A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
1. Eva: “I’ve had their pain… Now give me yours….” May: “Come on -- I’ve got plenty to share.” (Sharon Seymour)
2. Coulson: "Oh, what are we saying this time? Nuclear? Bio? Eh, bio always works. My name is Phil Coulson. I represent the Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement Logistics Division, and you are about to enter a quarantine site. Colonel, you can't send your men in there! A biological weapon was set off! Nasty stuff... flesh-eating." (Bradley Adams)
3. Fitz: "Maybe you could show me how to shake a tail. Maybe you could start, like, now?" Hunter: "You in a bathroom? With one of those electric hand dryers?" Fitz: "Oh, yes." Hunter: "You're gonna be okay, mate." (Bradley Adams)
1. Ray: "There's not a visual sighting or any reading at all from the ATOM. I mean the suit, not myself in the third person." Oliver (to Felicity): "There's a decent chance that you and Palmer are related." (Daniel van der Veer, Bradley Adams, and Babar Suhail)
2. Felicity: "You have sacrificed everything to be the Arrow, even you and me, but whether or not you break Roy out of Iron Heights, there is no more Arrow. Ra's took that from you." Oliver: "I was told once that a man cannot live by two names. Well right now I can't live by either, so I don't know who I am." Felicity: "I know who you are. Whether you're in a suit or in a hood, you're the man that I...you're the man that I believe in." (Daniel van der Veer)
3. Ray: "And...you are OK with this?" Oliver: "We need your help." Ray: "So it's a team up! High five!" (Daniel van der Veer and Bradley Adams)
4. Felicity: He's got a lot on his plate with Dr. Wells, I think. It's really hard to keep up with him." (Bradley Adams)
5. Oliver: "Do you get this anxious when I'm out in the field?" Felicity: "I honestly can't think of an answer to that question that doesn't get me in trouble." (Bradley Adams)
1. Norma: "I hear ya, but I can't take care of myself, I'm a mother. Now I have to go talk to my horrible brother. You know what? I have no choice because it is important to my sons." James: "Yeah? And what about your own needs?" Norma: "Parents do not have needs. You ever read the book The Giving Tree? It's about this tree and this kid keeps coming and taking stuff from it his whole life until there's nothing left but a stump and then the kid sits on the stump. That's being a parent." (Darth Locke)
2. Emma: "You have no idea how much this family means to me, how much I want to be a part of it, but never am." Dylan: "I understand." (Darth Locke)
1. Russ: "You conned the mob!" Constance: "I conned a schmuck with a few cell phone stores. Forgive me if I didn't check his family tree." (Dahne)
2. Guz: "My son is complicated. Your son is ill-tempered, distrustful, impatient, and stubborn…but he deserves to be happy. So whatever game you are playing this time, just stop." (Dahne)
3. Russ: "Hey, that's my mother. I'm gonna get real angry if you shoot her." (Dahne)
4. Constance: "His dad was his mentor." Russ: "Yeah, the Barrymores of bunko." (Dahne)
5. Milt: "I think our best option is to take her into the field with us." Russ: "No, your best option is to not believe a word she says. It's served me well for many years." (Dahne)
1. Peter: "Awesome! A road trip! I love being super pumped for 15 minutes, then bored out of my mind for eight hours!" (Sharon Seymour)
1. Ray: "Thank you, but I can't quite seem to keep it up." Felicity: "He means the suit." Ray: "Yeah, I mean the suit." Felicity: "Yeah, I can attest that everything else works just fine. There's nothing we need to fix in... that area." Ray: "No, no, no, the sex is great." Caitlin: "God, there's two of them." (Bradley Adams and Babar Suhail)
2. Felicity: "Boom! Drop the mic! .....It's metaphorical, of course, because I don't have a real mic." (Sandi)
3. Cisco: "I've been having these dreams. Mostly at night, but sometimes during the day. But they don't really feel like dreams. They…they feel real." Barry: "What happens in the dream?" Cisco: "Dr. Wells is The Reverse-Flash. And he kills me." (Sandi)
1. Mance: "When we first met you were my prisoner and now for our last meeting..." John: "This doesn't have to be our last meeting." Mance: "No, but it will be." John: "You know what Stannis wants?" Mance: "He wants me to bend the knee and he wants the free folk to fight for him. I'll give him this much, he's bold." John: "Shouldn't a king be bold?" Mance: "Oh I respect him. If he gets what he wants I expect he'll be a better ruler than the fools sitting on the Iron Throne the last two hundred years... but I'll never serve him." (Darth Locke and Robert Fruin)
2. Cersei: "The man who murdered our father, he tore us apart. He's the enemy. I've been telling you for years, you've been defending him for years." Jaime: "This is exactly what they want." Cersei: "And now our father is dead, and that little monster is out there somewhere drawing breath. Did you set him free? Tyrion may be a monster, but at least he killed our father on purpose. You killed him by mistake, a stupidity." (Darth Locke)
3. Jon: "I think you're making a terrible mistake." Mance: "The freedom to make my own mistakes was all I ever wanted." Sandi)
4. Tyrion: "I still don't see why I had to stay in this fucking crate once we set sail." Varys: "I saved your life. If they catch you, they catch me. I cannot say I feel overly guilty about leaving you in that fucking crate." Tyrion: "Do you know what it's like to stuff your shit through one of those airholes?" Varys: "No, I only know what it's like to pick up your shit and throw it overboard." (Sandi)
5. Tyrion: "You never told me why you set me free." Varys: "Your brother asked me to." Tyrion: "Could've said no." Varys: "Refuse the Kingslayer? A dangerous proposition." Tyrion: "Not as dangerous as releasing me. You risked your life, your position, everything, why? You're not family, you owe me nothing." Varys: "I didn't do it for you, I did it for the seven kingdoms." (Robert Fruin)
6. Jon Snow: "You not cold, my lady." Melisandre: "The lords fire lives within me, Jon Snow. Feel...Are you a virgin?" Jon Snow: "No." Melisandre: "Good." (Robert Fruin)
1. Jim: “Harvey, the victim deserves justice.” Harvey: “Yeah, and I deserve a mute supermodel who likes pasty Irish guys and loves to cook. It’s not happening.” (Tonya Papanikolas)
2. Jim: “Are you coming?” Harvey: “Let me say it in Spanish: No.” (Tonya Papanikolas)
1. Liv: "And that's not all. Daddy McComb is out of a job. There's no way he's keeping his medical license after you went all Oprah with his prescription pad." (Dahne)
2. Captain: "I'm on this new diet so I look at pictures of food I can't have. Some people hate on food pictures. Not me. Balls of spaghetti are my porn." (Dahne)
3. Peyton: "What? You think we'll find a keg in the bathtub?" Major: "No but I heard rumors that there's be streaking in Holly's honor." Peyton: "Seriously? Smart phones have cameras. Is no one here planning a career in politics?" (Dahne)
1. Palmer: “You sound like Gibbs. Next up is a dated wardrobe and asymmetrically challenged haircut… which totally works for some people.” (Tonya Papanikolas)
2. McGee: “Listen, Tony, this whole modeling thing. Do I know what I’m doing? No. But I’m here and I’m gonna give it my best shot.” Tony: “You’re quoting Zoolander to me? It’s worse than I thought.” (Tonya Papanikolas)
3. Jimmy: "Ready Tim?" McGee: "Ready Jim!" Tony: "This is not over! Mark my words! (smiles) I've taught them well." (Daniel van der Veer)
4. Bishop: "What is it you expect me to do? Take down a whole village of insurgents on my own? That's not me. I'm an analyst." Gibbs: "I thought you were a field agent." Bishop: "Gibbs, whatever lesson you're trying to teach me is going to get Qasim and Corporal Collins killed. My job is in there, not out there." Gibbs: "Your job, Bishop, is to do what I tell you to do. You can do this." Bishop: "Don't put me in a position I'm not trained for." Gibbs: "Training's not the problem - you are. I told you, I got your back. Stop hiding behind things that are familiar, Bishop. You're better than that. The answers you want, Bishop - they're out there." (Daniel van der Veer)
5. Tony: "You must have had a rough childhood. Normally I would take great pleasure in breaking a clown like you down nice and slow. But considering that you conspired with a terrorist and you are responsible for the torture and murder of a United States Marine, I'm a little pissed off and pressed for time." Ashmore: "Hey good cop. You wanna step in here?" McGee: "You're on your own." (Daniel van der Veer)
1. Emma: "I am only the savior because you altered the entire state of my being at the expense of someone else's soul." (Nirat Anop)
2. Rumple: "Maybe you should take a piece of advice from a man who has pushed away every chance of happiness because it was never enough. If it's within your grasp, if you know where it is and who it's with, then you should run to it, grasp it and never let it go." (Nirat Anop)
3. Regina: "You have made me a monster but I won't let you do the same thing to Emma." (Nirat Anop)
1. Scott: "Seriously, Cosima, with soldier clones running around and, you know, all this lesbian drama, uh, I don't know that I want to work on the super secret shit anymore." (Darth Locke)
2. Felix: "Delphine's got your number? Well, we definitely need new clone phones." (Darth Locke)
3. Sarah: "She wants my help saving Leda and Dyad." Felix: "Jesus, don't these people know you never even finished high school?" (Nirat Anop)
4. Cosima: "I was having this dream where I was like way above and I could see below and then I came back to you. Did you feel that thing?" (Nirat Anop)
5. Sarah: "You don't think I can do this? Rachel Duncan. Uber bitch." Felix: "That was terrible." (Nirat Anop)
1. Claire: "I know all of this because...because I am from the future. I was born on October the 20th in the year 1918, that's 200 years from now. Do you hear me?" Jamie: "I hear you." Claire: "You think I'm raving mad, don't you?" Jamie: "No. No, I believe ye, Sassenach. So. I don't understand it, not yet, but I trust you. I trust your word. Your heart. I trust there is a truth between us. So, whatever you tell me, I will believe ye." (Robert Fruin)
2. Geillis: "It looks like I'm going to a fucking barbecue." (Robert Fruin)
3. Claire: "If you really are a witch, now would be the perfect time to use your powers." Geillis: "Same to you my friend." (Robert Fruin)
1. Finch: "You brought home a beast. I have to walk it and water it and feed it, lest it consume any more of my books." (Bradley Adams)
2. Finch: "Congratulations?" Root: "Don't go buying me that blender just yet, Harry." (Bradley Adams)
3. Reese: "Hot dogs aren't dinner, Fusco, not for normal people. Guess it's the thought that counts." (Bradley Adams)
4. Reese: "You sure you were an interrogator, not a drill sergeant?" (Bradley Adams)
1. Rev Halse: "Manners were never your strong suit, Poldark. One can only guess at the bad humours that come from an ill spent life." Ross: "Ill spent? And this from a Justice of the Peace who combines all the virtues of office except perhaps justice and peace." Rev Halse: "No doubt the common people you mix with have blunted your facilities as to what may, or may not, be said in polite society." Ross: "I agree they alter one's prospective, sir. You should try mixing with such people, it might enlarge your outlook." (Sandi)
2. Matthew: "I propose." Ross: "How many?" Matthew: "One." Ross: "I'll take the book." [Matthew goes to draw a card, Ross grabs his hand] "Can you explain how you come to have a card in your hand before you drew one from the pack?" Matthew: "You're mistaken. I'd already drawn." George: "I rather think he had Ross." Dwight: "Oh no he had not." Francis: "He most certainly had not!" Ross [grabs Matthew]: "I'm sorry for assaulting your friend, George. But if you insist on entertaining such fellows then you should at least keep them on a leash. Or perhaps you prefer your guests to be ruined in silence!"
Scandal - 1. Olivia: “You did the right thing.” Marcus: “Yeah, sure. For Natalie, for my conscience, I guess I had to. And hey – no regrets, right? I got to tell people I did the right thing. That’s something.” Olivia: “That’s more than something – that’s everything. That’s what saves you in the end. You do the wrong thing, then you’re done. Not at first. It only feels like a misstep at first, a compromise, a concession to reality, a bad move well played. But at some point you’re only going in that direction. By the time you realize how far down that path you are, you’re lost. Everything is unrecognizable, you are unrecognizable – to yourself. You find yourself doing things you never thought you’d do in ways you never thought you’d do them, to save things you’re not even sure you want to save. You can’t help it. That’s when you’re done. You are not done. You did the right thing here. I know it hurt. I know it hurt to do it now. But, you know, the time is always right to do right.” (Tonya Papanikolas)
1. Charlie: "Did you know dental floss works great on stitches? I only passed out twice and I'm pretty sure my wound is minty fresh." (Sharon Seymour and Dahne)
2. Sam: "I guess I really understand now that this is my life. I love it, but I can't do it without my brother. I don't want to do it without my brother, and if he's gone then I'll…" Charlie: "I've got it. I do." (Dahne)
3. Charlie: "I'm exhausted and I'm bleeding and I'm in a phone booth. A phone booth. I didn't know these things existed outside of Bill and Ted's." (Dahne)
4. Charlie: "You were the Dread Pirate Roberts of hunting." (Dahne)
1. Amy: "I'm almost crying. I didn't know I could still almost do that." (Mark Ondo)
2. Dan: "My entire career just flashed before my eyes. It was incredibly impressive." (Mark Ondo)
3. Selina: "I'm looking at you but I'm shaking someone else's hand." (Mark Ondo)
Honorable Mentions -
A. D. -
1. Peter: "I think I feel pain at His absence, great guilt because I wasn't with Him at the end, and shame. I so want to tell Him I'm sorry." Jesus: "Peace be with you."
2. Pilate: "You should consider this a lesson in civic administration. If you cannot control the story, kill it."
3. Caiaphas: "Good morning, governor." Pilate: "It was."
Arrow -
1. Ray: "How many abandoned warehouses do you think are in this city. No, no, I'm--I'm genuinely curious." (Bradley Adams)
The Big Bang Theory -
1. Penny: "I mean the whole experience reminded me about how much I hated that world. You know the anxiety, the depression, the negativity. I don't want to feel those things. I want to sell drugs to people who feel those things."
2. Bernadette: "Don't take this the wrong way but how many of these little booze balls have you had?"
3. Leonard: "When I encountered alien life, I discovered that the key thing was not to sit in its spot." Sheldon: "Alright, you can't breathe out air without an inhaler, he's allergic to earth nuts, but I'm the alien."
The Flash -
1. Barry: "I'm pretty sure I can outrun a bee." Felicity: "Just don't run into a lake. Bees will wait for you to come up for air and then they'll sting you. Discovery Channel. Turns out there's a lot to discover." (Bradley Adams)
2. Ray: "Thank you, but I can't quite seem to keep it up." Felicity: "He means the suit." Ray: "Yeah, I mean the suit." Felicity: "Yeah, I can attest that everything else works just fine. There's nothing we need to fix in... that area." Ray: "No, no, no, the sex is great." Caitlin: "God, there's two of them." (Bradley Adams)
3. Felicity: "It's kind of like I'm dating Barry, but in Oliver's body. A sentence you'll never repeat to anyone." (Bradley Adams)
4. Felicity: What is going on with you? And don't say it's a bad time. Oliver might be joining the League of Assassins, Laurel's the Black Canary, and Thea's training with Malcollm, so I know about bad times." (Bradley Adams)
5. Felicity: "What is wrong with you? Is everyone in Central City in a bad mood? I thought Central City was supposed to be the fun one."
6. Felicity: "Oh she's good. She's like my nemesis. I've never had a nemesis before. I kind of like it."
7. Cisco: "Bees, why did it have to be bees? Y'all I don't do bees. Ain't nobody got time for bees."
The Following -
1. Gina: "Do you know why I joined the FBI? Probably the same reason as you." Ryan: "To get chicks?" (Bradley Adams)
2. Woman psychologist: "Do you know why you're here?" Joe: "Unpaid parking tickets, I think. Oh, no, no. Wait. It... I killed an awful lot of people." (Bradley Adams)
3. Joe: "I have to be sane in order for the State to put me to death? How perverse." (Bradley Adams)
4. Dr. Sacks: "You killed a dozen people during your escapes." Joe: "I would swap every one of them just to kill you, to feel my knife piercing flesh one last time." (Bradley Adams)
5. Dr. Sacks: "I hear you've declined to choose a method of execution." Joe: "I like to be surprised." Dr. Sacks: "If you refuse, the State chooses for you. You'll die by lethal injection." Joe: "Aw, spoiler alert." (Bradley Adams)
Fresh Off the Boat -
1. Principal: "Mrs. Wong, our school budget has experienced major cutbacks. We rely on parents to supervise our afterschool programs." Jessica: "Well I'm sorry. We're busy with our own afterschool programs. They're called jobs."
2. Emery: "Me and Evan are in the play." Jessica: "You are? Why? You're not going to become actors. You think they're going to put 2 Chinese boys on TV? Maybe if there's a nerdy friend or a magical thing where someone wanders into a Chinatown, but no."
3. Jessica: "Look, we can't volunteer. Is there anything else we can do?" Principal: "Well, you can donate money." Jessica and Louis: "How do we volunteer?"
The Goldbergs -
1. Erica: "That's all you care about? Taxes?" Murray: "Yes. Why do you think we had Adam? He was a write-off."
2. Barry: "You think one video's gonna change the way I feel about you." Adam: "No, but you need to know how I feel about you. You're the gift. I could have ended up with any brother in the world, but mine is loud and tough and emotionally unstable, but I wouldn't have it any other way."
3. Adam: "Stop showing me love. Too much love."
Grimm -
1. Wu: "What percentage of crime in Portland do you think is Wesen related? Like 20, 30%." Renard: "Well one way or another most crime in most places is Wesen related." Wu: "Oh, okay."
2. Nick: "You don't scare me and I'm not letting go." Juliette: "Aren't you scared of what you might do to me?" Nick: "I could never hurt you, Juliette." Juliette: "I wish I could say the same but I just don't know anymore because deep down I do blame you for what’s happened to me and part of me loves you for it because I've never felt like this before. It's ironic isn't it? You've been the special one for so long. You're connected to a world that most people will never know or understand, and now I know and I understand and I don't want to give it up. Just like you didn't want to give it up but now I know why. Once you're in it and you've seen it and tasted it and lived it, you can't go back. Everyone just seems blind. I like this power Nick and I know you do too." Nick: "Stop it." Juliette: "I can't."
3. Juliette: "You know I didn't need to let them arrest me. I just wanted to see if you'd come rescue me." Nick: "I'm not letting you out if that's what you mean by rescue you. It's safer for you in here." Juliette: "And safer for you."
iZombie -
1. Liv: “I think she was a dying-is-a-consequence-of-life kind of girl.” Peyton: “That’s a nice thought. But people who say that say that from the comfort of their aliveness.” (Tonya Papanikolas)
2. Lowell: “No one can really know you now. Kissing, touching, sex, love, yelling at someone for stealing the blankets – out of the question, forever. But then one day I see this beautiful woman – she’s the only thing in color. Odd ‘cuz she’s so pale. And then suddenly there’s hope again.” (Tonya Papanikolas)
3. Carson: "Eliza said she would take care of it. I did not know she meant take care of it Tony Soprano style."
4. Liv: "You're leaving awfully early." Major: "Yeah, I'm really bringing down this wake."
Mad Men -
1. Betty: “I know it’s beyond your experience but people love to talk to me. They seek me out to share their confidences.” (Tonya Papanikolas)
2. Pete: “You think you’re gonna begin your life over and do it right. But what if you never get past the beginning again?” (Tonya Papanikolas)
3. Megan: “I don’t want anything of yours. I wasn’t gonna say a word. I wasn’t gonna give you the satisfaction of knowing that you ruined my life…. Why did I believe you? Why did I believe the things you said to me? Why am I being punished for being young? I gave up everything for you – because I believed you. But you are nothing but a liar – an aging, sloppy, selfish liar.” (Tonya Papanikolas)
The Messengers -
1. Vera: "Look. This is something that somebody didn't want us to know about." (helicopters and military vehicles pour in) Alan: "What makes you say that?"
2. Joshua: "It's not your church. It's God's church."
Poldark -
1. Elizabeth: "I hope you're as well entertained as your wife or had you forgot her existence. Dangerous mistake. Absentee husbands make for wandering wives. If you wish to retain our favor, you'd do well to pay us attention."
2. Demelza: "Perhaps I should ask for an introduction as it's been so long since we've met." Poldark: "I hear you've been well-consoled in my absence."
3. Poldark: "If these are my people, I am ashamed to belong to them." Demelza: "Well if you think all the stupid, fat, ignorants are in your class, then you're mistook. I've lived long enough to know that they're everywhere. And you'll not right any wrongs by blaming just these folk for Jim dying." Poldark: "Of course they're to blame for their ignorance, their selfishness, their arrogance." Demelza: "And you'll not right any wrongs by drinking and gaming and leaving me to fend for myself at my very first ball." Poldark: "If you behave like this, you'll not come to another." Demelza: "If you behave like this, I'll not want to."
4. Demelza: "Ross, you cannot fight the world. You can only make your own small corner a fairer place."
5. Demelza: "Ross, where are you going?" Poldark: "To acquaint myself with as much brandy as George can supply."
The Royals -
1. Gemma: "I do hate to interrupt but I love this song and I could really use a warm body. Nick, would you mind terribly?" Nick: "This is the part where you ask me to dance and then the jocks lock me in the trunk of a car." Gemma: "Dance floor, McFly. Now!"
2. Alistair: "Won't the people miss their queen?" Queen: "A grand entrance to kick things off, then a big finish at the end. That's all they care about. Tops and tails. Besides I don't want to be their queen tonight. I just want to be yours."
3. Eleanor: "Dance with me." Jasper: "I thought I was supposed to be working." Eleanor: "You are and right now I need you to work on protecting me from the Grand Duke of Norway's wandering hands. I really do worry about your ability to protect my body, Jasper."
Sirens -
1. Cash: "For years, I was terrified of the rutabaga." Voodoo: "The vegetable?" Stats: "Why?" Cash: "Have you seen one? They look unholy. But one fateful day, a beautiful young chef talked me into trying one." Billy: "What happened?" Cash: "Tasted like sh-t." (Bradley Adams)
2. Theresa: "Billy freaked her out by telling her how sexy she would look pregnant. That's so weird." Johnny: "It's not that weird. There's a whole porn genre dedicated to it." Theresa: "Well, don't tell Billy that." Johnny: "Oh, he knows." (Bradley Adams)
Supernatural -
1. Charlie: "You were the Dread Pirate Roberts of hunting."
2. Metatron: "Poor Castiel, swam so far just to drown in shallow waters. Isn't it ironic? Don't you think?"
Tatau -
1. Budgie: "You ever seen The Wicker Man?" Tyler: "No, why?" Budgie: I think this is the sequel."
2. Dries: "What? He was chasing a girl that just wanted to get away, man. How much clearer could it be?"
3. Budgie: "Okay let's just pretend that's not the most insane thing you've ever said."
Younger -
1. Liza: "You know you can rant and deflect blame all you want or you can own this, take responsibility for it, and go fix it."
2. Liza: "Alright, see. I told you. It's closed." Kelsey: "How is this even possible?" Liza: "Because it's after midnight on a weekday and he's not a coke dealer."
3. Thad: "Babe, you know I don't do Brooklyn. No offense." Liza: "Lots taken."
