Hello and welcome to the shortest edition of Last Week in TV yet. TV took a backseat to other priorities last week so I didn't get much watched. Since this week is equally busy, the column will be taking a 1 (possibly 2) week hiatus until I can get back to a regular schedule. Due to the hiatus, and possibly because this is so short, I'm including this week's Heartland as well as last week's. Thanks to BlueStar for volunteering to review the show after originally posting about Dominion here. Even in such a short TV week, mine was filled with highs and lows. Teen Wolf and How to Get Away with Murder were both excellent, making both a tossup for episode of the week. Since I'm lazy tonight, I decided not to choose. Let's just say both were superior to most TV this season. Meanwhile The 100 kept its death march into the Land of Facepalm. So much facepalm. So many socks. The highlight of the week though consists of my new favorite quote from a random Teen Wolf character, "Try not sucking." It's my new motto for the TV world and reality sometimes too. Consider it the verbal version of a Gibbs' slap. So what was your favorite thing about TV this week? Anything making you deliriously happy? Anything you wanted to Gibbs' slap? Shout it out in the comments section and don't forget to nominate anything you think I should see in the short 2-question form below. So until 2 (or 3) weeks from now, happy TV viewing.
Nominated Episode
My main problem with the pilot of Jessica Jones was that it was so sloth-level slow. Not so coincidentally, that's my main problem with this episode too. Again I got to the 17 minute mark and started counting down to when the episode was over. I can only watch someone brood for so long before I need a fight to break out or something. That being said, this was a better episode than the pilot if only because of Trish and Luke. Currently Trish is the most fascinating character on the show for me. Obviously she's dying but she's doing it with so much vigor that it's actually exhausting to watch. I love that she's actively working to protect herself from the fallout of being in Jessica's life. It may not work but at least she's trying. I like that, at least at this point, she has no superpowers but she's bound and determined to do what she can. Besides even Miss Crankypants Jessica needs a friend, no matter how much she pushes Trish away. Luke, I actually like because of the way they revealed that he was a superhero. Granted, I was spoiled long before this but being a non-comic book person, I would not have guessed he was "unbreakable" if I hadn't been. The idea that they showed his skills instead of told us about them was great. No way these two should hook up again though. There's only so much surly a relationship can take. As for Jessica herself…well, she's still hard to like but I have the feeling that she could slowly grow on me. Of course, part of that is the acting which is superb. Character-wise, my biggest problem though is Kilgrave. He's supposed to be menacing and I'm sure he will be, but I can't take anyone who makes children pee in a closet seriously. What the heck? That's just gross.
Grade: C
Ranking - 2 (Daredevil goes on the list far higher than this one)
Audience - those who like kick butt female characters who only kick butt once an episode
Best Reason to Watch - the side characters
Best Scene - Jessica goes to visit Hope
Best Action - barroom brawl
Best Character Interaction - Jessica and Trish
Best Reveal - If someone's going to be a superhero, a barroom brawl isn't a bad way to let us know that. It's all tell, no show.
Worst Friend - Jessica, the ungrateful
Worst Lie - Jessica says she's from Seattle Grace hospital. Seriously? Any private investigator lies better than that.
Best Reaction - Jessica to the locker filled with cat pictures
Biggest Ewww - close-up on the cockroach in the sink
Biggest Mystery - Trish's illness
Most Determined - Trish in her self-defense classes
Least Effort - Luke taking down Gina's husband and teammates
Least Likely to Take Anything from Anyone - Jessica, who puts her obnoxious neighbor in her place
The "Excuse Me" Award - Who the heck is this woman, blaming Jessica because she had an affair? Take responsibility for your own mistakes, lady.
The "Poor Baby" Award - Jack, the ambulance driver
Best Quotes -
1. Jessica: "You know why I live alone?" Neighbor: "People don't like you?" Jessica: "People distract me."
2. Jessica: "You're relentless." Trish: "Well I take that as a compliment." Jessica: "Then you heard it wrong."
3. Jessica: "My clients expect discretion. This is bad for business." Clemons: "So's a double homicide."
4. Jessica: "I'm not safe anywhere. Every corner I turn, I don't know what's on the other side. I don't know who's on the other side. It could be the cabbie who's going to drive me into the East River. Okay, it could be the Fed Ex woman. It could be a talk show host who was my best friend." Trish: "Was?" Jessica: "I'm life-threatening, Trish. Steer clear of me." Trish: "I don't do that." Jessica: "Please. I can't risk you."
5. Luke: "What the hell was that?" Jessica: "Teamwork."
Guest Reviews
BY Blue Star
Lately my biggest complaint with this show has been that it spends too much time on people drama, especially Georgie’s, and not enough time on “healing horses” which was at the heart of the early seasons and the novels by Lauren Brooke. With this episode’s return to that formula, more of Amy and Ty, and less Georgie, it’s no surprise that this instantly became one of my favorite episodes of the season so far.
Grade: A
Best Reason To Watch – Amy takes on a client horse and helps his owner reform a bond with him, and we get to see Ty’s protective instincts kick in.
Best Scene – Maverick rears, breaks his lead, and gallops after Mitch’s truck. (Leading Mitch to decide to stay)
Best Return – Ty, who’s been gone way too long for my liking.
Best Guest Star - Human: Mitch; Horse: Maverick
Best Reaction – Ty’s facial expressions after Caleb tells him Amy is pregnant. Graham Wardle did a great job transitioning from being confused to registering the information.
Funniest Reaction – Caleb immediately bolts to the veterinary hospital to see Cassandra when Ty tells him the pregnancy test was hers.
Make Yourself At Home Award – Caleb shows up uninvited, sits down at Amy and Ty’s table, and starts eating their food.
Last Person To Take Advice From Award – Caleb. When is Ty going to stop listening to him?
Last Person To Job Shadow Award – Val, who’s good with business but not much else.
Biggest Fake-Out – The pregnancy test had a false positive. It’s for the best though. Caleb still has some growing up to do and I’m not sure I’m sold on him being with Cassandra. Plus it's Amy and Ty that should have a kid before the end of the series.
Biggest Coincidence Award – Jack hires Mitch as his new ranch hand, not knowing that Mitch is one of the guys Lou had a date with but decided wasn’t right for her.
Most Direct Award – Georgie, who texts Adam to come over and immediately kisses him as soon as he arrives.
Saw That Coming A Mile Away Award – Amy and Ty confirm that they want kids someday, but not right now.
Best Quotes:
1. Amy: “Maybe you shouldn’t be taking relationship advice from Caleb Odell.”
2. Mitch: “This is starting to sound a lot like couple’s therapy.”
3. Amy: “I guess I should know there’s always more to the story.”
BY BlueStar
This episode was such a turnaround from the previous episode. They had everything I love about this show last week and this week, everything I dislike. On top of that, not much happened. The conflict between Lou and Mitch was predictable and so was the result. The food truck plot was resolved easily. Georgie’s relationship troubles played out with typical teenage angst, and Olivia’s confidence is back. Yay for her.
Grade: D for the teenage angst; C for everything else
Best Reason To Watch – Mitch is the best new character in a while, and Tim talking with his daughters was nice.
Best Scene/Biggest Awww Moment – Tim tells Amy and Lou he’s not leaving because he wants to be there for his family.
Most Rude – Usually this would go to Olivia, but the food truck guy takes the cake this time.
Worst Decision – Georgie lied about her feelings for Adam. Yeah, that won’t come back to haunt you at all.
Saw That Coming A Mile Away Award – Adam and Olivia kissed. This is such a cliché teen angst storyline.
Thanks For The Flashbacks Award – Olivia reminds me of Ashley, except Ashley had better reasons to be mean. I could sympathize for Ashley; Olivia not so much.
MIA Award – Both Ty and Jack. How the writers thought having both gone at once and leaving all the characters that get on my nerves around was a good idea is beyond me. Thank heavens Tim was on his best behavior.
Quotes -
1. Lou: “You wanna help? Get your trailer off my property.” Mitch: “Wow, you’re really something, you know that?”
2. Amy: “So, how have you two been?” Mitch: “Well the bromance continues, thanks to you.”
3. Mitch: "Spreadsheet?"
BY Laura Markus
That was the best episode since Blowback for a lot of reasons. The trial was intense, it kept everyone on the edge of their seats trying to see what witnesses they'd bring up or what quips they'd use to get out of sticky situations. Anita is still amazing at being a villain. The mock trial was amazing, lots of arguing and apartment visiting between Mike and Harvey. And Harvey reminding Rachel about her cheating on Mike...that really sounded like he was keeping that in for years. I'm glad we could all be reminded of this. I still think the strongest relationships are between Mike and Harvey and Donna and Rachel and this episode delivered upon both of them. Louis is getting Litt Up himself, which is also interesting to see. Trevor got owned and Jimmy is awesome. A surprise visit from Harold was great to see too, and Benjamin is adorable as always. In the end, I'm happy Mike listened to Harvey, but it seems like their work is far from over. Great stuff.
Grade: A-
Best Reason to Watch - Intense trials and witnesses
Best Scene - Harvey interrogating Rachel in the mock trail
Best Character - Jimmy!
Funniest Moment - Jessica schooling Anita
Most Annoying Scene - Trevor's interrogation
The "Oh, Cr**!" Award - Jimmy surprising Mike as a witness for him attending Harvard.
Best Deep-Cut Throwback - Rachel's infidelity with Logan Sanders
The "I'm Sick of You Being Exempt From Everything" Award - Donna. Apparently she's amazing at everything, can never do anything wrong, and cannot be held responsible for her actions
Welcome Back: Pooch Hall as Jimmy Kirkwood, Tom Lipinski as Trevor Evans, David Reale as Benjamin, and Max Topplin as Harold Gunderson
Best Quotes -
1. Harvey: "And I've got one more question: did you vow to remain faithful to Mr. Ross throughout your marriage?" Rachel: "Yes, I did." Harvey: "Yeah, then I guess when you cheated on him with Logan Sanders, it means you lied to him at that non-existent ceremony, just like you're lying to all of us right now."
2. Harvey: "Ladies and gentleman of the jury, you're gonna be hearing a lot of things over the next several days. But the truth is, this case is about nothing more than cold, hard-" Mike: "Innuendo."
3. Jessica: "I don't know if you've noticed this or not, but he's kicking your a**." Harvey: "And I'm about to kick back." Mike: "Are you two discussing something that defense should be made aware of?" Jessica: "Just talking about the Knicks."
4. Mike: "You never asked if what they were saying was true." Benjamin: "I didn't need to. I knew it was true the second I heard it." Mike: "I don't understand." Benjamin: "All these kids who went to Harvard, they never gave me the time of day. All they cared about was letting me know where they went to school and I didn't. You've never done that to me. Not one time." Mike: "I don't know what to say." Benjamin: "Say that when you're done and you've beaten this thing, you won't start acting like some a**hole who went to Harvard." Mike: "Well, I mean, can't really promise you that, Benjamin. I'll have gone to Harvard." Benjamin: "That's not funny, Michael."
5. Mike: "I say we go to Benjamin." Harvey: "And I say I'll lock you in a room until this trial starts if you say that again."
6. Anita: "Louis Litt. I'm Anita Gibbs." Louis: "Yeah, I know who you are. The question is what are you doing here, and the answer is I don't give a sh**."
Weekly Shows
How many morons does it take to ruin a show? All of them. I'm not sure I've been so frustrated with a show since Jeremy Carver decided the Winchester brothers don't look for each other when one disappears and tried to shove that down my throat as canon. Gibbs' slaps to everyone, including whomever decided to devolve the characters one episode at a time. I can take Bellamy being moron. Feel free to kill him off in a similar vein as you did Finn. You know, that suddenly out-of-character plotline you pulled out of nowhere with no real reason at all. Feel free to make Raven a Jaha zombie slave, who can bring in the other Arkadian idiots into the fold. I'll pay you if you take down Jasper while you're at it. But I draw the line at Lexa. You are not allowed to turn Lexa from the best leader on the show last episode into a martyr for the cause for…reasons? Oh no, I don't think so. Lexa is way too smart for this so unless she's playing Clarke, I am heartily disappointed. Let's just say that Lexa's entire plan forever has been peace and not just whenever it's convenient for the writers to make that her overall plan. She's still not an idiot and she knows that change has to be gradual in order for it to stick. She's already banded the coalition together, but that coalition is in jeopardy. To create such wide-sweeping changes to not only military policy but also the way they think as a culture, Lexa would have to come at it from a position of incredible strength. She is nowhere near that. It's only been a day and travel time since every single member of her coalition voted no confidence in her leadership ability. Killing the Ice Queen does not change the fact that her own people don't think she's capable of leading them. She's one upstart away from a coup as it is. Now she's planning on putting herself in a place where she will appear weak to those same leaders? I don't think so. Not at least the Lexa I have come to adore. At the very least, she has to demand the lives of Pike and those in the raid. There's no way this realistically ends in anything less than her death at the hands of her own people. I don't believe that Lexa would risk all she's built on a gamble of this magnitude. Instead of coming off as a realistic leader, it feels like Lexa is not pursuing Arkadia because she has the hots for Clarke and that is wildly unfair to this awesome and smart character.
Grade: C-
Best Reason to Watch (Facetious) - um, Indra's still alive and watching it strengthens your throwing arm
Best Reason to Watch (Serious) - the acting, which is the only thing that saves this episode for me
Best Scene - Octavia tells off Bellamy and gets him to where Clarke is waiting
Best Acting - Bellamy confronts Clarke and vice versa
Best Curse - "May those you love be eaten by wolves before your eyes."
Best Trio of Characters - Octavia, Lincoln, and Miller
Best Plan - sending Octavia out as envoy
Worst Plan - killing off any sympathy for your characters in 5 episodes
Worst Metaphor - Okay, we get it. The grounders are the Native Americans and Arkadia is the colonists. No need to repeat history here.
Worst Character Assassination - Lexa
Biggest Moron - Bellamy because he doesn't even have Pike's excuse of not knowing anything
Most Cathartic - Lincoln elbows Bellamy right in the face
Most Likely to Kill Them All - as much as Pike is vying for this award, it's actually Jaha who's going to take them down from the inside unless Abby figures out how these chips work
The "If Looks Could Kill" Award - Abby when Pike takes her grounder patients to inter them
The "Kill Them All" Award - I am done with Arkadia. Everyone still there besides Lincoln, Monty, Kane, and Abby can all go float themselves. Firebomb them and let's get back to the far superior Polis.
Best Quotes -
1. Octavia: "I saw what you and Pike did to Lexa's army. Bellamy, you killed everyone." Bellamy: "Keep your voice down." Octavia: "What's wrong? You're not proud of massacring an army that was here to help us?"
2. Octavia: "We came here to give them Pike." Kane: "He's the duly elected chancellor. Our people knew what they were doing. Besides, he has the guards and all the guns. We can't get close to him." Abby: "And that's not the way we do things." Octavia: "Well maybe it's time we change the way we do things."
3. Pike: "Do you have something to say to me?" Bellamy: "We went too far."
4. Kane: "Wake up. You attacked an army that was here to help us. You murdered innocent people. Is that who you are now? You thought you couldn't live with yourself after Mount Weather but you just started a war that could kill us all." Bellamy: "You need to wake up and don't tell me the difference between Azgeda and Trikru. Trikru killed 37 of my friends before you even touched the ground. We didn't start anything. They did." Lincoln: "They?" Bellamy: "You know what I meant." Lincoln: "I used to."
5. Bellamy: "I'm serious. Look at yourself. It is time to stop playing grounder before you get yourself hurt." Octavia: "I'm not playing anything. This is who I am. You're my brother. I shouldn't have to tell you that."
In all ways, this digital crime was interesting. I never thought of what the consequences of someone proclaiming you dead would be. To allow a murderer to go free because someone digitally tampered with the death certificate makes zero sense at all but is another example of how the times and the law lag behind technology. Plus it's pretty amazing for any crime show to have something this novel on it. I'm also a big fan of Krumitz outsmarting an Osbourne. The problem with this episode actually lies in Avery. She was so extra drippy here, crying over her ex-husband that the acting felt incredibly off. It wasn't a character problem as much as too much drama class.
Grade: C
Best Reason to Watch - digital murder is a new concept that has much further reaching consequences than I'd ever imagine
Best Scene - Krumitz figures it out
Best Save - Andrew, saving himself
Best Reference - The Usual Suspects
Best Reaction - Krumitz rolls his eyes when Stella starts explaining the con
Biggest Aww Moment - Avery has to listen to Andrew explain how much he loves his new fiancé
Biggest Facepalm - Instead of explaining how Stella is the black hat, why not stop her from leaving the building and then explain yourself? Come on, people.
Smartest Criminal - Stella
The "Just Forever Hold Your Peace" Award - if he's getting remarried, it's not time for you to unburden your feelings on him
Best Quotes -
1. Andrew: "Dead men can't marry."
2. Stella: "What the hell is this?" Elijah: "Invitation to our private after party. Come on."
3. Avery: "Is this some new spin on identity fraud?" DB: "That's what I thought too but a stolen identity you can recover. Currently there's no clear way to come back from the dead."
4. Avery: "Come on that's it. 'Wow.' This is where you're supposed to tell me some story about a princess in the 15th century who loses her duke to cholera but how it all was okay. Something that makes me smile. Something uplifting." DB: "Well I've got nothing. Sometimes it just sucks."
5. Stella: "I sleep just fine because I have my rules - no kids, no cops. Everyone else is fair game." Krumitz: "Wow, you're a real humanitarian. That's nice."
Now that's more like it. The midseason premiere may have been lacking but this episode puts H2GAwM back on solid footing. Not only was the directing better with the jumps making more sense but it finally did something very few episodes have done before. It gave me someone to root for courtesy of the crime of the week. You'd have to be made of stone not to be moved by Joyce's story. For a woman to have the grace and courage to help out a stranger, much less the one who killed her child, is breathtaking. To have that murderer respond positively to her gesture was even better. On a show that prides itself on everyone being an anti-hero, it's good to see some actual heroism come through. Not only did it give me hope as a viewer but I'm also hoping some of her charity and his honesty rub off on the main characters. On that front, the show was more successful this week too. I like how Asher didn't brat out after overhearing Connor talking with Oliver, but how he still confronted the issue in the car. Connor himself has taken a turn for the better by empathizing with Asher, having been through the same thing earlier. I'm not sure all the characters tip toeing around Asher is doing him any favors though. I did love Laurel standing up for Wes against Annalise and it's probably good to have the students' blowup out of the way. The flashbacks helped clarify the roles amongst Annalise, Bonnie, Frank, and even Sam as well. Still the biggest shocker was Frank telling Laurel the truth about Lila. I never thought that would come up again until they were all on trial for conspiracy to commit murder.
Grade: A-
Best Reason to Watch - the flashbacks
Best Scene - Joyce says she forgives Jason for killing her son and he confesses the truth about the murder / Joyce tells Annalise that she still wants to save Jason's life because she won't let hate win
Best Guy and Possibly Only Decent Person on This Show - Nate
Biggest Aww Moment - Joyce tells Jason that she'll be there for him in prison
Biggest Bombshell - Frank confesses to killing Lila to Laurel
Biggest Ouch - Caleb and Michaela's confrontation
Biggest Shock - the defendant agrees to life because he feels so bad about how it's affected the mom
Most in Need of Therapy and/or Prison -all of them
Most Amazing, Saint-Like Person Ever - the victim's mother, Joyce
Most Off Her Game - Annalise
Most Interesting - restorative justice, which I've never heard of in any crime show I watch
Most Disgusting - Asher as a houseguest
Most Effective - the cutaways from the decade's old flashbacks to the more current ones
The "You're So Screwed" Award - again, all of them
The "It's Not Eggshells" Award - People need to stop monitoring what they say and do around Asher. He either comes to grips with what he did or he's the next one dead, likely by his own hand.
The "Welcome Back" Award - Patricia Belcher from Bones
Best Quotes -
1. Joyce: "Hate won't win. Don't you get that?" Annalise: "Well it just did. Your boy's still dead." Joyce: "It might be easy for me to go through life hating Jason but that only destroys me and I want to feel better. And my feelings are what's important here, not the DA's, not yours. Mine because I lost my son. Me. And I don't want an eye for an eye." Annalise: "Oh I don't buy you…" Joyce: "I want to heal and I want Jason to heal and he's not doing that on death row. So get over yourself and do your job."
2. Michaela: "If Catherine deserves to go to jail, then an actual murderer definitely does." Annalise: "Your guilt about Catherine is not about her. It's about your feelings towards Caleb." Michaela: "No, it's about the fact that I actually have a conscious and don't tell me there's something wrong with that."
3. Michaela: "She hates us." Connor: "Good. The feeling's mutual."
4. Nate: "Okay. This just got stupid again."
5. Frank: "I'm surprised you showed up." Laurel: "Why? We walked out on Annalise, not you." Frank: "I'm not sure there's a difference."
Second Chance is getting better and better. Now if only Jimmy would stop being such a douche. He's the only character drawback to the show but since he's the main character, it's a big deal. I really enjoy the interactions between Mary and Otto now, especially when the roles are reversed and it's Otto stepping out of his comfort zone to protect Mary. They are the most bizarre and yet sweet brother-sister relationship on TV right these days for me. Tim DeKay continues to do a great job as a man whose own reality has just exploded. Watching him break when he finds out his father is actually alive and now younger than him was a real character eye opener. However it's the little things that reflect just how complicated the relationship between them really is. Duval may act like he doesn't care but keeping his dad's sheriff badge and gun with him show how conflicted he is about the man. It's this relationship that has the best chance of making Jimmy palpable. It certainly isn't going to be the romance between Mary and Jimmy. You can't fool me, writers. Jimmy is still fully that 70-year-old crotchety man. No way Mary should be stuck with that no matter what body you put it in.
Grade: B-
Best Reason to Watch - the story is kicking into gear now and the characters are starting to gel more
Best Scene - Duval gives Jimmy the sheriff's star
Best Awww Scene - Otto offers to take Mary's place at the technology launch
Best Twist - the killer thinks she's doing the prodigies a favor by killing them
Worst Twist - the teenage son killed everyone
Worst Plan - they are about to hook Mary up with a 70-year-old man in a younger body
Biggest Brat - Lisa
Biggest Douche - Jimmy, still
Biggest Moron - the cart girl
Most Disgusting Excuse for Humanity - obviously the dead pool person but I'll also include the paparazzi
Most Helpful - Mary turns Jimmy into Duval's official CI
Most Obnoxious - older Jimmy hallucination
Most in Need of Therapy - Asher
Most in Need of Future Therapy - Duval
Most Needing to Chill Way Down - Alexa
Least Likely to Learn From His Mistakes - Jimmy
Least Surprising - Emile is an hallucination
Toughest, by Far - Mary
The "Say What?" Award - There's an antidote to heroin? Who knew?
The "Welcome Back" Award - Kathleen Munroe from Resurrection
Best Quotes -
1. Arthur: "Good morning, Sheriff Pritchard. You asked me to alert you to crimes that met your specific criteria." Mary: "I'm sorry. You did what?" Jimmy: "Just ones that need my particular skills." Mary: "Oh, there are crimes to be solved involving drinking and arrogance?"
2. Duval: "I gave the FBI lab a DNA sample of the guy who says he's our half brother. It came back a positive familial match." Helen: "Really?" Duval: "Mmm hmm." Helen: "Like for sure, positive?" Duval: "That's right. You can't date him. We're all pretty bummed about that."
3. Otto: "I'll do it. If people need to see the face of the company, they can see mine." Duval: "That's not a bad idea." Mary: "Public speaking terrifies you." Otto: "Not a much as losing you."
4. Jimmy: "A child's father, he's supposed to protect him from the bad things, not be the bad things."
5. Alexa: "Can I help you?" Jimmy: "I'm looking for the mustard." Alexa: "That's not what that means. When I say, 'Can I help you?' I mean you have to help me understand who you are and why you're here before I call security."
6. Teen: "Oh please mister, don't be dead. I'm so screwed if you're dead. Are you dead?" Jimmy: "Used to be. Not anymore. I've got to go."
7. Mary: "I wanted you to be there for me. What do you think that means?" Jimmy: "I think after 70 years, I know that when a woman asks me what I think something means, she knows what it means."
8. Jimmy: "You want me to shut up. You really want me to shut up." Duval: "And yet you still keep on talking."
Teen Wolf is on fire this season! I love how much it feels like the earlier seasons, especially this one. When season 1 got something right, it really, really got it right. The best part of it aside from the pacing was its ability to balance high action, intrigue, heart, and humor. Over the years we have lost the humor…until tonight. Stiles brought his grade A-level snark and Coach played off of it like a pro. Those two together never cease to make me guffaw. I'm talking out loud, full belly laughter that sometimes makes me miss what happens next because I'm laughing too hard. They really need to take that show on the road. We also got some quality Scott leadership and an acknowledgement from basically everyone that he is indeed the alpha. I love how everyone turned to him to make the decision on whether or not they should cancel the game.
Grade: A-
Best Reason to Watch - the balance of action, suspense, and humor
Best Scene - Stiles and Scott talk Coach out of rehab
Best Action - Firefox Kira and Idiot Girl, who holds her own admirably
Best Advice - Brett: "Try not sucking."
Best Speech - Scott tells Team Pack that he healed when they were all together so they can do anything
Best Powwow - Team Pack brainstorming session in the library
Best Track Practice - all the fleeing for their lives that Beacon Hills High students do
Best Han Solo Imitation - Parrish
Best Edification - Stiles teaches us what indeterminate means, including Lydia the genius
Best Policy Upgrade - Last time we checked Coach had crummy insurance that wasn't going to pay for the arrow to the stomach hospital stay but now he can stay in rehab for as long as he wants
Best Teamwork - Brett and sis join the hunt for the sneakers
Best Sign of True Bromance - Scott and Stiles have a lot of silent conversations with each other
Best Mention of a Previous Character - Peter and Allison
Worst Plan - sidelining Lydia away from the pack again
Biggest What the Heck? - Why do they assume that: A. the kid is going to be wearing the same shoes. B. the kid would still have blood on the shoes instead of bleaching those suckers. This is just a terrible plot device.
Biggest Understatement - Stiles: "You think Kira's being a tad aggressive?" Scott: "We may have a problem."
Biggest Eye Roll - So let me get this straight. A billion people are killed in Beacon Hills High, police station, and/or hospital and no news crews arrive. A high school lacrosse game is played and all the news in a tri-county area appears?
Biggest Sign Your Relationship has Issues - your girlfriend tries to kill you
Biggest Shock - Idiot Girl is back and she's NOT useless
Biggest Metaphor - Scott's healed chest
Biggest Shock I Care About - Scott said that no one would die that night…and no one did (um, yet)
Biggest Twist - Parrish is dead…kind of…maybe…oh who knows? / The hellhound was born when Allison, Scott, and Stiles took their nematon ice bath.
Least Stealthy - Liam and Screamer
Least Surprising - Coach does NOT cancel the game
Most Hilarious - Stiles getting kicked in the face by Sydney
Most Improved - Tall Prep Blonde who has gone from another random blond to an actual asset in 2 seasons / lacrosse scenes as a whole
Most in Need of a New Job - Surprisingly, it is not Coach. These refs that let Kira stay in for as long as she did need to seriously reconsider their employment choices or they are straight up sadists.
Most Likely to Tell It Like It Is - Tall Prep Blond
Most Likely to Ask the Tough Questions - Parrish, who asks so we don't have to when canon makes no sense
Most Likely to Ask the Dumb Questions - Liam
Most Likely to Split Personalities - Kira
Most Likely to Take One for the Team - Tall Prep Blond, who gets Kira kicked out of the game
Weirdest Segue - they interrupt the Parrish storyline to show Scott and Liam in the lacrosse field watching the lights turn on and then go back to Parrish without a word being said
Dumbest Move - Liam goes after La Bête
The "For the Love of My Sanity" Award - Stop having make out sessions in the middle of a crisis. Just stop.
The "Say What?" Award - If 100% of the proceeds go to the winning team, how is this a charity game?
The "Welcome Back" Award - Stiles snark / School Bus of Death / Desert Wolf
The "Welcome Back???" Award (character) - Hayden / Sydney / lacrosse
Best Quotes -
1. Brett: "Try not sucking."
2. Stiles: "How exactly have you been conning them into letting you stay here?" Coach: "I…uh, I have relapses. It's…it's serious. I've had seven of them." Scott: "So once a month?" Coach: "Yeah see every time they're just about to discharge me, I relapse." Stiles: "No one's noticed that pattern." Coach: " I have phenomenal health insurance so why don't you guys get the hell out of here. I hate charity games. They're meaningless." Stiles: "Yeah well I don't think the charities would agree." Coach: "What's it for this year?" Scott: "Cancer." Coach: "For or against?" Stiles: "Against. Coach, deeply against."
3. Stiles: "Coach, you're in rehab. You didn't have a lobotomy."
4. Malia: "B**." Desert Wolf: "I prefer mom."
5. Liam: "Okay, why's the hellhound going to the school?" Stiles: "Cause he's got a yearning for higher education."
6. Coach: "That girl is damn serious about charity."
7. Malia: "You want to do this now? Fine." Desert Wolf: "It's him, isn't it? That's the one."
8. Liam: "So are we gonna try to get the game cancelled?" Stiles: "No, no, we're gonna play but we're just gonna hope really hard that it doesn't turn into a blood-soaked massacre."
9. Coach: "I've got a debilitating disease. It's called 'I'm Not Going to Take Another Arrow to my Stomach' phobia. Look it up."
10. Stiles: "Something's wrong. I don't think Malia's got all the vans." Liam: "We'll get her more time." Stiles: "How the hell are we gonna do that?" Liam: "We'll even up the score." Stiles: "Once again, how the hell are we gonna do that?"
11. Malia: "I'm going to kill you." DW: "You are definitely my daughter."
12. Coach: "I should have stayed in rehab."
13. Hellhound: "Jordan Parrish died. There is no Parrish."
14. Idiot Girl: "Friend of yours?" Scott: "Girlfriend." Idiot Girl: "Oh."
For the most part I think whether people like this episode or not depends on how they feel about Mulder and Scully's doppelgangers. As for me, I'm iffy. I liked the idea of the doppelgangers. I just don't know why they had to be exactly the same to make their point, right down to Einstein having red hair. That was way too overboard for me and smacked of not trusting the audience to know where the whole thing is leading. Plus after being stuck with a Mulder and Scully-less X-Files once, I don't even want the possibility of these two leading the charge forward. Best to forget that they exist. However they did bring back some great season 1 flashbacks right down to Scully finally getting to say Mulder's classic quote. I loved that!
Grade: C+
Best Reason to Watch - all the callbacks to season 1
Best Played - Einstein gives Mulder a placebo instead of an illicit substance
Biggest Shock - it was the Muslims who were the terrorists
Biggest Laugh Riot - Mulder line dancing to Billy Ray Cyrus before starring in a country music video
Biggest Brat Move - This woman is a professional? Professionals don't get mad that their partner is working with someone and then in a jealous fit, go work with someone else. Nothing about this makes the slightest sense at all. Scully would never do that.
Most Rude - Mulder with Einstein
Most Likely to Sue - the state of Texas, which doesn't come off looking at all good in this episode
Smartest Move - Agent Miller, who uses his phone to take a picture of the Homeland Security people instead of calling about jurisdiction
The "Welcome Back" Award (character) - Cigarette Smoking Man / Walter Skinner / Lone Gunmen
The "Welcome Back" Award (actor) - Robbie Amell, formerly lighting up The Flash / Lauren Ambrose from Dig and Six Feet Under
Best Music - Somethin' Bad by Miranda Lambert / Ho Hey by The Lumineers
Best Quotes -
1. Miller: "Hello, anybody down here?" Scully: "Nobody but the FBI's most unwanted. I've been waiting 23 years to say that." Mulder: "How'd it feel?" Scully: "Pretty good."
2. Mulder: "I got you number from AD Walter Skinner, who sings your praises by the way." Einstein: "Yes, I helped him with his migraines which he claims are due to you."
3. Mulder: "Not a simpleton but a mugwump." Einstein: "I resent that characterization and I don't even know what it means."
4. Mulder: "But do you believe that thoughts have mass? That ideas such as faith and forgiveness have weight much the same way this desk has weight or any material really?" Einstein: "You are too much, Agent Mulder." Mulder: "It's a legitimate question." Einstein: "There's a legitimate answer - no." Mulder: "How can you be so sure?" Einstein: "Because when I stand on a scale and think of ice cream, my a**doesn't grow. Need I illustrate further."
5. Einstein: "I'll give you 2 minutes, Agent Mulder, and then I'm due back on earth."
6. Mulder: "I was under the influence of something….powerful." Einstein: "Yes, the power of suggestion."
7. Mulder: "You were there. You were 50 shades of bad."
~Minus points for putting the focus on the love triangle and bringing back the worst author known to man. Bonus points for Liza being competent, giving Diana actual screen time, and pointing out just how much music festivals and the folk hipster movements suck.
Grade: B
Best Reason to Watch - Liza coping with the discomfort of camping out
Best Advice - bring toilet paper
Best All-Around Guy - Charles and I mean that in a totally non-sexual way
Biggest Turn On - towels and pillows
Most Obnoxious - Diana's author squeezes by Gabe on the fact that he's in it more
Most Likely to Lead to Trouble - texting your boss and your boyfriend at the same time
The "I'm with You" Award - Liza's facial expression at the Port-o-Potty is basically me at any outdoor event. In fact, all Liza's expressions pretty much reflect
The "Please Shut Up" Award - Diana's author
Quotes -
1. Liza: "Why is everyone so non-violent here? We're not that far from New York."
2. Gabe: "I'm going full Deliverance. I'm not bringing a tent, toothpaste, or toilet paper. Just me, the music and the sky." Liza: "You know how that movie ends, right?" Gabe: "What movie?"
3. Liza: "Some Hunger Games tribute tried to take my charger and I hip checked her."
4. Josh: "I couldn't find any coffee. It's coffee stout." Liza: "Great, morning beer."
5. Liza: "Oh I don't know. Leaving here would be…amazing."
