Diane is a somewhat flat character on Black-ish. She has one trait – evilness. Two, if you count her hatred for Charlie. It’s hard to remember that she’s only ten, but the show reminds you that, in spite of all the jokes it makes about Diane, she’s still just a child. Dre’s and Bow’s parenting skills are put to the test when Diane stumbles upon something she isn’t supposed to watch.
In reality, the plot of tonight’s episode, “Their Eyes Were Watching Screens” could have been solved in the first act. When Bow catches Diane watching a porn video, she initially freaks, scolds Diane like a dog, and runs out the room. Once she realizes, however, that Dre’s going to be absolutely useless when it comes to talking to Diane, Bow steps up and gives a compassionate and understanding talk to her daughter. Diane explains herself and everyone walks away happy. Then, Bow’s and Dre’s coworkers completely ruin it.
Bow and Dre had a natural reaction, but their coworkers’ many comments about the one porn video “breaking” Diane push them into hysteria. It’s nice to see that Dre isn’t the only adult in the Johnson family that gets bad advice from his friends. Bow’s own coworker tells her that Diane probably isn’t going to be ok, but she’s the weird one anyways. Bow rushes home and she and Dre decide to do a little spying on their children.
They don’t like what they find. The Internet, which Dre has already labeled the greatest invention since LL Bean’s guaranteed return policy, is “ruining” their kids. Zoey’s posting sexy pictures on Instagram, Junior’s watching beheadings, and Jack’s addicted to Minecraft videos. Dre and Bow decide to first set up some parental controls. When the controls block the kids from looking at anything, the parents opt for the nuclear option and try to take away their devices completely.
Diane is perfectly ok with this. Since her experience with porn, she’s decided that no technology can be trusted (which should relieve Charlie, who’s thinking about going off the grid now that Diane has access to the World Wide Web). She counsels Jack to enjoy his innocence while he still can, and go outside and build some real fires for once instead of watching PewDiePie online. Jack trusts her. She’s gotten him this far in life.
Junior and Zoey are not so easily swayed. They both protest that they shouldn’t be punished for Bow’s and Dre’s parenting crisis. Junior tells his parents that he was watching beheadings on CNN, because that’s the news these days. Zoey tells them that she just posts pictures on Instagram to get back at an ex-boyfriend, and that Dre and Bow are the last people that should be lecturing her about internet addiction. Bow is perfectly happy ignoring a hospital emergency to take the perfect selfie.
Zoey's and Junior’s passionate defense of fan sites, Instagram revenge pictures, and the safety of the Internet gets through to their parents, but Bow and Dre still aren’t happy about the state of things in the household. They commiserate over a late-night burger and chips, until Ruby sets the record straight.
Ruby is the voice of reason in the Johnson house and tells Dre and Bow that they should be wondering why their kids are doing the things they’re doing instead of obsessing over bad influences. The two realize that Diane was looking up sex because she was curious and Bow gives her the sex talk, with Dre squeamishly cowering behind the corner. With Ruby’s guidance, Bow and Dre manage to get the family over this small obstacle and have a good time, with and without technology. The kids are happy and Dre can get back to researching Tom Selleck’s net worth in peace.
What did you think of Black-ish’s winter premiere? Let me know in the comments!
