A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
1. Brock: "Happy Halloween, bitch."
2. Coco: "Defile me any way you want. But a warning, I have a very short tongue and a sensitive gag reflex."
3. Coco: "Mallory, why are you molesting my lubes?" (DarkUFO)
1. Sheldon: "When you think about it, Lego is the perfect metaphor for marital congress: two pieces that interlock with a satisfying snap."
2. Sheldon: "I'm just worried that if I don't schedule our bedroom endeavors, then I may not think about them, and you'll grow cold and distant and seek solace in the arms of a heavily-muscled longshoreman."
3. Bernadette: "Don't you think this Twitter feud is a little silly?" Raj: "Absolutely not! It's two respected scientists debating opposing views in a public forum." (Jules Krassnik)
1. Wendell: "Can I do the honors when you become a skin muncher?" Jim: "Jesus, really? Nice bedside asshole."
2. John: "How the hell did they find us?" Strand: "Perhaps you were right. Perhaps we just needed to believe."
3. Jim: "I figure if I can't go down there and kill any of those Goddamn things, pissin' on them is the only FU I got here." (DarkUFO)
1. Beverly: "You will get married over my dead body, and shame on you for not even consulting your one true lady love of your life, which is me! You can't be a husband. You're still my baby Barry!"
2. Beverly: "Here's three dollars. I was so busy crying over your brother taking a child bride that I forgot to pack you lunch."
3. Barry: "We can live in some tiny shark tank-less apartment for all I care. As long as it's me, Lainey, and our four snuggly little kids." Beverly: "Okay there is no way I'm going to let...oh my God, did you say kids?!" Lainey: "Yeah, can you imagine all those cute little Barrys running around?" Beverly, Lainey, and Barry: "Awwwwwww." Lainey: "Wait, why is she awwing with us?" (Ellys Cartin)
1. Eleanor: “I’m a trashbag from Arizona, which is saying something. Our biggest exports are racist sheriffs and HPV.”
2. Janet: “One of them is hot enough to be on The Bachelor, and smart enough to never go on The Bachelor.”
3. Jason: “I've had a really tough year. Well, my year... started about a year ago.” (JW Phillips)
1. Dr. Carina DeLuca: "The desire for a prostate massage is absolutely normal, and if you have a simple conversation with your wife and explain your desire to her..."
2. Tabitha [patient eavesdropping on Teddy and Maggie's consultation]: "She's right, honey, that's not your sister."
3. Jackson: "You sound like me, I don't sound like me. It's embarrassing- I'm embarrassed." Maggie: "It's OK to change. Actually you should, you're alive. It's OK to evolve; it's OK to search for a deeper meaning." (Aimee T)
1. Annalise: "You know what, I'd rather be mansplained than lied to. Just tell me, I can handle it."
2. Annalise: "I need money." Frank: "You don't." Annalise: "I need money to retry my plaintiffs' cases." Frank: "You're the money, it's what I'm saying. It's you. Sometimes you just forget."
3. Annalise: "Do you even know who you are, Asher? Do you? Because all I see is a boy who people pleases and plays a clown. And that's not a good look for a lawyer, let alone a man." (Aimee T)
1. President Reiss: “Is it true you’re using a 19th century novel as some kind of codebook?” Meylan: "Yes, sir. Moby Dick." Reiss: "I hated that book." Meylan: "It is a bit of a slog, sir."
2. Lt. Maddie Rawlings: "She'll be fine. These old Hueys--you can't kill them. We're lucky this old girl was left outside in a field in Pensacola for the last 15 years." Chandler: "You don't say."
Chandler: "You may have hit us hard, but you didn't finish us. You want to know why? Because you can't." (Ellys Cartin)
1. Maggie: "I am so sorry, what is he doing here?" Gary: "Men get breast cancer, too. It is a real thing. It only affects 1% of us, but it got all of me. Believe me, I would have preferred ball cancer. Sorry, Joan. The boys are doing just fine in case you were wondering by the way."
2. John: "Friendship is holding a friend's hand when she loses her restaurant even though you know she's going to open up a better one. It's the person that you trust with your wallet, and your keys, and your wife, and your kids and it's being able to have the hard conversations and willing to listen. It's a million little things."
3. Roman: "If you hadn't called to tell me about John, I would be dead right now. I had a mouth full of pills when I answered that phone. And I know, I know, I know that sounds crazy. Because I have an incredible life, and I am married to the most amazing woman, but sometimes, I feel so hopeless. It's like I can't breathe, only I'm breathing. And I just think, you know, maybe if I just stopped it wouldn't hurt so much. And for the record, Gary, your eyes are hazel, and they're magnificent." (Mads)
1. Cam: "Mitchell is molding young Cal's brain while I handle the young boy's body." Mitchell: "It's amazing we're not in prison."
2. Claire: "Should we really give the dangerous job to my only smart one?"
3. Phil: "You lose 100% of the hot dog contest you don't enter." (JW Phillips)
1. Max: "Any department who places billing above care, no matter how much money you make this hospital, you will be terminated."
2. Max: "You know we all feel like the system is too big to change, but guess what, we are the system. And we need to change."
3. Floyd: "If I were you and I analyzed our performance I would have done the same." Max: "By performance do you mean the highest mortality and infection rates in New York City because that’s like, the Beyonce of performance, if Beyonce, you know, killed people." (Mads)
1. Miggy: "Your pants are making my baby cry."
2. Poppy: "Douglas, you are why we march."
3. Poppy: "Rory I'll wear your vest!" Rory: "You don't have the right torso for a vest, Mom. Stop trying to make it happen!" (Mads)
1. Adult Sheldon: "Not since sharing a uterus with my twin sister have I been so unhappy sitting next to someone."
2. Sheldon [attending a lecture at the university]: "Are you sure you don’t wanna stay with me?" Meemaw: "No thanks. I don’t really understand this stuff." Sheldon: "That’s how I felt when we watched Dirty Dancing and I stayed [anyway]." Meemaw: "When Patrick Swayze takes his shirt off in here I’ll be back."
3. Mary: "So Paige didn't make a good first impression, but that can change. What's that new Star Trek show? Next Generation? When that first came on, you said a new Star Trek without Dr. Spock could never be good, but I've seen you watching it." Sheldon: "Well, first of all, it's Mr. Spock. Dr. Spock writes books about babies." Mary: "My apologies." Sheldon: "And second of all, Paige isn't a TV show. She's a person, and we all know how I feel about people." (Jules Krassnik)
4. Sheldon: "I have training wheels like a child. I also have a job like an adult. I'm a very complicated person." (Ellys Cartin)
