A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
1. Stan: “I can't tell you how much better I feel just dealing with murderers, drug dealers, and corrupt politicians. I'm serious.” (DarkUFO)
2. Claudia: “What does she draw?” Elizabeth: “People, faces, I don't know. Kind of strange.” Claudia: “You don't like her work?” Elizabeth: “I don't know why people like her spend their life doing that. At least her husband is doing something.” (DarkUFO)
1. Henderson: "Do you trust me?" Lynn: "No. But I know Jefferson does. Now, I have to go set the record for speed interviewing defense lawyers." (Prpleight)
1. Diane: “Since when do people like mediocre content?” (Marine)
1. Samar: “It means that you’ll have to plead guilty to everything. Agree to counseling and the need for rehabilitation. But it also means that you will not be going to an adult prison. If you do the time and stay out of trouble, you could be out by the time you’re 21.” Anna: “21? How? Why would they do this for me?” Samar: “Because for the first time in a long time, someone is going to treat you like what you are - a child.”
2. Red: “To make a hate crime look like a robbery. Now I have indigestion.”
3. Howard: “Press them for details on this guardian angel.” Samar: “We could or we could forget we ever heard of her. Is it so wrong what she’s doing? These are adult men marrying children.” Howard: “It’s murder. That’s all our job description allows us to consider.”
1. Holt: “Now is not the time for stories about your digital squash, Perrolta!” (Marine)
1. Bull: “You know, I think those two have a future together.” Benny: “Wait a second. Are those tears? You crying, you big old softie?” Bull: “Excuse me. I believe you’re mistaken. These are not tears. Wasn’t it Tom Hanks who famously said, ‘There’s no tears in trial science?’ “ Benny: “No, I believe he was talking about chocolate.”
2. Benny: “Well I can’t speak for you, but Dr. Bull and I are here to talk about dismissal.” Peluso:” Dismissal? Well it’s good to have a dream.”
3. Bull: “Well what’d you get?” Danny: “The motherlode, pretty much. Although I think I did promise to marry the guy who got them for me.” Bull: “Excellent. Who doesn’t love a good wedding?”
1. Matt: “I know you think this is about my fear of change but it’s actually about my commitment to the things that I trust.” Kristy: “Ah okay, you’re the profiler, sweetheart but I think it’s about a better phone.”
2. Kristy: “You’re using the phone.” Matt: “Of course. This is the phone that saved your life.” Kristy: “So you’re saying I was right.”
3. Tara: “You can’t intimidate a federal agent so let’s just stop with the games.”
1. Jervis Tetch: "Must Go! Must Go! They're after me and The Scarecrow!" (Jaz)
1. Dylan: “Espouses and eschewing in one sentence is just showing off.”
2. Lizzie: “Wow, some religions reject Satan. They reject high school.”
1. Ronnie: “Oh man, the only thing worse than working for Jackpot is being fired from Jackpot. I mean, what do you even do after that?” Bernard: “You work for Greyhound.”
2. Alan: “What did I miss?” Bernard: “Just an opportunity to prove your life matters.” Alan: “Wow, my horoscope was dead on this morning.”
3. Bernard: “Don’t lie to me. You reek of citrus and deceit.”
1. Ava: “What are you doing?” Sara: “I’m admitting something that could save us both. I love you.” Ava: “There is no me to love.” (Donna)
2. Ray, as a young Barack Obama runs away from a giant gorilla: "Run, Barry, Run." (Sam)
3. Barack Obama: “Barack is what it says on my birth certificate.” Sara: "Yeah, you might want to hold on to that." (Sam)
1. Jack: “I think the very definition of unlucky is being in a situation where the only way out of it is to recreate something you saw in a kid’s movie.”
2. Mac: “And you know what, Riley has a good point. Dawn is a professional liar.” Bozer: “Mac, literally everyone we know is a professional liar, you included.” Mac: “Alright, good point.”
3. Bozer: “This can’t be used as a weapon, can it?” Mac: “Not a good one.”
1. Hetty: “Real bravery always starts in the heart.”
2. Sam: “You know there’s no way Hetty’ll let her fire you.” Callen: “She may lose that battle.” Sam: “Then we’ll both be out of a job.”
3. Sam: “Let me guess. She’s being elusive.” Callen: “Hetty and God work in mysterious ways.” Sam: “In Hetty, we trust.”
1. Roseanne: “All our lives suck, that’s why we put marshmallows on yams.” (Marine)
1. Rick: “Just tell me. Why'd you save me?” Morgan: “Because my son was there.” (DarkUFO)
2. Negan: “My wife's name was Lucille. She got me through. I didn't give her sh**, and she got me through. Just life...regular life. The bat, that got me through this. That's it, nothing more to do with me than that. But it is the last little piece of her that I got left.” (DarkUFO)
1. Karen, after kissing Malcolm via Smitty: “I think this is how Mike Pence and his wife do it ; through his personal trainer.” (Claire)
2. Grace: “I should be thanking you for inviting Master Sits and Farts to come and live with us!” (Shirleena)
