A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
1. Bernadette: "Remember, I'm leaving you with two babies. I expect to see two babies when I get back, and they better be the same two babies because I'll know."
2. Howard: "I think I'm capable of babysitting." Bernadette: "Don't call it babysitting; they're your children. It's called parenting." Howard: "What's the difference?" Bernadette: "You don't get paid."
3. Sheldon: "No offense, Howard, but I don't want to spend my weekend around your loud, sticky babies." Howard: "You can't insult my kids. I am offended." Sheldon: "No, you can't be. I said 'no offense.' That's like 'no backsies' but for offense."
4. Raj: "So, you really think you can trick Sheldon into liking babies?" Amy: "I slept with him. I married him. You want to bet against me?"5. Leonard: "Just tell me the truth, Mother. Was my whole childhood just one big experiment?" Beverly: "Of course not, dear. It was thousands of small experiments." (Julia Krassnik)
Black Lightning
1. Jen: "He loved me weirdness and all. We all deserve love like that."2. Lala: "The past is always tense, but the future perfect."
Jefferson: "Who said that?"
Lala: "Zadie Smith." (Prpleight)
Doom Patrol -
1. Cyborg (re: Elliott): "We do not kill kids." Cliff: "Or burn books. He’s both!" (Popcultureguy)
Fam -
1. Shannon: "That's insane. It's only one night. I can be here alone." Clem: "The Purge is only one night. And a lot of people end up dead at the end." (Prpleight)
2. Shannon: "It's only one night. I can be here alone." Clem: "The Purge is only one night. And a lot of people end up dead at the end."
3. Shannon: "If I wasn't responsible, would I have spent the whole last summer cleaning up the park?" Clem: "That was court-mandated."
4. Clem: "What do you think, Nick?" Nick: "I mean, maybe my mom has a point." Walt: "Besides, what's she gonna get into? Even bigger overalls?"
5. Nick: "I got to be honest, I thought that seafood tower was gonna be a little bit taller. I mean, come on, chef, add some prawns, you know what I mean?"
6. Shannon: "Full disclosure, since I'm all mature now and whatnot: some beer spilt on the couch." Clem: "Okay. Thank you for being honest with us." Shannon: "Even fuller disclosure: the beer used to be in Elizabeth's stomach." (Mads)
Good Girls -
1. Rio: "You want to get down in the dirt so bad, but you want to keep your hands clean."
2. Ruby: "Where'd you get that?" Annie: "Off one of those little carts." Ruby: "Those are for patients." Annie: "The cafeteria was closed." Ruby: "You stole a sick person's food." Annie: "The cafeteria was closed."
3. Beth: "How do you know it hasn't already been sent?" Ruby: "On SVU they don't send the evidence until they have something to match it too." Annie: "But that's not what they do on CSI." Beth: "What do they do?" Annie: "Well, the lab is their office..." Beth: "But that show's been on for so many seasons that could have changed..." (Ellys Cartin)
The Other Two -
1. "Brooke: What's the part?" Carey: "It's a gas station attendant who gets his ass eaten. It's a three episode arc." Brooke: "Is this for that Ryan Murphy miniseries about the woman who sues McDonald's?" Carey: "Yeah, American Crime Story: Hot Coffee."
2. Brooke: "I need another drink and make it a triple." Waiter: "You were drinking wine." Brooke: "Yeah, I want a bottle of wine."
3. Paul: "Maroon 5 doesn't suck?" Brooke: "Of course they suck. That's like their whole point."
4. Waiter: "Do you need me to call the police? What did this man do?" Brooke: "Yes. He posted mean jokes about brother online six months ago." Waiter: "I can't call the police for that." Brooke: "Then he screenshotted the jokes and posted them again." Waiter: "I'll call the police."
5. Curtis: "Who got it?" Carey: "Frankie Grande. He brought someone to eat his ass at the audition." (Mads)
Proven Innocent -
1. Violet: "70% of wrongful convictions of women are in cases where there was no crime to begin with. Which makes it difficult to exonerate them because there is no real killer to be found."
2. Madeline: "Hey, I know you're pro-life, but this is a religious bias case. A white woman never would have been charged with this. Fetuses are found in trash cans a lot, sadly, but the women are always charged with improper disposal of a fetus. Never murder. Never!"
3. Madeline: "Sarah is being used as a tool by political advocates to punish women for having an abortion when the irony is, she didn't even have one. If protecting life is the goal of the state, why aren't we protecting this woman's life as well?"
4. Bodie: "As a gentleman I won't ask, but as a pervert I gotta know everything." (Mads)
The Rookie -
1. Hutchinson: "We were all gangsters back then, son. Criminals and Five-o alike."
2. Chen: "Hypothetically, is there ever a scenario where we just, you know, give them what they want? Where we, you know, balance one life against the lives of many lives and make that hard call." Bradford: "That call isn't ours to make. We're here to serve and protect, we don't get to decide who we serve or who protect." Chen: "So you're willing to die for that guy?" Bradford: "I am unwilling to let fear make me do something i'll be ashamed of in the light of day." (Ellys Cartin)
Roswell, New Mexico -
2. Isobel: “Here’s what I need. From now on, I make the decisions about my own life, okay? Because as it turns out, you two suck at it.”
3. Maria: "She raised me to love myself. The sound of my own voice, the way I crazy dance, the color of my skin when I literally thought we were the only black people in the world." (Prpleight)
Speechless -
1. Maya: "Thanks so much for your help with my bank loan application. I sent it in with some creative interpretation of collateral. I'm talking to you Banksy original."
2. Ray: "In a sense there were waterslides that day. Ray's cheeks: must be this sad to ride."
3. JJ: "What are you not sensitive about?"
Kenneth: "Is this about me being sensitive with everything? You know I'm sensitive about that."
4. Kenneth: "Did you talk to my second wife? You're starting to sound a lot like her and you don't have the ass to pull it off."
5. Maya: "I'm looking forward to it."n Ray: "I'm looking five-word to it." Maya: "I'm looking five-word... two it."
6. Jimmy: "You bring a bad boy into the house I'm going to show him my vacuum."
7. JJ: "I love you." Kenneth: "I love...your car." (Mads)
Supergirl -
1. Supergirl: "Everything I do means something to people. So, if I stop the satellite, I’m aligning myself with The Elite. And on the other hand, if I let the launch happen what does that say to the Children of Liberty? Why does it feel like there are only two choices?" Alex: "Aren’t you on your own side?" Supergirl: "Yes….alone. Sometimes it feels like I’m…" Alex: "Screaming into the void? Something my sister said. Look, you can only do what you feel is right."
1. Supergirl: "Everything I do means something to people. So, if I stop the satellite, I’m aligning myself with The Elite. And on the other hand, if I let the launch happen what does that say to the Children of Liberty? Why does it feel like there are only two choices?" Alex: "Aren’t you on your own side?" Supergirl: "Yes….alone. Sometimes it feels like I’m…" Alex: "Screaming into the void? Something my sister said. Look, you can only do what you feel is right."
2. While fighting with Manchester Black, Alex overpowers him and tosses the space suit at Supergirl and simply says, “FLY.”
3. Alex [in the van after they’ve defeated The Elite and destroyed the satellite]: "Look, Officially I know that we’re really not supposed to communicate and I’m not saying you can show up whenever you want. But, well, occasionally, time to time – maybe we could…" Supergirl: "Kick ass the way we used to?" Alex: "Something like that." Supergirl: "I would really like that." (Donna Cromeans)
1. Teacher: "Do you have any experience with stringed instruments?" Sheldon: "Stringed instruments, no. String theory, yes. That was a joke. I'm a joker."
2. Pastor Jeff: "Let me tell you about another Mary who didn't know how to tell her husband she was expecting. And her story is way weirder than yours."
3. Mary: "Sheldon's learning to play the violin." George: "Oh. Well, that's unfortunate."4. Sheldon: "I'm currently a Baptist and I'd like to convert to Judaism." Rabbi: "And why do you want to convert?" Sheldon: "Very simple. It's my intention to become a great scientist and I couldn't help but notice most of the great scientists are Jewish, so logic dictates it's time to switch teams."
5. Sheldon to his mom: "I just thought you should know I'm not going to be Jewish. I'm going to remain the atheist Baptist you've come to love." (Julia Krassnik)
