Schooled - Tamagotchi and Bells - Review: Students Come First

Remember tamagotchis? I don't think I actually ever had one but I wanted one for a while - until the next cool toy came along. Mr. Mellor gets his own tamagotchi, tons actually. He discards them from the student body when they become a major distraction and then forms an unhealthy attachment to all of his virtual pet children. Enough so he finds a sudden yearning desire to be a real father. All this is much to the chagrin of Charlie, whose advice goes in one ear and out the other.

You wouldn't think a gym teacher marching into the faculty lounge and asking for a woman to accept his offer of being a mother to his unborn child would go over well but Liz Fleming takes him up on it. But the only thing these two can agree on is naming the baby Charlie, after C.B., who has no desire to be any part of this insanity. Coach should have just stuck with the turtle.

Lainey is faring somewhat better on her end as she is actually beginning to really care about her students. One student is suffering from stress due to an overabundance of AP classes and an overbearing father. Lainey must go head-to-head with Alan Buchholz (Rob Riggle) to help his son get the opportunity to play the bells during a music recital - something he actually enjoys. But Buchholz won't be swayed so easily and he has a distaste for both music and Lainey. Principal Glascott finds it difficult to stand up for him, especially when an expensive new computer lab is on the line.

In comes Beverly Goldberg! Lainey's secret weapon for standing up to, well, anyone, but specifically a rude parent. Turns out, Glascott didn't need Beverly after all though. he finds his voice after a humorous covert operation gone wrong (Beverly's keyboard at home is different from the one at school so she struggles to type fast enough to keep up with the conversation. Buccholz is 8% colon if you must know.)

Alan attends his son's concert, because he doesn't want his son to fail the class - he needs straight A's to get into Princeton - and also because, deep down, maybe he really does want to see the little guy happy. And speaking of little guys, Coach doesn't get a new baby but now he knows he's ready for fatherhood. Just in time for all the kids to abandon their tamagotchis for Pogs!

FAVORITE LINES

Alan: Of course he's overwhelmed! I'm grooming him to take over my business! He's gonna make a lot more money as a CEO than a, what? A a town crier? "Hear ye, hear ye!" Those guys make about 40 grand a year, tops.

Glascott: I'm 7 Is that a 7? I'm 7% colon.
Alan: Well, I'm 8%. Doctor checked it last month. Said it's the most colon he's ever seen.

Glasscott: In fact, I wish I had more teachers like her. Not a lot more Maybe one.

ODDS & ENDS

- I'll continue watching this show but thus far I feel lukewarm towards it at best. I want it to be funnier, but I think I'm mostly sticking to it out of '90s nostalgia at the moment and because I'm a fan of AJ Michalka.

A new episode of Schooled titled I, Mellor airs January 30th on ABC.