A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
Black Lightening -
1. Jefferson: "So my hot headed sixteen year old daughter is a walking nuclear bomb?" Gambi: "Not nuclear, Jeff, but like Perenna said she is powerful. Extremely powerful." Jefferson: "After all she's been through I'm not sure she's stable enough to keep her abilities in check." Jennifer: "Dad? You do know Anissa taught me to read lips, right. So, thank you for your vote of confidence. I appreciate it." (Prpleight)
1. Rosa: "All we have to do is figure out what kind of person can walk by cameras without being seen." Jake: "Someone camouflaged as a wall." Rosa: "Unlikely." Jake: "Harry Potter and his invisibility cloak." Rosa: "Not a real person." Jake: "Babadook." Rosa: "Doesn't exist." Jake: "What about a Looper situation?" Rosa: "It's not a Looper situation." Jake: "It could totally be a Looper situation!" Rosa: "It's not a Looper situation."
2. Rosa: "The CSI guys! Franco said he had 14 techs, but didn't you count 15?" Jake: "I did count 15! My math was right! Suck it, Mrs. Skanga! She was my Algebra II teacher. She threw a protractor at my head." Rosa: "She sucks." Jake: "She sucked! Actually, she was very sweet. She believed in me."
3. Jake: "Good morning Rosa, I see you're still going out with Edward Scissorhands."
4. Jake: "My goodness, did Mother Gothel finally let you out of the tower to see the lanterns that fly for your birthday?" (Mads)
Bull -
1. Bull: “I think I found the one - a free spirit, doesn’t hold a grudge. Please don’t tell me she’s a serial killer with men buried under her house.”2. Bull: “Can’t a man wallow in self-pity without his employees barging in and pelting him with hope. People take all the fun out of feeling bad.”
3. Benny: “You know what they say about the first 48 hours.” Bull: “Yeah, I watch cable TV.” (Dahne)
Chicago PD -
1. Voight: “Obviously we’re all very happy Kim and Haley are okay. Look, what happened today it cannot happen again. We don’t take those kinds of risks. The object of this game it’s simple: we come home alive. There’s never going to be a case or a criminal that is going to trump that. Ever.” (Jessica VanWinkle)
Doom Patrol -
1. Cliff [to Larry]: "Hey, what was it like getting buried in a pyramid with your cat?" (popcultureguy)
Fam -
1. Kyle: “Hey, I’m here to see Shannon.” Nick: “Sorry man, not happening.” Kyle: “Bro, I don’t think you understand. Okay, she sent me the eggplant emoji. It’s basically the Bat signal.” Nick: “If you don’t leave right now, I’m gonna send you the cut-up cucumber emoji. Bye-bye.”2. Shannon: “Look, I really appreciate you guys letting me live here. I do, but I also need my privacy and I don’t think that’s such an insane request.”
3. Nick: “Forgive me if this comes off as rude, but who the hell are you?” (Dahne)
Fresh Off the Boat -
1. Honey: “Timid hearts, soft hands, can’t lose.”2. Evan: “Holy smokes, that’s what boys have been doing?” Emery: “Yep. It’s a full-blown romantic arms race.”
3. Louis: “Hey Eddie, you can work on the 14th. You’ve got nothing going on, right? Big delivery day. Couples who stay in aren’t making dinner. They’re making hot….memories.” (Dahne)
1. Bailey: "I didn't even expect you to survive your intern year." Alex: "What?" Bailey: "I'm saying I'm proud of you, Karev."
2. Meredith: "You have a sister now so if that bully gives you any trouble I've got your back."
3. Koracick: "My money's on throuple." Teddy: "Throuple?" Koracick: "Oh my god there is so much I have to teach you."
4. Jo: "How is it we spend every day saving lives and we can’t keep a stupid houseplant alive?" Alex: "We just need a plant that doesn’t need sunlight or water." (Mads)
MacGyver -
1. Riley: “I want details.” Desi: “Why?” Riley: “Because you bailed on people who were counting on you and I need to make sure you’re not gonna do that again.”2. Desi: “At the top of the hour, DJ something or other will start broadcasting the RFID frequency for the rest of the day. Just one dull, monotonous sound, not unlike their current playlist of adult contemporary.” Boser: “Hey, I like adult contemporary.”
3. Mac: “Yep, I got a plan but it’s pretty crazy.” Riley: “You say that like it’s unusual.” (Dahne)
1. Craig: "Related prayers all come out together bundled, it's a way to speed --" Eliza: "What do they say!?" Craig: "Oh, well, you know, 'Please save me,' 'Please save me,' 'Please save me,' 'Save me,' 'Please save me,' ... 'Please... kill me.' That's pretty chilling." (Mads)
Mom -
1. (After a waiter mistakes Bonnie and Christie for a couple) Bonnie: "I'm just flattered he thought I could land a woman half my age." Christie: "You know you just made yourself 80, right?" Bonnie: "Or did I just make you 20?" (Ellys Cartin)
1. Iggy (talking to workaholic Bloom about her father): "You just described him as an emotionally closed off workaholic who was in complete denial that his personal life was on fire...Who does that sound like?"
2. Dr. Medrano: "She's the captain of a fishing boat." Max: "Seriously?" Dr. Medrano's mother (the patient): "You were expecting a peg-leg and a parrot?" Max: [chuckles] "No but that would be cool." (Donna Cromeans)
1. Publicist: "They’re saying the video is so five years ago." Shirley: "That’s the worst thing you can be."
2. Shirley: "Tomi Lahren just called it an affront to family values. The gays are back on board."
3. Shirley: "It’s coming down. The AV Club just said it’s 'no Moonlight.'” (Mads)
Proven Innocent -
1. Bellows: “If, in your crusade, you manage to free someone who’s actually guilty and then they murder someone or otherwise ruin innocent lives, then who’s the villain in your story?”2. Easy: “Fools give rise to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs.” Maddie: “I’m a sinner. I’m a saint. I do not feel ashamed. Meredith Brooks.” Easy: “I’m your hell. I’m your dream.” Maddie and Easy: “I’m nothing in between.” Bodie: “While I hate to break up this amazing rendition of late 90’s feminist alternative rock, we’ve got to get to court.”
3. Bodie: “They called it Charcoal Christmas. Looks like Lucia’s fire was an accident caused by faulty Christmas tree lights.” Easy: “Can we prove she owned them?” Bodie: “You mean did she run back into a burning house to save a box of receipts? Probably not.” (Dahne)
The Resident -
1. AJ: “Instead I’m focusing on resentment over what we currently do not have, let’s use today as an opportunity to celebrate what’s to come. AJ Austin. Doctor of love.” (Jessica VanWinkle)
1. Alex and Kyle find a hidden cellar door in the (formerly) Valenti family hunting cabin. Alex: "Okay, so this the point in the horror movie where the audience starts screaming 'No, don't do that.'." Kyle: "What's the worst thing we can find?" Alex: "What...Literal skeletons." What they find is a bedroom with feminine bedspread, dressing table, wardrobe; a room made up for a female
1. Sophie: "I think I like-like Graham." Douglas: "How are you kids so emotionally available? When I was seven I had a job."
2. Graham: "Louisa, you're a ten. If you're up for it, I know a great place for a steak. If you're a vegetarian, there's a salad bar. Ranch dressing thick as wet concrete. So be mine, you gorgeous dame." Louisa: "Glory be!"
3. Will: "Look, if anybody can capture the voice of a 40-year-old woman, it's me." (Mads)
4. Will: "So Angie, cooking a romantic meal for Owen, huh? I see you're making him frozen turkey, light-bulbs, pre-sliced radishes, and 12 boxes of condoms." Angie: "Did I say I have plans later or did I say I have PLANS later?!"
5. Douglas: "6:08, lights out." Amy/Emma: "What about dinner?" Douglas: "Ah, you can have it for breakfast."
6. Douglas: "You know, when I want to show someone that I care, I can count on a gift that's decorative and healthy --" Graham: "Fogerty, are you pitching me Edible Arrangements?! That's an easy out. But with Louisa there are no easy outs. Look at the card she gave me." Sophie: [reading] "Love is a puzzle, I've gathered the clues. Now I know the answer is Y-O-U." Douglas: "Terrific." Sophie: "And on the inside, there's, like, an 80-letter palindrome." Graham: "She's a genius of love, a master of riddles. I'm just a guy who still can't read a clock." (Michele)
Speechless -
1. Kenneth: "Good evening, Izzy. I’m Kenneth." Izzie: "Nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard so much about you." Kenneth: "Nothing bad I hope." Izzie: "Some of it was bad." JJ: [shrugs] Kenneth: "That’s fair."
2. Jimmy: "Would it help if I told you these are for my mistress?"
3. Dylan: "Sometimes I think you got the wrong sister but I got the right brother." (Mads)
This Is Us -
1. Kevin: "He's getting hammered in his leaky trailer with a gun sitting next to him on the table. And I...just offered him Pringles." Randall: "Pringles are pretty great." Kevin: "Come on. Don't be funny right now." Randall: "I'm not. I really like Pringles." Kate: "Randall."
2. Young Kate: "Dad said we could order our own pizza?" Young Randall: "YES!" Young Kate: "Hol-ly crap." Young Randall: [on the phone, deep voice] "Hi, I'm an adult. Can I order a pizza?" Young Kate: [laughing]
3. Nicky to Rebecca: "I wanted to be a writer. Then I wanted to be a doctor. Then I didn't want anything. I used to be a person. I...I wish I could be that person again...but it's been so long I- I don't think I can. [sniffles] Anyways, um. You drove a long way, so the least I could do was, um, tell you about Jack's tongue-and-groove fort. And, uh, you guys were all he ever wanted." (Michele)
True Detective -
1. Wayne Hays: [after having sex with Amelia] "Hell of a day when a gunfight is the second most exciting thing that happens to you."
2. Roland West: "We're backtracking the Purcell case. Got it down that you were the one who spotted the bag." Harris James: "No, I was the first to think I recognized it off the APB." Roland West: "Well, we've been wondering why it took two days to find that backpack." Harris James: "It took God six days to make the world. I can believe it took a bunch of GEDs two days to find a backpack." Roland West: "I thought it took God seven days to make the world." Wayne Hays: "He rested on the seventh. I always thought He should have put the extra day in instead of half-assing it."
3. Roland West: "You're a hard man to find. Where you been?" Dan O'Brien: "Time being what it is, I imagine you boys would rather I stick to what's relevant, which is that justice might finally be done for Lucy and her kids." Wayne Hays: "Gonna need you to make your fuckin' point, Dan." Dan O'Brien: "My point is, Tom goin' on TV, Julie bein' alive... there are questions you can't answer without information I know." Roland West: "You know somethin' you're not sayin', we can put you away right now." Wayne Hays: "Or we could take you someplace and kick the hell out of you until we're convinced you're as full of shit as you look to me." Dan O'Brien: "I want $7,000." Wayne Hays: "I want a boat." Dan O'Brien: "Y'know, it's clear from the news that ya'll don't any more now than you did then. You deliver to me that amount, you're gonna know a whole lot more. I imagine a whole lot of your confusion is just gonna clear right up." Wayne Hays: "You're workin' on getting your head bounced right of that fuckin' curb." Dan O'Brien: "I been gettin' the shit beat out of me since I was two years old." (DarkUFO)
