First the good news: What We Do In The Shadows has been renewed for a much deserved season two!
And the bad news? Nandor, Laszlo, and Nadja have been called before The Vampiric Council to be tried for something.
The episode, The Trial, sees the roommates bury the remains of the Baron in the garden. During the ceremony a subtle flash of red in the Baron’s eyes suggests he may not be fully gone… So watch this space. In the garden. Between two of Laszlo’s favorite vaginas.
This show and the things it makes me write.
When the message of 500 ravens is ignored, a floating woman turns up to summon the vamps to appear before The Vampiric Council. Nandor’s confused as to why they couldn’t have just telephoned?
Once arriving at the council, the cameos start piling up. Dave Bautista kicks it off, as Garret the Vampire. The council itself is made up of many familiar on-screen vampires. Tilda Swinton leads the council. Viago, Deacon, and Vladislav, from the original WWDITS documentary, are present. There’s Evan Rachel Wood – the immortal princess of the undead, Danny Trejo (with his shirt off), and Paul Reubens (who actually doesn’t appear to have aged since the Buffy movie). Calling in via a glitchy Skype is half vampire/vampire killer Wesley Snipes. And local vampire, Colin Robinson, makes up the last member of the trial.
Absent is Rob (Patterson), who wants to leave the vampire stuff behind, while Kiefer (Sutherland) was too busy, and Tom (Cruise) and Brad (Pitt) weren’t interested.
While the trial is taking place Guillermo sits with other familiars, some of whom have been waiting seven decades to become vampires. It’s becoming painfully apparent to Guillermo that he might never actually become a vampire. That no familiar ever does.
Brought in as a witness, Guillermo admits to being the one who killed the Baron. Naturally none of the vampires believe he could be capable of such an act. They’re in agreement to just eat Guillermo for lunch and let Laszlo, Nadja, and Nandor go, when Nandor speaks up and dooms them all. Despite attempting to escape, they’re all blundering attempts, and the three are escorted to a well where they will be exposed to sunlight. Guillermo is more adept, accidentally staking a vampire on his way through the tunnels. He doesn’t stop running until Colin catches up with him outside the tunnels.
Down in the well, sunlight streams across the opening, there’s a lot of yelling, and the camera focuses on three burned bodies. Fear not, it’s not our Staten Island vamps, who are appalled the three dead bodies weren’t cleared out before they were put in there.
While waiting to die, Laszlo admits the one thing we’ve all suspected since we were first introduced to his topiary: He was Jack the Ripper.
When all seems lost, a shadow appears over the opening of the well, blocking the sun. It’s Colin Robinson with a big-ass umbrella.
So the trio are saved. But will the council still come after them, since their death-by-sun punishment didn’t happen? Is the Baron really fully dead? Will Guillermo ever be turned into a vampire? And did the camera crew escape the well?
