Hello and welcome back to an actually on time Last Week in TV. How was your week? Mine was a little disappointing to be honest. I ended up outright dropping Quantico because I am so frustrated with it. At least I got further with it than Lopez, which I could only stand for about 12 minutes before I turned it off. Something about that man's comedy is eye roll worthy to me and generally unfunny. There are too many mediocre comedies out there to spend time on this. I also tried Wynonna but since it was really late when I watched it, I'm not sure I gave it a fair shot. I'll post that review next week after I give it another chance. On a bright note though, not having seen any Rush Hour movies really paid off for me. I laughed and applauded throughout the TV pilot. Sometimes a little snark and a whole lot of action can cover up a multitude of TV sins. As for marathoning, my goal was to be caught up on both Recovery Road and Motive but I fell short on both so they will be in next week's column. Speaking of, I will also be reviewing Warehouse 13's pilot next week for the nominated episode. I'm really excited about it because with the exception of the truly awful last season, I love Warehouse 13. If you would like to nominate an episode for me to review, please fill out the short, 2-question form below. As always, don't forget to add your own reviews and episode awards in the comments' section. Until next time, happy TV viewing.
Episode of the Week
I've never seen the Rush Hour movies but I have a feeling that's not a bad thing here. Instead of comparing it, I was able to enjoy this show for what it is - a fun adventure. There was more action in this pilot episode than in everything else I watched this week combined. There was more humor too. Snark + kick butt street fighting is a winning entertainment combination for me. No, this isn't going to be deep. It's not going to be one of those dramas you have to think a lot on. What it does deliver in pure adrenaline fun and that's exactly what I am looking for at the end of the TV season. Count me in until the snark and the action fades or Carter becomes more irritating than funny.
Grade: B+
Ranking: 5
Audience - It's the TV equivalent of a summer blockbuster. If you just want a good time, check it out.
Best Reason to Watch - ACTION, lots and lots of action
Best Scene - Carter and Gerald banter
Best Action - the fight in the midst of the priceless statues
Best Threat - bringing Grandma in to it
Best Camaraderie - Carter and Lee
Best Ride - that beautiful Chevy SS Chevelle convertible Carter drives
Best Character Voucher - Didi for Carter
Worst Plan - shooting towards the priceless artifacts
Biggest Pet Peeve - both detectives touch things in the crime scene without gloves, including the body
Least Surprising - Lee's sister is working with the bad guys / Thomas is dirty too
The "Welcome Only Because You're NOT Leaving Your Other Job" Award - Henry Ian Cusick, who plays Kane on The 100
The "Welcome Back" Award - Page Kennedy from Backstrom / Wendie Malick from Hot in Cleveland and Just Shoot Me / Aimee Garcia from Vegas and Dexter
Best Quotes -
1. Lee: "Kim has betrayed her country and our family. She must go to jail." Carter: "That's cold, man. Are you a robot? I won't tell anyone if you are. Are you a Chinese robot from the future?"
2. Captain: "Is there a single thing you could possibly say in your defense? And I should also mention that if I detect the slightest degree of insincerity or sarcasm in any word leaving your mouth, I will shoot you. Then bring you back to life and shoot you again."
3. Carter: "You've got to admit, man, this was pretty brave. I took a bullet trying to save you." Lee: "You are indeed brave. I am very impressed." Carter: "Why are you covered in blood?" Lee: "I was shot." Carter: "Why are you covered in blood in two places?" Lee: "Uh, shot twice but clearly it is more painful to be shot once."
4. Donovan: "It's not right that they stuck you with that clown." Carter: "Thanks, man." Donovan: "I was talking to the Chinese guy."
5. Carter: "Look I know in your head it seems like this is just about you. It's not. If I could close this case out, I could prove myself to Cole and get back on the job. And I wouldn't admit this to a lot of people but this job is all I have. Now I'm going all in to finish what WE started but I don't know if I can get that done without you. You do have a choice, Lee. You just have to be willing to make it." Lee: "You have corrupted my soul."
Nominated Episode
I have a feeling I would have liked this episode better if I had seen more than the first 3 episodes before watching it. Since a large part of the episode was back story, it was interesting only for so long to me because I have no grounding in the characters today. I do love that Alex and Kara have such a loving and supportive relationship but that alone cannot overcome the fact that the episode felt like it was 90 minutes long. Kudos though for creating strong female bonds. I also still appreciate Cat as the ultimate in snark. Her one-liners and general ferocity would make her one terrible person in real life but she's gold in fiction. I'm guessing that Siobhan is going to be the next supervillain but she seemed randomly placed in this episode. In fact, until the last scene, she was winning the Most Random Subplot Award. I have no idea what her problem is but she's way too whiny for my taste. Cat smacking her down was pure fun. In the end, I've decided that Supergirl is not for me. I'm not really a comic book fan and while Alex and Cat are awesome, I'm still not feeling Kara or most of the secondary characters. If there are any comic book fans out there who for some reason have not checked it out, I do suggest you give it a try. With Agent Carter probably done, Jessica Jones only available on Netflix, and SHIELD becoming all about Skye, this is your chance to hit the girl power side of the comic book world.
Grade: C
Ranking: 2-
Audience - comic book fans who like a little Girl Power kick
Best Reason to Watch - I'm guessing that all the twists in the back story were the highlight for most fans
Best Scene - Jeremiah tries to keep Hank from killing J'onn
Best Awww Moment - Alex and Kara say goodbye
Best Speech - FauxHank recruiting Alex
Best Snark - Cat
Best Twist - Alex's dad is alive
Best Meta - Dean Cain who played Superman is now playing Jeremiah Danvers
Best Back Story - how Kara got her glasses
Worst Example of Government Cutbacks - apparently the government is too broke to fund run flat tires when transporting aliens
Worst Plan - taking off the helmet that hides your identity when accosting a federal prison truck
Biggest Shock - Alex used to be a mess of a bad girl
Biggest What the Heck? - The head guy is actually an alien? Hmmm.
Biggest Douche - decade ago Hank
Biggest Huh? - Who is this Lucy and why is Kara telling this chick her superhero identity?
Most Needing to Die - Colonel Harper
The "I Think I've Seen This Scene Before" Award - Kara's interview with Cat is almost exactly like Liza's interview with Diana last year on Younger
The "Welcome Back" Award - Italia Ricci from Chasing Life / Eddie McClintock from Warehouse 13 / Dean Cain, formerly known as Superman
Best Quotes -
1. Cat: "You are the ultimate example of what is wrong with parenting today. All that God awful self-esteem building. Everyone is special. Everyone gets a trophy and you all have opinions that you think deserve to be heard and yet the truth is you need to earn the right to have an opinion in the first place."
2. Winn: "Do you think Supergirl's lost the public's trust for good?" Cat: "I suppose if Mel Gibson can present at the Golden Globes, then Supergirl can win this city back. This too shall pass."
3. Alex: "Hey, have faith in me like I have in you." Kara: "What am I going to do without you?" Alex: "You don't need me. You never have." Kara: "No, but you still took care of me anyway." Alex: "Yeah, look how good you turned out. I love you." Kara: "I love you too."
4. Jeremiah: "I know you were only trying to help but the world already has a Superman. All you need to be is Kara Danvers."
5. Jeremiah: "Fire won't kill you but it will prevent me from freezing to death tonight unless you're willing to cuddle."
Guest Reviews
BY Swanpride
This episode should have had a "rare pairing tag", considering that we got a very unusual mix-up in the theme. I enjoyed seeing May and Jemma together, Fitz was swept away by Daisy into danger, the most unusual combination was Coulson going into the field with Lincoln, but the main focus was Mack's relationship with his brother. As much as I liked Mack getting fleshed out a little bit, this could have gone better. This Christmas, I had a pretty shocking experience when I discovered that my grandmother (who was the sweetest granny in the world and would never hurt a fly, but was also very narrow-minded) had a way bigger influence on one of my relatives than I thought. It is not easy to love a racist, but some bonds are too strong to just give up on it, even if certain themes will cause war at the dinner table. Consequently, this episode hit very close home for me...and then fell flat. See, there is this idea in the media that you have to somehow explain racism with social anxiety. This is nonsense. People don't need to have money trouble to hate. They only need to fear. This episode hit every cliché in the book with Mini-Mack, turning it into a very disappointing outing overall. But hey, at least Mack got his first shotgun axe. What I liked, though, was the garnish to the episode. There were hints to Agent Carter, Age of Ultron, the Netflix shows and even Damage Control, as well as a lot of set-up for Civil War. I wonder on which side the team will end up on eventually.
Grade: B-
Best Reason to Watch - Everything is connected!
Best Scene - Daisy's actions were questionable, but also the most fun part of the episode
Best Character - Despite my grievances with the episode, Mack.
Best Team-up - The shotgun and the cleaver
Best Prop - Did I mention that we got the first version of the shotgun axe?
Best Effects- The nitramine is still a cool implosion
Best Action - Mack vs the Watchdogs
Best Easter Egg - I wonder if the gang war in Hell's kitchen is a hint to what we can expect in Luke Cage.
Most Random Observation - Howard apparently didn't follow through with his promise to destroy all his bad babies.
My Prediction of the Week - They harped so much on Mini-Mack's driving skills that I wouldn't be surprised if they come in handy at one point.
Welcome back - Titus Weller as Agent Blake, though as a former Grimm watcher I still keep expecting him to turn into part bird.
Best Quote:
1. Daisy: "Thank you, Nerd herd."
2. Daisy: “Did you just call him Alfie? Wow. Thank you.”
BY Jessica VanWinkle
This episode annoyed me. Maddie annoyed me. Cash annoyed me. And I’m annoyed by how much time the show is spending on new characters. I do not care about Vita. She comes into town, steals from Deacon, causes problems between Deacon and Frank, and then she tells her sob story to Rayna. She actually expected Rayna to feel sorry for her after she stole from Deacon? Really? And then there’s Maddie. After being less annoying than usual, her old self returned. Cash is a really bad influence on Maddie. I do not blame Colt at all for being mad; I wouldn’t want my personal life written about, either. And Maddie really hurt Daphne’s feelings. All Daphne wants is a sister and Maddie and Cash completely ignore her. The one good thing about this was we got to see a sweet mother/daughter moment between Rayna and Daphne. I wish Nashville would focus on those moments. The other story this week was Avery going out on a date. It didn’t go well, but something tells me we haven’t seen the last of this woman. Layla was jealous, but I wonder if she really cares about Avery or of she’s using him to get back at Juliette? Maybe both? I hope she does like him because I would love to see these two as friends. Juliette returns next week, and I am so grateful! This show just isn’t the same without her. Hopefully she’ll make things interesting again, and Nashville will kick some of these other characters to the curb!
Grade: C
Best Reason to Watch: Drama! There was tons of drama this week with Cole/Maddie, Vita, Deacon and his business partner, and with Luke, his band, and his old friend.
Best Scene: Rayna comforts Daphne and they share a cute mother/daughter moment
Best Reason to be Excited: Juliette returns next week!
Character I Want to Disappear: Cash. Does anyone else think it’s weird how attached she is to Maddie?
Best Decision: Gunnar and Scarlett decide to put both their names on all songs and split the profits equally.
Biggest Mystery: Did something really happen to Vita or is this another stunt? And do we really care?
New Shows
The Path suffers from the same glacial pacing that most basic cable prestige TV does. It just happens to air on Hulu. There are panoramic shots, people contemplating, random sex throw in at least twice an episode, and a bit of sporadic violence. Mostly though it is the story of two men, who just happen to be in a love triangle with Polly Perfect. One of the men is questioning everything his home cult has taught him. The other is a picture of rising egomania and well, the crazy. The Kool-Aid has been bought, mixed, and is now ready to be delivered on a global scale. The show sports a gigantic cast so there is room to move into a whole lot of people's tragic back stories but the 2-episode premiere sticks fairly tightly to a small handful. That allows the setup to deliver the necessary exposition and to provide for a good sense of main characters. The acting goes without question; it's great. But oh that pacing.
Grade: C
Ranking : 2+
Audience - If you like The Leftovers, there's a similar vibe here with a better pace (so only snail's pacing). If you like action-filled adventures, this Kool-Aid is not for you. If you're torn, take a small sip and see how it goes. There's lots to recommend so you may just love it…or take a nap.
Best Reason to Watch - the acting
Best Intuition - Agent Fredericks is the first person to realize what a threat the Meyerist Movement is
Biggest Scapegoat - Miranda Frank, whom everyone accuses of having sex with Eddie. She might as well be wearing a scarlet A.
Biggest Theatrics - Cal tells the Plato story
Biggest Hmm - If Miranda lives in the Midwest and Eddie lives East Coast, shouldn't it be easy for Miranda to confirm that she wasn't in the hotel with him? Won't someone check? This sounds like an easy lie to dismantle.
Most Violent - Cal beats up Mary's dad
Most Emotional - Eddie talks about his brother's suicide
Least Surprising - Eddie is NOT having an affair but instead is contemplating leaving his cult
The "Welcome Back" Award - Aaron Paul from Breaking Bad / Hugh Dancy from Hannibal / Paul James from The Last Ship and Greek / Minka Kelly from Almost Human and Friday Night Lights / Michelle Monaghan from Boston Public / Ali Ahn from Billions / Clark Middleton from Fringe and The Blacklist / Kathleen Turner from the 80's and Friends / Rockmond Dunbar from The Mentalist / Ali Marsh from In Plain Sight / Frank Harts from Billions
Weekly Shows
Amazingly enough while my "Please Die" list keeps growing, it's my "Must Keep" list that keeps dying off. First Lexa and now Lincoln have left us. That only leaves Kane and Octavia on my list of characters that must stay alive or I drop this show. If they go, I go. On the other hand, I say let Ontari kill off everyone else in Arkadia. Sure Raven and Abby aren't on my to-kill list yet but I can still do without them. Pike and Ontari are both sufficiently crazy so let them battle it out to the death together - with both dying of course. On her way, she can slaughter Bellamy and Clarke too. Right now, I'd like this show better without either of them whining like the hypocrites they are. Sure, jump down everyone else's throat when they put their people first instead of jumping at your command that they serve Arkadia to the detriment of their own. They are both despicable people who still treat the other clans, who have been there longer by the way, as if they are servants to Arkadia's needs. Ugh, your teenager is showing.
Taking those 2 out of the equation though, I thought the remaining characters had some powerful moments. Octavia and Lincoln's goodbye was too short but heartfelt. There goes the one couple I actually ship in all of TV. Still I have no doubt that Octavia will get revenge for me. Kill them all, honey. Kill them all. Kane was awesome in every moment too. While I love his pep talk in the cell and also his last moments with Lincoln, I adore his guilty reaction when Octavia reminds him that the Ark's policies forced her to live underground for 16 years. There are still scars there and even though they fight on the same team, a pointed reminder every now and then can't hurt. It reminds everyone that they too have made mistakes. Monty and his mother, however, do not get a free pass from me. I don't care that Monty finally did the right thing. He's sucked this season and he can go float his mother and himself. I'm tired of the quick redemptions on this show. No way I am ever forgetting that Murphy is a psychopath either, no matter how much they want to redeem him. Psycho is not redeemable. Period. In the end though, this episode is all about Lincoln. While I praised Lexa for being the most intriguing character, it is Lincoln who brought heart to the show. His faithfulness and willingness to give up everything for peace were refreshing. The fact that he stood for honor and doing what is right made him the most noble of all characters. He stuck with the 100 even when it meant Lexa issuing a kill order on him. He died so his people could live. Lincoln is the one character who truly knew what it meant to fight for right and because of this he was the first real peacekeeper after they destroyed Finn's character. I will miss Lincoln. He became one of my favorite characters almost instantly. He was a hero warrior with the soul of an artist and his loss hurts The 100. At least he got the kind of heroic death that suited his character.
Grade: B
Best Reason to Watch - Lincoln dies nobly and Clarke gets a new job
Best Scene / Most Hated Scene - Lincoln dies for his people
Best Character Interaction - Lincoln and Kane
Best Death Glare - Octavia, who practically set Arkadia on fire with the blaze of her hatred
Best Awww Moment - Lincoln says goodbye to Octavia before getting her safely away
Biggest Hypocrite - Does it even have to be mentioned? It's ALWAYS Clarke. She constantly blames other people for putting their clan first and then insists that they put Skaikru first. Of course, Bellamy is right up there for the exact same reason too. Why exactly should they put Skaikru first, you morons?
Most Noble / Most Brave - Lincoln, always. I will miss you, Lincoln.
Most Likely to Survive (Much Like a Cockroach) - Murphy
The "Are You Kidding Me?' Award - Why in the world would Bellamy and Monty think anyone would just trust them again? They betrayed everyone by aligning with Pike and killing innocent people. They suck out loud.
The "Thank You" Award - Titus shuts Clarke up but sadly not permanently
Best Music - Cloud by Elias
Best Quotes -
1. Lincoln: "I can't let them die because of me." Octavia: "Lincoln, please. We're almost out." Kane: "I know what you're feeling but they're searching the station. We need to go. Now." Lincoln: "You should." Octavia: "Fine. I'm going with you. We fight together." Lincoln: "I love you." (Lincoln drugs Octavia.) Kane: "What are you doing?" Lincoln: "The same thing you'd do for your people. Just get her out of here." Kane: "Stay strong." Lincoln: "You too."
2. Clarke: "Whatever's best for your people. Is that it?" Roan: "That's it. Kind of like killing every man, woman, and child in Mount Weather was best for yours." Murphy: "That's not a bad point."
3. Bellamy: "We can save them but we have to work together." Octavia: "You're the reason they need saving." Bellamy: "Maybe but that doesn't change the fact that you need me." Octavia: "For the first time in my life, that's not true."
4. Bellamy: "You go running, just like at Mount Weather, huh? Maybe this time Octavia will get it. Your loyalty will always be with your people." Indra: "Octavia is my people."
5. Pike: "Any last words?" Lincoln: "Not for you." (Lincoln speaks "May We Meet Again' in grounder speak in Octavia's direction.)
6. Kane: "It's a little bit tight in there." Octavia: "Try doing it for 16 years."
Initially I was skeptical about Sheldon and Amy but they've turned into the most compelling couple of the TBBT group. Leonard and Penny trade in barbs. Bernadette is still largely Mom 2.0 to Howard. But with Amy, Sheldon has made great strides in becoming human. I'm still not quite sure what benefits she reaps from this situation but she makes Sheldon palpable. Therefore I really like that he let Amy in on his secret. I would have never suspected that Sheldon is a hoarder and I have a hard time believing that all his stuff would fit in there. Plus, how did he get all that stuff in there if no one's driven him there before? Anyway, I digress. The point is that it was touching and I loved how patient Amy was with the news. She supported him while not making fun of him, something the other couples don't typically do. Speaking of the others, they came off much better than usual too. I like that Bernadette and Penny were useful to the work but the best part came when Leonard and Howard decided to confess their lie. It shows maturity and the possibility of their relationships to be stronger. This was a great improvement over the last episode!
Grade: B
Best Reason to Watch - both the A and B stories had heart this time
Best Scene - Sheldon and Amy talk in the storage unit
Best Plan - Leonard and Howard come clean about going to the movie
Best Reference - Shark Tale
Biggest Secret - Sheldon is a hoarder
Most Patient - Amy
Most Annoying - still Raj
The Karma Award - If you rub someone's nose in your good fortune, don't be surprised when it bites you. Hard.
The "I Don't Believe It" Award - No way that's everything Sheldon has ever owned. Even a minimalist would have more than that storage area could hold.
Best Quotes -
1. Amy: "Okay well, I would like to tell you that there is nothing here to be ashamed of….so I'm gonna need a minute."
2. Sheldon: "What good is having a girlfriend if you can't unload your psychological sewage on her?" Amy: "That's me, your emotional outhouse."
3. Amy: "Will you please tell me where we're going?" Sheldon: "Sorry. You're on a need to know basis." Amy: "I'm driving the car. I need to know."
4. Leonard: "What are we going to tell the girls?" Howard: "It's not a problem." Leonard: "I mean without lying." Howard: "And now you've made it a problem."
5. Leonard: "Alright but I swear if it's Will Smith in Shark Tale 2 it better be at least as good as the original."
~I'm not a fan of David Spade but I am a fan Mike and Bob's heartwarming scenes so let's call this one a wash.
Grade: B-
Daughter watch - Shea and Stella were no more necessary to this episode than anytime past the first 10 minutes of the pilot
Best Reason to Watch / Best Scene - Mike and Bob hash out his childhood
Best Reference - Pretty Little Liars
Best Revenge - Mike glues Kyle to the chair
The "Welcome Back????" Award - David Spade, who plays annoying characters everywhere
Best Quotes -
1. Mike: "Nothing an 8-year-old likes more than sitting outside a crack house drinking black coffee."
2. Stella: "Dude, are you trying to work a threesome?" Elliot: "Am I? I'm really new to this. I mean the concept sounds great but…um, I have enough anxiety with one woman. I don't think being outnumbered would help."
3. Mike: "Buddy? Oh no, we weren't buddies. You made my life miserable and I'm not even talking about the little things like playing keep away with my hat." Kyle: "A little game." Mike: "Putting a Kick Me sign on my back." Kyle: "Classic fun." Mike: "Calling me Tiny." Kyle: "True then. Ironic now."
4. Stella: "Don't play dumb with me. That's a game you'll never win."
5. Mike: "Revenge is ultimately unsatisfying but it's still fun."
As I have no interest at all in Sherlock's love life - well unless it brings Moriarty back, that is - half of this episode was a real bust. I did enjoy seeing actors from my other shows in the same episode though. Cheers to whomever writes a Diana and Deaton crossover fan fic. I also learned about the high end prepper culture. Like Watson, I never knew it existed. Other than that and some great toss off lines, this episode was mostly a bust for me.
Grade: C
Best Reason to Watch - all the guest stars from shows I love
Best Scene - Sherlock proclaims The Keep to be a con by showing exactly how it would not help anyone survive
Most Honest - Sherlock talks to Fiona about his past relationships
Most Mind-Blowing - that anyone would pay this much money to live underground for years
Most Matter of Fact - Sherlock, who does what he says he will even if that's punching an abuser in the face
Most Blunt - Fiona
The "Nope, Don't Need to Know" Award - I really do not care about Sherlock's sex life but I am glad he's found someone he thinks is worth waiting for
The "Welcome Back" Award - Miriam Shor from Younger / Seth Gilliam from Teen Wolf / Frederick Weller from In Plain Sight
Best Quotes -
1. Watson: "It is pretty swanky." Sherlock: "If you're keen on spending eternity buried alive with a group so narcissistic they think that outliving humanity is a good idea. I'd rather melt with the masses and get it over with. Wouldn't you?"
2. Sherlock: "There are two things you should know, Mr. Springer. First is that I'm going to punch you in the face." (Sherlock does.) Sherlock: "Second is that we'll take your case."
3. Jennifer: "Point is Vince is obsessed with self-defense. He's not someone a mugger or a kidnapper is going to get a jump on. Don't get me wrong though. When he shows up, I'm gonna kill him."
4. Ronnie: "This was a NORAD communications center back in the 80's. Guaranteed nuclear survivability." Sherlock: "Tested it have you? Never mind. If it doesn't work, we'll hardly be asking for our money back, will we?"
5. Watson: "I have feeling in my butt too, you know." Sherlock: "I'm cataloguing the steps in our journey out loud to keep them clear. It will help me visualize where the authorities will find our bodies."
~I hate time travel. I hate it as the plot device to end all plot devices. I hate it as an automatic reset button for sloppy writing. I hate it as a gimmick. That being said, this episode is NOT for me.
Grade: D+
Best Reason to Watch - we get to see Eddie again and Evil Wells is a fun change again
Best Scene - Barry vs. Evil Wells
Best Gift - Barry has Eddie make a recording for Iris
Best Bluff - Barry tells Thawne there is a letter telling season 1 Barry who he is
Best Advice - Barry tells Iris not to hold back in life because she misses Eddie
Best Reference - all the Harry Potter ones
Best Use of Music - "Never Gonna Give You Up" playing in Hartley's cell
Worst Plan - any plan that has anything to do with time travel EVER
Most Likely to Tell It Like It Is (Because I Can't) - Wells, who tells Barry that his plan is stupid
Biggest Moron - Barry, who changes the timeline immediately after getting there
Biggest Say What? - Hartley is now a consultant for the team
The "Welcome Back" Award - Rick Cosnett as Eddie, a far better character than his stalker role on Quantico
Best Quotes -
1. Caitlin: "I think I found something interesting." Cisco: "Good interesting or bad interesting because that word could go either way."
2. Wells: "The moment we had her, all that I wanted was her love. Now I don't know if I'll ever see that again. It seems every decision I've made lately has backfired on me." Barry: "You just have to trust that in the long run you made the right ones."
3. Wally: "That dude gets weirder every time I see him."
4. Wells: "If we don't stop this thing, there's going to be no point in me teaching you anything."
Lice. That's another 4-letter word for teachers and the bane of a school nurse's existence. I spent the entire 22 minutes of this episode scratching my head. Ulllgh! Still if you take out this topic and the pesky insistence of using celeb/shipper names in a show about the 90's (come on), there is a sweet story at the heart of this. Jessica and Louis often come off as a perfect couple but when things get tough, cracks show for them too. I love how it is Honey who points Louis to the error of his ways and not Jessica. By seeing how much Honey is doing compared to Marvin and with Honey pointing out everything Jessica does on a regular basis, Louis gets it. More importantly, he does something about it. Now I still wouldn't hug someone with lice but I do appreciate how Louis recognizes where he went wrong and tries to rectify it. That's not only the basis of a good episode. That's the basis of a good partnership.
Grade: B- (the minus is for the lice)
Best Reason to Watch - Well it's certainly not the lice topic. As always, it's Jessica and Louis' relationship.
Best Scene - Louis apologizes for ditching Jessica and says he wants them to be a real team
Best Reference - Star Trek / Outbreak
Worst Trash Talk - Eddie and his math teacher
Most Likely to Make a Point - Honey, even when she doesn't mean to
Biggest Hmmm - So Eddie's school only has 48 kids in it and it has 20+ teachers? Would have been nice when I started teaching in the 90's. Just saying.
The "Dare You Not to Itch" Award - It's a natural teacher instinct. Someone mentions lice. Everyone scratches. I'm scratching now just thinking of the episode.
The "Way to Rub it In" Award - the faculty eats pizza in front of the students
The "Foul on that Play" Award - combing real names into stupid celebrity and shipping names was a 2000's thing, not the 90's, and since it is one of the 6 signs of the demise of civilization you cannot rush it into my nostalgia TV
Best Quotes -
1. Louis: "Lice? Parents can get lice? That wasn't in the pamphlet."
2. Jessica: "Are you saying your career is more important than mine?" Louis: "Well…" Jessica: "Okay I see. So you're fine supporting my career as long as it doesn't get in the way of yours." Louis: "I support your career. I babysit the kids all the time." Jessica: "It's not babysitting if they're your kids."
3. Louis: "I'm sorry. I guess I'm not as evolved as I thought I was. I don't want to just say we're a team. I want us to actually be equal partners." Jessica: "Me too." Louis: "Come here, Jessie Lou." Jessica: "That's not bad. It's like a country girl who has sex too young."
4. Brian: "Side bar, bar mitzvah season is approaching. May I suggest that we all brush up on our Macarenas." Walter: "But I just mastered the Tootsie Roll." Brian: "Mastered is generous." Walter: "Better than you." Brian: "I'm a little white kid flirting with scoliosis. That's your bar?"
5. Louis: "Man those conventioneers made me feel dumb. Like I'm the only person to ever confuse the NCAA with the NAACP."
This was to be my last episode of Heartbeat because I loathe love triangles and don't get me wrong, the love triangle is still very much there. However, I hope against hope that it will not blossom into the love triangle trope that drives me away. What I mean is that there are feelings present but no one seems to be acting on those feelings so they might just get through this wonky relationship unscathed. If Shane backs off and Pantierre continues to be adamant about working things out with Harrison, then it will be the most adult version of the pesky love triangle ever to be seen on TV. Here's hoping for closure on the Shane-Pantierre front so everyone can move on. She's too great a character to lose to old, tired tropes. Pantierre is the only reason I am holding on by the way. The cases are intriguing but the way she fights for her patients without ever becoming a witch or a whiner is amazing. She straddles the line and ends up on likeable every time. It's still rare to find a female character on TV who excels at her job without being a witch, cares about the people in her life without being overbearing, isn't fighting with other women in her life - especially over a man, and still seems like a genuine person. I don't want to give up the chance to know this character better. Please don't screw this up, writers, by insisting on love geometry.
Grade: B
Best Reason to Watch - the heart Pantierre has for her patients and everyone around her
Best Scene - Hackett and Pantierre at the bar / Sam meets Mala / Grandma confronts Pantierre
Best Awww Moment - Shane tells his grandma that it wasn't her fault and he says it perfectly
Best Moment - the end card says "end The"
Best Character - the "in your face" grandma
Best Gymnastics - Sam, who flips over the countertop and under the desk
Worst Running Gag - the fainting intern
Least Likely to Listen - Pantierre, who overtalks and keeps asking questions but never waits for the answers
Most Interesting - the Yoda talking patient
Most Risky - killing a patient to cure him
Biggest Happy - Pantierre finds another person with the same backwards speaking trauma to help Sam feel not so alone
Biggest Hmm - It's not like Sam's speaking a completely different language. People could understand him. He just needs to speak slower and in short sentences. Surely someone would find him worth the trouble.
The "Nope, I Don't Need to Know" Award - I really do not need to hear what turns Pantierre on or watch sex in the hospital
Best Quotes -
1. Gwendolyn: "I wish you could cure him but you can't, and if you fill his head with one ounce of false hope that he will speak properly, I will rip your balls off, which I am confident you are hiding under that lab coat, darling."
2. Pantierre: "You're right." Harrison: "You don't even have to tell me why. Just let me enjoy that."
3. Pantierre: "Okay, just tell me you're not going to fine me again." Millicent: "Actually, no Alex. I'm not going to fine you this time. I've thought of something much worse for you." Pantierre: "Bring it on." Millicent: "An hour long session for you both together with Dr. Hackett." Pantierre: "I would rather donate my entire salary for the year and he'll give a testicle." Harrison: "I think we need a minute."
4. Callahan: "I've got to re-evaluate my earthquake kit. I only have tequila in it."
5. Ji-Sung: "She's saying please and thank you. This is serious."
Part of this episode was bad fan fiction, part was excellent snark, and part was the plot catching up to the audience. The last two were great. The first one, not so much. I could have done without the Liv lap dance, but Liv finding out that Drake is a good guy and Ravi almost putting the pieces together about Major's extra curriculars made for a great ending. I'm not quite sure I want Major to go back to being a zombie and certainly not one that is on redeye steroids. I also for the first time think there needed to be more Gilda (not Vaughn mind you). However overall this was a great snarky episode with Liv throwing down some great zingers and more forward plot movement than 3 other episodes combined.
Grade: B
Best Reason to Watch - everyone's secrets are almost out now
Best Scene - Liv finds out that Drake is an undercover police officer taking down Mr. Boss
Best Plan - Peyton moves back in with Liv
Best Pun - the episode title
Best Music - Talk Dirty to Me
Worst Twist - Major is back to being a zombie
Most Bizarre Twist - Blaine has lost his memory
Most Sloppy Kidnapper - the one who took Gilda but not her grandma scarf
Most Awkward - Liv's lap dance with Peyton
Biggest Buttinsky - Ravi for breaking into Major's safe
Strangest Thing to Do for a Friend - eat the victim's brain to get info about the victim's secrets
The "Welcome Back???" Award - Johnny Frost
Best Quotes -
1. Blaine: "What's with the manhandling?" Donnie: "You were unconscious." Blaine: "Most people call that sleeping, Scotty, but way to add the drama."
2. Liv: "There's loyalty and there's being an idiot. Sometimes it looks the same."
3. Ravi: "Blaine is human again." Blaine: "Again?" Ravi: "He must have taken the cure." Blaine: "The cure for what?" Liv: "The cure for being an undead psychopath. Now you're just a psychopath. You might have to change your business cards."
4. Peyton: "Can we go now? I feel like I want to take a bunch of showers." Liv: "We could stop by Blaine's. Make that water really earn its keep."
5. Liv: "Well don't just tell me. I want to stand here waiting like a jacka**."
6. Liv: "Are you kidding me? Is this chick crying because her granny's finding out she's a stripper? You're being questioned in a murder case because you're a suspect."
I like Tim. I'm iffy about Walter. I don't care about the dating lives of either but I swear if it gets in the way with my Scorpion team like the Happy and Toby breakup earlier, someone's getting pelted with socks. Tim is an interesting enough character without reducing his role to a love geometry point. Walter is irritating enough as it is so we really don't need to add jealous boss to his resume. Worse though is that Toby, my snarky fun Toby, is a complete jerk in this episode. Does he need to nettle Walter every second? How old is this manchild? This may be the first time that I liked the guest character far better than any of the leads. Let's not make this a thing, Scorpion. On the plus side, the case of the week was touching, Tim continues to be good at buffering the personalities of Scorpion without stepping on them, and the opening scene with Paige and Cabe trying to get Walter to understand closure was extremely well-done.
Grade: C
Best Scene - Pandova with the guy who killed his father
Best Awww Moment - Pandova's mom comes for a visit and he gives her his dad's dog tags
Best Driving - Walter, with the nice dry ice dump
Best Question - Cabe wants to know why dry ice won't work in Kansas. I want to know why none of their plans would ever work anywhere.
Worst Acting - Ralph who doesn't seem to care that much that his mom is about to blow away
Biggest Surprise - Linda comes back
Biggest Eye Roll - Ralph is the savior again
Biggest What the Heck? - How exactly is Ralph's professor supposed to steal Ralph's idea when he presented it to a room of people? That makes the kind of sense that doesn't. At all.
Biggest Backfire - Walter talks Tim into asking Paige out
Most Annoying - Toby will not stop undercutting Walter about Tim and it is extremely irritating
Most Needing to Go to Boarding School - Ralph, who needs to get off my screen
Most Awkward - Walter's phone message to Linda
Most Practical - Pandova breaks open the case instead of trying to open it
Most Prepared - Toby and his backup hats
The "Not Him Again" Award - We are never, ever getting rid of Heywood, are we?
The "Welcome Back" Award - Josh Randall from Greek, Grimm, and half a dozen shows I watch
Best Quotes -
1. Pandova: "Tell him he was drafted to fight just like my father. Tell him there is no forgiveness necessary."
2. Paige: "Walt, people lost family. Have you forgotten how you felt when Megan passed?" Walter: "I felt awful because I missed who she was, not what she was. Her organic material meant nothing to me. I kept her ashes in a coffee can in my glove box." Happy: "And that's messed up, Walt." Cabe: "Son, regular people need to get a sense of closure when they say goodbye to a loved one. They need something to say goodbye to. If you can't grasp that now, maybe someday you will."
3. Cabe: "I just saw Linda out in the parking lot. Please tell me there isn't another bomb in here." Toby: "Nope, she came by for something potentially more disastrous." Walter: "Thank you for the support."
4. Toby: "Since we cannot control the weather, we're toast." Walter: "Not necessarily. Theoretically we might be able to do just that." Tim: "Do just what?" Walt: "Control the weather." Happy: "Uh, I think we've lost Walt and he's officially nuts."
This was a fun episode of Stitchers, mostly because the hacker kept Camille and Kirsten on their toes. She also caused enough chaos to keep the plot humming. I do wish she hadn't been caught so easily but here's hoping they use her in future episodes to help track down Kirsten's dad. It was also nice to see Fisher up and around. His pleasure at bossing people around again had me beaming. I also love that Camille is learning how to defend herself. Perhaps they can teach Linus as well. The boy obviously needs better self-preservation instincts. The only things I felt dragged down the episode were Cameron's motorcycle saga and the reveal of Mitchell Blair. He's unpleasantly vague and annoyingly cocky. Should have stuck with the original.
Grade: B
Best Reason to Watch - the hacker games hike up the pacing
Best Character - always Camille for snark, brains, and a deep desire to not die
Best Banter - the Stitch team spicing up the "go" routine by talking about Cameron's motorcycle (I'm with medical.)
Best Plan - Camille wants to learn to defend herself
Biggest Eye Candy - Fisher boxing shirtless
Biggest Douche - Ellie's husband, who doesn't even visit her at the hospital after the accident
Biggest Hmm - If Cameron and Kirsten are close enough to tackle Linus, shouldn't they have been close enough to shout his name before he even opened the door?
Least Surprising - this is all about cheater revenge
Most Surprising - Catching the hacker was uneventful. I thought there would be some kind of technological booby traps at least.
Most Scary - how easy it is to hack people's information according to this show and CSI: Cyber
Most Painful - watching Fisher type
Riskiest Plan - taking an elevator in a hacker's apartment building
Sweetest Upgrade - Linus' apartment is fantastic
The "Now You Need to Die" Award - Steal Cameron's money, put a fake warrant out on Kirsten, but no way you harm Linus, his new apartment, or Camille! Some things are off limits.
The "Welcome Back" Award (character) - Linus' parents, who still love Camille
The "Welcome Back" Award (actor) - John Billingsley, previously of Intelligence / Cassidy Freeman of Smallville
Best Quotes -
1. Fisher: "Well that's fantastic….if you're defending yourself against a group of marauding grandmothers."
2. Lucy: "I'm not a hacker. I can't even figure out how to disable Candy Crush requests from my grandma."
3. Kirsten: "Ellie left no digital breadcrumbs for us to follow but she did make one big mistake." Camille: "What? What's that?" Kirsten: "She spoke to me." Camille: "Oh come on, you're not so bad to talk to anymore."
4. Fisher: "You know, a little training, you'd kick a**" Camille: "Wait, really." Fisher: "Yeah, I could teach you some stuff, work on your technique." Cameron: "Then you can be a lean, mean snarking machine." Camille: "Keep talking, string bean."
5. Kirsten: "Well of the three people who died, Sara McGurk sure orders a lot of takeout."
I'm an old school Supernatural fan from the pilot on. A Winchester death doesn't faze me in the least so it was a nice switch that Sam wasn't really dead, only mostly dead. (They needed to insert a Princess Bride reference in there.) Sure it was a plot device but so are most of the ways they are resurrected. The rest of the episode was more ho hum though. I loved Sam taking down the two werewolves with what can only be called superhuman strength. He did lose a lot of blood before that. I also cheered when Sam shot the douche boyfriend because I originally thought it was Michelle. Billie just not giving a care made me laugh but I felt for Dean as he pleaded for Sam's life. More werewolves were yawn-inducing though. The saving grace to the non-Winchester stuff is that Garth only showed up in the previouslies. I might be looking for pills if he shows up as a viable character again.
Grade: B-
Best Reason to Watch - Sam is NOT dead and didn't even need to be resurrected
Best Scene - Billie and Dean
Best Reference - Mario Brothers
Best Montage - Winchester death montage in the previouslies
Worst Twist - the guy they tried to save attempts to kill Sam
Biggest Moron - What kind of police officer wants to give drugs to someone who just overdosed? Is he an idiot? I think he is.
Biggest Trouper - Sam bandages himself up after being shot
Biggest Say What? - Sam's NOT dead? I'm so confused. How did Dean mistake unconscious for dead? I'm not buying this "body going into shock" thing. I proclaim Sam's healing as Ye Olde Plot Device.
Most Overdone TV Trope - the flash forward, which needs its own hiatus these days
Most in Need of Dying - Corbin, because nothing that kills a Winchester can stay alive. Nothing.
Most Impressive - Sam kills two werewolves while still bleeding out and manages to save Dean
The "Welcome Back??" Award - Billie the reaper, who I like because of her snark but whom I don't like because it means the Winchesters are cheating death again (little "d" these days - I miss Death.)
The "Welcome Back" Award (actor) - Erin Way from Alphas and Colony
Best Quotes -
1. Billie: "But even if Sammy could win the title bout, the answer would still be no. The answer will always be no. Game's over, Dean. No more second chances. No more extra lives. Time to say bye-bye to Luigi, Mario."
2. Billie: "Just savoring this. Though I have to say of all the ways I thought you'd go - heart attack, some fang, choking on a burger while binge watching Charles in Charles…" Dean: "Yeah well, that was peak Baio."
3. Dean: "I need to talk to a…well, I wouldn't call it a friend. More like a crazy, scary death machine."
4. Billie: "It's cute though. You pretending you're trying to save Sam for the greater good when we both know you're doing it for you. You can't lose him."
5. Dean (to Sam): "It took you long enough."
Marathoned Show
This episode made me remember something the hiatus made me forget. I hate every character on this show. They are all awful people who can't seem to mind their own business to save their lives. They are too busy getting into other people's junk as a way to deflect from their own, which leaves the story with a whole lot of emoangsting and even worse…about 53 broken storylines, none of which are interesting. Tell your freaking story and give me at least one character that I don't want to Gibbs' smack every single time they are on screen. There is literally no one left to root for because they are all pathetic whiners who are either so crazy or so stupid that they manage to make everything worse the second they pry their big, fat noses into it. Ugh! There are not enough socks on the planet for this show. I don't have enough patience for it either. I'm done.
Grade: D-
Status: straight out dropped, not even to marathon status
Best Reason to Watch - you too can watch supposed adults with actual power act like high schoolers
Best Snark - tie - Caleb and Simon
Best Plan (training) - making the hostages look like the terrorists
Best Plan (current) - getting the senator to come to Alex by pretending to know where Caleb is
Worst Plan - being overconfident in training
Worst Episode - 1.14, where everyone turned into a giant baby crusader so intent on their own little problems that they are willing to screw with everyone else
Worst Twist - Natalie gets blown up
Least Exciting New Character - Right now all Drew has going for him is the eye candy factor. Otherwise he's as annoying as Alex herself. In fact, since I at least have 15 episodes of occasionally seeing Alex's good side, he's actually the single most annoying character in an entire show of annoying characters. Just shut up and leave already!
Least Surprising - the left behind computer is a bomb
Best Somewhat Surprise - Shelby's parents are alive
Most Ludicrous - What kind of morons attack Quantico? How can these guys even be a threat when they are so stupid?
Most UGH-Worthy - Alex keeps making everything with Hannah about Ryan. It's unprofessional and denigrates both characters into just another side of the incessant and quite frankly idiotic love geometry on this show. It's another deal breaker.
Biggest Buttinsky - every single one of these pushy people who are all up in each other's businesses and should just drop it
Biggest Pipe Dream - I know Alex is going to be right. There has to be a bigger conspiracy or else why even have these episodes. But oh how I wish she were wrong because she is getting so annoying.
The "Oh How the Mighty Have Fallen" Award - Simon is on the edge of suicide
The "Welcome Back" Award (character) - Hannah
Best Quotes -
1. Caleb: "Johnny 5? I don't know. Does Meyers-Briggs work on androids?"
2. Simon: "The first one of us who doesn't wind up in jail or dead wins." Alex: "No more gallows' humor please." Simon: "I wasn't joking."
3. Iris: "Settle something. Caleb, into Shelby or not? Her ever changing emotional state directly effects my ability to get a goodnight sleep so what's the deal with Caleb?"
4. Iris: "Sorry, forgot to take my rings off." Shelby: "Sorry, I just hit hard."
5. Hannah: "There's no reason why Natalie would do something like that, which means she didn't do it, which means that I had to consider the horrible possibility that you, unstable, out-of-control, paranoid Alex Parrish - America's least wanted - weren't lying, incorrect, or insane. You were simply telling the truth. So I swapped the pills and now before I'm arrested and tried for treason alongside the two of you, will someone please tell me. Did I just poison the next vice-president of the United States…"
6. Hannah: "I'm staring at an insane person. That's the only logical explanation."
