A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
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1. "What, a plane just crashed and some jackass is complaining about not getting his extra bag of nuts? No sir, not today." (Eve)
1. May: “I was a mom… I just… I can’t see it.” Coulson: “I can.” Daisy: "Yeah, you'd be that 'no phone, no TV, 7:30 curfew kind of mom. ...You're kind of proving my point with that face." (Jamie Coudeville)
The Alienist -
1. Kreizler: “That’s what I admire about you, John. You represent the good that people want to believe is in all of us. That’s why people like you more than they do me.”2. Sara: “I can’t decide whether they abhor our shape or crave another.” Maid: “They believe us to be delicate creatures, miss.” Sara: “Then to hell with them.”
3. Moore: “This is an unsavory neighborhood for a young lady.” Sara: “I’m not here on savory business and every panderer, mawk, lush, and billy noodle in this city pass through the doors of the police department, not to mention the mutton shunters that I work with. So please don’t concern yourself with my blushes.” (Dahne)
1. Esther: “Isn’t it great that Google pays for women to freeze their eggs?” Benji: “That’s for their employees, not if you just have a Google account.” (Claire Serowinski)
1. Martha: “I’m thinking of trying the polyamorous lifestyle.” Christine: “Oh, polyester is my favorite fabric!”
2. Christine: “Which of these dresses do you like the best for my TV interview?” Ken [via Skype]: “That tan one.” Christine: “Oh, you silly, that’s the blanket off of my bed!” (Claire Serowinski)
1. Pierce: "Don't mistake my patience for weakness, boy." (Naomi Anna and Prpleight)
2. Pierce: "I'm just gettin' back into this. A brotha needs all the exercise he can get." (Naomi Anna)
3. LaWanda: "When I was a student here you used to like to use quote to teach us. Well, I got one. 'Unless all of us are free, none of us will be free.'" (Prpleight)
The Brave -
1. Patricia: “You’re a born liar and a master manipulator.” Alex: “Now you’re just being nice.”
2. Alex: “Do you believe that if someone repents at the last moment of his life that all his sins are forgiven?” Preach: “I do. I also think if you wait around for the end of your life, you’re kind of missing the point entirely. One atones here in the present to enjoy a better future here. Now, contrary to popular belief, scripture’s not a how-to for getting into some kind of promised land in the afterlife. It’s a how-to for living here more abundantly.”
3. Alex: “Are you gonna be my handler or my shrink?” Patricia: “Both and more. I’m your partner. I’m your protector. I’m your parent and your priest.” (Dahne)
Criminal Minds -
1. VO: “It is impossible to suffer without making someone pay for it. Every complaint already contains revenge. Friedrich Nietzsche.”2. Garcia: “Are you flirting with me, because ‘e’ happens to be my favorite vowel?”
3. Rossi: “These men are the essential cause of our social ills and it is the reason they are today, tomorrow, and forever the disease and we are the cure.” Garcia: “They sure as hell ain’t talking about the band.” (Dahne)
1. Barry: "See you tomorrow." Iris: "Every tomorrow." (Naomi Anna)
The Goldbergs -
1. Lucy: “Mr. Glascott said that these dodgeballs have to go, no more violent games.” Coach: “No, not my dodgeballs, please don’t take my balls!” (Claire Serowinski)
2. Customer: "I've been waiting like two hours." Lucy: "I'm sorry, sir, but what number are you? [ding] That's right. You got me mad. You piss me off again, I'm gonna lose your paperwork, even though I have it right here."
3. Beverly: "John, we need to talk. I am outraged by the lack of Goldberg content in the alumni magazine." Lucy: "Uh ma'am, you can't just walk up into the head of school's office. If you want to make an appointment with this man, you have to make an appointment with me first. Now, come on, with your cute dress." Beverly: "New hire?" John: "Yeah, it's my sister. My actual sister." Beverly: "I like her." John: "Me, too." (Samantha Benjamin)
The Good Doctor -
1. Dr. Murphy: "Is breaking up with your fiance traumatic? I saw a woman get shot and everyone told me it was traumatic and that I should be going home. Should you be going home?" (Naomi Anna)
1. Dr. Murphy: "Is breaking up with your fiance traumatic? I saw a woman get shot and everyone told me it was traumatic and that I should be going home. Should you be going home?" (Naomi Anna)
1. Jo: “The good outweighed the bad, until it didn’t.” (Patrycja)
2. Jenny: "I'm gonna talk to the police, Paul. I'm gonna tell them every time you ever hurt me. Every kick, every slap. You put your hands around my throat last night, so that's not just domestic violence. That's attempted murder. Will you testify?" Jo: "Yes." Paul: "You sound crazy." Jo: "No, she doesn't." Jenny: "No, I don't." Paul: "Jenny, I'm the well-known physician, and you're nobody. All you're gonna do is throw your career in the garbage. No one's gonna hire someone they don't trust." Jenny: "No, I'm not gonna let you scare me into backing down again." Paul: "Scare you? I'm the one who should be scared. You're threatening me in a hospital bed. I-I'm defenseless. Please. Can we just talk?" Jenny: "Some very broken part of me still loves you, Paul, but let me be very clear I am never speaking to you again unless it's from a witness stand." (Samantha Benjamin)
1. Bonnie: “It’s too much for me sometimes too.” Annalise: “What is?” Bonnie: “You needing me. It’s the only reason you’re here right now.” Annalise: “No. We’ve always needed each other. That’s what our entire relationship has been about, Bonnie.” Bonnie: “No, our entire relationship is about an apology. You tore me apart on that stand and you felt so badly about it that you made me your charity case. You could have just said I’m sorry or wrote a check, but you pulled me into your life.” Annalise: “So you wish I hadn’t done that, huh?” Bonnie: “Maybe I’d be happier as a waitress because….this. Are you happy right now?” Annalise: “I’m angry.” Bonnie: “So am I.”
2. Asher: “Seeing your dog die can really mess with your head. Send you to some dark places, but you...you can’t go there. It doesn’t help anyone, dog included. So when you get that urge to hate yourself or to hate your life, you’ve got to bury it. Use food or sex or work or whatever, but...you know eventually it works and it may sound...uh, messed up or whatever but...it’s the only way I didn’t end up hanging myself like my dad.”
3. Annalise: “You go to Bonnie if it’s your great idea.” Frank: “I already did. She hates me.” Annalise: “Well, she hates me more and the feeling is mutual.” Frank: “You don’t mean that.” Annalise: “She almost tanked my class action case.” Frank: “And you fired her with an envelope. Look, you can either sit here, get drunk, and let that bitch keep Laurel’s baby or go apologize to the one person who can help us. You know that’s all she wants.” (Dahne)
Lethal Weapon -
1. Riana: “Dad, here’s what I need from you, and please be straight with me okay? I need to know. Is this as bad as it gets? Murtaugh: “No. It’s gets much worse. What- what you’re going through right now is, um, getting your heart into fighting shape for the guy that comes along that really matters." (Prpleight)
1. Schneider: “Well, we gotta do something. This is racist. Should we call the police, wait the army. No, Oprah! She’ll know what to do.” (Jamie Coudeville)
Scorpion -
1. Sly: “That’s just beneath you. Paige, I know bullies and a bully is someone who picks on somebody for no other reason but their own insecurity. That’s what you’re doing to Florence. You, Paige, you’re being a bully.” (Dahne and Prpleight)
2. Toby: “Unfortunately I left my ham radio and my Dick Tracy decoder ring back at my apartment.” Sly: “Well I have one in the garage under the ramp in my solar storm go bag next to my earthquake go bag and my financial collapse go bag.” Toby: “Sly, hey, remember our talk about the difference between obsession and preparation. Guess which way you’re leaning, buddy.”
3. Paige: “Ralph had a field trip there.” Sly: “How many trips does that kid go on?” Paige: “Too many.” (Dahne)
