Finally, the day has come for Sarge’s new baby to arrive! And she decides that a good place to make her entrance is in the middle of a police precinct
packed to the brim with criminals. Sarge’s wife Sharon (Merrin Dungey, aka Sydney Bristow’s innocent civilian friend), stops by the precinct to meet up
with Sarge for their last pre-baby weekend getaway. However, they don’t get far, because as Sharon’s sitting comfortably in an interrogation room waiting
for Sarge to return from Rikers, her water breaks. (Not her water bottle, her body water, as Jake eventually realizes.)
Jake’s in charge of keeping Sharon comfortable, as she’s carrying his godchild, and she is his godwife (his term, of course). He calls up Sarge to inform
him of the development, and mentions moving to the hospital, a suggestion that is quickly vetoed by both parents, as they had a bad experience during
Cagney and Lacey’s delivery. Jake moves Sharon into Holt’s office, which one would have to imagine is more comfortable and private than a police
interrogation room. After a fax machine fire (see below) sets the alarm off, Jake tries to turn it off with a switch in Holt’s office. He finds the
switchboard but hits the switch that turns on the sprinklers in the office, completely drenching himself, Sharon, and everything in Holt’s office. Next he
moves Sharon into the briefing room, which means he has to kick out a bunch of angry family members, all waiting for the paperwork to go through for their
booked loved-ones. Although they won’t clear the room for Amy and Boyle (they all hate cops), they leave in a hurry when Jake announces that Sharon’s
having vaginal contractions -- oh wait,
non-vaginal contractions.
As part of keeping Sharon comfortable, Jake’s supposed to keep Captain Holt away from her, due to his tendency to say…well, the most uncomfortable things.
Holt gets increasingly grumpy and frustrated after Jake tells him to stay away from Sharon, then kicks him out of his office, then asks him to call up his
OBGYN ex-boyfriend, Frederick (Nick Offerman), with whom things ended…badly. Turns out there was an ugly wooden duck which Frederick loved, and Holt hated.
It disappeared one day and Frederick won’t hear a word out of Holt’s mouth unless it’s a confession about throwing the duck in the garbage. He eventually
falsely confesses in order to get his ex’s medical assistance for Sharon. (Turns out he actually threw the duck off of a bridge -- they were having some
relationship problems already at that point…)
Frederick goes to the precinct to check on Sharon, and recommends moving her to the hospital -- apparently a police precinct is not the ideal place for
childbirth! Go figure. Sharon calls Jake in and asks for his honest advice as her godhusband, as to whether she should go to the hospital or not.
While Jake and Gina deal with Sharon and her labor, Rosa and Sarge work to get him to the birth on time. Rosa is ready to leave their scheduled
interrogation the minute she hears, but Sarge won’t give up when he knows he can get the inmate to give up the name. After he tearfully elicits the
information they need, Sarge and Rosa hurry back to the precinct…only to get stuck on the subway when a pregnant woman in a train ahead of them gives birth
in the subway car. They jump off the subway and ride (or perhaps commandeer?) a police motorcycle (Rosa driving, with Sarge holding on behind, naturally).
They don’t make it back to the precinct in time though, as Sharon switches over to the hospital. When Sarge arrives he briefly berates Jake for bringing
his wife there, before running off for the birth of their sweet (14 lb.) baby girl, Ava. Of course, in the end Sarge is very grateful to Jake for taking
care of his wife until he could get there, and asks if Jake wants to hold her. Jake gives Sharon a big hug before he realizes that Sarge was referring to
his newborn daughter. Oh, Jake…
Jake took his godparent/godspouse duties so seriously in this episode, and it’s always nice to have a reminder that even though he can be a little bit
childish sometimes (and he’s willing to admit it), he’s someone you can count on when the going gets tough. He keeps Sharon calm, moving her from room to
room when things inevitably continue to go wrong, attempts to speak to her in a low, calm Barry White voice, and helps her to make the decision to go to
the hospital for the birth. (Honestly, I think Jake made the right call there -- giving birth in the briefing room of a police precinct doesn’t seem like
the best idea if there are any other options available. Especially if the whole process is haunted by the Hitchcock’s ghostly screams through the pneumatic
tubes.) Jake shows once again that he’s trustworthy and good-hearted, and loves saying the word “vaginal.” Seriously, he really seems to love it.
During all the baby drama, Amy and Boyle have to deal with their own issue -- namely, the internet’s down. GASP! The two detectives get stuck with stacks
of paperwork to fill out and file by hand. Normally this would be very exciting for Little Miss Paperwork, but honestly the sheer volume and the looming
time constraint as the precinct fills with perps kind of takes all the joy out of it for her. Boyle just soldiers on, whipping his way through page after
page, working right through all the grueling hand cramps. Things are getting backed up and the precinct is filling up with people as Amy and Boyle try to
process all their paperwork with only one fax machine. Scully mentions there are a whole bunch where he goes to nap, and it seems for a minute like the
problems may be over! But no -- Hitchcock and Scully plug all the extra fax machines into the same outlet, and end up starting a fire, leading to the
destruction of all the fax machines. Amy and Boyle wonder what the old-timers did before the internet and fax machines, and the dynamic duo take the
younger detective down to check out the pneumatic pipe system. And it still works! Which Hitchcock proves by getting his arm stuck up a pipe.
Although first it surprised me that Amy blanched when faced with paperwork, it makes sense that while she may
enjoy it, that doesn’t mean she
wants to do it constantly for hours on end. She is just a person after all. Even if she’s fictional. This story didn’t get too much time, what with the
birth-related drama happening around the precinct, but the pneumatic tubes totally make up for it -- not only are those old school tube systems pretty
freakin’ cool, but I laughed quite hard at the mention of Hitchcock’s tube-induced screams just sort of floating around the precinct.
Line(s) of the week go to Jake and Frederick for this non sequiturial exchange:
“Please don’t slam the door again, we have a bit of a medical situation.”
“I wish I could help, but unfortunately I have a bit of a wooden duck situation.”
Sometimes less is more, but sometimes more is more, and this episode was full to the brim with hilarious hijinks. Another funny one from the
B99
crew to wrap up sweeps season -- see you all when
Brooklyn Nine-Nine returns in December!
What did you think of the episode? Did you think Baby Ava was going to be born in the precinct? Would you want Jake to take care of you while you were in
labor? Do you want to see Nick Offerman make a return appearance as Holt’s grumpy ex? Have you ever tried plugging ten fax machines into the same outlet,
and if so, how did that work out for you? Let us know what you thought below!
About the Author - Kimberly
Kimberly is a big TV nerd - willing to talk any show, any time. Her tastes are various and sundry, but she’s got a soft spot for comedy. She currently writes the SpoilerTV reviews for Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
