It's the penultimate episode of the season and we're still not done with the flashbacks that I honestly thought would last, like, one episode but now it's become the entire season, essentially. I liked the build-up, but I would have liked it more if they had done it much faster so we could get to the fun post-apocalypse battle I was hoping would be the main storyline of the season. But it looks like we're only going to get that in the finale. Instead, we're going to spend this episode once again building up the Outpost 3 storyline that went nowhere and means nothing. But some people died, and we got more super-Mallory, which I guess is interesting.
We're starting off with the Coconut Head twins. One of them is complaining about the world and how nothing works in it. He's very angry and, like The Joker, just wants to watch the world to burn. Moreover, he's not impressed with Michael's lack of initiative. Neither am I, friend. Miss. Venable makes another appearance to remind them of an upcoming Cooperative meeting. She presses them for information on them that she doesn't have but their lips are sealed. After all of her hard work, she's sick of not being allowed into their boy's club and quits right there. But fear not, this gave Blonde Moe an idea to fix all of their problems.
Mallory Christ is having trouble with her magic healing abilities. She can't bring a dead bird back to life. Cordelia and Myrtle tell her she's trying too hard, and she needs to relax. Mallory is worried about Michael coming, but Cordelia put a spell around the house to protect it from him. Oh, Cor. You keep saying that and you keep not being right. This time is no different. Meanwhile, the rest of the witches are working on strategies to take down Michael. But, the house protection spell is broken super fast by the voodoo queen, allowing Michael and Robot Mead to enter. He just straight up starts killing them, using Mead as his own personal terminator. Everyone goes down fast. So much for all that planning. Having taken care of all the witches downstairs, Michael goes upstairs to finish off Cordelia, Myrtle, and Mallory. But they've flown the coop.
Instead of trying to find them, he and Robot Mead just leave? He's all pissed off that he didn't kill all the witches. Lloyd and Blonde Lloyd are watching this entire exchange. How? Because they have a camera hidden inside Robot Mead. They can even control what she says. Using that, they try to convince Michael to come back to them and do what they say. He's convinced. Why? Just because. They tell him all about The Cooperative, which is actually the Illuminati, who are made of members who collectively control the world and have sold their souls to the devil, so they have to do as he says. That's convenient. Satan couldn't tell him about that? Maybe drop a hint during that four-day hunger trip? That would have solved Michael's existential crisis really fast. Anyway, they convince him to destroy the world by launching all the missiles in the world. But will that kill the witches? Because he really wants to kill the witches, you guys, in case that hasn't been clear for the last, like, five episodes.
I've become pretty disappointed in the way that Michael is being played out. He started off so strong in the first few episodes, but they've spent so much time with flashback Michael that I don't know who he is anymore. In the flashbacks, all he's done is do what people tell him to do. He's been a patsy for everyone else. He feels less like the all-power antichrist and more like a toddler that doesn't know how to walk yet and is relying on everyone to carry them around. I just want to go back to evil, strong, confident long-locks Michael, but now I'm having a hard time seeing how he makes that shift. Maybe the power is in the long hair?
Back to the witches, Cordelia, Myrtle, and Mallory have found refuge with Madison and Coco, the only other survivors. Where were they? Out counting calories for Madison? Cordelia is stuck in a nightmare of seeing all of her dead girls in the school, including Zoe and Queenie. Cordelia was trying to bring them back, but she couldn't. Madison tells her about how Michael can destroy souls entirely, and Cordelia straight up slaps her for not telling her about this sooner. Aw. It's not her fault. Man, I can't believe how likable Madison has become when she gets slapped and I don't believe she deserved it. Cordelia breaks down crying, desperate for something she can do to fix this. Mallory has an idea.
Myrtle tells them about witches being able to time travel. Wow, how convenient that Myrtle is just now telling everybody about this. It's as if it's supposed to be our Deus ex Machina or something. It's an ability that only certain witches have, and it looks like Mallory may have it, since she can turn back the clock on animals and stuff. Kind of a leap to go from that to turning back the clock on the entire world, though. The only catch is it will most likely end in the witch's death. But Mallory is willing to make that sacrifice to go back in time and save the clock tower coven.
We get a flashback within a flashback. It's the Romanoff family, facing what's about to be their execution. But Anastasia, who in this world is a witch, isn't about to let that happen. When they're taken to the basement, she uses her witchy abilities to protect her family, but only briefly. Her protection spell doesn't last long and they're all slaughtered. Myrtle and Cordelia want Mallory to do a test run and go back to 1918 and save Anastasia. They successfully send her back to 1918 right before the execution. She grabs Anastasia and tries to bring her back, but girl went back a little too close to the shots being fired and Anastasia is still killed while Mallory disappears. Cordelia and Myrtle have another heart to heart where Cordelia again doubts herself and Myrtle has to again prop her up. They talk about Fiona so much I was hoping to get another glimpse of Jessica Lange, but alas, just another in the latest string of disappointments this season.
Venable is gathering her things to go to a new job when the boys inform her that she can't go to another job because there aren't going to be any more companies because there isn't going to be any more world. She's all sounds fake but I'm listening. They tell her about the cooperative destroying the world and building a new world with new outposts in its place. They want to put her in charge of one of these outposts. She's on board. Yeah, we know.
That's it for this week guys. See you in the finale where Michael destroys the world and then Mallory just goes back in time and stop all of this from happening, rendering everything that happened in this entire season pointless. I mean, I'm guessing that's what happens. I'm still holding out hope for one last surprise that will make the season worth it. If not, maybe someone can turn back time and make this season better.
