A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
911 -
1. Buck, voiceover: “A few choice words can sometimes be the life raft that gets you home. To be seen, to be found...isn’t that what we’re all searching for.”
2. Eddie: “I will say, honestly, you being laid up is working out for me. You’re no abuela and you’re half a Carla, but you’ll do in a pinch.” Buck: “You want me to watch Christopher?” Eddie: “It’s easy. He’s not very fast.” Buck: “After everything that happened?” Eddie: “A natural disaster happened, Buck.” Buck: “I lost him, Eddie.” Eddie: “No, you saved him. That’s how he remembers it. And now, it’s his turn to save you.” Buck: “I was supposed to look out for him.” Eddie: “And what, you think you failed? I’ve failed that kid more times than I care to count and I’m his father, but I love him enough to never stop trying and I know you do too. Buck, there’s nobody in this world that I trust with my son more than you.”3. Buck: “How? How do you tell your best friend that you lost his son?” Maddie: “No, no, no. He’s his father. Okay, you have to tell him that Christopher is missing.” Buck: “No Maddie, I need to keep on looking for him. I need to find him.” Maddie: “Buck, you are in no condition to go looking for Christopher by yourself. I’m coming down there.” (Dahne)
AHS: 1984 -
1. Montana: "Hey Rambo, My class isn't for posers. This is aerobics. It's serious"
2. Chad: "Ray is a choad. He left me to die. The cops are looking for him. He told me he killed someone in college."
Xavier: "I thought making porn was bad."
Trevor & Chad: "What?"
Xavier: "Nothing." (Prpleight)
B
atwoman - 2. Alice: “We’re all mad here, Commander. I’m mad. You’re mad. Sanity is so...pedestrian. I want to be memorable, the kind of girl who never leaves your thoughts.”
3. Kate: “Bruce gave me a great piece of advice once: grow into the person you needed as a kid.” (Dahne)
1. Rev. Holt: "Laws are not infallible." (Prpleight)
Bluff City Law -
1. Sydney: “I didn’t walk out of lunch with Emerson because of a case. I..um, I walked out because he has your smile. He has your smile, Dad, and I was looking at him and just thinking I don’t have anything of yours. So what if someday you think that he’s…” Elijah: “You know, the happiest day of my life was when I married your mother ‘cause that’s the same day I signed that paper that made you my daughter. And I’ve been living my whole life trying to prove myself worthy of you, Sydney. So there would be...there’s nothing that will ever change that - no one, nothing - ever, ever, ever.” Sydney: “Okay. Thanks, Dad.”2. Della: “Sometimes a casserole is just a casserole. Sometimes it’s a whole other kind of dish.”
3. Elijah: “You’re gonna save this man’s life, Jake. I want to be there when you do.” (Dahne)
1. Kemi: “I put it on my Facebook. I got 75 likes.” Abishola: “Take it down.” Kemi: “Why? I’m excited for you and so are 75 people you don’t know.”
2. Dottie: “Not to brag, but your mom sang a little harmony with 2 Temptations and a Pip.” Bob: “Good story. Thanks.” Dottie: “You remember that song, You Can’t Hurry Love? None of them did.”
3. Christina: “Bob, you spent 12 years married to a woman who shared everything with you. I mean, you ate the same foods, you enjoyed the same movies. Hell, you kind of looked the same.” Bob: “Not in the beginning. She turned into me.” Christina: “Well, my point is you still couldn’t make the marriage work. Now how do you think it’s going to go if you get involved with someone you have absolutely nothing in common with?” Bob: “Well did you ever stop to consider that maybe opposites attract?” Christina: “Baloney. Opposites avoid each other. They hate each other. They stab each other with steak knives.” Bob: “Feels like we should be talking about your failed marriage.” (Dahne)
Bull -
1. Valerie: “These drug dealers - good news is they’re killing each other. Bad news...not fast enough.”2. Benny: “Wish I could somehow give you back those 17 years.” Eddie: “Oh, that’s okay. You gave me back the next 40.” Benny: “Least I could do.” Chunk: “So now that you’re a free man, what’s the first thing you’re gonna do?” Eddie: “Truthfully, I think I just want to walk around. Just walk around and not have somebody tell me it’s time to get up, time for lights out, time to eat, time to shower. Just walk around as long as I want.”
3. Benny: “17 years, Bull. Think of everything you’ve done in the last 17 years. Think...think of everything that’s happened to you between the ages of 16 and 33.” Bull: “No, I don’t want to think about that.” Benny: “It is a lifetime, Bull, and I helped steal it from this young man. I want to represent him. I need to represent him. I need to right this wrong.” Bull: “What are you talking about? I’m not even sure it’s your wrong to right. In fact, I am pretty damn sure this isn’t even your case.” Benny: “Hmm, Chunk’s gonna speak to his professor.” Chunk: “I am?” Bull: “Help me, Chunk. Tell me your professor will never go along with this.” Chunk: “Oh, he’ll definitely go for it. The clinic has more cases than it can handle. It’s me I’m worried about. I don’t want to give up second chair.” Benny: “You don’t have to give up second chair.” Chunk: “Like I said, I’m Team Benny. Always was, always will be.” (Dahne)
1. Harry: “The elders would have devised a mechanism, something to usher you back. Think!” Maggie: “Marbles!” Mel: “As in you’ve lost yours?”
2. Mel: “What do you say, Harry? There’s a chair in that dusty command center with your name on it.” Macey: “We can’t do it without our Whitelighter.” Harry: “You had me at dusty command center.” Macey: “To the power of three...four actually.” Harry: “Thank you.” Macey: “This is the magic right here.”
3. Macey: “Harry, you still haven’t told us what happened to you after we went through the portal.” Harry: “I died. Whitelighters, when they die, return to the grave. It should have been a fatal blow, and yet, I came back. When I couldn’t find you, I sought assistance from my fellow Whitelighters, but they were of no help at all.” Maggie: “Why not?’’ Harry: “Because they’re dead...all of them.” Maggie: “But that means…” Harry: “I’m the last Whitelighter. If one of those lights turn red….” Macey: “There’s no one left to protect witches. It’s just us.” (Dahne)
Emergence -
1. Benny: “You know. I can do this alone. You get caught, you lose your job. I get caught, I get promoted.”2. Jo to Ed: “Okay, so I’m seeing a bottle of cologne in front of you, and I just want to advise no.”
3. Emily: “You don’t believe me?” Jo: “That Piper is, what? A robot? Is that what you’re saying? No, no, I don’t believe you.” Benny: “I do.” (Dahne)
FBI -
1. Daniel: “Over the years, I have taught plenty of inmates how to make a bomb, but I’m just the professor. They pay me for my insights and knowledge. How they ultimately exploit their unique education is on them, not me.”2. Jubal: “To be clear, if this was about her political ambitions, then this was an attack on the United States and our most fundamental democratic principles.”
3. Daniel: “Oh I am good bro, but I still can’t blow up a car from G block.” Maggie: “Then who’d you teach. Who else knows your techniques.” Daniel: “I don’t teach and tell.” (Dahne)
Fresh Off the Boat -
1. Louis: “I’ll invite my jacka** brother over to visit and he’ll annoy Mom so much, she’ll see how good she has it with me.” Jessica: “No, Louis. His voice is too loud and his clothes are too colorful and his cologne...he’s tough on all the senses.”2. Louis: “She wants a retirement party but she’s too proud to ask.” Jessica: “Or she’s just using that retirement as an excuse to get gifts.” Louis: “But can I afford to take the chance? I don’t give her this party and then she’ll seek revenge and I just don’t have the time for that.” Jessica: “Totally get it.”
3. Gene: “You glowed with resentment, so I talked to her about it and I got her to empathize with the burden you feel.” Louis: “You’re saying you somehow got our mother to feel empathy for me?” Jessica: “The woman who thinks Lex Luthor is the hero of Superman?” (Dahne)
God Friended Me -
1. Joy: “Teddy Preston, he’s some start of self-help guy.” Miles: “You know, it’s sad that people actually buy into this stuff.” Joy: “Desperate.” Rakesh: “Says 2 people taking orders from an internet deity.”2. Miles: “Ali, this is Joy. Please, don’t let the name fool you.”
3. Joy: “I know we’ve had a bit of a setback but I’m not sure day drinking is the answer.” (Dahne)
Magnum PI -
1. TC: “Oh, so you’re really gonna wait?” Katsumoto: “What the hell are you guys doing? I just told you the SWAT team is on its way.” Rick: “Well, if Thomas is already dead, they’re not gonna be much help.” Katsumoto: “Hey, you two need to stand down.” TK: “Listen, brother, the only way you’re gonna stop us is with a bullet.”2. Higgins: “Honestly, it wasn’t anything that you said or did. I just decided that I didn’t want to go back to London because I found something here that I don’t want to lose.”
3. Higgins: “Jolly good. I’m glad Robin will be able to monetize our near-death experience.” Magnum: “Eh, I’m used to it.” (Dahne)
Nancy Drew -
1. Harriet: "I heard a voice from the dead." George: "You're a medium. Occupational hazard." (Prpleight, Dahne)
1. Harriet: "I heard a voice from the dead." George: "You're a medium. Occupational hazard." (Prpleight, Dahne)
2. Nancy: “So George, you come from a long line of fishermen.” George: “Also alcoholics and highly fertile teenage moms.”
3. Nancy: “Can we go now? We’ve told you all we know. We’re not suspects.” Sheriff: “I disagree with your opinion. I’m looking at a decent 4 pack: town screwup, ex-con, city girl, and Nancy Drew.” Bess: “Why does he say your name like that?” Sheriff: “She used to complicate my job.” George: “You mean do it for you.” (Dahne)
3. Nancy: “Can we go now? We’ve told you all we know. We’re not suspects.” Sheriff: “I disagree with your opinion. I’m looking at a decent 4 pack: town screwup, ex-con, city girl, and Nancy Drew.” Bess: “Why does he say your name like that?” Sheriff: “She used to complicate my job.” George: “You mean do it for you.” (Dahne)
NCIS: LA -
1. Lance: “What the hell is TEAM 8 Naruto?” Kensi: “I have no idea. I actually stopped asking Eric about our passwords about 5 years ago. My mom always said if you don’t want to know the answer, don’t ask the question so I don’t ask the question.”2. Sam: “I know that story, man.” Sapolu: “I’m sure you do.” Sam: “Look, Sapolu, this doesn’t have to be your life. It doesn’t have to end in Tel Aviv. You could go home.” Sapolu: “I know I ain’t walking away from this free and clear, but…” Sam: “But if you help me, I can help you. You have my word on that. I can help you.” (Dahne)
1. Arthur: "We are in a war. We are in a war against mediocrity, against crudity, against wearing tennis shoes at wedding." Wayne: "You can't wear dress shoes with shorts." (Prpleight)
Prodigal Son -
1. Martin: “You’re stunning.” Jessica: “Burn in hell.”2. Jessica: “Malcolm is seeing your father and you covered for him.” Ainsley: “I can’t get through a family dinner without covering for one of you.” Jessica: “I need you to tell him to stop.” Ainsley: “I’m tired of being in the middle. Tell him yourself.” Jessica: “I have. I’m worried. You know what this could do to your brother.” Ainsley: “No, I don’t because I don’t remember my dad. I was forbidden.” Jessica: “I was protecting you.” Ainsley: “You did. You also taught me to be ashamed of who I am. I never knew Martin Whitly. All I know is what you want me to know. Maybe that’s not enough.” Jessica: “Do you sleep at night?” Ainsley: “What?” Jessica: “When you close your eyes, do you find peace? That peace is because of the choices I made. You can thank me anytime you like.”
3. Jessica: “Oh so you’re a team now? Father and son solving crimes. How sweet for you both.” Malcolm: “I have no intention of returning.” Jessica: “This is exactly what he wants. This is what he has always wanted - a relationship, to control you, to infect your mind.” Malcolm: “He does not control me.” Jessica: “I just watched you throw yourself out a window. I know you think these memories are real. They’re not, so shut them down. I enjoy books on tape. Gin also works.” (Dahne)
Schooled -
1. Lainey: “Look at you, giving excellent girlfriend advice, and don’t worry. No matter what happens with Wilma, we’ll always have us.” Glascott: “I know that’s not a threat...but it feels like one.”2. Mellor: “As a teacher, you want to tell your kids they can do anything they set their mind to, but sometimes that’s just a crock.”
3. Wilma: “I’m so glad you stalked me here tonight. If we win, I probably won’t even call the cops on you.” Lainey: “Listen, I have an extra ticket for a show. Do you want to go to Philly with me for the weekend to have a spa day and see Boyz II Men?” Wilma: “That sounds really nice but I don’t even know that group.” Lainey: “I’ll Make Love to You.” Wilma: “I think you may have different expectations for this friendship than I do.” Lainey: “No, that’s one of their hits.” (Dahne)
1. Artie: “You’re not doing your job right unless a few folks want you dead.” (Donna Cromeans)
2. Grey: “Prison’s not a frat. We don’t do reunions.”
3. Dex to Candace: “Hey, um, today I got beat. I lost. We lost. Artie sold me out and it pisses me off and it pisses me off that my mistake could cost you your child. But they’re not gonna get away with this, okay? No, they think that we’re just gonna lie down and we’re gonna take it. Yeah, you know, they have the power and they have the influence and...but you know what? They’re arrogant sons of b*** and they don’t know that women like us have been fighting our entire lives for everything. Randall’s gonna pay and Artie’s gonna pay for what he did and I...I won’t lose again.”
4. Artie: “I did you a favor.” Dex: “You did us a favor?” Artie: “You are incredibly talented, but there is one thing standing in the way of you being an exceptional private investigator. You care.” (Dahne)
1. Alex [after the other superheroes are already facing off against the villain of the week]: "How do you guys change so fast?" (Zandarl, Donna Cromeans, and Prpleight)
2. Supergirl [when her new suit is revealed]: “PANTS!”
3. Andrea Rojas [addressing the staff of Catco, succinctly states what will turn out to the be a part of this year’s theme]: “Today, the measure of worth is a click.” (Donna Cromeans)
