Welcome back to Last Week in TV. I don't know if I was grumpy or if TV really did mostly suck last week. I hope your TV week was a sight better than mine. It seemed like even shows I count on to be entertaining went off the deep end. Good thing there were some highlights and even better that I found new shows to drop. My schedule is way too full as are most of yours from what I hear. I did enjoy experiencing Outlander again, although I originally started reviewing an episode I already reviewed so I added a new one too. Next week, the nominated episode with be from ER. I never really watched ER the first time around so I look forward to seeing why people still adore it. If you would like to nominate an episode, just fill out the short 2-question form below. Until then, leave your comments and happy TV viewing.
Episode of the Week
Hallelujah! Galavant has risen again, and I'm not talking about a potion bringing our favorite hero back from the grave. The show itself has come up from the gloomy depths it has been dwelling in all season and became its normal funny self. The songs are snappier, the choreography jazzier, and the snark, meta, and cultural references have returned in spades. Even the characters seem to be in a better place, well except Madalena who has sold her soul to the devil. The devil might rue that deal. Just saying. Madalena and Gareth are still the best part of the season but the rest of them are rapidly regaining their charm. So much so that I'll really miss this show when its gone. Can't wait to see how the big battle ends but I bet it's a great song.
Grade: A- / B+
Best Reason to Watch - Galavant got fun again, yippee!
Best Scene - Galavant's goodbye / Gareth and Madalena address the troops
Best Song - Goodbye / I Don't Like You
Best Name - Mr. Neo Sporin is the healer
Best Reaction to a Possible Proposal - Madalena kicks Gareth in the face
Best Reference - Sid uses one of my favorite quotes from The Princess Bride / Grease spin-off, "Finally"
Worst Reference - that overused quote from Notting Hill
Biggest Oops - Sid spears Galavant
Biggest Laugh - Gareth's song comes with a karaoke bird to point out the almost words
Most Different - Gal's zombie army is in it for the love
Most Likely to Get to the Point - Roberta
Most Creepy - Galavant's zombie army
Most Baffled - the soldiers who are wondering why their King and Queen are saying they love them
Weirdest Game - Guess the Future with airplanes and DVR's
Best Quotes -
1. Sid: "Could he be mostly dead but not all dead, 'cause mostly dead is slightly alive." Sporin: "Yeah, that's not a thing."
2. Richard: "I just can't believe he's dead." Roberta: "It does seem awfully early in the season for something like this."
3. Sid: "Goodbye. Sorry that I made you die." Galavant: "Sid. It's not okay Sid." Madalena: "Yeah, I'm here. I'm not sure why." Galavant: "Me either. Seriously, who invited you?" Richard: "Hold me 'cause I'm gonna cry." Galavant: "No." Richard: "My Gal pal." Roberta: "Goodbye." Galavant: "Roberta." Roberta: "Seems as though we just said hi." Galavant: "Yeah well we did. Who's this?" Random: "I am just some random guy." Galavant: "What happened? I just run out of friends."
4. Madalena: "Settle down, Tiny Tot. You're the one who came here to surrender." Isabella: "You're gonna regret calling me Tiny Tot." Jester: "Yes, cat fight." Gareth: "Finally! I've been waiting 2 seasons for this."
5. Wormwood: "Oh Gareth, you're smiling. Sorry. Could you stop it? I just find it deeply unsettling."
6. Richard: "Wow, Valencia. It seems like just yesterday I was the worst tyrant this land has ever seen."
Nominated Episode
Note - I was partway through 1.08 when I realized that I had already watched and reviewed this episode. Therefore I went on to episode 1.09, which is why both are on here.
Outlander is a show that sucks you in and doesn't let go. The cinematography is second to none with each landscape even more beautiful than the next. The whole show is simply gorgeous…except the plot. The plot is brutal. From the way historical dramas are being portrayed these days, you'd think every woman was raped by every man in a 300 mile radius every hour of the day. Yikes, I know the times were cruel but I think they're overselling it. Personally I'd prefer if they toned down the nudity as well. I've seen enough of Caitriona Balfe's breasts for a lifetime. Still the characters are engaging and Jamie in particular is written straight out of a fantasy. He saves Claire from a sadist, apologizes even when he doesn't start things, and is about as noble as a candidate for the Round Table. He's also hot. Like I said, a pure fantasy creature a few steps this side of a unicorn. Claire, on the other hand, is the hothead whose actions and words often spew about before thinking through the consequences. I won't lie. Sometimes she gets on my last nerve with her inability to even try to blend in and she often puts herself in danger with her stubborness, but she's a straight up feminist plunked down into a world where women are viewed as property. You have to respect the way she demands to be taken seriously. Outlander will not be for everyone, and from what I hear about the rest of this season, it might not be for me. However, I strongly urge you to give this show a try. If you like the first couple episodes, chances are you'll love it and it will be marathon material for you. If you don't, well you've only spent a couple hours with some of the best scenery in the business.
Grade: B
Best Reason to Watch - If you are of a romantic bent, Jamie is about as picture perfect a romantic hero as you can get. In you are of a feminist bent, Claire doesn't take anything from anyone and demands respect. If you are of a historical bent, the portrayals of life in Jacobite Scotland are intense. If you're more of a visual person, the scenery is gorgeous. In short, there's a little bit of everything for everyone. Action, romance, drama, and lots of naked breasts and butts. (Way too much naked breasts and butts.)
Best Action - fight with the thieves
Best Peacemaker - Jamie, who reunites the two brothers
Best Reference - Sherlock Holmes
Worst Timing - the redcoats take Claire right before she can touch the rocks and get back home
Biggest Twist - Claire kills the man trying to rape her
Biggest Risk - Jamie scales down the castle wall to get to Claire
Biggest Leap of Faith - jumping from the fort walls
Biggest Ummm - Did Dougal just spill that he's the father of his brother's heir? That seems like a big deal.
Most Romantic - Jamie's wedding ring is made from the key to his holdings
Most Noble - Jamie, who does NOT kill Black Jack when he could
Most Needing to Die - Black Jack
Most Useful - knife combat lessons
Least Surprising - the woman is setting Frank Randall up for a trap
Least Grateful - Claire
The "Caught Red-Handed" Award - the laird knows all about their raising money for the Jacobite king
The "Way Too Good to be True" Award - Jamie is way, way too good for Claire. In fact, Jamie is too good for anyone on the planet. Well, Mother Teresa might be as noble as he is. He might as well be Sir Gawain.
The "That Actually Worked" Award - Jamie didn't load the pistol and in doing so was able to take Black Jack down
The "Poor Baby" Award - Frank Randall, who has given up hope at seeing his wife again
Best Music - the theme song
Best Quotes -
1. Jamie: "I'll thank you to take your hands off my wife."
2. Colum: "One day, brother, you'll talk your head off your shoulders and right onto a pike."
3. Jamie: "You are my home now."
4. Jamie: "Your ring, I had the blacksmith fashion your ring from my key." Claire: "Why didn't you tell me that before when you gave it to me?" Jamie: "I meant to wait until I took you back to Lallybroch so you'd know the place was as much yours as mine, but now I don't know if ever we'll get back there."
5. Priest: "Evil has but one cup. They drank long and deep. Yours was but a sip. Make it your last. Turn away from the darkness that beckons you and turn back to the light."
6. Jamie voiceover: "She asked forgiveness and I gave it but the truth is I'd forgiven everything she'd done and everything she could do long before that day. For me, that was no choice. That was falling in love."
Guest Reviews
BY EMMA
This week’s case explores the age old concept of the sins of the father coming back to visit his children. While this concept has been thoroughly explored in theology, literature, music and film/television, the twist that we see in “The Bond” is that the son pays for the sins of both his parents. For the most part, this was a straight forward case of the week, and while the twist on the old saying was new, the episode overall fell flat for me. We didn’t get any team bonding moments so this episode ended up being purely procedural and guilty of the greatest TV sin there is – being boring. We only have two episodes in February before we come back to the much anticipated episode titled “Derek” in March so I had hoped that we would’ve gone into this break with a bit more action but in the end, I guess I should appreciate the calm before the storm that we all know is coming in March.
Grade: B-
Best Reason to Watch – twist on “sins of the father” concept
Best Scene – Lewis and Morgan talk Randy (UnSub) down and convince him to act for himself and not for his parents
The “Worst Parents Ever” Award – Randy’s rapist father and murdering mother
The “Welcome Back Award” – Wilson Bethel formerly of Hart of Dixie / Veronica Cartwright from everything, but most recently Resurrection and Bosch
Best Quotes
1. Randy (Unsub): “What do you think?” Flora: “Honey, it’s perfect!”
2. Morgan: “You do not have to be defined by the sins of your father, or your mother.”
3. Lewis (voiceover): “The influence of a mother in the lives of her children is beyond calculation. James E. Faust”
BY Laura Markus
What a fantastic episode. My expectations were low but not unreasonable. This episode was far beyond my wildest dreams. Let's talk specifics: Mike and Harvey. Three words I will never get tired of saying. They had such wonderful scenes. It's like someone actually remembered what this show was built on. And people, Mike will NEVER turn on Harvey, even if you get Robert Zane to assault him. So much of the episode relied on Gabriel and Patrick's chemistry and it was so solid. It didn't feel like we waited months between this episode and the mid-season finale. Speaking of Robert Zane, he clearly has a thing for Jessica. Their scene was a bit odd. But when he showed up to be Mike's attorney in the intro, I was shocked! The intro was amazing! And Jessica was a queen, as per usual. Her scenes with Louis were cute, but I do wish she had more scenes with Harvey, and Mike especially. But there's still time for that. Even Donna and Rachel had great scenes. I enjoy whenever they share screen time; honestly I prefer them together than with any of the men. Blowback features great writing and acting. I only hope the remaining episodes are half as good as this one was.
Grade: A
Best Reason to Watch - Mike's loyalty to Harvey and vice-versa.
Best Scene - Mike yelling at Rachel for even thinking for one second he would ever turn on Harvey, and comparing that idea to something "disgusting".
Funniest Moment - Jessica telling Louis that she's not going mudding with him.
Best New Villian - Anita Gibbs. I already find myself wishing her harm.
The "Oh, Cr**!" Award - Mike showing Jack Soloff that he's still a force to be reckoned with.
Best Pop Culture Reference - Jessica and Louis are huge Lord of The Rings fans.
Most Annoying Scene - Obviously a personal choice, but Donna creepily showing up at Harvey's apartment saying she's coming back to him.
Best Dynamics - Harvey and Mike, but of course. No matter who you send to assault Mike, he's not going to turn on Harvey
Welcome Back: Abigail Spencer as Scottie! It was nice to see her again, however her character deserves so much better than this.
Best Quotes -
1. Rachel: "My father was here. That woman went to him and offered a deal." Mike: "Let me guess...they want me to turn on Harvey." Rachel: "They'll drop all the charges and you won't have to spend a minute in prison." Mike: "What did you tell him?" Rachel: "I told him that I would give you the message." Mike: "That you'd...give me...the message? Rachel, you know there's no way in hell I am ever gonna turn on him, right? You know that?" Rachel: "Yes, I do." Mike: "Do you?" Rachel: "What's that supposed to mean?" Mike: "It
means you should've told him that I'm loyal to everyone in my life, and I would rather go to jail than betray them!" Rachel: "I did tell him that!" Mike: "So then why didn't you tell me that you told him?" Rachel: "Because it's not what you asked me." Mike: "Tell me right now that the idea never crossed your mind that I should take this deal." Rachel: "Of course it popped into my head for a second." Mike: "So you think that I should just turn on them the second things look bad?" Rachel: "That is not what I said." Mike: "Is that what you're thinking of doing to me?" Rachel: "How could you even ask me that?" Mike: "I never even thought for a second that you would even consider an idea so disgusting as turning on Harvey."
2. Robert: "So you're gonna do exactly as I say, and I'm gonna help you get out of this thing." Mike: "No. There's no getting out of this thing." Robert: "Oh yes, there is, and you damn well know it. That woman doesn't get anything from prosecuting a fraud like you, but she would love to get Harvey Specter." Mike: "I'm not turning on Harvey." Robert: "Oh, he would do the same GD thing to you in a heartbeat!" Mike: "If you think that, then you don't know Harvey." Robert: "You're gonna listen to me: you're gonna get your head outta your a**, because I'm throwing you a GD lifeline. It's the only chance you're gonna get to save what's left of your miserable life." Mike: "I won't do it."
3. Harvey: "I'm telling you I am his attorney. If you don't let me see him, I'm gonna break through that door."
4. Harvey: "Robert, listen to me. Mike Ross is a good man. He came to me from nothing. I saw something in him and you did too. That's why you're here."
5. Mike: "You gave her that letter?" Harvey: "I did it to get you out." Mike: "Yeah, I don't care about getting bail if it lands us both in prison."
6. Harvey: "You're gonna let her [Rachel] go down there?" Jessica: "Harvey, she can knock on that door all she wants. They're not gonna let her see him tonight. Besides, she's his fiancée. Seeing him is not gonna make her look guilty." Harvey: "It's not gonna make me look guilty either. It makes me look like I'm standing by my guy."
7. Harvey: "I've got a little secret weapon called Mike Ross."
8. Mike: "I've always been good at math." Anita: "Well, I haven't."
New Shows
In the opening scene of Billions, a dominatrix puts out her cigarette on the main character and then pees on him. I was about 10 seconds away from being done with this show right then. Still I stayed because 2 minutes might not be the best way to judge. I'm glad I did. What started off as pay cable trash turned into a psychological war between two pricks, each in it for the power. While that's still not up my alley, it does showcase some great acting and like Dexter before it, I am willing to overlook my general objections to see where this is heading. Essentially US Attorney Rhoades is looking to increase his win column by taking down billionaire Axelrod for insider trading. Both men are confident to the point of cockiness, smart, and ruthless as well. That makes for a great cat and mouse game where you're not quite sure who is winning, if anyone. There is a tedious amount of cursing for no reason and the obligatory nudity, but so far the acting and overall intensity of what essentially is a white collar case overshadow that. I don't think it will for as long as Dexter did but this has marathon view written all over it.
Grade: B- / B
Ranking - 3
Audience - people who enjoy the psychological and logical side of war and don't mind the pay cable excess
Best Reason to Watch - the chess game between two high powered players (and great actors)
Best Scene - Axe and Rhoades come face to face and the gauntlet is thrown
Best Twist - Axe holds a mock SEC raid
Best Pep Talk - Dr. Rhoades, who pumps up Danzig with her Navy Seals speech
Best Product Placement - White Castle for that "man of the people" look
Best Power Dealer - There are big players in here, all of whom make multimillion dollar trades on a whim or take down giants. Still no one gets what they want better than Dr. Wendy Rhoades.
Best Matched Pair - Axe and Lara, who can both be ruthless and aren't above rubbing it in people's faces
Longest Metaphor - Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
Least Surprising - the white collar criminal commits suicide instead of going to jail
Least Likely to Take a Chance - Chuck, who is more concerned about his win streak
Most Easily Fast Forwarded - the sex scenes
Most Gratuitous - ALL the language
Most Disgusting - the dominatrix wife pees on the main character
Most Ostentatious - the $63 million beach house
Most Likely to Hold a Grudge - Axe
Strangest Cameo - Penn Jillette
The "Obviously Not My World" Award - if giving a half a million dollars makes you a cheapskate, I can't even afford to look in from the window
The "Welcome Back" Award - Malin Akerman from Trophy Wife / Paul Giamatti from John Adams / Jerry O'Connell from Sliders and Crossing Jordan / David Costabile from Suits and Dig
Best Quotes -
1. Rhoades: "Every once and awhile there's this thing we say. 'I am never so proud as when I choose not to prosecute a case.' And that's true, in theory, but every once and awhile I wish that I could just be more…human. But I haven't figured out how to do that and my job at the same time, you know." Dr. Wendy: "Being 100% good at your job and 100% good. If you figure that one out, let's both quit and write that book."
2. Axe: "My cholesterol's high enough. Don't butter my a**, Danzig. Just get smarter."
3. Axe: "Then again, what's the point of having f** you money if you never say f***you."
4. Ellis: "We will walk out of here if you don't honor the full amount." Axe: "No you won't. You need this $9 million because none of you, not one, has done a single day of work from the moment your miserable prick of a grandfather fell face down in the sand in Palm Beach and after reviewing your holdings, your business interests, your debts, I know that this check is the only thing standing between your family and bankruptcy. So pick it up, put it in your pocket, and walk out of here or I will."
5. Spyros: "Do the people you work with pretend they're impressed when you speak in riddles like some Kung Fu instructor from the movies?"
6. Axe: "From here on we evaluate every move. Not just for upside but for its ethical grounding." Wags: "We have to be more pure than the Virgin Mary before her first period."
Unlike the majority of people here at SpoilerTV, I have zero problem with One Million Moms protesting this show or anyone else exercising their rights. Ridiculing a political group for being political is just silly to me. However, Lucifer does not need anyone to boycott it. It is one ridiculous cliché of bad writing and even worse characters after another. Need a whiny, manchild who thinks that his charm outweighs his complete douchiness? Look no further. He out manchilds Brian from the Limitless pilot. Need a shady ex who is his own level of douche? Why not get the political villain from Arrow to play pretty much the same role? Instead of the hooker with a heart of gold, here's the former star of teensploitation films. Don't even get me started on the crime procedural clichés. It's yet another detective paired with a non-detective. Ten to one odds, Chloe and Lucifer start a will they, won't they relationship too by the end of season 1. It's practically shouted out in the Mad Libs style of writing. Ugh! This show is both dull and irritating.
Grade: D
Ranking - 1
Audience - anyone who still loves when they hook up the two leads in a crime procedural
Best Reason to Watch - if you like police procedurals that will turn romantic, this follows all the mainstays
Best Scene - Chloe pretends to be under Lucifer's spell just to snark at him
Best Character - Chloe, who is also the only good character
Best Ride - Lucifer's car
Best Accessorizing - Chloe wakes up in a hospital bed after being shot with lipstick fully intact
Biggest Brat / Biggest Douche / Most Irritating Character on TV Since Dracula - Lucifer
Biggest Eye Roll - Lucifer brings up hookers with Chloe's 7 year old daughter
Biggest Twist - Chloe is shot
The "Welcome Back" Award - DC Woodside from Buffy and 24 / AnnaLynne McCord from 90210 / Kevin Alejandro from Arrow / Lauren German from A Walk to Remember / John Pankow from Mad About You / Rachel Harris from Surviving Jack and VH1 specials / Bailey Chase from Buffy and a great Cold Case episode
Best Quotes -
1. Chloe: "I have far too many bullets in this thing for you to still be talking."
2. Lucifer: "I've never understood the human desire to procreate." Chloe: "That's probably a good thing."
3. Lucifer: "I suggested you work with him, not sleep with him." Delilah: "Well I got confused."
4. Lucifer: "You humans, you love your money, don't you?" Chloe: "Yes, yes we do. And…uh, what planet are you from?"
5. Lucifer: "Well that would imply she was actually sleeping with that maggot." Chloe: "Really? Jimmy, 2 Vile, Grey Cooper. That's 3 other maggots she's sleeping with. I don't think there's a lot of discretion going on with her."
I fully admit that one of the reasons Recovery Road is rated so high is because I went into it with very low expectations. It's actually one of the few episodes I watched this week that exceeded my expectations. I went into it expecting the brattiness of Finding Carter with the soap opera of Pretty Little Liars and the social preaching of an afterschool special. Instead it transcended them all. I did not expect to actually care for the lead character, Maddie, but she's whip smart and not as emoangsty as I feared. The first montage, which on most shows would have been a long, drawn out temper tantrum, was reduced to 2 minutes at most. She goes into treatment far easier than I ever expected and while her transition is more smooth than reality, it does make for a more compelling lead character. Sure there's traces of ABC Family all over this episode and I definitely expect it to turn more teen as the season progresses, but for right now I am putting this in the category of last year's Red Band Society - a teen drama with adult issues and enough heart that may just become a surprise win for me. If they add a bit more humor into the daily life and keep the teen hijinks to a minimum, I'm in.
Grade: B+
Ranking - 4
Audience - hmm, I would say this is on brand for ABC Family but with less of its emoangsting so if you love much of the new Freeform Channel, this should fit in your wheelhouse
Best Reason to Watch - actually it is all the things this pilot is NOT that makes it worth trying
Best Scene - teaching Maddie to ride a bike
Best Surprise - While Maddie may be an addict, so far she's not an emoangsty, whiny, bratty teen for the most part. She does have her moments but mostly she's snarky.
Best Montage - instead of getting a full-blown emoangsty argument with her mother, Maddie goes through the 5 stages of grief in 1 minute
Worst Sign - the guidance counselor hasn't poured out the vodka she found in Maddie's locker
Biggest Push Over - I don't know what Wes has over Craig but he sure let Maddie stay very quickly
Biggest Twist - Maddie's mom is the one who told the guidance counselor to search her locker
Biggest Meltdown - Maddie over the condom in her car
Least Surprising - the guidance counselor is a recovering addict / Doug didn't get far in his sobriety
Most Annoying - Trish's high-pitched squeal and racetrack fast speech
The "I Think You're Missing Something" Award - They get Maddie elbow and knee pads but not a helmet for learning how to ride a bike? Hmm.
The "Yeah, I Don't Think So" Award - by making it that Maddie and Wes are forbidden to be a couple, it only means love drama from here on
Best Quotes -
1. Charlotte: "Please excuse my daughter's rude behavior." Maddie: "Yes, I'm much more affable when I'm not being institutionalized against my will."
2. Trish: "Guess what I got into. You'll never guess." Maddie: "Oh for the sake of friends and family, I hope it was downers."
3. Trish: "Because guess what? We are roomies. Oh you don't know how excited I am. I've been waiting so long to have a roommate that's not going through menopause," Maddie: "You know, you're crushing my will to live."
4. Trish: "So how did he die?" Maddie: "He was killed by a drunk driver. The irony is not lost on me."
5. Vern: "Maddie, you understand the difference between right and wrong, right?" Maddie: "If I did, would I be here?"
6. Maddie: "You're weird." Vern: "You say that like it's a bad thing."
The X-Files was my first TV obsession even though I almost never saw it. I was way more into Sliders but one of my students suggested I try it and I soon jumped into my first taste of fandom. It introduced me to fanfic and to this day, no one does fanfic better than The X-Files lovers did. I hounded every member of my family to watch it and organized a viewing party of family and friends when the first movie came out. I had the books, the magazines, and even the clock. It was also one of the single biggest TV disappointments in my life. (Looking at you Buffy for the other.) Once I realized Chris Carter was just spinning his wheels and had no clue what the truth was much less where it was, I crashed hard. It is Carter who had me fleeing LOST after the second season. I wasn't going through another show of all questions and no answers. So I approach this special 6-episode event with much trepidation. The season premiere confirmed my worst fears. The whole conspiracy theory is a hodgepodge of everything and the kitchen sink, so vast as to make us forget that Carter never has a clue about his own show's mythology. Mulder's paranoid ravings were ludicrous at best and had me wanting to start a Kickstarter for his therapy. How could one woman and a conspiracy theorist make him throw away his beliefs so quickly without any shred of evidence? You live that long in your beliefs and it takes something huge to mind shift. Humans don't change that instantly without overwhelming evidence and even then it is hard to change someone's mind. The whole thing screamed of plot device MacGuffin. Add to it the constant sniping and lack of real communication between Mulder and Scully and I was about to wash my hands of the whole mess.
Still nostalgia is a powerful bond so I knew I would watch these 6 episodes for better or worse. Thankfully, it got significantly better in the second episode. I think it's better for this show to go with the case-of-the-week format because there were moments when I could glimpse a hint of the show's former glory in this one. The bizarre and the supernatural shined throughout and yet there was still the more rational, Scully side. Plus, Mulder was back to calling her Scully like he should always do. I liked the psychic sibling bond but the real heart of the episode was watching both Scully and Mulder dream of being there as their son grew up. It also showcased their very real fears about the child's safety. My guess is that the real mytharc beyond mad ramblings of conspiracy is the eventual reunion between William and his parents. Surely they must be headed towards this since they keep bringing him up, right? In the end, the second episode was far more compelling than the first and I can only hope there are more standalone episodes in our future.
Grade: D / B
Ranking - cautiously optimistic
Audience - those who have already seen the show because it's not really newbie friendly
Best Reason to Watch - nostalgia
Best Scene - alien craft replica takes off and goes invisible
Best Awww Moment - both Scully and Mulder dream about life with their son
Best Boss Ever - Skinner, who plays within the politics to get his agents the time and things they need
Best Reaction - Mulder to the mock alien craft
Best Twist - reopening the X-Files
Best Return - the music by Mark Snow
Best Thief - Mulder, who pockets mutant kid's blood
Worst Plan - The "shoot the alien first and then figure out questions" method is such a bad cliché . No wonder aliens are always in a bad mood when they arrive on Earth in the movies.
Worst Communication Skills - Mulder AND Scully. I'm not sure how these two ever became a couple with their tendency to run away, go silent, hang up, talk over each other, only see their own point of view, and give up on each other instead of pushing forward through the hard stuff. They are both still so tunnel-visioned.
Least Trustworthy - Chris Carter. I firmly believe each time someone says they can't tell Mulder something, there is only one reason. Carter doesn't know what it is and therefore uses misdirect and cryptic speech to mask his own lack of direction for the show. The truth is out there, my foot. It helps when the creator has some idea of what that truth even is.
Least Observant - that was the second time that kid ran into Mulder
Least Surprising - Mulder's nightmares about his son are the same thing that happened to his sister
Most Ageless - Walter Skinner…and all the pencils still in the ceiling, which may be of alien origin themselves to stay up for so long
Most in Need of a Mirror - Scully, who seems to wear a particularly bloody shade of red on a regular basis. Either wash it off after surgery or date a vampire.
Most Informational and Yet Pointless - Mulder beautifully describes the history of UFO phenomenon only to tell us not 30 minutes later that it is all a hoax
Biggest Say What? - How exactly in CSM still alive? Seriously?
Biggest Laugh - Mulder: "It all makes complete sense." Bwaaahhh!!!!
Biggest Unicorn - anyone who is NOT cryptic on this show
Biggest Douche - Mulder, who keeps blaming Skinner for everything when all he's done was protect them
The "Second Verse Same as the First" Award - I'm pretty sure I've seen Mulder think this is all a government conspiracy before. You know that season when Scully was the believer and Mulder was the skeptic. Why exactly are we doing this again? More importantly, how does talking to one secluded abductee and a billionaire conspiracy theorist equal dumping decades of belief in 3.2 seconds? Not buying this at all.
The "When in Doubt…" Award - …Mulder's always right
The "You Can Just Stop That Right Now" Award - Mulder, every time you can Scully "Dana" in that half-smirk voice I get an uncontrollable urge to Gibbs' smack you…or bury you in socks
The "Oh Poor Baby" Award - Sveta, who's getting screwed over in all dimensions
The "Welcome Back" Award - everyone from the original show / Christine Willes from The 100
Best Quotes -
1. Mulder: "I blacked out after Goldman's eyes popped out of his sockets. Believe me. You can't un-see that."
2. Scully: "Mulder, I'm not a fragile little girl." Mulder: "Scully…" Scully: "This is what you suspected all along but were afraid to articulate. Is this what you believe happened to me 15 years ago? When I got pregnant? When I had my baby? Was I just an incubator?" Mulder: "You're never just anything to me, Scully." Scully: "Do you ever think about William?" Mulder: "Yes, of course I do but I've…I feel like I've had to put that behind me." Scully: "He'd be 15 years old now and I've missed every single year of his life. Sometimes I hate myself that I didn't have the courage to stand by him."
3. Mulder: "Tell Skinner to set it up." Scully: "Seriously?" Mulder: "And don't pretend I'm going alone."
4. Tad: "I had the vehicle bulletproofed." Mulder: "Cause you never know when a gun-toting liberal might go Hinckley." Scully: "You'll have to excuse him. How can we help you, Mr. O'Malley?"
5. Mulder: "What do you make of this, Scully?" Scully: "Well it seems that Dr. Sanjay had a psychotic break and committed suicide. Note the letter opener sticking out of his head."
6. Scully: "I'm always happy to see you." Mulder: "And I'm always happy to find a reason."
Weekly Shows
While a much, much, much better than the season 3 premiere, the pacing is still off here. Generally The 100 moves quickly but there are several scenes that drug along in this episode too. It doesn't help that I don't care about Jasper, Jaha, or Murphy. Still the addition of Pike adds tension in the Arkadian ranks and I love that Monty was reunited with his mother. The tale of the day they landed adds much needed back story to Pike's hatred of the grounders and gives their experience the typical 100 brutality. They've been scarred too. Still the very best thing about this episode is the awesome ending. I wasn't sure about Lexa coming back into the story but Clarke's reaction makes a whole lot of sense. I want it to be hard for Clarke to trust Lexa again because the betrayal was so great. I also don’t think these two should ever be in a relationship together. It was bad enough that Lexa is part of Clarke's memories of killing Finn. Add that she's part of why Clarke committed genocide and there's no foundation for any relationship here. Wary allies is even pushing it. As for Mount Weather, I'm still surprised no one is utilizing it. Obviously Pike is going to make a push for taking over, but he's also unstable and we already have one Chancellor Crazypants. Abby is pulled too thin so for me, that leaves Kane for Chancellor at Mount Weather and I am very, very good with that.
Grade: B
Best Reason to Watch - the fantastic twist of an ending
Best Scene - the Farm Station reunited with the Arkadia group / the ending
Best Reaction - Clarke to Lexa saying she needs her help
Best Back Story - death of Monty's dad
Best Visual - Lexa overlooking her kingdom
Best Twist - Roan takes Clarke to Lexa instead of the Ice Nation
Best Call Back - Finn, although I'm still ticked at how they ruined his character
Best Plan - Murphy holds Alie hostage in exchange for Emori
Best Warrior - Roan
Worst Plan / Least Surprising - Bellamy goes after Clarke by himself
Most Clever Attempt - Clarke pretends to be out so that she can attack Roan
Most Destructive - Jasper, who ruins priceless art but at least doesn't screw over everyone in this episode. It's progress.
Biggest Ew - the blood spurting from goon's neck
Biggest Face Palm - Bellamy touches Clarke's hair instead of slicing through her bindings right away
The "About Time" Award - Abby agrees to open the mountain
The "It Does Exist" Award - Apparently Rh null blood is a real thing and people with it go above and beyond, paying to donate their blood for people who need it. Of course it is so rare that it is surprising that even Mount Weather had some of it or that it would last for so long.
The "Welcome Back" Award - Nyko and Lexa
Best Quotes -
1. Lexa: "I'm sorry. It had to be this way to insure that Wanheda didn't fall into the hands of the Ice Queen. War is brewing, Clarke. I need you." Clarke (spitting on Lexa): "You b**. You wanted the Commander of Death, you got her. I'll kill you."
2. Hannah: "I'm staying with my son." Pike: "Damn right you are. Mount up. We're going back into hell."
3. Abby: "Generally a follow up appointment is about checking the old injury, not treating new ones." Jasper: "I was just trying to make the most of our time together, Doc."
4. Abby: "You want me to bring a grounder into Mount Weather for a transfusion? They killed thousands of people for that blood, Jackson." Jackson: "We can't just let him die, Abby. We're doctors." Abby: "I am not just a doctor." Jackson: "Maybe you should be."
5. Kane: "We have a settlement 50 miles south of here. Your people will be safe there." Pike: "You're my people."
Agent Carter never ceases to amaze me at how well they portray women. I love that the glamorous starlet is actually the brains behind a major scientific corporation. The genius hiding in plain sight role was done expertly by Carter last season and I look forward to seeing how it works in a more villainous light. Frost is a great character. I do wish that they would have waited longer to bring Thompson back in the mix though. He's such a douche all the time so even though they wanted me to feel for him when Sousa refused to go out for drinks with him, I just don't. I'm glad he believes Carter's story now but I foresee him acting like a jerk about it so there's no upside to his character being here. I did miss Dottie in this episode but I hope to see Frost and her in a future scene together. They could be downright diabolical as a team.
Grade: B
Best Reason to Watch - finding out more about Frost and her real nature
Best Scene - Peggy vs. Frost in her dressing room
Best Twist - Frost is actually a genius inventor and scientist
Best Action - Peggy and Jarvis vs. the hit man
Best Save - Jarvis gives Carter an alibi when she's caught snooping and helps fight off an assassin
Best Meta - Carter and Stark snark about the finances of a comic-based movie
Best Manipulator - Frost
Biggest Say What? - the dead guy is only kind of, sort of dead
Biggest Product Placement - Velveeta
Most Interesting Superpower - to make all the creepsters in your life just poof
Most Fun - Stark brings in a lot of women to the males-only club so Peggy can bug the place
Most in Need of Shutting Up - Carter, who tells off Thompson which only makes things worse
The "Not You Again" Award - Thompson is back
The "Welcome Back" Award - Stark
Best Quotes -
1. Jarvis: "If you need a sparring partner….I'm sure Mr. Stark would be more than happy to hire one for you."
2. Stark: "I always thought you should be in pictures, Peg. What do you say? Arlene French called in drunk. You want to play a sassy beer wench?" Carter: "I'd rather be the cowboy." Stark: "Oh I like it. I don't think the audience is ready yet." Carter: "But they're ready for a movie based on a comic book. Sounds like a dreadful idea."
3. Stark: "Film making isn't art. It's more than that. It's science, which is why I am going to beat these movie yahoos at their own game." Jarvis: "Because of your boundless modesty."
4. Carter: "Paper are in the business of selling paper. Finding facts isn't always their top priority." Frost: "Truer words, Agent Carter. You know last week the press said that I was involved in a torrid love affair with Cary Grant. I should be so lucky."
5. Sousa: "I speak Hollywood now."
Dear The Flash, what is up with all the emoangsty drama these days? Remember that golden year we called season 1, when there was humor and laughter and fun on this show? Remember when it wasn't all pain and sacrifice and romance nonsense junking up the works? I barely do either. I liked Patty. I thought she was a great character. After these last 2 episodes, I can't wait for that train to deposit her far, far away. She went from kick butt detective to source of man pain in 5 episodes flat. Argh! Caitlin, who used to be an important part of the team now spends all her time angsting over Jay when she hasn't even had time to grieve for her husband yet. Talk about rebound drama. I want to shake her and send him on the train with Patty. Then there's the West family soap opera. Could this thing get any more melodramatic? Ugh! Finally they throw in some time travel junk to bring back a character Barry already emoangsted over for a full season. Head meet desk over and over and over again. If only the cinematography went down 10 light levels, I'd think I was watching Arrow and I left that show for a reason. I don't know what's in the water at Central City these days, but could someone please find their happy place again. This show is getting too depressing to watch. Thank goodness for Agent Carter.
Grade: D+
Best Reason to Watch - Cisco lives
Best Scene - Barry takes down Reverse Flash…again
Best Moment - During the scene where Cisco and Barry speak from the heart, Wells totally eye rolls. I am with you, Wells. I was eye rolling almost every moment of this episode.
Best Dad Moment - Joe yells at Barry not to kill Reverse Flash
Best Advice - Iris tells Wally to go see his mom
Biggest Aww Moment - Iris tells her mom that she forgives her and Joe comforts Iris in the hospital
Biggest Douche - Wells
Biggest Headache - time line remnant and all other things time travel
Biggest Moron - Cisco tells Reverse Flash about his powers and that they built the cells together. What part of "don't give him any information about his other time here," do you not understand, Cisco? Urgh!
Least Surprising - Patty totally played Barry with the false threat
Most Worthless - Jay
Smartest Person in the Room - Patty, who figures out that Barry's the Flash on her own
The "Not You Again" Award - Reverse Flash is as irksome resurrected as ever
Best Quotes -
1. Cisco: "Are you telling me I can see the future?" Wells: "That's exactly what I'm telling you." Cisco: "Those goggles are getting named immediately."
2. Flash: "You died." Thawne: "Good to know."
3. Wells: "Can you do me a favor and just shut up?" (This is also my quote for the episode.)
4. Wells: "This is his origin story and it's going to happen no matter what you do, but right here, right now, you can send him back to his time. You can save your friend. You can save Cisco and move on with your life." Joe: "This could be a good thing. You can finally let go of him." Barry: "I could throw him 3 centuries from now. He'll always be a part of me."
5. Cisco: "You let him go." Barry: "I couldn't let him take another person I cared about."
This show would be a whole lot better if the two main characters weren't such whiny, emoangsty brats, whom I just want to smack. The highlight of this episode was to watch the drippy Quentin get knocked flat on his back by the same magic he tried to attack someone else with. If both Quentin and Julia died, I might be interested in this Harry Potter wannabe. Alas, they don't seem to be going anywhere. Even worse, neither one has any humor at all but they do have a sense of entitlement that makes them even more irritating. Only Eliot is entertaining. In a world of far too many TV shows, I don't have time to watch the two biggest bummers on TV. Sorry, Sera Gamble. I send you all love and I'll definitely check out the next thing you do, but any more of the millennial babies and I'll need my own mind wiped.
Grade: D
Best Reason to Watch - the overall mystery
Best Scene - Quentin gets knocked on his butt
Best Character - Eliot
Best Reference - avada kedavra
Best Twist - Marina is actually the head witch
Biggest Ewww - Julia cuts the fat out of the head guy
Biggest Oversharer - Quentin
Biggest Twist - Kady is working for the evil Marina
Least Surprising - Pete locks Julia and Marina in the meat freezer
Most Annoying Subplot - Julia's whining about not being accepted
Most Crazy Sounding - Quentin saying that the fantasy book is real
Most Likely to be in a Madonna Video - when Pete does magic, it looks like he's vogue-ing
The "Welcome Back" Award - Anne Dudek from Covert Affairs / Kacey Rohl from Working the Engels and The X-Files
Best Quotes -
1. Eliot: "On purpose. Like you guys cast it thinking, 'Oh monster from another world by all means come on in.' "
2. Eliza: "There is no destiny, no born heroes. I can't tell you why..why the beast came sniffing for you. There's no reason it should be you. You can either step up to it or not. It's up to you. We'll just hope for the best."
3. Julia: "How am I supposed to trust you?" Marina: "Why would you ever trust anyone?"
4. Eliot: "So I'm walking on the street, eating a candy bar 'cause by then I already ate my feelings at a professional level."
5. Quentin: "If you're trying to tell me that it gets better…" Eliot: "God no, no. It doesn't. I'm trying to tell you, you are not alone here. Funny little irony they don't tell you - magic doesn't come from talent. It comes from pain."
6. Quentin: "You don't see color and want to go back to black and white."
Again Scorpion takes an interesting case and twists it all around. I love the play on Speed and how everyone but Sylvester seemed to get it. I am even good with getting rid of Merrick, even though I'm not in favor of making him a Chinese spy to do so. Not only was it a lot to swallow but it didn't provide the cool twist I was expecting. Since when is the first suspicious guy actually the one who did it? Mostly though I liked that another person was able to weigh in on Walter as a human and he seemed to take some of what she had to say to heart. I know the fandom went nuts when Linda blew up at Walter but that seems like an appropriate reaction to having a bomb strapped to you. Granted she might have gone a little easier on the guy who was holding her life in his hands, but she was a little stressed. The only big demerits for this episode was the whole Merrick thing and the fact that they pretty much boldfaced said that they were looking to hook everyone up. I do not want Walter and Paige to ever be a thing so this will they, won't they thing they are pushing so hard right now is irritating in the least.
Grade: B-
Best Reason to Watch - it's the end of Merrick, one of the most annoying characters on the show
Best Scene - Linda and Walter talk about the date
Best Action - Cabe vs. Merrick
Best Reference - Speed
Best Plan - NOT going on a second date with Walter
Worst at Small Talk - Sylvester, which is an accomplishment giving Walter's social skills
Worst Accessory - the buckle on Cabe's shoe gets stuck in the grate mid-fight
Biggest Hmm - How is the Scorpion office NOT a crime scene right now?
Biggest Meltdown - Linda, even though I totally get why she's upset
Biggest Disappointment - Merrick is the bad guy. He was too obvious.
Most Nervous - Before the bomb, Sylvester. During the bomb, definitely Toby.
Most Wrong - Walter, because it's just polite to walk your date to their car
Most Fun - Sylvester extolling the virtues of The Price is Right
The "Of Course It's Not Over" Award - it's not Scorpion if the plan doesn't go sideways at least 3 times
The "Not Him Again" Award - Merrick
The "Welcome Back" Award - Brooke Nevin, who played Kat in Supernatural's Asylum
Best Quotes -
1. Toby: "Pop quiz, hotshot. There's a rocket with some bad fuel. If it launches now it'll crash straight into the Pacific. What do you do? What do you do!" Sylvester: "Why are you asking me that? I thought we just made a plan." Cabe: "Watch a movie sometime."
2. Toby: "What happened to your hipster boots?" Cabe: "Well those damn things almost got me killed. Almost died trying to be someone I'm not. I've got a VCR, I use Brylcreem, and I love John Wayne movies. This is who I am." Toby: "The oldest man in the world." Cabe: "Not old, experienced. And I'm fine with myself just the way I am. I don't need a change."
3. Happy: "Okay, how do you not know Speed? A massive out-of-control bus, racing through Los Angeles. It's a classic flick." Sylvester: "Why would I watch that movie? I take the bus every day."
4. Walter: "You're right. I can't disarm it. That's why we're going to let the bomb go off." Toby: "I might only be a psychiatrist, but they taught us in medical school that blowing people up is bad for their bodies."
5. Linda: "I'm gonna die alone because I was scared I'd die alone." Walter: "Listen to me, you're not gonna die alone." Toby: "You might want to tweak that." Walter: "I mean you're not gonna die. I will do what it takes to save you. I just don't know what it is exactly. I'm trying to figure it out."
Talk about your fight between good and evil. How can I assign a grade to these episodes that made me cheer so much but also infuriated me? There were so many great brother moments, including some closure on Jeremy Carver's asinine canon explosion he called season 8. Sam as a whole was fantastic in both. I loved his speech to Lucifer when he said no. I loved his apologt for not looking for Dean in Purgatory. Mostly though I love how much this character has grown since season 1. Sam in season 11 may be my favorite. The graveside chat also showed how much Dean has grown. In earlier seasons he tried to avoid personal conversations but in this one, he asked Sam how he was doing and was willing to talk it through if Sam was. He didn't push his way on Sam but allowed Sam to take it wherever he was more comfortable. This is the maturity I was looking for in season 8, not that contrived drama junk. Still, as much as I adored the brothers in this one, there were several aspects that I just groan over. I HATE that we still have a Lucifer story. Cas being Lucifer's vessel not only does NOT make any sense in the context of season 5, but it also means that I have to suffer through yet another annoying season of Lucifer. Plus it's plain weird to look for the Lucifer in Cas' body. I'm still just getting Cas, albeit more like Leviathan Cas. I'm also not a fan of the returning "Winchester in love with the Big Bad" theme. We've already done this and it ended badly with a more talented writing staff. I'm not sure anything can make this train wreck good. In the end though, the good outweighed the bad. One fantastic brother moment can do that for me and these two episodes had far more than that. How I love those Winchesters!
Grade: B / B+
Best Reason to Watch - lots of great brother moments and brother speeches
Best Scene - Dean and Sam graveside chat, which shows their character growth / Sam's apology
Best Action - Cage fight
Best Return - the salt and burn
Best Meta - Crowley gets a Sam for Christmas
Best Surprise - Mildred wasn't evil
Worst Twist Since Ruby - Lucifer is back and alive in Cas
Biggest Laugh - Mildred and Eileen doing sign language about who has dibs on which brother
BIGGEST URRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! - Jeremy Carver, no matter how many times you spout that nonsense about Dean and Sam promising NOT to look for each other, it will NEVER, EVER make any sense. You can't just make up canon that is in direct contradiction to 7 YEARS of canon and think that saying it over and over again will make you right. You suck, Carver. You really, really suck out loud. Please go and let Kripke have his baby back.
Biggest Ew - watching Dean vomit (especially for no reason)
Best Callback - Red Sky at Morning, when Cougar Gert was lusting after Sam
Biggest What the Heck - Lucifer as Santa, killing Crowley
Biggest Child - Dean, messing with Sam's phone
Biggest Say What - If it's that easy to put Lucifer in the Cage, what was the point of season 5?
Biggest Flashback - Swan Song / Amelia
Most Likely to Tell It Like It Is - Ambriel who says both Cas and she are expendable
Most Bizarre - Dean and Sam debating the merits of the Golden Girls
Least Surprising - the deaf maid is a hunter and not the banshee
The "Second Verse, Worse Than the First" Award - Unh, unh. Nope. Just no. We already went through Ruby. I am not going through Dean pining for the Big Bad now. Time to excise this connection.
Canon Decimation #19,637 - How can Lucifer have an angel meatsuit? I thought it had to be a human. If not, why didn't he just do that in season 5?
Best Music - Will You Love Me Tomorrow? By the Shirelles
The "Finally" Award - Sam apologizes for not looking for Dean in Purgatory and I don't blame him at all. I blame Carver the Douche who killed my brothers for 2 seasons.
The "Welcome Back" Award - Colin Ford as the lovely Young Sam Winchester. Nice to have you back, sir. / Dee Wallace from ET and Grimm
Best Quotes - 11.10
1. Sam: "I think whoever wins, you or the Darkness, everyone else loses - so no. My answer is no. It isn't because of Dean or the past. This is about me having faith in my friends, having faith in my family. We will find a way. I'm ready to die and I'm ready to watch people I love die but I'm not ready to be your b**."
2. Crowley: "Welcome to hell." Dean: "Where's Sam?" Crowley: "Don't worry about Sam." Dean: "Oh I'm sorry. Have you met me?"
3. Sam: "Well you wasted your time then, 'cause see I know how this ends." Lucifer: "Oh do you now?" Sam: "Yeah, you'll taunt me and…uh, you'll torture me and I'll say no and eventually, sooner than you think, my brother's gonna walk through that door and kick your a**." Lucifer: "Dean? You're betting on Dean." Sam: "I always have."
4. Sam: "But let's say you gank her. Then what?" Lucifer: "I move to LA. Solve crimes."
5. Rowena: "Lucifer has a plan and…" Crowley: "…And he's the devil." Rowena: "You say that like it's a bad thing." Crowley: "Oh, I'm a bad thing. He's the worst thing. Last time Lucifer went topside, you know what he wanted? Death for you, for me, and every human and every demon." Rowena: "He's changed." Crowley: "Yes, of course. All he needed was the love of a horrible woman."
6. Lucifer: "You hit like a human."
Best Quotes - 11.11
1. Sam: "Dean, when I was with Lucifer, he…um, he showed me things. It was like a highlight reel of my biggest failures." Dean: "Yeah, he was messing with you. That's what he does." Sam: "Give me a sec. I should have looked for you when you were in Purgatory. I…I should have turned over every stone, but I didn't. I stopped and I've never forgiven myself for it." Dean: "Well I have. Hey, that's in the past, man. What's done is done. All that matters now, all that's ever mattered, is that we're together so shut up and drink your beer."
2. Mildred: "West facing rooms cost extra. You know you have to pay for the view." Dean: "It's not bad." Mildred: "Not bad. Honey, it's almost as gorgeous as you are." Dean: "Ha!" Mildred: "You know tell me something. When's the last time you watched a sunset without waiting for something to go bump in the night? Hmm, you should try it sometime."
3. Dean: "Are you okay?" Sam: "No, I'm not actually. Not at all. Being so close to Lucifer again, it brought stuff up. Stuff I thought I'd forgot about." Dean: "You want to talk about it." Sam: "No." Dean: "Well look Lucifer's never getting out of that Cage ever and you are never going back. Period. So case closed…and so is this one."
4. Lucifer: "By the way, I thought I had Daddy issues but you, wow!"
All hail girl power! The last 2 weeks have been full of strong kickbutt female moments, a trend I hope to see continue on Teen Wolf. I love how Malia and Lydia shared the spotlight tonight and especially how their storylines ended up intersecting. The fact that Lydia finally used her banshee scream to save Malia made it even better. Lydia is going to be a force to be reckoned with, especially if these are just her newbie moves. Malia, on the other hand, was hit or miss for me. The fact that she still trusted Theo enough to let him in on her plans made me cringe and I didn't empathize when he turned on her. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me and all. I did however love her standoff with the Desert Wolf and the small back story we got. Here's hoping there's more on why Talia removed Malia in the first place. That's a bold move even if you think someone's crazy. I also adored that Malia chose to save Deaton instead of pursuing her mom. It shows how much growth she's done since she's joined Scott's pack. Speaking of, the best thing about the night (after kick butt action of course) is the fact that the pack is definitely together again. I only wish that Braeden had been in on the final scene too. She's got skills they need and to be honest, none of them are really good at making feasible plans. Braeden and Argent should be designing this prison break.
Grade: B
Best Reason to Watch - girl power
Best Scene - kick butt montage
Best Reaction - Stiles and Scott when the cop asks if they believe in the supernatural
Most True - you can't pick your parents, but you don't have to cure them either, Argent
Most in Need of a Gibbs' Slap - Malia for trusting Theo
Most Depressing Visual - all the bodies being rolled into the morgue (23 in 2 weeks?)
Least Surprising - Desert Wolf blames Malia for stealing her power
The "You're Missing Someone" Award - Where's Braeden at the ending planning scene?
The "It's About Time" Award - the current timeline and the 5A premiere are now the same
Best Quotes -
1. Parrish: "This guy's your father?" Argent: "Wasn't my choice."
2. Malia: "What's the problem?" Braeden: "Besides the fact that I've never seen this place beyond a few aerial photos and we're basically going in blind…him." Theo: "Would you mind not pointing that thing at me?" Malia: "He's coming with us." Braeden: "He tried to kill Scott." Theo: "Technically, I did kill Scott." Braeden: "I should kill you." Theo: "Won't happen with a shotgun."
3. Stiles: "Maybe you can wake up and explain it to me. Oh come on, Lydia. You have to come back to us. There's no way we're getting through this without you. Lydia, you have to wake up."
4. Malia: "I'm not walking away on a maybe." Braeden: "And I'm not walking in on so much uncertainty."
5. Scott: "Hayden's alive. Everything before that doesn't matter." Liam: "It should. I feel like I have to do more than just say sorry." Scott: "Actually you still haven't done that."
Younger often plays in 2 different humor pools. One takes sarcastic potshots at our youth-obsessed culture and the generational divide. The other relies on crass sexual jokes and innuendo. Both are readily on display in this episode. So much so that it sidelines the heart I've come to rely on to temper the absurdity of it all. It also makes many of the character interactions feel more like they are serving a one-note joke than growing the characters. Surprisingly it is the normally flighty Lauren who is the most emotionally invested in this episode. In the one scene she has with Maggie, it is clear that she wants to deepen the relationship but Maggie pulls away, presumably due to a bad breakup many years ago. To be honest, I would probably have liked this episode better if they had devoted more time to Maggie's history. Instead the "A" storyline focuses on Kelsey's attempt to land a trending fashion blogger as the first author for the Millennial imprint. Jade has that cool, disaffected, screw you attitude that gets old really fast, but she does deliver quite the tirade on the fashion industry and their attempt to limit beauty to youth. It's awesome. What isn’t is ALL the double entendres about the size of Charles' penis. This never needs to be an actual subplot again. EVER!
Grade: C
Best Reason to Watch - Maggie
Best Reason to Skip - more double entendre and innuendo than a bad Cinemax film
Best Scene - Jade lambasts the fashion industry
Bets Reference - Oprah
Best Use of Flattery - Kelsey gets Diana to agree to let Liza help by including Diana in the meeting
Worst Way to End a Relationship - Josh has sex with a model to get his ex to believe it's really over
Most Shocking - Lauren wants to get serious with Maggie but Maggie's not so sure
Most Embarrassing - Charles' crotch shot online (and the amount of screen time devoted to it)
Most Insane - Jade, even before Josh confirmed it
Most Farfetched - anyone has enough clout to get a photo down from so many different websites
Celebrity Cameo - author Jennifer Weiner
Best Quotes -
1. Diana: "The New Yorker? Is there no class left in this world?"
2. Jade: "Last week I watched a cover girl's waist get Photoshopped down to the size of my pinkie, her chest inflated to alien Barbie-sized proportions, and her wrinkles virtually expunged. All this business does is perpetuate the wanked out notion that youth and beauty are the only things that define a woman's worth. I would rather slit my carotid artery than spend one more day in an industry that faults me simply for growing older."
3. Liza: "Remember the good old days when you could take an embarrassing photo without fear that it would be posted on a worldwide platform for millions of eyes to see where it feasibly could exist until the end of days." Maggie: "Why do you think I still own a Polaroid?"
4. Maggie: "They are in Pumpkin Spice hell."
5. Jade: "I've got to give you one thing. I mean you b** are pretty desperate." Liza: "Exactly. Would HarperCollins ever kidnap you and make your ex-boyfriend apologize?"
Other Shows
Grade: B- / B+
Best Reason to Watch - the father-son interactions
Best Scene - Sherlock rides with the murderer to the police / Sherlock and his father talk at Baker Street
Best Character Interaction - Sherlock and Moreland
Best Reaction - Sherlock to Watson saying she was going to dinner with his dad
Best Cliffhanger - the failed assassination attempt on Morland's life
Biggest Hope - it's my belief that Sherlock is using his reputation as a way to save face while really trying to protect his dad
Biggest Baby - Sherlock pours out Morland's honey
Biggest Douche - Sherlock to his father
Biggest Laugh - Sherlock takes over the conference Power Point
Most Dysfunctional - the Holmes' family
The "Thou Protesteth Too Much" Award - Sherlock makes a big deal about cutting off ties with his father in part because he is disgusted that his own father would even briefly consider him capable of killing, but he was certainly capable and willing to kill Oscar last season. He's even said that everyone has the potential to kill before.
The "I'm with You" Award - I think plea bargains are a necessary evil as well
The "Well That's One Way" Award - if you are going to hire hit men, it's quite efficient to have the getaway car dispose of them too
The "Welcome Back" Award (actor) - Tom Wopat from Dukes of Hazzard / Tamara Tunie from SVU
The "Welcome Back" Award (character) - Morland and Mason
Best Quotes -
1. Sherlock: "You and I have had our differences to put it mildly, but I've always thought that at the very least you knew the content of my character. If you don't know without question that I'm not a killer, then there really is no foundation for us to build on. This experiment of ours has reached its end if for no other reason than to preserve my safety and Watson's. I do hope you'll agree. Oh and if you have any lingering doubts, here's how you can be certain I'm not the one who tried to kill you. You're alive."
2. Sherlock: "I see very much what I expected to see, a psychopath with no real human connections except the facades he maintains for convenience. A vampire of sorts, but instead of blood you feed on hopes and dreams." Trager: "Do one I haven't been called." Sherlock: "Very well. You're a double destroyer of lives. Once when you rope people into debt and then again when you use that debt to leverage them into doing your bidding."
3. Bell: "Is anything this kid's doing legal?" Sherlock: "Define legal."
4. Watson: "Were you in a fight or were you having sex?" Sherlock: "The two aren't mutually exclusive."
5. Bell: "Okay, first let's get your hand out of my face."
6. Sherlock: "You said you were deliberately fed a false lead to cast suspicion on me. That is an affront to my reputation, an offense which I cannot abide. You stay, go, I don't care, but either way I'm gonna find and stop whoever tried to kill you."
~I read about many people protesting this show for how negatively it portrays teachers. I would rather protest this show for how stupid and unfunny it is. And yes, I'm a teacher.
Grade: D
Ranking - 1
Audience - people who thought Bad Teacher was too mature
Best Scene - the teachers come together for the "ceiling safety" video to protect one's job
Best Reference - Rambo
Worst Subplot - hot dad
Biggest What the Heck? - Exactly what class has only 9-12 kids in it? I want to teach at that school.
Most Drawn Out Subplot - the teacher getting over her breakup
Most Incompetent - draw any character name out of a hat and they qualify
Least Surprising - the grief counselor dies
The "Welcome Back" Award - Trevor Larcom from Fresh Off the Boat
Best Quotes -
1. Kid: "What's a mimosa?" Watson: "It's something women in their 20's order so they can feel better about drinking in the morning."
2. Watson: "A bully is someone who generally disregards your feelings, ignores your texts, and changes the password on your joint Netflix account 2 days after you break up."
3. Chelsea: "So I went out with a drug dealer….Jared S, make a better choice."
4. Principal: "Your compliments board turned into an insult board. We have a band of vigilantes squad. It's like Lord of the Flies out there."
5. Chelsea: "These are bad kids." Feldman: "The worst."
