A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the SpoilerTV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
1. Jake: “Movies are super fun. Meanwhile, real life is very boring. That’s why no one watches documentaries.” Captain Holt: “Tell that to the man sitting next to me at last Saturday afternoon’s screening of Ryuichi Sakamoto: Coda.” Jake: “Was that man Kevin?” Captain Holt after a long pause: “Yes”. (Sam)
2. Rosa: “Two steps forward and one step back is still one step forward.” (Patrycja)
3. Amy: “I never told anyone because I felt like maybe I didn’t actually deserve my promotion, and I worried I wouldn’t get any more promotions if I spoke up, so….” Jake: “God, every time I think I understand how bad it is, it’s just way worse than I imagined.” Amy: “This kind of stuff has happened to literally every woman I know. I just wanted to help make it better for this one woman.”(Mads)
4. Holt: “Freeze! NYPD!” Ernest: “Is that Raymond Holt I see? You haven't changed one bit.” Holt: “Neither have you Ernest.” Ernest: “What?” Holt: “Neither have you Ernest!” Ernest: “WHAT?” Holt: “NEITHER HAVE YOU ERNEST!” (Mads)
5. Jake: “Amy's just upset because the historically entrenched patriarchy has created a culture of victim shaming that suppresses any power shift in our masculine phallic system.” (Mads)
1. Sid: “In all fairness, a lot of people do die here. It’s like a horror movie without the suspense.”
2. Margaret: “Wow! Did you just get back from Oldchella?”
3. Hank: “This is the 5th story you’ve told today that doesn’t have a beginning, a middle, or an end.” Sid: “Yeah ladies, I feel like I’m watching Harry Potter. I’m not sure what’s going on and I’m not sure I care.”
1. Shannon: :Oh my God, Clem, the barista was not hitting on you.” Clem: “He was, Shannon. He kept smiling, making small talk. He called me Hot Vanilla.” Shannon: “Because that's what you ordered.” (Mads)
2. Rose: “You know what? I'm gonna take off my relaxation silks and put on my ‘what the hell did I do to deserve this’ pants!” (Mads)
3. Shannon: “I honestly think that that whole getting his head stuck in a banister thing was it was a real wake-up call for him.” (Mads)
4. Linda: “Can I get the steak?” Freddy: “No. You know the drill. Chicken or cheaper.” (Mads)
1. Eddie: “Mom, I don’t think this is how a principal is supposed to behave.” Jessica: “Shadow principal.” Eddie: “A shadow principal who puts too much pressure on her son and now he’s terrified to lose.” Jessica: “I only want him to be the absolute best at everything he does all the time. Is that so wrong?” Eddie: “Yes, Evan needs to learn to chill or he won’t be able to roll with the punches when things don’t go perfect for him.” Jessica: “Chillin’ is just giving yourself permission to fail. That might be your technique but it’s not mine.” Eddie: “Well your methods just sent Evan running into the boys’ locker room. He hates that place. He usually changes in the car.”
2. Jessica: “That’s how it starts. It goes arcade, pool hall, drug corner, 7-10 in the pen.” Eddie: “3-5 with a good attorney.”
3. Jessica: “We’re not getting HBO. If I want to see Italians being ruthless, I’ll just watch the boys playing Super Mario Bros.”
4. Jessica: “Teach me how to run.” Honey: “Oh no, who’d you kill?”
5. Louis: “Being an adult, and especially being in an adult relationship, means not giving up when things get hard.” Eddie: “Being an adult sucks.” Louis: “Yep, but not always, and having a partner who pushes you to be better makes it suck less. Look at your mother. I never would have achieved my dreams if it wasn’t for her pushing me. She’s a strong, incredible woman. She’s our rock.”
6. Louis: “The Golden Prune and connecting with my son on the same day? What did I do to deserve this?” Eddie: “I’m gonna need you to take it down like 50%.” Louis: “I can give you 10 but that’s it.”
1. Kick: “Wait. You hacked the DMV and you didn’t fix my speeding ticket?”
2. James: “Is this some kind of reunion? All the kids you rescued get a free trip to Palm Springs.”
3. James: “I thought maybe we could help.” Kit: “I must have missed the Bat signal. You get the Bat car and I will get my cape.” James: “It’s the Batmobile actually.”
1. TC: “Hey, we lost Nuzo. We’re not gonna lose Thomas. Wherever he is, whatever it takes, we’re gonna find our boy.”
2. Katsumoto to Magnum: “I was wrong. You and Higgins are equally annoying.”
3. Rick to TC: “First of all, I can’t believe you know what Spanx are. I’m very disappointed.”
4. Higgins: “There have been absolutely no withdrawals in the last 12 hours whatsoever, so that leads me to think that it’s possible this wasn’t about money.” TC: “Let me stop you right there. This is definitely not about money because Thomas doesn’t have any.”
5. Juliet: “Has anyone ever explained karma to you?”
1. Katherine: “What's going on? What is it?” Eddie: “I want to come home. There's nothing I want more, but I promised you no more lies, so there is something I need to tell you.” (DarkUFO)
2. Maggie: “Everyone responds to tragedy in different ways. It's never just one stone; it's a bunch of stones stacked up on each other.” (DarkUFO)
3. Gary: “Even after all this, you're still my best friend. Jon, you used to say that everything happens for a reason which I thought was ridiculous. But I found that reason. You would have loved her. Maybe she's right. Maybe I tried to save her like I couldn't save you. I wish I could have saved you. I'm sorry I didn't. I just want to say the one thing I never got to say. Goodbye.” (DarkUFO)
1. Pride: “What’s happening here is blackmail. None of it’s on you and a lot more innocent people are going to get hurt unless we stop Norman Wong.” Hannah: “I don’t want the team to get caught in the crossfire. I need to do this alone.” Pride: “Not your choice to make. We’re in this together, no matter what.”
2. Hannah: “Arrest history?” Gregorio: “Drunk and disorderly, some misdemeanor drug charges.” Chris: “In New Orleans, we call that Tuesday.”
3. Hannah: “Oliver Crane was a journalist?” Gregorio: “That’s a word for it. He prefered sound bites and sensationalism over facts.”
4. Hannah: “Are you threatening me, Mr. Wong?” Wong: “No, threatening a federal agent is a felony. I’m offering you some valuable advice.” Hannah: “And what is that?” Wong: “We all have secrets. I’ll respect yours if you respect mine.”
1. Lila: "What's going on with Amy? Is she symptom free?" Brad: "No. Hell no. She's connected to the rest of them somehow. She's stronger, faster, psychic. She's not listening to me." Lila: "That's not the virus. That's puberty." Brad: "I know. Which is also catastrophic." (Prpleight)
1. Lucy, reading what Tim wrote in his prediction about her plainclothes day: “Officer Chen second-guessed every decision she made.” Tim: “The whole point of me doing this was to get under your skin.” Lucy: “Clearly you did, sir.” Tim: “Yeah, until the end, because when it really counted you put everything on the line and made the right call.” (Ellys)
2. Nolan: “I'm just so focused on being seen as a man of action, not some cop who's half out to pasture.” Talia: “You want my advice? Stop trying to be like the other rookies 'cause you're not. Jackson is 20 years from having his first colonoscopy, and Lucy's never even owned a pet. You're a grown man, so stop treating that like a liability and treat it like what it is: a strength. Sure you can be annoying and you talk way too damn much. But you also listen...to people's troubles, to their complaints, and that type of empathy can't be taught.” (Ellys)
1. Will: “Tracy Freeze is already riding me really hard because of all my pronunciation slip-ups like when I botched ‘thunder.’ “ Angie: “It is really weird how you call it "thundle".” (Mads)
2. Poppy: “You never tried fun?” Douglas: “Well, there's a game on my phone where you try to make squares.” (Mads)
3. Tracey: “Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go pick out tonight's murders.” (Mads)
4. Graham: “Is he okay? I thought my strongest muscle was my heart, but apparently, it's my right bicep.” (Mads)
5. Angie: “All right, we just need to find some dude stuff for you guys to bond over. I mean, how about mowing grass?” Graham: “We don't have a lawnmower.” Angie: “Uh, what about Pac-Man? Gossiping at the barbershop? Uh, putting food inside another food?” Emma: :Have you met a man before?” Angie: “Um, help me out here. Googling "boobs"?” Sophie: “Okay, gendering things might be outdated, but you are really bad at it.” Owen: “Angie, can I talk to you for a second over by the toaster?” Angie: “Oh! Toaster! Hot stuff! Toast? Bread? Boxers or briefs?” (Mads)
6. KBS: “I really like how you yelled at everyone like that. I got daddy issues. I was into it.” (Mads)
1. Ryn: "I meet Maddie with Ben." Susan (Maddie's Mother): "Oh. Okay. Maddie really seems to love that Ben." Ryn: "Yes. Ben is love." Susan: "Oh. That's sweet." Ryn: "I would like to make love with Ben and Maddie." ~~~Most mother's don't even want to hear about their kid's traditional sex life. Susan's reaction was priceless. (Prpleight)
1. Maya: "I hate that him sidling up means you sidling up too." (Mads)
2. Ray: "Who said 'Supreme Ruler?' " Dylan: "[Beep] keep my name out of your mouth." (Mads)
3. Ray: "The bear's watching us." Kenneth: "Mhm, keep smiling so it doesn't suspect." (Mads)
4. Kenneth: "Wasn't that suspicious? How weird are we normally?" (Mads)
5. Maya: "The fact is, I think New York is going to have to get ready for you." (Mads)
6. Maya: "Maybe I blacked out like the time I graffiti'd 'Ray's mom is hot' on my own car." (Mads)
1. Will: “Ray, I’m too bruised to bro out.”
2. Will: “Well the good news is it’s a through and through.” Frankie: “And the bad news.” Will: “There doesn’t always have to be bad news.”
3. Boss: “Why the 2 am emails to the other agents requesting suggestions for your break-up playlist?” Will: “I was leaning a little hard on the Bonnie Tyler. I thought I could use some fresh eyes.”
1. Mary: “Sheldon, hang up the phone. It's dinner time.” Sheldon: “Be right there, Mom. I'm doing battle with corporate America.” (Julia)
2. Sheldon, meeting his teacher at the grocery store: “This is strange, I never think of you as existing outside of school.” Teacher: “Well, it turns out I do.” Sheldon: “And you're here buying food.” Teacher: “I am.” Sheldon: “Fascinating.” (Julia)
