What would you do for a prestigious cuddle with an albino polar bear club? I would probably do a lot. That sounds amazing.
Like me, Bob is caught up in dreams of snuggling Amity the Albino Polar Bear Cub in the Bob’s Burgers fun and festive Christmas episode, “The Last Gingerbread House on the Left”. He’s so caught up in thinking about what an amazing Christmas present such an experience would be for his kids, that he doesn’t ask as many questions about the Gun Table as he should have.
The Gun Table, and the competition that makes it necessary, is located in the “Dungeon”, which is what Calvin and Felix Fischoeder call their basement. It has been a running theme for years on the show that Mr. Fischoeder will happily trick, bribe, or lure Bob out to his house to do him some favor, whether it be lending him his family for Thanksgiving dinner or competing in his own version of the Hunger Games. When Bob gets a call from the unhinged landlord right before the family (and Teddy!) are set to go caroling, even he knows that he probably isn’t going to just be delivering the generic “food” Calvin’s asked for. The kids suggest that it’s either going to be a human sacrifice or an orgy or perhaps even a combination of the two.
Bob’s already feeling very stressed out about Christmas. He’s up at night worrying that he hasn’t gotten good enough gifts for the kids, who don’t seem to understand that the family’s poor. Instead, they’ve presented gift ideas in binders for their parents to peruse and are counting down the days until they receive their presents.
Linda has a different Christmas wish. She wants the whole family to go caroling, which she promises the kids will lead to hot cocoa (La Vida Mocha! Exclaims Louise), warm apple cider, and eventual world peace after all of America joins in, hand in hand. Bob concedes to go caroling, but still doesn’t know what to do about the gifts.
And that’s where Calvin comes in. Bob is still sure he’s about to be sacrificed when he delivers the food to the Fischoeder mansion and Felix directs him downstairs. Instead, he finds a room full of old rich guys in tuxedos… making gingerbread houses?
In a delightful twist, Calvin has manipulated Bob into being a reverse-ringer in his Gingerbread Gentlemen’s Annual Gingerbread House Competition. It is a hoary tradition involving the first-born sons of all of the town’s great families and Calvin is sick of losing year after year and having to wear the Loser Hat, which is an old bedpan. He asks Bob to throw the competition in exchange for a month off on the rent. Bob realizes he can use the extra money to buy the kids better gifts and tells Linda to take the kids caroling without him.
Bob at first is ok with making a subpar gingerbread house, but Calvin’s insecurities start to get the best of him and he starts trash-talking Bob. Bob also learns that the main prize is a special cuddle session with the local zoo’s albino polar bear cub. He decides to show Calvin up and win the prize for his kids. All the other Gingerbread Gentlemen (GG's) assure him that it’s a very “prestigious cuddle”.
Bob is so nervous that he doesn’t take too much time to register that Calvin makes everyone check in their guns to the Gun Table. He also doesn’t register that absolutely no one is following the rules. A fight over a stolen chocolate Santa leads to a standoff with everyone (except Bob) brandishing firearms at each other’s houses. Felix is also aiming a gun, but that’s just because he wants to feel included.
There’s one gingerbread insult too many and the guns start going off, with beautifully animated slo-mo exploding gingerbread houses. It takes Bob and his outsider perspective to finally diffuse the situation. The competition isn’t the greatest idea and everyone is so highly strung that they all bring loaded firearms, but, as Bob tells the GG’s, what they’re doing is actually pretty cool. They gather once a year in a fun tradition and end up donating a load of money to the zoo for the polar bear cuddle. The sweet denouement to the story, where the group realizes that they are each other’s Christmas family, emphasizes a major theme of Bob’s Burgers. We laugh with the characters more than at them, and even the weirdos of Bob’s world can end up being cool and kind.
Linda and the kids learn the exact same lesson at the exact same time.
Louise correctly realizes that the competition will be more fun than caroling, but Linda forces all the kids to come along with Teddy, their “Caroling Dad”. Teddy does make it fun for Louise by talking about a crazy psycho killer who lives in the one creepy house on the block. Louise makes a bee-line for it, but Linda responsibly insists they hit up all the normal houses first.
It’s not going well for them. No one is giving out cocoa or cider and everyone just wants them to leave. Linda’s ready to go home to “the kind of hot cocoa that’s wine.” Finally, they hit up the creepy house, despite Teddy’s warnings that the man who lived there killed his parents and a deliveryman. The man who opens the door does so with a large kitchen knife so, for once, it looks like Teddy is correct.
But, he’s just another slightly lonely weirdo. Oscar, who lives alone in the house, was just using the knife to make a winter salad. He’s delighted that carolers are stopping by and serenades them with his own beautiful voice. Linda is so touched that she invites him to go along caroling with them, and it looks like she and the kids made Oscar’s whole year. As every Belcher learns for Christmas, it’s worth it to make the effort to be compassionate to others.
And everyone gets rewarded for it! Because Bob’s house was the least damaged by the gunfire, he is declared the winner of the polar bear cuddle. He gives it to his kids, but also allows Calvin and the other GG’s along. There’s no point to the holidays if you’re not sharing them with people.
