The Baron is awake.
Since we last met him the Baron has been sleeping, leaving one big question unanswered all this time: exactly how big of an area does the Baron want conquered? Because if it's just Staten Island then the housemates have already conquered their street and part of Ashley Street. Before he answers this, however, he wants a night out on the town.
The housemates may not get their answer any time soon, and they also have a lot of apologizing to do because the Baron just ate the documentary crew’s sound recordist.
Oops.
The Baron’s familiar lurks around corners looking like a creepy cross between Queen Victoria and the woman in Grant Wood’s American Gothic painting. And it’s all putting the vampires on edge. They’re also all a little peeved that Guillermo only seems to find the Baron terrifying now. And not them.
So Operation Accidentally Kill The Baron commences.
Out on the town and the Baron has no subtlety whatsoever, announcing who he will take as slaves and who will be food, and draining helpless drunks in the middle of the footpath. The Staten Island vampires, who dress out of time, who turn into bats in public, who are currently being filmed by a documentary crew, find this behavior appalling.
In case you were wondering how vampires get drunk (I’ll be honest, I was), it turns out drinking blood with a high alcohol content will get the job done nicely.
The vampires continue their pub crawl, doing shots (passing around a victim in a bathroom) and getting drunker. There’s a moment that’s almost sad when the Baron admits he isn’t a Baron, but the name came from people teasing him he is barren due to having no genitals.
The group bond and the Baron admits he had been planning to kill them all.
“Guess what,” Nandor begins, and oh we all see the rest of his sentence coming: “We were going to kill you tonight too.”
After a tense moment the Baron laughs and tells them he expected as much. Whew. For a moment you could have cut the tension with a stake.
What’s the worst idea the Baron might have ever had? To try pizza! Note to the others: the garlic burns a little on the way down. And then Nadja helpfully describes what happens next:
“The Baron has eaten some human food and now his body is being propelled around by his own vomit. So, that’s what’s happening right now.”
At 3am, in a nightclub, they get more than alcohol from the blood of the clubbers.
“We drank the blood of some people but the people were on drugs and now I am a wizard!” Nandor tells us while holding a road cone on his head. It took me three attempts to type that I was laughing so hard just by the way.
A round of karaoke is cut short by the approaching dawn and the housemates get the Baron home. A drunk Baron, it turns out, is very much like a roommate I once had who was the messiest drunk I’ve ever met. The Baron plays chicken with a beam of sunlight, and then manage to fall down the stairs while wrestling out of his clothes. He picks himself up, and then tumbles through the stairway railing to the floor below. But it’s ok. He dusts himself off – and is fried by Guillermo opening the front door and letting the morning sun in.
This show is consistently hilarious, week after week, but this episode might be the best yet.
What was your favorite moment? Let me know in the comments below.
