A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the SpoilerTV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
1. Turner: “You think I'm a criminal. You said it yourself. And criminals belong behind bars.
Isn't that right?” Oliver: “I think that years ago, you saved Lyla's life. Now, I don't know if you can be that kind of hero again, but I think you deserve the chance to try.” (Mads)
2. Stanley: “Oh my God, you’re Shawshanking out of here.” (Mads)
3. Turner: “But the old Green Arrow, he wasn't the best. He saw the world in black and white, but now you, you know there's gray out there too. Maybe that makes you a better hero.” (Mads)
1. Harry: “Bottoms up. Harry’s Hair of the Dog.” Macy: “This is really working. What’s in it?” Harry: “I told you, hair of dog.” Macy, spits drink out: “That is a violation!” (Mads and Dahne)
2. Harry: “Sela is a highly regarded Egyptian fertility goddess. Practically royalty. Think Meghan Markle.” (Mads)
3. Maggie: “You guys, this is not the Beyhive I imagined showing up at our house.” (Mads)
1. Fallon, about Blake’s new engagement to Cristal: “Then what's the rush? I mean, the last one's barely cold.” (Mads)
2. Cristal: “Really? Google Translate? B**.” (Mads)
3. Fallon: “But I don't have feelings for him, Michael. I know that now. And I am all-in on us. I want us to get married as soon as we can, so I never have to be scared of losing you again.” Culhane: “Fallon.” Fallon: “Yeah?” Culhane: “I don't ever want to lose you either.” (Mads)
1. Lorna: “You weren't hiding me from him, you were hiding me for him.” (Mads)
2. Lorna: “You know what it was like, growing up in that crappy little town, knowing he was out there? I remember watching the news and they'd talk about the Brotherhood, and how he was a monster, you know, and all I could think was, the world hates him, but I hate him more.” (Mads)
3. Lorna: “I’d rather have her grow up hating me than not grow up at all.” (Mads)
4. Clarice: “Yeah, well, the only thing worse than doing something stupid and dangerous is doing it alone.” (Mads)
1. Ray: “Well, kid, I don’t know much but I do know this: good ain’t great. Great’s what you’re shooting for. You know, when it comes to affairs of the heart, great is what knocks you on your a** and lets you know that you can stop. Miles aside, if you’re happy with this Eli guy, fine. But if you’re just buying time, waiting for great to come along, you should do you both a favor and keep looking.
2. Ray: “My wife Abby died a year ago and for reasons that sound absolutely insane when you say it out loud, I think she sent your son to help me through it.” Arthur: “Oh, oh, does this have something to do with the God account?” Arthur: “Mmm hmm, yeah. A couple of months ago they sent him my name, now Graham’s, apparently a hell of a lot of people in between. You know I don’t know who’s behind it all, I don’t know why they chose your son, but I do know this. That kid’s making a hell of a difference.”
3. Miles: “You haven’t even given him a chance to…” Graham: “Why do I need to give him a chance? He’s the one who stole the last 10 years of my life from me.” Miles: “I get that. I do. But maybe his apology is a way for you to get chess back. You said you couldn’t understand how he beat you and not knowing made you question everything you thought you knew to be true - about you, about the game. Now you have your answer. You have the truth. Why not use this to reclaim what you lost?” Graham: “It’s too late. The truth doesn’t change what happened.” Miles: “But it could change what will happen. If you don’t at least try to forgive him, it might be a bigger mistake than the one he made.”
1. Mike: “Honey, you're a great mom and you want to protect your kids….but it has to be case-by-case. Sometimes maybe we do weigh in and sometimes we have to let these idiots make the dumb decisions they’re going to make and just hope for Divine providence.” Peggy: “Okay, that makes sense.” Mike: “What? Really? You mean I won one?”
2. Eddie: “I’d been cooking up all these plans in my head about you and me having, you know, s-e-x, but it hadn’t even occurred to me to talk to you.” Wendi: “Well if you keep spelling out the naughty words, it might be a very long talk.”
3. Mike: “Whoa. You’re talking to Eddie’s girlfriend about our s-e-x activities?” Peggy: “Wendi is a very smart, modern young woman.” Mike: “If she’s smart, what’s she doing with Eddie?”
1. Raf: “You got a sec?” Lizzie: “I have a lot of sex. I mean time.” (Mads)
2. Alaric: “Is this about Landon? Because you can't let this get personal.” Hope: “The political is personal. I learned that in Advanced Civics, taught by you.” Alaric: “That's cheating.” (Mads)
3. Alaric: “What if we don't take the deal?” Dryad: “Trees are patient. Humans are not.” (Mads)
1. DIrector: “We believe Specimen 234 went missing during an incident in the lab yesterday.” Jack: “Incident? You do know that’s how horror movies start, right?”
2. Boeser: “So the infected rats of NIMH escaped their cage.”
3. Jack: “What in the hell is going on in here?” Boeser: “We couldn’t decide on what to order for lunch, so we’re settling it with a plank contest.” Mac: “Yeah, whoever holds out the longest gets to choose.” Jack: “Sounds like some millennial fun right there.”
1. Rome: “Last night you mentioned someone you lost that you couldn't save. I just want you to know whoever it was, you might not have been able to save them, but you sure as hell saved me.” (DarkUFO)
2. Eddie: “Regina, I am crazy for this caprese and this truffle mac is totally wack.” Regina: “It amazes me that you convinced two women to sleep with you.” (DarkUFO)
3. Maggie: “This wasn't supposed to happen.” Gina: “Yeah, sweetie. I know; cancer sucks.” Maggie: “No, not that -- the cancer, this. This wasn't supposed to happen. I was just supposed to go to a support group and live my life to the fullest until I couldn't. And then I met Gary. I didn't think that a guy that I hooked up with in a church bathroom would lead me to friends who would support me in living my life the way I want to live it.” Rome: “Then why are you pushing us away?” Maggie: “Because I can't do this. I can't hurt you.” (DarkUFO)
1. Murphy: “I’ll be taking a look at the troubled relationship President Trump has with our allies Justin Trudeau and Emmanuel Macron. That would make a good screwball comedy, wouldn’t it? We can call it “Two Men and a Baby”?” Julius: “And there goes our last Republican viewer…” Miles: “Just couldn’t help yourself could you, Murphy? Seconds from the end of a terrific show and you had to take a sarcastic swipe at the president.” Murphy: “I know, I know. And I sort of regretted it the second it came out of my mouth. But ever since this guy has been in in the Oval Office I developed a kind of Tourettes.” (Jules Krassnik)
2. Avery: “You know I really wish you [and Trump] would work out your problems. Have you considered couple’s therapy?” Murphy: “You know, it’s too late. It’s over. I got the house and the car; he got the hairspray.” (Jules Krassnik)
3. Murphy, changes the channel: “Oh here we go!” Avery: “What is that?” Murphy: “Hoarders. Oh my God! People afraid of throwing stuff away wind up buried under mountains of their own garbage. It destroys their lives. It’s brilliant!” Avery: “This is coming from a woman who has a basement full of TV guides.” Murphy: “I haven’t finished all the crosswords yet!” (Jules Krassnik)
4. Murphy: “I guess when you major in journalism these days you have to minor in kickboxing.” (Jules Krassnik)
5. Corky: “I know I said I hope Frank’s back in his chair soon but I wouldn’t mind taking care of him just another few more days. Maybe this sounds weird but he is so weak and helpless right now, he is almost bald. I look at him and think: This is the closest I’ll ever come to having a baby.” (Jules Krassnik)
6. Corky: “Firearms for your birthday are a tradition in my family. So is shooting out the candles. Although, the older you get the more you have to reload.” (Jules Krassnik)
1. Callen: “I don’t like that guy.” Sam: “No, I’ve seen better allies on Survivor.”
2. Kenzie: “Luanne, we are NCIS and we would like to ask you some questions.” Luanne: “Well it’s about time, I can’t look at one more of these magazines. Spoiler alert - no one wore it best.” Kenzie: “They never do.”
3. Deeks: “These people may think this is paradise, but I’m pretty sure this is Dawn of the Dead, except for all these zombies are wearing deep V’s.”
4. Deeks: “Kenzi, why all of a sudden does it sound like you’ve lived a hard life of menthols and disappointment?” Mrs. Deeks: “Save it for my eulogy.”
1. Max: “It’s my sister’s heart. We have to save it.” Floyd: “No. We have to save Sarah. And the only thing that’s going to do that is a new heart, because the old one is out of time.” (Mads)
2. Sarah: “Right after my transplant, my dad asked me what I'd wanna do if I could do anything. I said I wanted to be a pirate. So, my parents sold a car, got a loan, and we spent a month on a boat in the Bahamas. It was insane. We couldn't afford it, but at the end of the surgery, I always thought maybe it was Luna. I have to tell you, Luna's heart didn't always have the best taste in guys, but it skipped a beat when she met Andy. It's like she picked him out just for me, and Luna learned what it felt like to be in love. I have a job where I help people. I've been all over the world. I ran a half-marathon even though people told me not to. Last year I won a watermelon-eating contest, which is a real thing and I love them. That's why it's okay it's time for me to go. Your sister, she gave me a beautiful life.” Max: “It's the other way around.” (Mads and Dahne)
1. Marshall: “Whatever happens, I cannot be a burden. It’s not my style. You do not have to take care of me.” Conrad: “It’s what I do, Dad.” (Mads)
2. Bradley: “He’s thinking about screaming kids, mortgage payments, the dad bod.” Irving: “It’s a wedding, not a funeral, dude.” Bradley: “The dad bod’s inevitable.” (Mads)
3. Conrad: “I’m glad you came back. You’re my father, and I love you.” (Mads)
1. Veronica: “Don't you make me say goodbye to you, Archie Andrews. Because I don't wanna hear it back.” (Mads)
2. Alice: “Betty, there's no safer place for you now. The sisters protected me. They protected Polly. They'll watch over you now.” (Mads)
3. Hiram: “I’m not a 16-year-old nerd playing games to live out my overactive hormonal fantasies. I'm not the Gargoyle King, because you know what? That's not a real thing. Nor am I the murderer that you and Betty Cooper are looking for. But if homicidal parents are what you're after, may I suggest Clifford Blossom? Hal Cooper? Tom Keller? And perhaps even your own father. They'd all make solid suspects.” (Mads)
1. Chen: “Never tell a crook where you hide your money.” Bradford: “Lucy?” Chen: “You told me to think like a criminal.” (Mads)
2. Bishop: “You were supposed to arrest him, not get in a brawl.” (Mads)
3. West: “Look, we can’t choose our fathers, but we can choose how we let them shape us.” (Mads)
1. Graham: “Mom always wanted to be in a metal band! She wanted to learn how to play guitar. But then I was born, and, as she put it, the fun died.” (Mads and Dahne)
2. Will: “By the way, did you have a thing for The Beast? 'Cause The Beast was getting a vibe.” Angie: “All right, calm down.” Will: “Uh-huh.” Angie: “Let's watch me get hit by the frond again.” (Mads)
3. Miggy: “So, how'd it go with Big Red?” Douglas: “Oh, she went home. After I told her I had to cut the date short, she very slowly nudged my glass of wine across and off the table. You know, like a cat.” Miggy: “Oh.” Douglas: “Never loved her more.” (Mads)
1. Madeline: “I will never forgive myself for what I did to you and Gabe, so I don’t expect you to. But, I am your mother, and if that could ever mean anything to you again…” Hannah: “I’ve gone my whole life without a mother. I don’t need one now.” (Mads)
2. Beth: “Please be the man I fell in love with.” Jordan: “That man is gone. He died with you.” (Mads)
3. Kayla: “Do not love me. You’ll just end up dead because that’s what happens to people who love me.” (Mads)
1. Negan: “This little window right here, is as good as a TV and I loved the sh** outta TV back when that was a thing.” (DarkUFO)
2. Gabriel: “It's bad enough I gotta to clean up your sh**. I shouldn't have to listen to it too.” (DarkUFO)
3. Negan: “You know I read something fascinating the other day. You know what a smell is? It's when odor molecules activate neurons in your nasal passages. So every time you come in here and change my bed pan and smell my sh**, something that was actually in my a** goes right up your nose.” Gabriel: “Shut up.” Negan: “I'm sorry, I never know exactly which eye I'm supposed to look at. It's a little bit distracting.” (DarkUFO)
