bob: “A big screen TV with all the movie channels.” Douglas: “It’s like handicapped Barbie’s dream house.”
1. Andrew: “The last thing I wanted to do was hurt another human being, cause anyone any pain. The only reason I was following him down that street...I just wanted to know why, why would he do that to the last weeks of her life but he wouldn’t tell me and now I know. He sold those weeks to a drug company for half a million dollars, but they weren’t his to sell. I mean, I really do regret that I pushed him and I really do regret that he fell, but I realize now regretting things doesn’t make you guilty of having caused them. And I didn’t cause this.”
2. Taylor: “Dr. Bull, aren’t you going to say anything?” Bull: “Yabba dabba doo.”
1. Jo: “Do you understand what I’m telling you?” Chris: “Yeah, artificial intelligence. I’m good.” Jo: “Well, you’re taking this very well.” Chris: “Yeah, yeah. Probably later I’ll freak out and question the universe and my place in it. That sort of thing.”
2. Benny: “We’re close. I think.” Jo: “Close to what?” Benny: “A very good spot to bury our bodies.”
3. Wilkis: “I gave up everything, my entire life, so that this wouldn’t happen.” Benny: “Well, I mean, not everything. I mean, let’s be honest. This place isn’t exactly a hovel, is it? This is a very lovely Batcave.” WIlkis: “You think I want to live like this? I tried to do the right thing.” Benny: “I think you want to do the right thing, Mr. Wilkis. It’s the follow through that’s lacking. You can’t even destroy your own creation properly.”
1. Grace: “You need to avoid the color red for the next seven days.” Kristen: “It sounds more like a fortune cookie than God.” Grace: “Sometimes God sounds like a fortune cookie.” ~~~David, Kristen and Ben interview Grace, a possible prophet. Kristen does not think some of her answers have enough "thees" and "thous" to suit her. (Katherine)
2. Kristen: “Do you have any idea how weird it is for me to be involved in this? I mean, I go to Whole Foods during the day, and at night I say things like, ‘Would you have told the exorcist?’ It's like I've taken a left turn into the Middle Ages.” ~~~David and Kristen discuss philosophical issues they had with the previous night's exorcism. (Katherine)
3. Leland to Sheryl: “Greetings from the Adriatic Sea. Salamander brandy. A very rare delight. After one glass of this, you won't know up from down.” ~~~Setting the mood? (Katherine)
1. OA: “I feel like a poor kid from Queens when I’m with her.” Maggie: “Look, I don’t care how amazing Mona is, she’s lucky to be dating you. Don’t ever forget that.”
2. Kristen: “It’s greed. You hated being around people talking about money and trades, commissions.” Stuart: “No, I didn’t mind that at all. I like money.”
3. Jubal: “Can you figure out who received that e-mail?” Ian: “If I can’t no one can.” Jubal: “I like your confidence.”
1. Pan: "Lyra, the rules are simple." Lyra: "We know the rules, Pan." Pan: "You don't obey the rules." Lyra: "It doesn't mean I don't know them." (Lindsey)
2. Lyra: "Someone tries to kill you and you just destroy the evidence?" (Lindsey)
3. Roger: "She's better than you think she is! She's special!" Asriel: "Everyone's special!" (Lindsey)
4. Mrs. Coulter: "Well, my favorite moment is early morning, when the sky is high and the land seems endless. All that's in front of you is fresh, unbroken snow. You feel utterly alone. And you feel utterly magnificent." (Lindsey)
1. Ricky: “They spotted the old bill.” Callen: “English?” Frankie: “We invented English. It’s our language. We can do with it what we like.”
2. Sam: “Enough of the rhyming, alright? I hate rhyming.” Frankie: “Suppression of our culture, that is. Wouldn’t hurt him to learn something new.”
3. Ricky: “Did they say where my girl was?” Deeks: “Well, obviously, we got interrupted.” Sam: “And they’re a little reluctant.” Ricky: “That’s okay. I can be very persuasive.”
1. Gregorio: “I don’t even know what I’m thinking right now, but I know LaSalle’s a fighter and he’ll pull through.” Sebastian: “You can’t promise that.” Gregorio: “Of course I can’t promise that, but I have faith in him, the same way he’s always had faith in all of us.”
2. Sue-Ann: “This is it.” Chris: “You sure?” Sue-Ann: “That cabin was a horror movie in the daylight. I’m sure.”
3. Gregorio: “Sebastian, you okay?” Sebastian: “Uh, I’m...I’m covered in my...my friend’s blood.” Gregorio: “Yeah. We’ll get you cleaned up, get you some fresh clothes, all right?” Sebastian: “What I need to do...I need to get back to that cabin. You know, process the scene.” Gregorio: “We’ve got half a dozen law enforcement agencies scouring the area for suspects. Three different CSU teams tearing that cabin apart.” Sebastian: “None of them are me.” Gregorio: “Well, you’re not really you right now, baby. They’ll pass along whatever they find. Okay?
1. Jessica: “So you’re saying that my children went to see their serial killer father in serial prison and it didn’t go well? I’m shocked. Truly.” Malcolm: “Please, enjoy your ‘I told you so,’ but even you could not have foreseen this.” Jessica: “This is what he does, Malcolm. He draws people in, gains their trust, makes them love him, and then when he has all the power…” Malcolm: “He ruins them. Yeah, I know that story.” Jessica: “Yes, he may have ruined your childhood but he did not ruin you. You are made of tougher stuff.”
2. Martin: “Oh, I’m sorry. It’s as if you’ve all forgotten you’re locked in a room with a world-class surgeon.” Ainsley: “You can help him?” Martin: “Well, of course. It’s a relatively simple procedure. I just need a knife...uh, some sort of ET tube…” Malcolm: “You can’t be serious.” Ainsley: “Of course I am. He’s a doctor.” Malcolm: “And a serial killer. You want to give him a knife?”
3. Martin: “I know what you’re thinking. ‘What kind of rest stop would sell a switchblade to a kid?’ It was New Jersey.”
1. Lainey: “There’s gonna be all these huge expectations. That’s not my thing.” Wilma: “Expectations? As in having someone think so highly of you that they assume everything you do will be amazing.” Lainey: “Yes, it is messed up, man. When I was a student here, I meticulously arranged my life so that no one would expect anything of me.” CB: “That sounds like a lot of work to get the result of nothing.” Laine: “But worth it. My teachers didn’t care how I did. They were just impressed I came to class instead of siphoning gas out of their cars.” CB: “But now you’re a grown up with an actual job, which means actual people expect you do actual things.”
2. Lainey: “No, don’t you dare. That song lied to us. No one should ever Hakuna Matata their way through life.”
3. Lainey: “Earl, you do know The Lion King is a hit Broadway show with a huge cast, big numbers, awesome costumes…” CB: “There’s also a stampede of angry wildebeests on stage. Simba doesn’t get tackled fortunately, but some heavy adult themes sure do.”
1. Miggy: “We took my jazz and your marching band and together we became soulmates.” Will: “Marching jazz.”
2. Douglas: “Not Xander. Oh, when he was little, it was perfect. He used to look up to me like I was a superhero. Then he got older and I don’t know what the hell happened.” Poppy: “I don’t know. Maybe you were afraid that he would stop looking up to you?” Douglas: “Well, I guess so. I was so afraid of losing my little boy that I..I actually lost him. I screwed up, okay? And now it’s just too late.” Poppy: “It’s not too late, Douglas. You have to tell him how you feel. He doesn’t need this stupid putt. He needs his dad.”
3. Angie: “This thing is out of control. I’ve got to end it but I’m sad. People talk about positivity feeling good and I usually want to drown those people, but it...it feels good.” Poppy: “Oh, you poor, sweet, emotionally-stunted dum dum. You know you can still be sweet even when you’re not playing a flight attendant. It’s inside you, Ang.”
1. Lt. Cosgrove to Tookie, after his first reaction to her cheesesteak eggroll creation: “Try it before you lift your leg on it.” (Donna)
2. Dex to Fiona: “You might be who you were 10 years ago, but I’m not.” (Donna)
3. Fiona’s Manager: “What am I paying you for?” Dex: “To be awesome.” (Donna)
1. Supergirl and Alex, in totally different ways: “Pop quiz, hotshot.” ~Brainy’s code phrase uttered by both (Donna)
2. Alex: “Supergirl, I trust your gut too.” (Donna)
3. Leviathan Lady to Rip Roar: “Do what Lex Luthor failed to do; change the world.” (Donna)
1. MeeMaw: “Hey, I may be too drunk to drive but I still can count to six.”
2. Sheldon to Missy: “Do good baseball.”
3. MeeMaw: “She made the team.” Mary: “Congratulations.” Missy: “And MeeMaw got a date with the coach.” MeeMaw: “It was a productive afternoon.”
4. Missy: “I’m scared.” MeeMaw: “MeeMaw has just made a scene. Now is not the time to be scared.”
