A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the SpoilerTV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
1. Hen: “Remember when working remotely wasn’t even a thing?” Karen: “Like it was yesterday. I guess in the grand scheme of time, it was yesterday. If only you could do that.” Hen: “Bite your tongue. The day I work from home, our damn house is on fire.”
2. Athena: “This wedding isn’t just about me and Bobby. It’s about us - the three of us - choosing to make Bobby a part of our family. Now we all walk down that aisle together or not at all.”
3. Athena, vo: “An emergency is the absence of choice - the randomness of the world, the crazy chaos of life, robbing us of our safety, our illusions. But in those moments of darkness and fear, we call out to the light up ahead. To the people we love. We steal back that choice and we choose each other. We choose friendship and family. We choose hope. We choose joy. We choose to live...So when the ground shifts beneath our feet and the storms rage around us, it’s all these people that provide relief and offer shelter. This is how we save ourselves, by saving each other, because nobody, not anybody, has ever been saved alone.”
1. Doorman at the alien bar/casino: “Welcome to the House of Games. Please check your weapons and moral high-ground and walk through the scanner.” (Donna C)
2. Daisy: “We can’t save Fitz if we can’t save ourselves.” (Donna C)
3. Jemma: “Bad puffies.” (Donna C)
1. Sheldon: “You know, when you think about it, now that we're Nobel Prize winners, our names will be linked together forever.” Amy: “We're married. Our names are already linked together forever.” Sheldon: “Oh, please. That's just a piece of paper. This is a piece of paper AND a medal.” (Julia)
2. Leonard: “Okay, you need to focus on the positive. You won a Nobel Prize. I slapped Sheldon. A lot of dreams came true today.” Amy: “You know, you’re right. This is a huge day for me and I’m allowed to enjoy it without worrying how it’s going to affect my husband.” Raj: “Is it me or did it just get fierce in here?” (Julia and Dahne)
3. Penny: “Heck, you've had sex almost as many times as I have fingers.” Sheldon: “More.” (Julia)
4. Sheldon: “I'm trying to get my speech down to 90 minutes.” Amy: “I think you need to do some editing, like maybe cut out all that stuff about your childhood.” Sheldon: “Are you kidding? Growing up in the backwoods of East Texas is what makes me warm and relatable.” Amy: “Well, what about all these pages calling out everyone who said you wouldn't succeed?” Sheldon: “I told them all they would rue the day. How is it gonna make me look if the day finally comes, and they're not filled with rue?” Amy: “Sheldon, this isn't about ruing. This is about humbly accepting a great honor.” Sheldon: “Amy, we won the Nobel Prize in Physics. Humility is for people who win the goofy Nobels like Literature, Economics and Peace.” (Julia)
5. Leonard: “We weren't gonna tell anybody so we wouldn't upstage your big day.” Sheldon: “Oh, please, you couldn't upstage us. We won a Nobel Prize. Any idiot can have a baby.” (Julia)
6. Penny: “It’s so strange. No matter how thoughtless and selfish he is, I still love him.” Leonard: “If you think about it, he has kind of been our practice kid.” Penny: “Like when you make pancakes and the first one comes out a bit wonky.” Leonard: “The university prefers quirky.” (Julia, Prpleight, and Dahne)
7. Sheldon: “I have a very long and somewhat self-centered speech here, but I’d like to set it aside...” Penny: “Yeah!” Howard: “Way to go!” Sheldon: “...because this honor doesn’t just belong to me. I wouldn’t be up here if it weren’t for some very important people in my life, beginning with my mother, father, meemaw, brother, and sister. And my other family, whom I’m so happy to have here with us. Is that Buffy the Vampire Slayer? I was under a misapprehension that my accomplishments were mine alone. Nothing can be further from the truth. I have been encouraged, sustained, inspired, and tolerated not only by my wife, but by the greatest group of friends anyone ever had. I’d like to ask them to stand - Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali, Dr. Bernadette Rostenkowski Wolowitz, Astronaut Howard Wolowitz, and my two dearest friends in the world, Penny Hofstadter and Dr. Leonard Hofstadter. I was there the moment Leonard and Penny met. He said to me that their babies would be smart and beautiful, and now that they are expecting, I have no doubt that that will be the case.” Penny: “Thanks, Sheldon. I haven’t told my parents yet, but thanks.” Sheldon: “Oh, um, sorry. Don’t tell anyone that last thing. That’s a secret. Howard, Bernadette, Raj, Penny, Leonard, I apologize if I haven’t been the friend you deserve, but I want you to know that in my way, I love you all. And I love you. Thank you.” (Prpleight and Dahne)
8. Penny: “You know, you go on and on about wanting things to stay the same, but you’ve changed a lot since I met you.” Sheldon: “Oh, you are a mean drunk.” (Dahne)
9. Bernadette: “Why are you trying to freak me out?” Howard: “This is our vacation. I thought we should do things together.” Bernadette: “Howie, the kids are okay.” Howard: “How do you know that?” Bernadette: “I just know. A mother knows.” Howard: “So what? Now the force is with you?” Bernadette: “Let’s see. This is not the woman you want to annoy.” (Dahne)
10. Sheldon: “You are Penny are bringing new life into the world. Congratulations. I can’t wait to meet it.” Leonard: “It?” Sheldon: “That’s a gender-neutral pronoun. If you’re offended, take it up with the English language.” (Dahne)
1. Bull: “Benny, marriage is really complicated and almost impossible to understand unless you are on the inside of it. And between you and me, it’s not a spectator sport. You should leave it alone.” Benny: “I know. I will. I’m just venting.” Bull: “Well good, because if you did murder that guy, I wouldn’t know who to call because the best lawyer I know would be behind bars.”
2. Benny: “What can I say? I’m a sucker for a man who loves his wife.”
3. Client: “Dr. Bull, how...how do we ever thank you?” Bull: “You don’t. I didn't do this for you. I did it for Taylor...and for those babies you have and the baby you’re having. And I did it because, while I think you behaved like a selfish jacka**, both of you, I don’t believe you are actually responsible for those men losing their lives. Now let me ask you something. How much do you think a biga** second chance like that is worth? I think $50,000. $25,000 each to the families of the men who perished. How’s that sound to you?” Client: “Uh, that sounds like the bargain of a lifetime.” Bull: “Hmm, well said.”
4. Client: “The truth is...I was hoping for a boy. I had games of catch in my head, I guess. And then there she was. She. And I thought she was the most magical creature I’d ever seen.”
1. Boris Shcherbina: “These men work in the dark; they see everything.” (Ellys)
2. Dr. Ventrova: “It isn’t safe for you here.” Lyudmilla: “He’s my husband.” Ventrova: “Not anymore. He’s something else now. Do you understand?” (Ellys)
3. Valery Legasov: “We will have to raze entire forests. We will have to rip up the top layer of earth and bury it under itself.” (Ellys)
1. Liam to Adam: “We’d invite you to the wedding but we need to keep the guest list under 800.” (Marko)
1. Bell: “I’m not stupid. I was with you when we got the news Sherlock confessed to Rowan’s murder. You were angry but you weren’t surprised.” Gregson: “We’re not having this conversation.” Bell: “I figured, okay, maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised either. Sherlock was doing right by Joan. I didn’t like it, but I got it. I accepted it. You? You acted like they never existed, like they weren’t part of our family. It took me awhile but I finally figured it out. It wasn’t anger you were feeling. It was guilt. You were protecting someone too. I don’t like anything about what happened with the Rowan case, not one damn thing. I hate knowing what I know, but I get it and to be clear, I don’t think anyone else need to know about it. But Sherlock and Joan, they were your friends. They were there for you, for me, always. It’s time you made things right with them.” Gregson: “How? How the hell am I supposed to do that?” Bell: “I don’t know but I bet ‘I’m sorry,’ would be a good start.”
2. Jones: “Another day goes by without an arrest, I half expect Elton John will rewrite the lyrics to Candle in the Wind again.”
3. Kitty: “I know you want her here. I want her here too. Doesn’t mean that she belongs here.”
1. Frank: “I can’t imagine a scenario in which you would be inconsequential, Mother. In fact, your beauty and intelligence has spoiled me for all other women.” Joey: “Take it down a notch, Norman Bates.”
2. Mike: “But as tough as your grandma could be, Aunt Tess was a real friend to your mom. She’s the one who taught her to sew and ride a bike. When Peggy went to her first formal, Aunt Tess bought her shoes. So you have to appreciate how hard it is for your mom to be around Tess, especially how she is now. Your mom isn’t heartless. She’s heartbroken.”
3. Lawrence: “I was just trying to protect us.” Fiona: “From what? Your mother’s love?” Peggy: “I offer it to all my boys. Whether they accept it or not is on them.” Lawrence: “With you it’s not love, it’s control. It’s about making everything about you.” Peggy: “But it is about me. It’s about me losing my son. I lost you for awhile before and you came back, and I realized how important it is to me, having my whole family around. I’m just really bad at saying goodbye.”
4. Fiona: “You make her sound like some diabolical Batman villain.” Lawrence: “More like the villain’s judgmental mother who made him that way. Look, you’re just gonna have to trust me on how to handle Peggy Cleary aka The Meddler.”
5. Mike to his sons: “Whatever you’re praying for, I will find out.”
6. Mike: “Who knew you could make a buck by preying on the weaknesses of foolish people?” Peggy: “Everybody, Mike. Everybody with a house nicer than ours. I mean Caesar built a whole palace in Vegas based on that little secret.”
7. Mike: “We deserve a little credit. We’ve saved Lawrence’s life a million times if you consider all the times we wanted to kill him and didn’t.”
8. Father Abdi about Bonnie, the church car: “Now that I know she has a name, I’m going to feel bad when I push her off a cliff.”
9. Frank: “Dad, I am extremely disappointed in Mom.” Mike: “Well, as much as I enjoy dinner and a show, I suggest you keep that to yourself.”
1. Carolyn to Eve: “Rome is crucial. She mustn’t kill Aaron. I hate to be strict. She mustn’t kill anyone.” (Donna C)
2. Carolyn to Eve: “The safeword is ‘gentleman.’ We’re running out of good safe words.” (Donna C)
3. Villanelle to Konstantin: “How do I even get ‘gentleman’ into a sentence?” (Donna C)
1. Eve: "You can deliver the message. This is your way of stopping the prophecy. When you get down there, you tell them to come and get their king, okay? You tell them to come and help me save Lucifer." Father Kinley: "Why would you think I'm going to Hell?"
2. Lucifer: "If I turn around will you be fine or will you look away in horror." Chloe: "It doesn't matter." Lucifer: "Of course it does, Detective." Chloe: "Not it doesn't. Because this isn't about me. This is about you. Not gonna let you use me as an excuse to avoid dealing with what is behind all of this. You always talk about how much you hate being blamed for humanity's sins. You know, ‘The Devil made me do it,’ and I think I know why you hate it so much, because deep down, you blame yourself just as much, if not more! You have to stop taking responsibility for things you can't control. Lucifer, you need to forgive yourself. Lucifer, you need to forgive yourself."
3. Ella: "I never used to feel alone. Because I always had the big guy. I really miss him. I was just so mad. So mad after... you know, Charlotte." Dan: "I've been mad too. Really mad." Ella: "It's just so much. But I don't think it's right for me to base my faith on whether everything is good and unicorns and ice cream. I don't think it's God's job to stop the bad. I actually think he's there to give us the strength to get through it.”
4. Lucifer: "Detective, I can't believe I'm saying this, but there are more important things than me right now."
1. Harm: “Hey, I’m a lawyer, so let me give you a piece of free advice. If you are attacking my men and my ship, a lawyer is not gonna be able to help you.”
2. Hetty: “Your mother is so strong. You are strong.” Nell: “What am I supposed to do with that Hetty?” Hetty: “She can hear you. Tell her something that I tell myself every morning. Keep punching.”
3. Mac: “You know, there’s a friend of mine I’d like you to meet. Henrietta Lange, you might have heard of her.” Anton: “Yes, I have. For most, it is not a good day when she shows up.”
4. Deeks: “World War 3 is the good news?” What’s the bad news?” Sabatino: “The bad news is I’ve got Iraqi intel that an ISIS platoon has been dispatched to find us and take us out. Welcome to Iraq.”
5. Sam: “We got a runner.” Callen: “I hate when they do that.” (Chase ensues and Harm takes the suspect down.) Harm: “Where you running to, sailor? You’re on a ship.” Sam: “They always run.” Harm: “Why?” Callen: “Mystery of the universe.”
6. Kensi: “Remind me never to have an affair.” Deeks: “Okay, hey by the way, never have an affair. You want to know why?” Kensi: “Because you would torture me?” Deeks: “No, because I’d cry.” Kensi: “Oh.” Deeks: “It would break my heart into like a thousand pieces and I’d curl up in the fetal position for like ever.” Kensi: “Leave it to you to make a horrible moment into something romantic.” Deeks: “That’s what love sounds like.”
1. Isler: “I need to see where they’re going.” Hannah: “Yeah, I did something similar recently and got suspended.” Isler: “Yeah well, I’m dead. What more can they do to me?”
2. Isler: “Oh,oh, you’ve got no clearance to get inside.” Gregorio: “I’ve got bolt cutters and pliers that say otherwise.” Isler: “Gregorio…” Gregorio: “Isler, you’re pretending to be dead to smoke out this mole. Don’t judge me on a little B & E.” Sebastian: “It’s just easier this way.”
3. Gregorio: “Sebastian, let’s skip to the part where you agree we’re going in.”
1. Lex Luthor: “How are you alive? How did you do it?” Supergirl: “How do you think I did it, I’m Supergirl!” ~extra points to Melissa Benoist’s spot-on delivery (Donna C)
2. Supergirl: “I will not let fear win and with my sister by my side, anything is possible!”
3. Alex, after Kara whips off her glasses while transforming from Kara into Supergirl: “I really missed that.” (Donna C)
1. Standish: “Consider your a** dumped.”
2. Kelly: “I almost let you hurt her once. I won’t let it happen again.”
3. Frankie: “You’re okay?!?!” Will: “Why would that upset you?”
4. Susan: “His crazy is different from your crazy. He doesn’t seem to mind your crazy, which is sweet because, girl, your crazy is terrifying.”
5. Will: “You okay?” Kelly: “I think I want a divorce.” Will: “Uh, that’s a big decision. You might want to think about it.” (bullets fire) Kelly: “Pretty sure.” Will: “Fair enough.”
6. Frankie: “Standish, your girlfriend sucks.” Standish: “Yeah, I know that now.”
1. Sheldon, voiceover: “A primary feature of quarks is that they’re always bonded together, but in that moment I felt like a neutrino, destined to be alone forever. (montage of all the main characters of TBBT as children to Someday We’ll Be Together) Thankfully, I was wrong.”
2. Georgie: “You know if we had cable, we’d have, like, 60 channels.” George: “We have plenty of channels.” Georgie: “We have 7.” George: “Hey, there are starving kids in Africa with no channels.” Georgie: “Come on. It don’t cost much.” George: “I’m not paying for television. Television is free - always was, always will be.”
3. Tam: “My mom doesn’t let me have cereal with sugar in it...or anything that makes me happy.”
