A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the SpoilerTV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
1. Bull: “Is this another pro bono situation because frankly I’ve become such a pro at bono, I’m getting ready to start my own Irish rock band.”
2. Benny: “You two look like a pair of breathalyzer tests waiting to happen.”
3. Dr. Julia: “Again, there is no ‘my side’ of the story. There is what happened and there is what did not happen. There is truth and fact and there is falsehood. You can’t spin the truth, you cannot polish it up, or put lipstick on a pig, which is what I feel like you’re trying to do to me right now. I am what I am.”
1. Galvin: “And Harry, who's your ‘white person,’ went with them?” Macy: “Whitelighter, though both are technically correct.” (Mads)
2. Macy: “I keep a pair of sneakers lying around in case a zombie apocalypse occurs while I’m at work.” (Mads)
3. Alastor: “You dumb witches. You dare think you have the power to hold sway over me, Alistor the Dark Master, the Viscount of Malebranche, Executioner…” Macy: “Put a pin in it, Daenerys.” (Mads)
1. Luella: “You’ve made this house so secure I think the Marines are gonna roll up if I crack a window.” (Mads)
2. Fallon: “You know, I get the whole mother thing, but I have to admit, having Alexis back in my life hasn’t been a total nightmare. I mean she went to extreme lengths to get me my dream wedding venue, and she didn’t even rub it in my face after she ran a woman over for no reason. I mean that’s - that’s sweet… ish.” (Mads)
3. Fallon: “Liam and I are over which means that Serena van der Woodsen knock-off gets him.” (Mads)
1. Marvin: “But the 40th is different, Jessica. You begin to see life in an entirely new way. Like my old diesel mechanic used to say, ‘On that day, you're not over the hill. You’re on top of it.’ “
2. Eddie: “We’re sorry, dad. We made your 40th birthday all about us, but it’s supposed to be about you.” Louis: “Oh, it’s okay. Maybe I went a bit overboard. When you said my next milestone would be 50, I realized you boys will be out of the house. You’ll be gone.” Eddie: “Dad, no matter where we are, we’ll always come back to see you.”
3. Evan to Emery: “You’re the one who reminded him he’s the Cha Cha King of Taipei.” Eddie: “He’s the king of this? What kind of kingdom is this?”
1. John: “Okay, what's the craziest secret celebrity hook up?” Janet: “Drake and Ruth Bader Ginsburg, on and off for years.” (Mads)
2. Janet: “The more human I become, the less things make sense. But that's part of the fun, right?” Eleanor: “What do you mean?” Janet: “If there were an answer I could give you to how the universe works, it wouldn't be special. It would just be machinery fulfilling its cosmic design. It would just be a big, dumb food processor. But since nothing seems to make sense, when you find something or someone that does, it's euphoria. In all this randomness and this pandemonium, you and Chidi found each other, and you had a life together. Isn't that remarkable?” (Mads)
3. Eleanor: “Chidi tricked me into reading Paradise Lost by telling me Satan was, and I quote, ‘my type.’ A big, mean, bald guy with a goatee. I mean, he wasn't wrong.” Janet: “Oh, no. That's very on brand for you.” (Mads)
1. Lawrence: “You’ll be out here under the protection of Hutash, the Great Spirit Mother of the Chumash Indians. Let us never forget that we stole this land from them.” Joey: “How can we forget? You ruin every Thanksgiving with that bummer story.”
2. Eddie: “Hey, where are you going?” Wendi: “That’s exactly what I’m asking myself. I need to be with someone who wants what I want.” Eddie: “I totally do. Just explain again what it is and I’ll want it.” Wendi: “You can’t do it for me. You’ve got to want it for yourself.” Eddie: “Then I’ll want it for myself if that’s what you want.”
1. Magnum: “The thing about losing a loved one is that it makes you appreciate the people who really matter in life - Rick, TC, Kumu, even Higgins. It was devastating after I lost my family. All I can think about now is how lucky I am to have found another.”
2. TC: “What are you doing?” Rick: “Oh, I don’t want them to watch. You see...uh, they’re chickens and that’s a grill. That’s basically like an electric chair to them.” TK: “You’ve got issues.”
3. Luther: “Okay, his lips are moving but all I see is dollar signs coming out of his mouth. Does he know how much money he’s worth?”
1. Lord John: "A baby is expected. Memories are not. They...simply come." (Prpleight)
2. Brianna (to Lord John): "You are impossible not to like." (Prpleight)
1. Amy: "I've been kidnapped, shot at and chased, and the last thing I had to eat in 24 hours is churros and donuts." Brad: "No, you had a hot dog at the carnival." Amy: "And then you decided it would be a great time to pass out." Brad: "I didn't decided to pass out." Amy: "You said you wouldn't leave me." Brad: "I didn't leave you." Amy: "Passing out was leaving me. I thought you were dead." Brad: "I'm not dead." Amy: "Good. Cause you don't get to die, and you don't get to pass out, and you don't get to not have a plan." Brad: "Okay." Amy: "And you owe me a unicorn." Brad: "Fine. Fine. Do I get anything out of this deal?" Amy: "You don't leave me and I don't leave you." (Prpleight)
1. Sales Clerk: “Why don’t you get your hubby to drop by tomorrow so he and I can talk? It will take some explaining.” Mimi: “Unfortunately, the hubby is out of town and the wifey would like to surprise him when he gets back. So, why don’t you ring one up and deliver it by morning so I can build my own bomb shelter before he gets home. Did I explain that clearly enough for you?” Sales Clerk: “Yes ma’am.” (Mads)
1. Alex: “I spent the night with some old friends. It made me think about -- I don’t know, who I was when this started, when I went to war.” Michael: “Where I stand, nothing’s changed.” Alex: “Including the way you look at me. That’s a problem for me, Guerin, because every time you look at me I’m 17 again and I forget that the last 10 years even happened and then you look away and I remember all over again and it almost kills me every time.” Michael: “I never look away, not really.” (Mads)
1. Sonny: "This op wins the Sonny Quinn nightmare mission award. Swimming? Check. Freezing? Check. Climbing over sharp volcanic rock? That's a check. Getting shot at? Check. Now, last but not least sitting in a tube that's tighter than Shamu's keister. Check." (Prpleight)
2. Blackburn: "No, Master Chief, you will not! You will stay here and wait until the man that the United States Navy has given command of a billion-dollar boat to decides that he wants to talk to you. If and when that ever happens you will address him as a senior enlisted sailor is required to." ~~~We never get to see this side of Blackburn. (Prpleight)
3. Sonny: "Remember in Star Wars where Luke Skywalker and Chewie, Han Solo and Princess Leah, they jumped down that Death Star garbage chute? And they think it's pretty bad. Then all of sudden it gets worse?” (Prpleight)
1. Dylan: “What's the matter? Are you afraid of a little Mageddon?” Maya: “What?” Dylan: “Our Mageddon. The one you talked about if we ever fought? 'Cause, lady, this ain't just my Mageddon.” Joyce: “What does she think a "Mageddon" is?” (Mads)
2. Ray: “This girl told me that if she didn't date until she was 30, a witch would give her her parents back. Creative, right?” (Mads)
3. Dylan: “I am this house.” Maya: “She's in the walls. She's in the walls!” (Mads)
1. Alex to Kara about being mind wiped by J'onn too: "Let me save you this time." (Donna)
2. Kara to Alex: "The whole reason I became Supergirl was to save you." (Donna)
3. Alex, after decking Col. Haley for threatening her sister: "I had to do it." (Donna)
