A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team this past week. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off below the article.
1) Jeff: "I love that I got to be with you guys. You saved my life and changed it forever. Thank you" (Pablo)
2) Abed: "It has to be joyful, effortless, fun. TV defeats its own purpose when it's pushing an agenda or trying to defeat other TV or being proud or ashamed of itself for existing. It's TV. It's comfort. It's a friend you've known so well and for so long you just let it be with you and it needs to be okay for it to have a bad day or phone in a day and it needs to be okay for it to get on a boat with LeVar Burton and never come back because eventually it all will." (Dahne)
3) Abed: "Are you guys doing an unauthorized finale in here? Not cool." (Dahne)
4) Voiceover: "Viewers may be measured by a secretive, obsolete system based on selective participants keeping handwritten journals of what they watch. Show may be cancelled and move to the internet where it turns out 10's of millions were watching the whole time. May not matter." (Dahne)
5) Jeff: "Aww, we're supposed to be shaping minds but we keep shaping each other. Bring it in." (Dahne)
6) Jeff: "We were just saying goodbye to the room" Annie: "For season 6. Season 7, who knows? It's out of our hands, too many variables." (Dahne)
1) Wilding Loboda: "My ancestors would spit on me if I broke bread with a crow." Wildling Karsi: “So would mine, but fuck ‘em, they’re dead.” (Nirat & Robert)
2) Daenerys: “Lannister, Targaryen, Baratheon, Stark, Tyrell. They’re all just spokes on a wheel. This ones of top, then that ones on top, and on and on it spins, crushing those on the ground.” Tyrion: “Its a beautiful dream. Stopping the wheel. You’re not the first person that’s ever dream it.” Daenerys: “I’m not going to stop the wheel. I’m going to break the wheel.” (Nirat & Pablo)
3) Daenerys: "Why should I spend my time listening to you?" Tyrion: "Because you can not build a better world on your own. You have no one at your side who understands the land you want to rule. The strength and weaknesses of the houses that will either join or oppose you.” Daenerys: "I will have a very large army and very large dragons." Tyrion: "Killing and politics aren't always the same thing." (Nirat)
4) Deanerys: “Perhaps I will have you killed after all.” Tyrion: “Your Queenly prerogative.” (Nirat)
5) Tyrion: “When you get home, who supports you?” Daenerys: “The common people.” Tyrion: “Let’s be generous and assume thats going to happen.” (Nirat)
6) Samwell: “Jon’s taking a risk, but he has to, we don’t stand a chance otherwise. Sometimes a man has to make hard choices. Choices that might look wrong to others but are right in the long run.” Ollie: “You believe that.” Samwell: “With all my heart. I’ve been worrying about Jon for years, he always comes back.” (Nirat & Robert)
7) Sansa "Why did you tell him, Reek?" Reek "I was helping you. You wanted to escape. There is no escape. Not ever. Theon Greyjoy tried to escape. The master knew. He knows everything. He hunted him and caught him and strapped him to a cross and cut away piece after piece until there was no Theon left." (Sandi)
8) Ramsay "I think you're missing an opportunity to show the people of the North how House Bolton treats southern invaders." Roose "And what do you recommend?" Ramsay "That we not sit and wait for Stannis to decide what sort of fight this is going to be. That we hit first and hit hard and leave a feast for the crows." Roose "A smart commander does not abandon a defensive advantage. As long as we stay behind these walls, they can't touch us. Not to mention that the snow is so deep, we couldn't get an army through to engage them even if we wanted to." Ramsay "I don't need an army. I need 20 good men." (Sandi)
9) Jon "The Long Night is coming and the dead come with it. No clan can stop them. The free folk can't stop them. The Night's Watch can't stop them. And all the southern kings can't stop them. Only together, all of us. And even then it may not be enough, but at least we'll give the fuckers a fight." (Robert & Sandi)
1)Anthony Dimmond: "You avoiding meats?" Bedelia: "I'm trying not to eat anything with a central nervous system.”
Anthony Dimmond: “Oysters, acorns and masala, that’s what the ancient romans would feed to their animals to improve their flavor.” Bedelia: “My husband has a very sophisticated palette. He’s very particular about how I taste. Anthony Dimmond: “Is it that kind of party?” Hannibal: “It’s not that kind of party.” Bedelia: “No, it really isn’t." (Darthlocke, Nirat & Sharon)
2)Abel Gideon: "Why do you think I'm allowing this?" Hannibal: "Why do YOU think I'm allowing this?" Abel: "'Cause snails aren't the only creatures who prefer eating with company. If only that company could be Will Graham. (Nirat, Robert & Tonya)
3) Hannibal: "This isn't cannibalism, Abel. It's only cannibalism if we're equals.” (Nirat & Robert)
4) Hannibal: "One can appreciate another's words without dissecting them. Though on occasion dissection is the only thing that will do." (Tonya)
5) Bedelia: "What have you done, Hannibal?" Hannibal: "I've taken off my person suit." Bedelia: "You let them see you?" Hannibal: "I let them see enough." Bedelia: "How does it feel, being seen?" Hannibal: "Well, you're in no position to ask, Dr. Du Maurier. You ended our patient psychiatrist relationship." Bedelia: "I lacked the appropriate skills to continue your therapy." Hannibal: "I never found you to be lacking." (Tonya)
6) Bedelia: "You no longer have ethical concerns, Hannibal. You have aesthetical ones. You seem more interested in appearances, than maintaining appearances." (Darthlocke)
1) Teresa "I'm not going to prison. Have you seen Orange is the New Black? I'm not taking a shower wearing tampon sandals." (Sandi)
2) Liv "I need to get it together. I can't stay on these brains. I mean, you're telling me that we have another zombie murder and I'm just thinking about bacon." (Sandi)
3) Kimber : "I kind of learned CPR at Seeds of Faith camp. Someone needs to do chest compressions to the beat of 'All for the Best' from Godspell." (Sharon)
4) Ravi: "That's a very peppy perspective." Liv: "I'm a peppy person." Ravi: "I think maybe Cheer Brain has kicked in already. I'm fairly certain you've got spirit." (Dahne)
5) Teresa: "Everything comes out of nowhere when your headlights are off, dumba**." (Dahne)
6) Ravi:"What the hell kind of questions do people usually ask you?" (Dahne)
7) Ravi:"Liv, be aggressive. B-E Aggressive." (Dahne)
8) Teresa:"And if there's anything I learned from I Know What You Did Last Summer 1 and 2, it's that me and Cameron are next on the killer's revenge list." Liv: "You saw I Know What You Did Last Summer 2. There should be a third one called Seriously I'm So Not Ever Forgetting What You Did Last Summer." (Dahne)
1) Felix: “Please Denise has feline asthma.” (Nirat)
2) Felix: “I’m pretty good with my tools.” Krystal: “I bet you are.” (Nirat)
3) Felix: “The only that you need to know is that you are one of a kind. Your a survivor Krystal and your not alone.” Krystal: “That is the most completely beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me, like ever.” (Nirat)
4) Helena: “Thank you Seestra Alison, such beautiful clothes.” (Nirat)
5) Cosima: "Delphine, if you're not going to be with me, if you're not going to switch sides, let me go!" (Darthlocke)
6) Helena "Sister Alison has good taste." Donnie "Yeah, well she's very crafty..." Helena "In men." Donnie "What. What?" Helena "You have meat on your bones. You are strong like baby ox. This I like." Donnie "It's not usually this thick when Ali does it, so maybe we need two baby ox." Helena [laughing] "You're a funny man Donnie Hendrix" (Sandi & Tonya))
7) Gracie "I'm sorry I lost our baby" Helena "It's not your fault. You will be auntie to my baby. Yes?" Gracie "I would like that, thank you" (Sandi)
8) Krystal "My biggest fear are literally twins, and [whispers] clowns" Felix "Clones?" Krystal "Clones? Clowns." Felix "Clon, oh clowns"
Krystal "Yeah" Felix "No, clones are worse, uh, twins" Krystal "Twins, way worse!" Felix "Totally." Krystal "Terrifying!" I sequence your genome?” (Sandi)
9) Felix: "What kind of monster threatens a man's cat?" (Darthlocke)
10) Felix: "If we're going to go roadtripping to steal some poor clone's identity, then I've only got one demand. I get to chose the music." (Darthlocke)
11) Donnie: "You thought my wife would skip out and meet you in the stock room." Jason: "Just like old times." Donnie: "These aren't old times. These are MY times!" Jason: "Your times? You mean Donnie-takes-her-last-name times?" (Tonya)
12) Delphine: "You know my security concerns. They're not jealousy. I'm French. We enjoy lovers." (Tonya)
1) John: “Do you like poetry?” Vanessa: “All sad people like poetry. Happy people like songs.” (Sharon)
2) Ethan: "We can't let ourselves be infiltrated and surrounded. We defend our cliff." Sir Malcolm: "And we know what they want."
Vanessa: "Yes, that we know." Ethan: "Now if we only knew why." Vanessa: "They're making a fetish." Sir Malcolm: "Which is?" Ethan: "A voodoo doll."
3) Vanessa: "Whatever you have done. Whoever you have made yourself. I'm here to accept you. We're together for a reason." Ethan: "God's plan?" Vanessa: "Yes."
1) Kirsten: "This is the second corpse I've seen today." Cameron: "Eh, probably not your fault…probably." (Dahne)
2) Cameron: "Look I don't tell you how to be an emotionally vacant, relationship-ly void young woman. You don't tell me how to run my lab." (Dahne)
3) Maggie: "The agency has people who handle the fieldwork. Unsocialized nerds and girls in cat suits need not apply."
4) Cameron: "Word of advice - the next time you steal someone's technology, make sure their boyfriend isn't a bomb-making genius." (Dahne)
5) Linus: "Originally you were supposed to be completely naked but there was some pushback so we compromised." Kirsten: "By dressing me up as Catwoman." (Dahne)
1) Peter: "The family we had, they might not have been perfect but that doesn't mean we should leave them behind."
2) Raul: "What about us?" Erin: "We'll always have the Apocalypse." (Dahne)
3) Joshua: "Look we can save humanity or we can abandon it. It's up to us. It's not easy, standing up against evil but we're not the first ones to do it. There were others who saw the same doubt and faced the same danger. They stuck together and if we do too….if we follow the signs, if we let go of what we expected, and accept what was intended, then sooner or later, just like them, I know we're gonna succeed." Vera: "Amen." (Dahne)
4) Peter: "I'm a fugitive, Koa, and that family…they're happy. They're safe. If I got out of this car and walked into their lives, I would bring all my problems with me. I…I just couldn't do that to them." (Dahne)
5) Vera: "Save it Bible boy. I still need you." (Dahne)
UnReal “Return”1) Rachel: “I don’t know, do you think that you’re like forward because of um…things that happened in your upbringing?”Britney: “What are you talking about?” Rachel: “I was just saying that, like you know, when bad things go down sometimes your kid brain computes it as like um…I don’t know…I must be unlovable.” Britney: “I am…completely loveable.” (Kate)
2) Adam: "You think Britney would last in the rodeo?" Faith: "No, the clowns would kill her."
3) Chet: "You know what? You're not hot enough to be crazy so I need you to keep your brains together." (Dahne)
4) Quinn: "Believe it or not, I care about you." Rachel: "That's funny because right now it feels a little like blackmail." (Dahne)
5) Rachel: "I know you or at least I know your agenda. You don't need a matchmaker. You need damage control. Nobody's gonna bet money on your hotel until you rehab your image. A couple of weeks on the cover of US Weekly, that's gonna do the trick." (Dahne)
6) Rachel: "Have you never had to play by anybody else's rules? Oh, okay I get it. So you're just a spoiled brat. Now it's making so much more sense. I get it. What?" Adam: "I just…women don't usually talk to me like that." Rachel: "Oh because you're so devastatingly attractive." Adam: "That and the accent, yeah." (Dahne)
1) Ben: “What were those things on the other side of the wall.” Ethan: “Wolves, this is wolf country.” (Nirat)
2) Mrs F: “Of course we all will miss Sheriff Pope, he did retired so… abruptly.” Ethan: “Yeah, I think it was a surprise to all of us.” (Nirat)
3) Ethan: “I just love it here, I think it’s great, the mountains, the pine trees, the look of fear in everyones eyes.”
4)Ethan: “So how does everybody feel about the public executions.” Mrs F: “What?” Ethan: “You know, what Pope did to Beverly, what they’re expecting me to do to Peter McCall.” Mrs F: “Oh, the reckonings. We don’t make the laws, we… just follow them.”
Mayor: “Couldn’t have said it better myself.” Mrs F: “Well that’s why I write all your speeches.”
5) Dr. Jenkins: “Perhaps the best things in this world require the biggest sacrifice. Look, look at all this beauty around us.
6) Ethan: “It’s an honor to be of service and I want everyone here tonight to know that as long as I’m sheriff of Wayward Pines I will do everything in my power to ensure that the evils of this town are brought to light and that the true criminals are brought to justice.” (Nirat)
7) MAYOR: “So, what are your impressions of our little town here?
Ethan: “Oh, I just love it here, I think it’s great. The mountains. The pine trees. The look of fear in everyone's eyes.” (Sharon)
1) Josh (after Lauren talks about the story of Jacob and Esau): "Wait. That's in the Torah. I could have sworn that's an episode of Game of Thrones."(Dahne)
2) Liza: "You're getting your own coffee?" Diana: "I like to keep my life skills sharp. You know…in case there's another Sandy."(Dahne)
3) Liza: "How did I miss the memo on book doctors? I could have been doing this for years." Maggie: "Well there's like an entire decade when you were in a PTA fugue." (Dahne)
4) Kelsey: "I'm saying I think it would be a lot cheaper for both of us if we were just monogamous."
5) Megyn: "Simon, you're not riding your bike alone to Queens. Do you hear me? Why? Because you are 11 and light enough to be thrown into a van. This is end of story." (Dahne)
Honorable Mentions
Devious Maids “Awakenings”
1) Evelyn: "Are they all mute? That's such a wonderful quality in a child!"
Evelyn
Game of Thrones “Hardhome”
1) Tyrion: “So here we sit, two terrible children of two terrible fathers.” Daenerys: “I’m terrible.” Tyrion: “I’ve heard stories.” Daenerys: “Why did you travel to the far side of the world to meet someone terrible?” Tyrion: “To see if you were the right kind of terrible.” Daenerys: “Which kind is that?” Tyrion: “The kind that prevents your people from being even more so.”
2) Giant: “The fuck you looking at.” [Spoken in wildling I think.] (Nirat)
3) Edd: “Come on!” Jon: “Dragonglass.” Edd: “Fuck the glass, were gonna die here!.” (Nirat)
Hannibal “Antipasto”
1) Hannibal: "Ethics become aesthetics.” (Nirat)
2) Bedelia: “I still believe I am in conscious control of my actions. Given your history, that’s a good day.” (Darthlocke & Nirat)
3) Abel Gideon: "While I'm not busy eating myself, you wish me to be eating oysters, drinking sweet wines and snacking on acorns - all to make me tastier?" Hannibal: "Oh, yes." (Tonya)
Orphan Black “Ruthless in Purpose, and Insidious in Method”
1) Scott: “CanDonnie "It can get pretty thick, so you really got to put your back into it." (Nirat)
2) Cosima: "Of course we made a copy, we're not complete idiots." (Darthlocke)
3) Jason: "Did you just girl-slap me?" (Darthlocke)
4) Sarah: "I just can't loose another one of us." (Darthlocke)
5) Donnie: "I may be a bitch, but I'm Alison's bitch!" (Darthlocke)
Wayward Pines “One of Our Senior Realtors Has Chosen to Retire”
1) Theresa: “They made a hypnotherapist a school teacher.” (Nirat)
2) Nurse Pam: “Ethan darling if you don’t want to do this, I’d be happy to do this myself.” (Nirat)
3) Nurse Pam: “That’s the smartest thing you said since you’ve gotten to my town. I know you let Peter McCall do your job for you, you might have fooled everyone else but I’m a registered Nurse.” (Nirat)
4) Arlene: “What an ice cream cone eating bastard. He leaves without even saying goodbye. Hotel Manager: “Come on Arlene, you gotta admit he was creepy.” Arlene: “He was so cute.” Nurse Pam: “Ah well yes, Sheriff Pope is gone and now we have a new sheriff, yippee!” Arlene: “I mean a lot of people didn't like him, they thought he was too gruff, but he was a really good man one on one. Honest and easy to work for. Very generous with me, during the holidays especially.” Nurse Pam: “Arlene, I’m sure in a very short while you’ll feel exactly the same about Sheriff Burke.”
Arlene: “You think?” Nurse Pam: “Bare in mind Ethan is a married man.” Arlene: “Ugh Pam, that’s gross.” (Nirat)
5) Nurse Pam: “Friends, neighbors, lets all raise a glass to our new sheriff, Ethan Burke. I’m sure all our heads are spinning with how quickly he’s risen in the ranks. Great power requires great responsibly. Someone who understands that those who break the law need to be punished swiftly and whenever necessary severely to the fullest extent of our law.” (Nirat)
As always, thank you for reading! Let me know in the comments what some of your favorite quotes this past week have been!
