Pretty Little Liars: The Perfectionists - The Patchwork Girl - Review: "Don't trust the crazy guy" + POLL

Previously on PLLTP:

Everyone broke up, Mona found the creepy Harold of BHU (that's a PLL reference you might have to research), and Alison finally comes face to face with her mirror in the show's first unofficial mid-season finale.

Dilaurentis and Vanderwall investigations

Taylor didn't just lock Alison in her RV, she kidnapped her and drove off! After Alison successfully dodged every mug that flew of the cabinets, Taylor decided to go back in and knowing exactly who Alison was, she started yelling at her armed with a crow bar. Bitch acting CRAY but it's gonna take a lot more than that to scare Alison off. Besides, everyone knows her true weakness is shovels. Alison calms her down enough to talk and finds out Taylor would rather stay gone in fear of someone who tried to kill her.

This, of course, is all familiar territory for Alison who dealt with death threats and attempted murders since junior high. She learns how Claire Hotchkiss really hired her, by using Mona's crystal ball to find someone similar enough to Taylor who could uncover her disappearance and bring her back. So instead of hiring a PI she hired Alison Dilaurentis, expert in dead blonde girls. That checks. I mean at least Alison is doing a better job than Dana Booker. Taylor doesn't rule her mother out as being a suspect of her attempted killer... and Alison is like wow SAME. Taylor also wonders why Alison is so obsessed with solving her brother's death, to which she replies that it's because her babies are in trouble. Not her actual children, but her adoptive baby liars. With Taylor's #hacking skills, insight into Nolan's secrets, and knowledge of BHU, the team could gain powerful ally on their side but Mona is convinced she should stay as far away from BHU as possible.

After finding the elusive creepy maintenance worker Mona introduces herself but Ray already knows who she is, having worked at BHU since the age of 15 he apparently became somewhat of an omnpiresent -A himself. Not omnipresent enough to know who killed Nolan or who tried to kill Taylor, but just enough to give Mona some damn answers and peanut brittle. Mona threatens to rat him out to security for squatting in the basement but he calls her bluff and reveals he has a clue about what the crystal ball is listing, even if he's not the one messing with it. Apparently, it's a suspect list for Nolan's death. Apart from being the observer of all the weird events in this university, he got to know Taylor and may have given her the inspiration for her fake suicide because that's how his old girlfriend died. He even tried warning her about BHU not being safe by leaving a message on her wall. I guess that's one way to warn someone.

While waiting for a bad bishop who never showed (and worrying about her girlfriend's wellbeing), Mona finally gets a surprise visit from Dana Booker who has things to say about Alison and the patterns in the people she surrounds herself with, just like she used to in Rosewood. But Mona is not just gonna stand there and let this woman insult her lover so she fights back, telling her Ali is a complex person. Dana remarks that so is Mona and I thought she was going to point out that that's what makes them a great couple.

Instead, she asks Mona if she's at all worried about ALEX and MARY DRAKE finding her after whatever went down in France in France. EXCUSEZ-MOI? Mona hisses back with her own research into Booker's past, including getting fired from the FBI for becoming obsessed with hunting down Ava's dad. With Mona unable to reach Alison and warn her in time, Alison Taylor back to her old house at BHU. If anything, Taylor must remind Alison of her cousin Charlotte more than herself, since she literally echoes some of Charlotte's past lines ("We don't just look alike, we think alike") and that makes me really emotional. Taylor stays with her to keep safe but is she really? Especially considering the two-way mirrors in Ali's house. Mona finally gets a hold of her to update her on Ray and while Ali wonders why Mona is trusting the crazy guy who lives in the basement (she's not wrong here), Taylor goes gone girl. Nothing is going according to plan, for anyone in this episode.

The baby liars graduate murder school

If last week's cliffhangers weren't dramatic enough, this episode begins with a confusing flashforward to the second act of the episode. A Phyl Collins cover plays while the liars are screaming at each other and plotting to drug someone in the creepy cabin. As we later discover, this is all Ava's working who wanted to make sure Mason doesn't pull any stunts in her upcoming fashion show because she watched the iconic PLL episode when Mona as -A took over and all hell broke loose. Caitlin, desperate to gain back some of Ava's trust and forgiveness is committed to helping her and Dylan gets persuaded because he has his own important even coming up.

The plan? Lure Mason to creepy cabin, drug him, get a confession out, and prove he killed Nolan. I can't even begin to list the reasons for how bad of a plan this is. First of all, any true fan of PLL would remember Hanna did the same thing to Noel Kahn and it did not exactly work out. While Ava devises her plan, Caitlin wonders which Golden Girl Dylan would be.

Caitlin is the bait by flirting with Mason and inviting him to the cabin for a stress relief booty call. Because when dealing with a potential murderer, the best idea is to be alone with him in a secluded murder cabin. While Caitlin puts herself in danger to gain back Ava's trust, she finds a note from her dad in her pencil sharpener instructing her to meet his "dreamer" with the provided coordinates. While Caitlin packs her whiskey, spy cam, and just-in-case ropes she tells Dylan the truth about accidentally ratting out Ava to the school and press.

Her confession pisses Dylan off, who takes it personally as a gay kid from a small town who knows what it's like to be outed (he reminds us this every episode lest we forget) but he recognises her efforts of honesty. Things don't go as planned with Ava's fashion show rehearsals because surprise surprise, someone added a slide of the picture of Nolan and Dylan in bed and now Ava has it out for both of her friends. Could that someone have been Zoe, her friend who was seemingly there to help her prepare...

That's where the episode circles back to that bizarre first scene of everyone screaming. Ava demands answers about Dylan's affair with Nolan, Caitlin gets angry that he didn't tell them, and they all threaten to pull out so Dylan fights back by saying this isn't hard for Ava because crime runs in her family. Despite everyone being absolutely awful to each other, the (now fully grown) liars unite against their common enemy. So somehow they're right where they started in episode 1: plotting to get rid of the person who's tormenting them. They wonder where they will stand after Mason is taken down but Ava doesn't think they can trust each other even after telling their secrets.

Dylan leaves to get to his recital in time and Ava goes back home to pack her things and meet her dad. The recital is straight out of a David Lynch Sequence, a big empty auditorium with three shadowed figures watching him perform. Despite his nerves (his literal damaged shoulder nerve) he performs perfectly and runs into Ava right before she leaves with her pumpkin spice latte. A leftover packing peanut from when the liars messed around at the volunteering event reminds Ava that they did form a bond and as a gesture of reconcilliation, she offers Dylan some parting advice for patching things up with Andrew and shows her understanding about his affair with Nolan.


Caitlin is just about to give up on Mason who's an hour late, but he conveniently turns up just as soon as Ava and Dylan leave Caitlin alone end exposed and is ready to grab his firewood and warm this place up. What the hell has she gotten herself into she should call the cops... or just whack him on the head with a metal rod and run. Somehow the bitch is not dead and to make matters worse, Caitlin has incriminated herself by literally filming herself attacking him.

In the dark woods, Ava sees someone approaching and asks if it's "Daddy" but surprise bitch! It's Dana Booker who's been playing her all along to lure her out and offer her a plea: her bag of cash in exchange for giving up one of her friend's. If there ever was a crook cop, Dana literally does not give a rat's ass about playing dirty but Ava is not just a pretty face. She throws her bag which only contains clothes and despite this cruel set up she gets away without having to name her friends. As she kisses Dana goodbye by wishing a bear would eat her alive, she gets a voicemail from Caitlin who got hold of Mason's phone and is panicking. Caitlin meets Dylan right before someone RUNS HER OVER. Did she know too much?

Category is:

Iconic line:
Ray: What were you doing when you were 15?
Mona: Playing with my dolls... and shoplifting with Hanna!

Killer look: I'll take a break from obsessing over Alison's trenchcoats and say I'm really loving Mona's colourful sweater collection this season.

Queer eye: Nolan was confirmed to be sexually fluid - maybe bisexual, Dylan is gay, and yet I'm still getting all my queer energy from Mona and Alison, the ticking time bomb of sexual tension.

Most guilty liar: If you're gonna whack someone on the head, you might as well make sure they stay dead, Caitlin. Emily Fields walked so you could run.

Lingering mysteries: Bad Bishop did not end up going to their rendezvous with Mona, could it be that they were busy being elsewhere this episode? If Alex and Mary Drake are confirmed on the run is there any hope of them to come back next season as the main antagonists? Will we ever get a proper "-A" tag at the end of the episode? Because I really miss those.

Verdict

Rating: 3/5

Episode 1x5, directed by Roger Kumble, was bonkers. It's like every crazy thing to ever happen in PLL shoved into one episode but there was enough tension without the need to have Caitlin run over. With the spin off's short freshman season halfway over, PLLTP is heating up as it races to the finish line but I'm more invested in the liars and perfectionists instead of random new characters who live in creepy basements.