A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
1. Random Scientist: "Thanks, I feel so much better knowing that if I die in a fiery explosion my eyeballs will survive." (Swanpride)
2. Coulson: "Geese? We have zero Geese. We are Goose-free." (Swanpride)
3. Fitz: "Oh, oh, I am sorry. In this case you should be checking under the microscope and in the fridge because those Inhumans can be tricky b***. Yeah, you can tell the director that this is just a giant snark hunt. That is British for a bloody waste of time." (Swanpride)
1. Katie: "You do not need to do anything to be beautiful except this. Be proud of your own body and never, ever care what anybody else thinks. Don't give in to the vanity of this town, and you, my lovely daughters, will always be perfect."
2. Taylor: "Honestly, I don't think of you as fat. You're just...Mom. You're really not even a person." Katie: "This disturbs and pleases me all at the same time."
3. Doris: "All right, children. Welcome to Koreatown...the sketchy part."
1. Diggle: “You guys must be the new kids on the block.” Curtis: “More like The Backstreet Boys. It sounded funnier in my head.” (Prpleight)
1. Howard: "I'm serious. JPL's actually developing a robot arm that could grab an asteroid before it hits us." Leonard: "So their plan for saving the Earth from Armageddon is hoping a bunch of scientists can catch a ball?" Raj: "If we're all gonna die, why am I eating so much kale?"
2. Penny: "Great, and just so you know, I'm not getting rid of all your stuff." Leonard: "Yeah? What are you keeping?" Penny: "That candle and you." Leonard: "What about my robot poster?" Penny: "Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh. I can make do with just the candle."
3. Sheldon: "Why would she keep something from me, you know? I shared my body with that woman and my Netflix password. They recommended Stella Got Her Groove Back because of her."
4. Leonard: “What’s it called when you secretly get rid of all your husband’s stuff?” Penny: "That is not true!" Leonard: “Bernadette told Howard, Howard told me, plus I can see all my stuff is gone!” Penny: “Oh. So you believe your friend and your friend’s wife and your own eyes over me? Wow.” (Prpleight)
1. Reddington: "I'm like the Ghost of Christmas Past...and Future, which is how I know the FBI will board your ship the moment it docks."
2. Liz: "Don't say it." Tom: "What is there to say? I gave you my opinion. You ignored it." Liz: "I didn't ignore it. I just didn't agree."
3. Liz: "Reddington said I'd save him. Tom will never forgive me if I do." Harold: "Kirk hurt the two people Tom loves. You can't be surprised if he doesn't want you to help him." Liz: "What do you think I should do?" Harold: "Doesn't matter what I think. Or Reddington... or Tom, for that matter. None of can possibly know how it feels to be in your position, and none of us have to live with the consequences of your decision. All I will say is this-- given what he's done, no one would fault you for walking away." Liz: "Maybe not but I'm afraid I would."
1. Malaya: "You're a cab driver?" Oscar: "Oh, yeah. 36 years now. Living the dream." Malaya: "It sounds like a great job." Oscar: "It was 'til some kid almost ruined me." Malaya: "Lawsuit?" Oscar: "Uber."
2. Jesse (to Ethan): "You know why they call me Mama? 'Cause I'm the caretaker. I take care of my own and now you're one of my own, like it or not."
3. EMT: "You know this guy?" Mario: "No. He's my father."
1. Luke (voiceover): “Cheyenne proverb says ‘Beware the man who does not talk and the dog that does not bark.' ” (Emma)
2. Garcia: “Oh my gosh, she’s adorable! I thought you were talking about your girlfriend. I thought you were being all fat headed and macho.” Luke: “I know.” Garcia: “You know?” Luke: “I know. I know you didn’t want to like me at first so I figured I’d make it easier on you.” Garcia: “So you profiled me?” (Emma)
1. Watson: "You're right. It's out there but it makes sense, as long as whoever it is doesn't mind rolling the dice. If we're all wiped out by an asteroid in the next few years, they're gonna feel pretty silly." Sherlock: "I'm certain that they're certain the odds are in their favor."
2. Sherlock: "Are we in hot water again? Has Internal Affairs turned its Orwellian eye on us once more?" Watson: "So what if they have? We've weathered the storm before. It's not like we've broken any rules lately. Well, any more than usual."
3. Sherlock to the murderer: "I'm not sure of the odds, but I think they're better than an asteroid showing up to put you out of your misery."
1. Wes: "I wanted to tell Nate it's you who should be protected from me." Annalise: "Ah, stop feeling sorry for yourself." Wes: "I'm just saying what everyone thinks." Annalise: "They're wrong. You don't have the luxury to feel guilty right now. It's not fair to your mother. She sacrificed for you to have a good life so that's your job, to live as good as you can. We both owe her that."
2. Asher: "Wait. If there's no deposition, then there can be no first chair." Annalise: "You need a prize in order to do your job?"
3. Annalise: "So, you have things to get off your chest...let's do this. I don't want to end up poisoned so you tell me all the ways you think I've ruined your life."
1. Professor: “If you want to know if I got your email asking me not to read your file in time, the answer, unfortunately, is no.” (Emma)
2. Jane: “It was my first time.” Professor: “It was? Oh, that explains things.” (Emma)
3. Jane: “It burns.” Michael: “Like a good burn?” Jane: “No! It feels like wasabi down there!” (Emma)
1. Riley: "Listen to me. It's just like the first day of school, except some of the other kids in there have actually killed people."
2. Jack: "What is this guy, like an Olympic sprinter or something?" Mac: "Yeah, didn't you read his file, Jack? Special skills include stealing top secret information with his phone and 100 meter dash." Jack: "Yeah, I hear the sarcasm. I'm just too tired to appreciate it."
3. Mac: "Just in case we don't make it out of here, I don't want to add murder to my sheet." El Noche: "If we don't get out of here, you don't have to worry about your sheet because I'll be adding another murder to mine."
1. Walsh: "Hey, in all fairness, you did call these people weirdoes." Ozzie: "So? That's no reason to ruin somebody's life! Everybody's a weirdo. I'm a weirdo. You're a weirdo." Walsh: "No, I'm not." Ozzie: "Yes, you are. You work in an airplane hangar and you drive a desk."
2. Chelsea: "And my mother says that she's a Buddhist, but she really just believes in Richard Gere."
3. Ozzie: "But you had second thoughts?" Kelly: "I'm on my seventh and eighth thoughts, honestly. But then I think who would I rather tell about the time I met an alien? A bunch of reasonable people or a bunch of crazies and question marks."
1. Ginny: "My achievements are modest." Barton: "Your stats are modest, but make no mistake. Getting to the Majors is historic." Ginny: "But I don't deserve to be in that company. I don't feel like I deserve any of this. There, I said it. Did I have my breakthrough?" Barton: "Anyone who thinks that they belong in that group would be having a different conversation with me."
2. Ginny: "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm Ginny. It's been awhile since I had to introduce myself to anyone. Seems like everyone I meet already knows me." Cara (pointing to a poster of Ginny): "Oh, they don't know you. They think you're that person."
3. Evelyn: "Really? A baseball flying at you at 100 miles an hour, you breathe steady but mascara makes you shake?"
1. Cabe: "It's just like The Birds. Probably didn't see that film." Sylvester: "Oh, I did. I thought it was about ornithology, and I was unpleasantly surprised." (Prpleight and Dahne)
2. Sylvester: "So, just to clarify, we are surrounded by psychotic flying killers that will go off at the slightest provocation." (Dahne)
3. Walter: "Grab his hand!" Sylvester: "No! Push him back into hell!" (Dahne)
4. Paige: "What was that?" Happy: "Just the TV, watching scary movies." Paige: "Well, I need to make sure it's okay for Ralph. What are you guys watching?" Happy: "I think it's the one with that kid, Damien." (Dahne)
1. Miller: "Now what? All I want to do is nothing, and I can't even do that."
2. Miller: "You're gonna judge me because I steal condiments?"
3. Barret: "Sheriff Miller, if you don't tell me why you weren't killed in office, I might kill you now that you're out."
1. Dean: "What? She took some cash, she took a cell phone she doesn't answer, and she bailed on us." Sam: "I mean, think about what she's going through. After everything, she probably just needs some space. We've been there. We've both had times where we needed time apart." Dean: "And we both came back." Sam: "You don't think she's going to?" Dean: "I don't know. She hates the way that we were raised. She hates the fact that we are hunters. Maybe she starts walking and she doesn't stop. You know, she obviously has zero interest in keeping this family together." Sam: "Well you know, sometimes families do better after a little time apart." Dean: "Yeah who? The Mansons."
2. Sam: "Anyway, he's the Devil now?" Dean: "Well I mean, he was always kind of the Devil, but, yeah, now it's official."
3. Dean: "Sorry I missed all the psycho." Sam: "Yeah, you thought our family was crazy."
1. Rebecca: "Jack, please stop making me say, 'Jack.' "
2. Jack: "I tell you it starts with a briefcase. Then, you put on a tie. You sit at a desk. Next thing you know, you are so conditioned to the florescent lights that when you step outside, the sun actually burns your eyes." Rebecca: "Wow." Jack: "Yeah." Rebecca: "Wow. Really?" Jack: "This isn't about me." Rebecca: "Well, it certainly isn't about Randall."
3. Kate: "Get out of the damn car, Jemma, before I toss you out of it! Oh, and you know what? You can walk to Ashley's and fat girl to fat girl, if you keep up the pace, you can burn 417 calories an hour walking."
1. Lucy: "We're the ones out there risking our lives. I trust him... he makes the right choice every time. I won't do it without him." Rufus: "We won't do it without him."
2. Wyatt: "So what does Flynn want?" Lucy: "I don't know. To make it worse, I guess." Rufus: "How the hell do you make the Alamo worse?"
3. Crockett: "When I got myself up, I couldn't believe the shot took her down. I was scared out of my mind. " Rufus: "Then what did you do?" Crockett: "Well, I went back and told my men that I wrestled a bear one-handed…because sometimes folks need a leader who can wrestle a bear. Now don't you go telling everybody and ruin my reputation."
1. Charles: "My grandfather always said the true joy of publishing is taking pleasure in each project. It wasn't about making money for him. It was like collecting art." Liza: "But at least in this business there's a chance you'll come across a piece of art while trying to make money, right?"
2. Liza: "She's an old soul, if you know what I mean, and kind of mannish. Okay, um, she has a very large personality and a really, scary laugh." Charles: "Chelsea Handler?"
3. Redmond: "Look, Nancy Drew and leggier Nancy Drew."
1. Gretchen: "Did you know that things your parents did when you were a kid can affect you as an adult?" Lindsay: "What?! You mean like time travel?" (Luana Arturi)
2. Edgar: "A lot of vets are using weed to help with their P.T.S.D. I mean sure, I might take a little bit longer to do some things. Like this morning, I laughed for 15 minutes because the bathroom faucet kind of looks like a face but I feel... really good." (Luana Arturi)
3. Jimmy: "It's my hope that the final nail in the tree-house will be the final nail in the coffin that is my father's influence. R.I.P., d**head." (Luana Arturi)
