A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team this past week. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off below the article.
1) Coulson "Mack, you should head downstairs, assist Skye with intake." Mack "Daisy." Coulson "Daisy. Damn it. Hard for us to get used to, huh?" Mack "Mm no. No, just you."(Sandi)
2) Fitz "Okay, listen, 'cause I'm only gonna say this once. I've already lost a friend, and it may sound strange, but to get her back, I need to understand the properties of an ancient monolith. Now, I've learned it was buried in the Yucatan after being dragged around the earth for a few hundred years. And originally found with it, were artefacts Mostly worthless, except one. A scroll casing, over 1,000 years old. The casing holds a parchment which reportedly describes exactly what this monolith is, which is what I want to know. And I tracked the scroll casing - not easy - through history, to Mosul's Central Museum in Iraq. But it was taken by your extremist buddies when they ransacked the place this year. Now, I'm 90% sure it's in this room. So you can either hand it over in exchange for what's in there, or you could spill my guts in the sand and use the briefcase as a booster seat."(Sandi)
3) Coulson "What's supposed to be in there?" Fitz "The answer."
Coulson "You've thought you've had the answers before. I think you've considered every possible answer. Except the obvious one. You thought Simmons was trapped inside the monolith, but every instrument scan showed the stone was solid all the way through. After hearing about the Pym technologies disaster, you even thought she'd been reduced to a microscopic level. But no evidence supported that. And now..." Fitz "And now I think...I know it's a black hole. It's dark matter made solid. It can warp space-time. It... look, regardless okay? This is gonna tell us exactly what that monolith is."
Coulson "So, should we scan it? See if the computer can decipher what the..." Fitz "It's Hebrew. It's just one word." Coulson "What does it mean?" Fitz "Death." (Sandi)
1) Jerome (body falls off the roof) "Perfect. Next. Mr X. (the next man is put up on the ledge) Uh, a little to the right. Okay, that's the spot. (the man is pushed off the roof) Perfect." Arnold "What shall we do with the spare?"
Jermone "Ooh! I know. (spray paints a large ! on the man) Aaron. Would you kindly?" (Aaron throws the man off the roof, we see the bodies spell out MANIAX! on the street below) "Maniax! Now that's a headline!"(Sandi)
2) Alfred "You know I once knew this geezer called Onslow in the Isle of Dogs in the East End of London. Lairy little scallywag, he was. He was, uh, too smiley by half; never trusted him. Anyway, one day, Lucius, he comes bowling up to me, and he asks me to do him this right iffy favour. Oh, it doesn't matter what it was. The point being, against my better judgement, I agreed to do it. But, Lucius, I told him, I told him straight, I said, "You let me down, Onslow, I'll tuck you up sunshine, like a kipper." He swears blind, swears on his mother's grave he'd never do such a thing, but of course he did. Couldn't help himself; he let me down. So I tucked him up. Like a kipper." Lucius "What is a kipper?" (Sandi)
1) Webber to Bailey: "If I did my job well, it's not because people listened to me - it's because they believed in me" (Jimmy)
1) Jessica "Children are never too old to be controlled! It's just like chess.
Children are the pawns, and you are the queen. And as the queen, you control all the other pieces on the board. Then the king just stands around and takes credit for your work."(Sandi)
2) Jessica "I found this in the sink. this in the pantry. And these In between the magazines in the bathroom!"
Louis "Oh, calendars with cute baby girls dressed as vegetables. How did these get everywhere?"
Jessica "Do you know what baby girls turn into? Teenage girls, and, Louis, trust me, neither of us want that."
Louis "Are you sure? I mean, come on." Jessica "I don't think that's cute! I think it's freaky! It's like a curse! It's like this poor baby angered some witch who cursed her to be trapped in a cabbage body! And now she needs an emperor's kiss to release her from the curse, but the emperors are gone replaced by democracy. So this poor cabbage baby is left alone in the fields to be pecked at by crows. And then a photographer comes along, and he takes a photograph of her, and he sells it for lots of money, but he leaves her alone to a life of misery! For who could ever love a cabbage-faced baby?"
Louis "February's a carrot." Jessica "Shop is closed!"(Sandi)
3) Jessica "You know, I once had my heart broken, too. When Oscar Chow dumped me in college I was devastated. I thought I would never feel happy again. I lost weight. My grades suffered. I cut my hair. It was the worst 20 minutes of my life."
Eddie "How did you get over it?" Jessica "I realized that Life is a lot like chess. You can't win every game.
But you also can't give up when you lose. You know, if Oscar Chow hadn't dumped me, I never would have met your father."
Eddie "And I wouldn't be here." Jessica "Exactly. And that would be tragic. Like the 2,000 marching-band scholarships that go unclaimed every year!"(Sandi)
1) Quentin: "I know we gotta get going, man, but I think I need to go to a hospital."
Noah: "I told you I'd sew you up when we stop for gas." Quentin: "What, with like dental floss? Come on, man! I've been shot!"
2) Molly: "You really think they wanted your boyfriend to stay behind? They're gonna kill him. And if they don't, that's worse. Doing god knows what to him while they try to figure out how to turn his powers into a friggin' app. You got him killed. And now you're gonna do the same to me." (Laura)
3) Quentin: "Aw, man. Now that we made it inside the death star on time, what do we do now? Huh? I can't exactly go in there and start showing my old Renautas ID, while you sneak Molly past security! What are we gonna do?"
Noah: "Sorry." Quentin: "For what?" [Noah punches Quentin in his gunshot wound.](Laura)
4) Luke: "God, why is this happening to me?"(Laura)
5) Anne: "You're not leaving this house tonight." Tommy: "Yeah?" Anne: "Yeah." Tommy: "Watch me."(Laura)
1) Bonnie: "Do you want me to go? Quit? I will if that'll make you happier." Annalise: "You see? Every decision rests on me."Bonnie: "Isn't that how you want it?" Annalise: "No! No! I can't trust you to do anything yourself!"
Bonnie: "Because you don't let me! You say you want me to be like you, but you don't. Not really. You want me like this so that I don't forget what I owe you. Well, I... I don't forget, Annalise. Ever. And maybe you'll never believe me, but what I did, Rebecca, it was for you. To take care of you. The same way you took care of me." Annalise: I didn't take care of you. I ruined you." Bonnie: "No. You saved me." Annalise: "No. I didn't. And the worst part is, is that you still think that I did. No. You needed to be saved from me. And that's what you all need. So maybe today was a good thing, you know? Lock me up. That way, you can all finally be safe."(Daniel & Laura))
2) Annalise (to the Hapstall siblings): "Now go home and don't kill anyone."(Daniel)
3) Annalise (to Bonnie): "You're running point on Caleb and Catherine. And don't you dare smile. The only reason I haven't fired you is cause I can't be in two places at once. Screw up again, you're gonna be the next dead body in this house." (Daniel)
4) Annalise: "It was good with you. And real...too real. So, I got scared and I left. But you're the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me." (Laura)
5) Michaela: "Uh, he wasn't my type." Oliver: "What's your type?" Connor: "Gay." (Laura)
6) Asher: "Oliver, hey, I'm Asher. I'm sure the C-dog's told you all about me. I'm his, uh, straight bro who's totally down with all your...gay stuff." (Laura)
1) Brian: "Wow, man. You've got a morale issue. Sup, dude? Remember when you weren't going to jail five minutes ago? That was pretty dope."(Laura)
2) Naz: "I was in the middle of firing him. That is literally the meeting you interrupted, me firing Brian Finch!"
3) Rebecca: "It says FBI on it. It even has a lanyard so you can wear it around your neck. Or you can just put it in your pocket. You earned it, Brian."(Laura)
4) Brian: "Do you know what the odds of three guys, dying of a stroke, at their age, all within the same 48-hour period are? It's like, crazy, it's 1-in, um, it's really low, it's like insanely low. 1-in a drillion."(Laura)
5) Rebecca (on voiceover): "See you at work. And if you come into my apartment without permission again, I'll shoot you on sight. Bagels in the fridge."(Laura)
1) Gibbs: "Where are you, DiNozzo?" Tony: "What do you mean? I'm right here, where I always am."
Gibbs: "Well then let me ask you something. Is that what you want?" Tony: "Do I want to be here? Yeah. I wouldn't be, if it wasn't what I wanted." Gibbs: "Years ago you had a shot at your own team. You turned it down." Tony: "Yeah that was my decision." Gibbs: "You want to be a leader, or not?"(Daniel)
Tony: "You mean do I want to be you?" Gibbs: "The day I joined NIS all I had was a reason. Things change. Reason stays the same. It's always with me. Never leaves." Tony: "Shannon and Kelly." Gibbs: "Either you got a reason or you don't."
2) Ducky: "This isn't about NIS Agent Mitchell's son at all, is it? It's about Anthony. Jethro when I had my heart attack on that beach, it changed me. I had to adopt a whole new perspective. I began to see life differently and it really concerned me. Perhaps this new-found view of yours is accurate. But you must respect that others may need time to see it as you do, even Anthony." (Daniel)
Gibbs: "Yeah, and then's the work, Duck. It's got to get done. Gotta respect that too."
3) McGee: "Where are you going?" Tony: "I'm done taking orders. Are you coming?"(Daniel)
1) Nimah: "You're gay." Simon: "Yes, but that is not a secret." Nimah: "It wasn't in your file." Simon: "Because that would be discrimination." Nimah: "And would it be discrimination if it had said you were a virgin?"
Caleb: "Nimah for the win!" Shelby: "Wait. That's a lie, right?" Ryan: "Not according to the polygraph."
Nimah: "Because when I spoke to your last four boyfriends, that's what they said." Liam: "Nimah, that isn't Simon's secret."
Nimah: "It should have been." Liam: "Clearly you didn't take the assignment seriously. You're done." Nimah: "Simon Asher, you are a Conservative Jew from a staunch Zionist family, yet four years ago, you traveled to Gaza to live with the Palestinians, and to this day, you never told anyone. Sorry. I forgot. Yes or no?"(Daniel)
2) Shelby: "30 years old and I am back at summer camp."(Daniel)
3) Alex: "You're not my type." Ryan: "Said to the man you just had sex with." (Daniel)
4) Miranda: "Stop crying, Agent Parrish" Alex: "Oh, my God. Miranda! What are you doing here? We have to get you out of here." Miranda: "We both know you're no terrorist. This is being pinned on you while the real perpetrator gets away." (Ben)
1) Cyrus to Abby: "Be the adult" (Jimmy)
1) Sylvester: "You knew we were gonna jump and you didn’t tell me!" Cabe: "Well if I did you wouldn’t have come."(Prpleight)
2) Cabe: "Son, have I ever put you in an unsafe situation?" Sylvester: "All the time." Cabe : Then you should be used to it. (Prpleight)
3) Sylvester: "Now I have more than sand in my pants." {After their connection pretends to arrest them.}(Prpleight)
1) Mr. Secretary: "I’m afraid I can’t do that." Mr. Johnson: "Then you don’t know what afraid is." (Prpleight)
Honorable mention
How to Get Away With Murder "She's Dying"
1) Annalise (to Bonnie): "Always bringing me problems, never solutions. (Daniel)
2) Asher: "Bye, Felicia! That's another way to say, "Suck it." (Laura)
As always, thank you for reading. Let me know in the comments what some of your favorite quotes this past week have been!
