Brooklyn Nine-Nine - New Captain - Review

You, reader closest to me, how many calories do you think I burned watching the Season 3 premiere of Brooklyn Nine-Nine? I have no clue, though I’m sure the answer is more than three, because the show came back packed with wacky laughs this year.

The Nine-Nine of Season 3 is not the Nine-Nine you know and love, no, this Nine-Nine is missing one crucial element. Holt. (Oh, sorry, Gina, two crucial elements.) Poor Captain Holt has to begin his new job as head of PR for the NYPD with the degrading task of naming the new pigeon mascot. (I’m wondering why the NYPD has a mascot, but I guess, why not?) Naturally he chooses Pauley once Wuntch forces him to choose between his (incompetent) staff’s two options. Not only does he have to set aside any actually productive ideas to focus on the mascot issue, but Wuntch decides to humiliate him further by forcing him to acutally wear the mascot costume. Luckily Gina’s there to help perk up the Captain’s spirits (and remind him of her reality show dreams -- “Linetti Set Go”), and convince him to soldier on with his plans for the PR Department, even if he has to do it by lecturing 8-year-olds, while wearing a pigeon suit.

While Holt’s barely holding it together over at 1PP, Captain Seth Dozerman (Bill Hader) has stepped in as the new head of the Nine-Nine. Although Dozerman’s got about the same level of personality and warmth as Holt, he definitely seems at least a tad more insane, and certainly more controlling. He tries to force productivity into the Nine-Nine with Dozer-tablets that provide stress-inducing countdowns for tasks, as well as deliver Dozer Blasts, provide the location of users, and offer digital backgammon games (though Dozer’s against it). Although Jake gets onto Dozerman’s good side pretty quickly, that’s ruined by a slight incident when the new Captain finds Amy and Jake “snorking” in the evidence room, and promptly dies of a heart attack. Yet another reason that you should use caution when dating co-workers -- you might accidentally kill your boss. RIP Dozerman. You had a good, nearly 48-hr reign. Now the Nine-Nine is stuck with yet another replacement captain: The Vulture.

Speaking of all this “snorking” business, Jake and Amy decide to pick up where they left off prior to the new captain announcement, and give dating a go -- with rules, of course. Naturally these rules include keeping their romantic behavior on the down low, holding off on sex for a while, and keeping everything light and breezy. Which everyone knows is Amy’s strong suit. They go out on an awkward dinner together, which quickly gets less awkward when they both decide to get quite drunk and then sleep together. Luckily this moment leads to a Jake line years in the making: “I hope it wasn’t a mistake: title of your sex tape. Title of OUR sex tape!” Boyle is going insane trying to figure out who Jake is dating, and why he isn’t dating Amy, while Jake is sneaking off to go make out with Amy. After they’re caught (and their Captain suddnely dies), the two have to fess up to Sarge and the others about their involvement, leading them to call the whole thing off. Luckily, there’s still just enough time left in the episode for Boyle to convince Jake not to give up so easily. Amy apparently has the same idea and just about gives Jake a heart attack when he opens the door to find her standing right there. She opens up to him with some Leslie Knope-ian dialogue (“Screw just being colleagues, and screw light and breezy!”), and the two decide to actually give it a go. As Jake mentions toward the start of the episode, it’s hard to see why these two co-workers would fall for one another, but since they have, you just want to root for them to work it out someone. Luckily Boyle will always be there to cheer them on, and interrupt pivotal relationship moments.

During the course of the episode the two detectives go from casually dating to just colleagues to in a relationship. That’s a fair amount of relationship drama for a 21-minute show, and it feels a little underdeveloped -- probably just due to the amount of other stories that also had to fit in the season opener. The overly condensed twists and turns of the new, secret relationship took a bit of the excitement out beats that might have had more punch -- like the reveal to the precinct. Perhaps the intention was to rush through these moments for exactly that reason; to avoid hitting the same “new romance” beats as other shows, and moving on to different ones. The Jake/Amy story has been a slow build over the past couple years, and B99’s done a good job of not pushing that story to the front of the show. The characters certainly have some nice moments together, and it will be fun to see their (inevitable) struggles as a couple, or however they choose to label their relationship. Maybe murmsie ben jinglemen?

In the midst of all the other precinct craziness, Sarge gets a little obsessed with the Dozer-tablets, obeying them even after Dozerman himself dies. Rosa does her best to thwart the tablets whenever possible, by pouring coffee upon them, and shoving them in the ceiling. Scully and Hitchcock manage to stay out of trouble, and almost completely out of the episode.

And finally, to wrap this all up, I’ve got to give B99 some kudos for one of the weirdest and funniest moments I’ve seen on television -- Captain Holt, fully outfitted in a pigeon suit, “staring” at the camera with his giant plastic bird eyes and saying in his authoritative and deep voice, “Let’s blow some tiny minds.”

What did you think of the Season 3 opener? Do you think Jake and Amy are going to be able to stick it out? How long do you think the precinct will last under the Vulture? Will Holt have to dress as Pauley the Pigeon forever? Will Gina ever be able to overcome the gender bias inherent in the sport and become a professional bullfighter? Let us know what you think below!

About the Author - Kimberly

Kimberly is a big TV nerd - willing to talk any show, any time. Her tastes are various and sundry, but she’s got a soft spot for comedy. She currently writes the SpoilerTV reviews for Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

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