Hello and welcome back to Last Week in TV. This week was a doozy for me with 6 new shows premiering. Two of them also had double episodes and one was supersized. Needless to say, it was a struggle to get everything reviewed. For that reaso, I did not get to the nominated episode, The Shield pilot. I apologize but I will definitely review it next time. Crossing fingers that not so much debuts this week. If you'd like to nominate a show, please fill out the 2-question form below.
As new shows premiere, old shows must go and sadly Allegiance was pulled last week. I really liked the characters and pacing so I hope the unaired episodes become available. This week sees the season finale of The 100 (sniff, sniff) and the penultimate episodes of The Musketeers, Eye Candy, and Perception - three shows that feel like they just premiered. It's goodbye to Perception, see you next year for The Musketeers, and not looking so hot for Eye Candy, a show that's much better than its title and network. If you haven't tried it, check out the pilot. What you see there is what you get throughout season 1. Until next week, happy TV viewing and don't forget to leave your episode awards in the comments.
Show of the Week:
This episode was fantastic. It had high energy, massive twists, and great character moments. So many characters shined that it is hard to pick an episode MVP. Raven and Wick blew the dam. Lincoln made the shot to blow the door. Bellamy worked inside to save them all. Octavia refused to back down in the face of losing everything she's worked for. Clarke stood devastated as everything she sacrificed was for naught. So many excellent choices. Still there is no doubt who the Most Intriguing Character was. That was Lexa, hands down. Her choice to ally with the Mountain and betray her alliance with the Ark was a total game changer, so much so that I'm not sure what role the grounders will play in season 3. No matter how much audiences hate Lexa's plan, it was smart on her side in the short-term. I'm not so sure that is true in the long-term, given that they have taken away most of the Mountain's weapons against the grounders. Still, in practical terms, there isn't much the Ark has left to offer the grounders. There is medicine but the grounders don't seem to be that into longevity. There's some technology but the Mountain has the advantage there. In fact, there is no strategic military reason for Lexa to continue the Ark alliance, when she can get everything she wants (ceasefire with the Mountain) and save her people doing it. At least in the short-term. In the long-term, not so much. To say this new alliance is shaky is an understatement. There is nothing to keep the Mountain from rebuilding or creating new weapons with which to hunt down grounders. This is especially true now that radiation won't keep the Mountain Men inside and they will all be fighting for the same land. Their issues with the Mountain are bound to get more intense instead of better, something they wouldn't have to worry about if they destroyed them now when they have the chance. Plus, Lexa has proven herself ruthless and not trustworthy. That should give any other clan pause before agreeing to ally with her in the future. Right now they can celebrate her victory, but when the war stops being about outsiders and returns to infighting Lexa may find herself on the losing end of others joining in alliance against her. Like everything on The 100, nothing about this plan is black and white. It is a compromise for sure and she may have lost the war by winning the battle. All I know for sure is that it wasn't out of character for Lexa, it was riveting TV, and I'm really glad that Lexa lives to return again someday.
Grade: A-
Best Reason to Watch - Lexa betrays the Ark to save her people
Best Scene - Octavia refuses to retreat without Bellamy and Indra denounces her
Most Intense Scene - Lexa tells Clarke she made a deal with the Mountain Men
The "I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means" Award - You keep saying there is no way in except through the front door but it seems like you have gotten in and out of the Mountain in other ways. Plus the soldiers didn't go out the front door.
Smartest Short-Term Plan - Lexa saves her own people at the expense of Clarke's.
Biggest Hmm - If the power was out in the Mountain, then the radio jammer would likely go out too. Does it have its own backup generator to work or is it battery operated? Do they even have functioning batteries anymore?
Most Shocking - Wick kills his first person
Best Reaction - Clarke to Lexa's betrayal / Indra to the fallen reaper
Biggest Facepalm - Dear Cage, perhaps your first plan should be to release your prisoners. They aren't going to do you anymore good and it could stop the attack. Just saying, you idiot. Good thing Daddy thought of it too in the end.
The "Argh, You Try My Patience" Award - Stop psychoanalyzing your relationship, Raven and Wick. Stop making speeches instead of blowing the door, Clarke and Lexa. Stop debating Maya's fate and do something, Jasper. You all are on a deadline. Get it done! We don't have time for chit chat.
Best Quotes -
1. Indra: "Plans change." Grounder: "Octavia, let's go." Octavia: "I'm not going anywhere without my brother." Indra: "You are no longer my second." Jackson: "Octavia please, come home with us." Octavia: "I have no home."
2. Wick: "Catastrophic failure, that's your plan?" Raven: "Okay when you say it like that it doesn't sound like such a good idea." Wick: "I'll set the detonators."
3. Dante: "You've killed us. One week in office and you've managed to turn neighbor against neighbor. You've made the outsiders hate us more than they already did. You lost our outer defenses and now a door that hasn't been breached in 97 years is going to fall and an army of savages is going to flood these halls, killing every last one of us." Cage: "Tell me how to stop them. Please. I need your help. Your people need your help. They'll destroy everything." Dante: "You already have."
4. Clarke: "What did you do?" Lexa: "What you would have done. Saved my people." Clarke: "Where are my people?" Lexa: "I'm sorry Clarke. They weren't part of the deal."
5. Octavia: "We found it." Indra: "You found it. It appears we didn't need Lincoln after all." Octavia: "Thank you." Indra: "You've done well Octavia cum treegula crew." Octavia: "What's that mean?" Indra: "What you think it means." Octavia: "I think I want to hear you say it." Indra: "You're one of us now."
6. Raven: "Today, Wick." Wick: "I'm moving as fast as I can. (sounds of people coming in) Actually I can go faster."
New Shows:
To be honest, I feel like I have seen Secrets and Lies before. It has the set-up of Gracepoint in that a child is murdered and it has the same 10 episodes to tell its story. Where it differs from most shows though is that it is told from the suspect's point-of-view instead. In both the media are vultures, but here the police aren't exactly combing for suspects. At least from what we have seen. It feels slightly claustrophobic because they laser focused on Ben so quickly. It's not like they don't have a reason to suspect him. The person who finds the body is always a suspect. The victim being your secret love child is even more suspicious. Add to it that he doesn't remember the night of the murder because he was drinking until he blacked out is worse. Still, I have a hard time believing that the police wouldn't even question the husband under a restraining order. Yeah, they say they can't find him but it doesn't look like they are trying either. Because of that, his family and work is targeted and his life falls apart. There seems to be no benefit of the doubt in the investigation stage. Still, I don't want to feel bad for him if he ends up actually being the killer. For the record, I think he's innocent but it's that wanting him to prove his innocence versus hoping he's not a killer that provides the real hook. If I weren't so swamped, I'd probably stick around to find out just for the powerful acting alone, but I fear after next episode this one is going to be crowded out. It's destined for summer fare.
Grade: B-
Ranking - 3
Audience - those who like crime procedurals (like Gracepoint/Broadchurch) but want the twist of seeing the suspect's side
Best Reason to Watch / Biggest Twist - the story is told through a suspect's perspective
Best Scene - Ben tells Abby that Tom was her half-brother
Most Intense - the funeral for Tom
Biggest Idiot - Ben doesn't tell his wife that Tom was his son and she finds out via the news
Biggest Shock - Tom was Ben's son
Biggest Douche - the entire media in episode #1 / Garner in episode #2
Most Creepy - Detective Cornell has a dead fish stare that goes right through a person
Worst Advice - I really think he should give a DNA sample because he already said he was there and touched the body
The "Welcome Back" Award - Melissa Gilbert, most famous as Laura Ingalls Wilder / Natalie Martinez from Under the Dome
Best Quotes -
1. Ben: "I didn't do it." Garner: "It doesn't matter. Once the cops like a suspect, it becomes all about proving that that person, in this case you, did it. They're not going to veer off course unless they have reason to strongly suspect someone else and if they find the murder weapon and it's yours, you're screwed."
2. Ben: "What do you want from me?" Cornell: "Honestly, a confession would be nice." Ben: "If you were doing your job, you'd be getting one from Scott Murphy."
3. Dave: "Why the hell is it so hot in December? Is it Christmas?" Ben: "It's global warning."
4. Dave: "You know you had a blowout with Christy and you needed to just shut your brain off a little. Granted in retrospect, we might have overshot the mark a teensy bit but uh…" Ben: "You think."
5. Ben: "You know man, if it was just me it would be one thing, but I don't know how to make it better." Dave: "Well I can just go onto Nat's page and slap those little b** around for you, brother." Ben: "Yeah, I'm pretty sure that it is not a good idea."
Battle Creek was funnier than I expected and therefore better. I loved the opening scene where they had to use ingenuity to simply wiretap their snitch. I mean when you have to steal your sister's baby monitor to hear the conversation in a sting, your department is in big trouble. I also loved that Milton is not the douche I expected him to be. Basically I was thinking Thompson from Agent Carter in the present day. Instead he comes off as genuine and definitely not an attention hog. The fact that he tried to share the spotlight at the end gives him bonus points. Still there is something fishy about him. I think Russ is spot on when he says the speech he gave the killer sounded personal. Plus there's the little fact that a rising superstar would not get sidelined to a place like Battle Creek. I wonder if Milton has a connection to the place. The biggest detraction from this episode is actually Russ, who comes off more like a douche than cynical. If something's working, you don't cut the other person off and risk the hostage. You just don't. I learned that from Flashpoint. They need to either tone down Russ or douche up Milton because right now it isn't just the access to equipment that's unbalanced.
Grade: B
Ranking - 3+
Audience - those who like a little comedy and a whole lot of attitude in their procedurals
Best Reason to Watch - it is a traditional odd couple, buddy cop show
Best Scene - Milt shares the news spotlight with Russ, but they only focus on Milt
Biggest Pet Peeve - cops who handle evidence without gloves
Best Moment - Just as the Feds are about to ram the door in, the owner tells them the door's open and not to damage his $5,000 door. Bwah!
Most Annoying - Russ
Best Gift? - the detectives get very excited about FBI shoe booties
Most Shady - Russ who gets Ricky to lie in a lineup
The "Say What?" Award - Who has a cobbler these days?
Least Surprising - Ricky is the shooter
Most Surprising - Ricky's sister is the girl who overdosed in the newspaper
Most Disgusting - Russ licks the gun that was in the dumpster
Most in Need of a Budget - the Battle Creek police, who can't even afford batteries for their equipment and have to borrow a camera from a dance recital and a baby monitor from a cop's sister for a sting
Weirdest Trend - all the suspects and witnesses keep feeding the detectives cake
The "Welcome Back" Award - Josh Duhamel, aka Danny from Las Vegas / Kal Penn, returning to Hollywood from the White House / Liza Lapira of NCIS / Dustin Ybarra from The Goldbergs
Best Quotes -
1. Teddy: "Who sells your equipment? Goodwill?"
2. Fontanelle: "We could shoot people instead. Is that what you want? Are we not shooting enough people?" Russ: "We need new equipment. New to this world, not just new to this precinct, okay? We need the latest training. We need everything." Fontanelle: "Or we could shoot people. I don't mind shooting people, but something's got to change."
3. Milton: "He's not a killer." Russ: "Well no, he has killed so technically…" Milton: "Doesn't make him a killer." Russ: "Yeah, it sort of does."
4. Teddy: "I'm still gonna die." Russ: "You're not going to die, Teddy. Die was never an option. Cooperate or go to jail, that was the complete list."
5. Milton: "Our actions don't define us." Russ: "What? What the hell else would define us?" Milton: "Our soul." Russ: "I don't even know what that means."
6. Milton: "In my experience when you trust people, they…they trust you." Russ: "Have you actually met people?"
I spent the first episode wishing Phil would get some company because I was falling asleep. It was so dull. This show lives up to the "Be careful what you wish for" adage though. In the second episode, I was wishing for some peace and quiet. How could the last two people on earth be so irritating? Phil is a disgusting slob, while Carol is an annoying dictator. If this is the future of the human race, then it's time we end it all. I've never been a fan of comedies that consist of people yelling at each other, so I'm dropping this comedy now. It's not even getting the traditional third episode.
Grade: D-
Ranking - 1
Audience - people who like manchild comedies
Best Reason to Watch - um, it's unlike any other comedy I've seen
Best Scene - Phil talking to his new ball friends down at the bar
Long Live the Grammar Nazis - Bwah! The last woman on earth, that Phil knows about, corrects his grammar. I might outlast everyone.
Most Interesting Introduction - Ghostbusters
Worst Visual - Phil shopping in his underwear with a gun down his butt
Most Disgusting (food) - spray cheese and wine
Most Disgusting (other) - the swimming pool toilet
The "Makes Sense to Me" Award - If you're the only person left on the planet, you might as well pilfer the museums and upgrade your living quarters
Best New Phrase - Son of a Bee Sting
The "You've Watched Too Much Stupid Reality MTV Shows" Award - not sure destroying things should be your first priority in the post-virus apocalypse
The "Welcome Back" Award - Alexandra Daddario, formerly Kate on White Collar and Annabeth on Percy Jackson
Best Reference - Castaway
When I first heard about this show, I wasn't sure how a show essentially about using computers would create enough interest/action to make 42 minutes riveting. Let's face it. Most crime procedurals at least kill a few good minutes with close up autopsies or other morbid bits to keep the audience's attention. That's not so much the case here except for the pretty cool virtual autopsy hologram. Color me surprised by all the action in this episode. It helps that, like Criminal Minds, the team goes where the case goes so they are constantly moving around instead of in one building doing their techy magic. They also take down bad guys, have shootouts, and rescue drowning babies. Not bad for one episode. I'm not sure how long the premise can last, but there's definitely an ample supply of cybercrimes to exploit so I'm interested in where the next 2 episodes lead. After that though, this one is definitely booted to summer or the endless to-watch list. There's only so much time in a week for crime procedurals and my schedule is already booked.
Grade: B-
Ranking - 4
Audience - anyone in the CBS procedural wheelhouse
Best Reason to Watch / Biggest Surprise - it has far more action than I expected
Best Back Story - Ryan's whole raison d'etre
The "Say What?" Award - Why would these guys risk kidnapping in the US when there are plenty of kids throughout the world who need a good home? I'm not buying Mundo's explanation here. For the price these prospective parents are paying, they could bribe a whole lot of adoption officials around the world.
Biggest Moron - Ricky Scaggs, who doesn't have the common sense to duck with a sniper shooting at him
Weirdest Cop Moment Ever - getting fingerprints off a baby's diaper
Best Quid Pro Quo / Future Politician Award - Denny, who trades info on the crime for info on how to advance a level in his video game
Least Surprising - kidnapped kid is the result of mom's affair / Mundo jumps into the water to save the kid
Worst Security - If all someone needs to do to get into your house unaware is to cut the wire on a box outside your house, I'd rethink my security. I hope they aren't paying for this.
Worst First Impression - Nelson
Biggest Shenanicanon - Baltimore, MD to Paterson, NJ is 3 hours and 8 minutes. Even by helicopter there is no way they are getting there in 30 minutes.
Best Tech - hologram autopsy
The "Touch of Criminal Minds" Award - This team moves wherever the case takes them. I actually like that because it keeps things fresher and allows for greater guests.
The "Yah, That's Not Creepy At All" Award - Detective Mundo interviews a kid through his house window without informing his parents
Biggest Oops - the dad ransomed the wrong baby
Best PSA - everything you put online can and will be used against you in a court of law / baby CPR
The "Yes, Finally" Award - someone calls out a person at a crime scene for not wearing gloves
The "Welcome Back" Award - James Van Der Beek, most famously from Dawson's Creek / Susan May Pratt from 90's teen flicks like Drive Me Crazy and 10 Things I Hate About You
Best Quotes -
1. Mundo: "Sorry, Agent Mundo is currently on the field of battle and can't talk to you on his first day off in 3 weeks."
2. Ryan: "Detective Cho, please treat all hardware, including the baby cam, like a dead body. Don't touch it; don't move it until we get there."
3. Nelson: "Eeny, meeny, miney, moe. Catch a gangster by the toe. Rearrange the numbers yo. Early years are first to go." Raven: "What are you doing?" Nelson: "I think better when I talk it out in rhyme."
4. Nelson: "That's the guy that busted me." Ryan: "Krumitz, he's the best white hat hacker in the world. If you hack it, he will come."
5. Simon: "Hey it's late. Time to get you all back home to your parents' basements. Krumitz, you're home already."
It might be that I am 100% burned out on crime shows right now or it might be that nothing actually happens in this episode, but this show is not for me. To say the pacing is glacial is to discredit glaciers everywhere. Add to that, most of the characters are deeply unsympathetic and the show promises to practically drown in race issues of all types. Just in the pilot, it feels like a high brow, social conscience, Emmy bait show less interested in entertaining than in being important. Those never work for me. There's a reason why I've never seen at least half of all Emmy-nominated shows in a given year. For American Crime, the best reason to watch is the superior acting and it is superior. Even lesser characters get a chance to shine since the whole episode runs on the reaction shot instead of the plot. In addition, the seeming injustice of arresting Tony for murder when all he did was rent out his dad's car earns him the title of Most Sympathetic. It could be that he becomes more complicit as the story unfolds but for right now his dad and he are the best characters. Sadly I have no intention of ever finding out if he's actually guilty of something. I'm too swamped to watch even 3 episodes of any show that moves at this snoozefest pace.
Grade: D+, mostly for pacing
Ranking - 2
Audience - people who like Oscar bait movies and critical darling TV
Best Reason to Watch - it has some big name actors in it like Felicity Huffman and Timothy Hutton
The "Say What?" Award - I don't get how renting his dad's car equates to murder even if that car was used in a murder? Unless Tony knew the plan, he is being screwed big time.
Biggest Plot Twist - the victim was a drug dealer
Most Needing to Shut Up - the detective who first questions Russ doesn't even give him time to answer before firing off new questions
Worst Career Plan - criminal car rental
The "Little Warning Please" Award - gunshot surgery at least needs a transition to prepare me
The "Welcome Back" Award - Benito Martinez of Supernatural and my favorite episode of Bones,
Best Quotes -
1. Alonzo: "You were renting our car?"
2. Hector: "You know why you shot me? Because you don't give a damn about me."
I didn't realize Dig was supersized but man did I feel every minute of its super slow pacing. I understand the need to build mystery, but throwing in bits and pieces of everything felt less like a coherent plot and more like seeing what will stick. I think part of the problem was the need to fill out seemingly random characters but not putting them in context. Plus there was all the blurry face shots that drove me nuts. I still don't feel like I know any of the characters and I haven't the foggiest notion of how they fit together. On its own that is not a deal breaker in a pilot for me, especially since it was the pilot I most looked forward to this week. However the glacial pacing and the fact that I had to focus to keep from falling asleep makes the mystery feel like much ado about nothing right now. The good news is that I rarely give up on a genre show based on the pilot alone. They are traditionally rocky at the start. So, this show has 2 more episodes to grab my attention before I file it under Maybe in Summer.
Grade: C
Ranking - 3
Audience - those who like mysteries and are far more patient than I am
Best Reason to Watch - it’s a complex mystery with lots of moving parts and it isn't afraid to go dark
Best Back Story - Peter's daughter died
Best Action - rooftop chase
The "Nice Job" Award - while the two cops argue over jurisdiction, the so-called terrorist flees
Biggest Hmm - The rabbi gave the kid a gun to protect the cow. I guess that's better than them being Jewish assassins and shooting the farmer like I thought.
Most Disconcerting - the lead seems to be having hallucinations
The "Are You Kidding Me?" Award - That lady just shot a kid. A kid! These people are crazy.
Worst Plan - having sex with your boss
Biggest Douche - Ted, who up and tells a kid his parents are dead and that he can't cry
The "Welcome Back" Award - Jason Isaacs, who will always be Lucius Malfoy and the sadist on The Patriot to me / Christopher Heyerdahl, the inimitable Alastair on Supernatural
Best Quotes -
1. Peter: "And the crowd goes completely indifferent."
2. Cohen: "I don't like you and you don't like me." Peter: "Is that going to be a problem, partner?"
3. Khalid: "We are small men. In the end, we mean nothing."
4. Peter: "That's the beautiful thing about extraordinary rendition. The man he killed back in Chicago was just lucky enough to be the son of an important senator. That's all the legality we need."
Weekly Shows:
Backstrom is not my favorite show - I have a hard time with how offensive it can be at times - but it consistently makes me laugh and I will miss it during the short break. This show is appointment TV for me. The moment when Backstrom threatens to drop the guy's laptop and then gets startled and actually drops it had me laughing so hard tears were rolling. Bwah! Just thinking about the poor electronics guy wailing starts me giggling again. There's something to be said for Backstrom's non-PC way of dealing with things. What really makes it work though is that it brings a surprising amount of heart in too. In this case, Backstrom's complicated relationship with his father gets center stage. Instead of making the guy seem like a total douche, the writers made him totally sympathetic right until the end when it is revealed that he was indeed screwing over Backstrom again. Families are complicated and this one deserves more time and depth. I hope Papa Blue comes back again. If nothing else it is refreshing to see Backstrom on the defensive and trying to one up his old man.
Grade: A-
Best Reason to Watch - Backstrom and Blue's back story
Best Humor / Biggest Oops - Backstrom accidentally drops the laptop he is threatening to drop out of a window
Best Scene - Backstrom refuses to shake his dad's hand
Best Twist - the corporate bigwig was working with the ecoterrorist
Least Surprising But Awesome - Blue takes the arrest, shutting out his son who did all the work
Best Character Interaction - Backstrom and Blue / Blue and Niedermayer
Best Banter - Backstrom and Gravely
Best Negotiator - Blue
Biggest Pet Peeve / The "Eww, Gross" Award - Backstrom picks up what he thinks is a diaphragm with his ungloved fingers. Besides blech, what are cops doing going through potential evidence without gloves?
The "I Agree with Daddy" Award / Best Played - No time to worry about who's getting credit when there's an ecoterrorist on the loose. Still good ole Daddy played that arrest nicely to his own advantage.
Biggest WTH - Valentine in cowboy outfit
Worst Job - always apologizing for Backstrom
Best Motivator - Niedermayer suggests that finding the bomber before his dad would help Backstrom
The "Welcome Back" Award - Adam Beach from Mystery, Alaska and SVU / Alex Carter, the awesome Bly on Burn Notice
Best Reference - Caddyshack
Best Quotes -
1. Backstrom: "So are we going after the gopher or the guy trying to blow up the gopher?"
2. Niedermayer: "I quoted Lieutenant Backstrom in that article. When you were searching the internet were you looking for him or yourself?" Blue: "No need to search for myself, Pete. I always know where I am."
3. Gravely: "We bought it. We keep it, and anything Paquet finds is admissible. Big corporations are always hiding something." Backstrom: "What is this? Occupy Portland."
4. Klassen: "So now you're a conspiracy nut?" Backstrom: "It a short trip from thinking everyone's lying all the time."
5. Moto: "You know that guy?" Backstrom: "From a serial killer case. He hates me." Moto: "Why? Cause he worked with you?"
6. Backstrom: "Making a lie more complicated doesn't make it sound more true."
This episode is all about the back story, so much so that I forgot there was an actual case of the week to solve. Good thing since it wasn't actually solved; I'm guessing it's a two-parter. Not that Lindy cares. Her screw you speech was awesome. I hope she leaks how the department used her as bait online. That should take care of the obviously poor decision making of the sergeant. I'm not saying Lindy was innocent up to that point, but egads, throwing her to a psychopath was a bit extreme. It did however make Ben the voice of reason and reaffirm that he was a good guy, even in arresting her. Now I'm even sadder that he didn't make it past the pilot. Still it's not every day that a character is redeemed beyond the grave. I liked getting to know him better and finding out piece by piece as Lindy did helped the audience connect to her character. Kudos to Victoria Justice for selling Lindy's pain and confusion. I wish they had spent more time on the flashbacks since they enriched the characters and less time on Tessa who can't die soon enough for me. That is if she isn't working for the killer. I'm still suspicious. Even Tommy's not out of the running for Flirtual killer for me, even though letting Lindy in on the department's secrets doesn't seem like a good plan if he is. With only 2 episodes left, here's hoping they identify him/her this week and catch him/her the next.
Grade: B
Best Reason to Watch - the back story
Best Scene - Lindy watches Ben's videotape about why he arrested her
Most Intense - Lindy confronts Tommy about screwing her over a year ago
Best Twist - Ben arrested Lindy in an effort to protect her from Bubonic
The "Are They All Deaf?" Award - How in the world did the people sweeping the building not hear Lindy tramping on the steps right beneath them or hear the door close? I call shenanicanon.
Best Backstory - how Lindy and George met
Subplot I Care Least About - Tessa
Biggest Douche - Catherine, closely followed by Tommy
Biggest WTH - Starting us off with an eye gouging for the cold open? Nope. Just no.
Best Buzzkill - Sophia, who rightly calls Tessa out for disappearing and lying
Most Shoddy - all it takes is a false alarm and anyone can walk into the evidence room
Most Interesting First Date Conversation - apocalypse plans
Most Cold - the gift necklace Ben gave Lindy was actually a bug
The "Welcome Back" Award - Ben
Best Quotes -
1. Lindy: "You lied. You and Catherine, you tried to set me up but Ben arrested me to save me from the two of you." Tommy: "Okay, let's just talk this through, alright?" Lindy: "You used me to get to Bubonic. You used my sister." Tommy: "Lindy, you have to understand. That was before I really knew you." Lindy: "What do you know about Sarah? Tell me." Tommy: "Catherine found a case, a man who abducted girls. She thought maybe your sister might have been a part of it. She refuses to say anything about it." Lindy: "You and me, this. Whatever this is, it's over. It's done."
2. Connor: "Doesn't it creep you out a bit that the killer hasn't killed anyone recently?"
3. Lindy: "You either fight or you die." Ben: "I kind of believe that if the worst happens that people are basically good, deep down." Lindy: "That's not my experience." Ben: "Then you haven't met the right people."
4. Ben: "Hey, you're a great dancer." Lindy: "Is that a line 'cause that's a bad line?" Ben: "Well I'm a bad dancer."
5. Connor: "Okay, are you going to tell me what's wrong or are you just going to eat that pencil?"
I'm not a fan of bait and switch so to have Henry blackmailed twice and threatened with exposure only to have his cover even more firmly established by the end was a bit off-putting. It gave us the veneer of forward plot movement but then stalled us out just as the tension began. Not nice, writers. However I am very good with Abe being the only person alive to know Henry's secret so I can pardon the shenanigans. Not so much getting shafted in Abe back story. The episode summary made me think we were getting more of his history than we actually did. Around midseason things were said that made it seem like Henry and Abe had spent some time estranged and I thought this episode was going to shed some light on that. Therefore I was a little disappointed in only seeing a photograph with little context. I really think we need some Abraham flashbacks without Henry. Other than that, the case was intriguing and the high-tech spin made for some shocking reveals about how little privacy normal citizens have. That's more disturbing than most serial killer/stalker shows.
Grade: B-
Best Reason to Watch - exploring the pros and cons of secrets was interesting as was the increasingly little privacy we really have
Most Convenient Resolution - Henry has a super hacker shore up his credentials
The "Are You Kidding Me?" Award - Exactly how many people can be run over by vehicles in one episode?
Biggest Idiot - Nora in so many ways
Most Disturbing - all the data law enforcement and hackers have on everyday citizens
Best Twist - Henry gets double blackmailed
Least Surprising - Irene gets hits by a car right before she can send Jo the info
The "I'm So Jealous" Award - I really want a way to control traffic lights. It would make the commute a breeze. The local stoplighted highway by me sucks big time.
The "I Feel Your Fear" Award - I'm with Lucas. While hackers like Anonymous can do much good, they also play by no rules and can ruin someone's life unfairly.
Best Blackmail - threatening to expose Henry is a good way to get his attention
Best Quotes -
1. Abe: "You see that's the problem with activism. No matter how high the ideals, you're just human."
2. Hanson: "So hypothetically, could you guys work it so I can get the full NFL package without paying for all the other stuff?" Irene: "Detective, I have a master's in computer science from MIT." Hanson: "So that's a yes?" Irene: "That means I'm not the cable guy."
3. Keith: "We traced the command payload to Shaw's thermostat IP through a randomized botnet path, which we back traced and confirmed." Henry: "We gassed ourselves, shaved a corpse, and determined whoever killed Shaw did it by hand in his apartment." Jo: "Yeah. If Greff was home that proves he didn't kill Eric Shaw." Kevin: "You shaved a corpse."
4. Henry: "Sometimes the life we wish to leave behind finds us."
5. Irene: "Like it or not, the age of anonymity is over."
Are you kidding me? Fitz covered for Skye?!?!?! Argh!!!! This show is going to my summer watch pile because I am not going to watch the Skye Show on a weekly basis. One more show off the list. The only thing I am intrigued about right now is what Bobbi and Mac are up to. Everything else can go.
Grade: C-
Best Reason to Watch - If you are a Skye fan, there is a lot for you to love. If not, there's May, Bobbi, and Hunter.
Best Moment - May double gunning the fake attack team
The "Stop I'm Getting Nauseous" Award - Even Bobbi joins in the parade to tell Skye how super special she is. I think that's everybody now and most people about once an episode.
The "Oh Poor Me" Award - Shut up, Skye. I resent your being alive so I sure don't want to listen to your "it was all my fault" speeches and self-pity. It is your fault. Shut up. And while we're at it, Raina and Skye's dad should shut up too.
Best Shock - Hunter's armored SUV guns
Biggest Hmm - Why isn't May wondering why there are no lights on in quarantine?
Worst Cover - Fitz lies for Skye
Best Reminder - I forgot that Tripp's family has a SHIELD legacy.
The "I'm with You" Award- Mac is right. Tripp traded his life for Skye. Coulson is often a dictator who sometimes lets his emotions cloud his decisions and not for the better. Going after the city was a mistake.
Cheesiest Acting - Coulson yelling, "They'll never take us alive." I'm surprised Bakshi fell for that. Even May comments on it.
Biggest Mistake - Killing off Trip instead of Skye and/or Raina, preferably both. We didn't even get rid of Skye's dad and now Raina's practically un-killable.
The "Welcome Back" Award (character) - May
The "Welcome Back" Award (actor) - Dichen Lachman, formerly ruling grounders on The 100 / Kathryn Leigh Scott from The Goldbergs and Dark Shadows / Fred Dryer, the amazing Hunter from my youth
Best Quotes -
1. Fitz: "So I was thinking how the heart monitor seemed to shatter from the inside out but it was still on your wrist when we found you. That doesn't make sense. And how we found you, basically unharmed in the collapse with destruction all around you. I thought I was losing my mind all over again, that there was something wrong, so it took awhile to dawn on me. Or maybe I was just afraid to think it then. You survived the destruction because you caused it." Skye: "No, no, no, no." Fitz: "Raina wasn't the only one changed in there and I'm pretty sure the DNA results we're running right now will confirm that there's nothing wrong with the data in my head, Skye. There's something wrong with you."
2. Fitz: "Well it's not good to keep things to yourself, Mac. I know what you're going through." Mac: "Really? You know what it's like to lose control, to be trapped inside your own body unable to tell it what to do, to watch yourself hurt the people that you care about?" Fitz: "Yeah."
3. Hunter: "Is every Radio Shack a Hydra outpost? I always suspected."
4. Hunter: "Don't mind him. He's just coming down from the worst alien acid trip of all time."
5. May: "I count 4 left. You know what that means." Coulson: "Not really." (May kicks butt.) May: "That's what it means. It means I'm going to do that." Coulson: "Good to know."
This episode was all about Jessica and Louis, and that's what made it great. Sure Eddie had his Nicole issues and Evan couldn't get over his Attendance Bear sticker, but they were easily forgotten for the true heart of the episode. I love how supportive Jessica was of Louis this episode the most. Usually we see her putting him down or in conflict with the kids, so it was good to see a softer side of her. The scene at Golden Saddle before the owner came in and ruined it was very sweet. It was also great to see Jessica so excited about the country club. (Second Caddyshack reference of the week by the way.) Louis and Jessica need to do date night more often so we can see them together away from their kids. Besides the couple that commits petty crimes together stays together, right? They also make me laugh.
Grade: B+
Best Reason to Watch - Jessica and Louis as partners who support each other
Best Scene - Jessica tells Louis she married a good businessman
Most Likely to be Type A - Evan, who frets over losing his attendance sticker
Biggest Hmmm - The only wild bus escapades I remember were band trips. Other than that, none of my bus rides resembled Hollywood bus antics. Mostly they were just hot and stinky.
Best Friends - Emery's, who bring him food because they will miss him on the bus
Worst Plan - Eddie drowns his food in hot sauce and it makes him sick
Most Supportive - Jessica
Most Ridiculous - all the 6th graders pretend to be asleep on the bus
Most Talented - the kids who sing in Eddie's bus dream
Best Reference - Caddyshack
Best Quotes -
1. Evan: "Are you saving that seat for your attitude?"
2. Jessica: "Which one says I am rich enough to be invited but not rich enough that you could ask me to donate money?"
3. Nicole: "Is that old lady self-sufficient because my parents showed me Cocoon when I was little and I just can't." Jessica: "Oh she's fine. She'll fight you for dominance and then fall asleep."
4. Eddie: "Maybe your stepdaughter Nicole would like to join." Honey: "Sure. I'll ask Marvin and then he'll ask her and she'll tell him what her answer is. It's like the way we communicate at dinner. Takes a long time to get the salt."
5. Nicole: "How old are you?" Eddie: "Old enough to read this Parental Advisory sticker and ignore it."
Another solid episode for The Goldbergs. You just cannot beat this comedy for a combination of heart and laughter. Again each of the subplots were fantastic and it was good seeing the characters out of their element. Beverly making deals with a bootlegger was hilarious. It had the right combination of creepy and over-the-top that gave me the best laughs of the night. Murray and Pops were the wisest when schooling Adam that you always choose your wife over your mother in an in-law tug-of-war. Adam and Dana brought back great memories of egg babies in child development class with everyone showing off their babies and making bets on whose baby would crack first. For heart though (bad pun completely intended), it was all Barry and Erica. Who hasn't fallen head over heels and accidentally ticked their best friends off when shafting them on quality time? It's an age old problem handled humorously but realistically here. One of my favorite moments of the season so far is when Barry hands Erica the Heart tickets so that she can go with Laney. It was super sweet and a lesson learned. Plus, Smashball looks like a lot of fun. If I had an empty lot near me, I would take the kids out to play it. Mess be damned.
Grade: B+
Best Reason to Watch - Barry and Erica deal with the significant other vs. friends time issue
Best Scene - ending montage to Heart
Best Awww Scene - Barry gives Erica his Heart ticket so she can go with Laney
Best Aww Moment We Didn't See - Beverly and Dana work out their differences for Adam
Best Character Interaction - Beverly and Rick, the bootleg toy seller
Worst Choice for Dollsitting - Murray
Best Advice - Pops and Murray
Most Fun - Smashball
MVP - Barry for speaking JTP and knowing when to let Erica have best friend time
Biggest Laugh - black market toys out of some shady guy's trunk
Least Surprising - the guys of the JTP start fighting over Erica
Weirdest Conversation - Rob talks to Erica in butchered medieval English while the others bow
The "I Feel for You" Award - Technically this one goes to Adam for being in the middle of a warring mom and girlfriend, but I'm giving it to Adam's future wife who will have to live it. Beverly will make all other mothers-in-law look tame.
Most Likely to Call the Cops…Or At Least Bring Out a Broom - the store owner who cannot be excited about bits of broken produce all over his parking lot
The "No One Ever Said That" Award - even in the 80's we didn't think having a baby would magically make everything better
The "I Don't Think So" Award - No teacher would give Cabbage Patch Dolls to middle school kids in the 80's. Those things were like gold. My teacher gave us hardboiled eggs, while others carried around sacks of flour.
Best Reaction - Barry to Erica joining the JTP / the woman seeing Beverly take the Cabbage Patch Kid for a walk in the stroller / Erica to seeing all of Naked Rob
Best Reference - Heart and Say Anything
The "Welcome Back" Award - Michaela Watkins from the gone-to-soon Trophy Wife
Best Music - Alone by Heart
Best Quotes -
1. Teacher: "This is a Cabbage Patch Kid. Aww. This looks like something in a horror movie where the doll comes alive and terrorizes a lakeside town."
2. Rick: "What do you need? I've got Glo-Worm. I've got Voltron. I've got Koosa. I've got My Little Pony. Oh, I also have the strongest heroine in the world." Beverly: "What?" Rick: "She-Ra, Princess of Power. There's no stronger heroine out there."
3. Beverly: "Somebody stole my baby. Well not real baby, fake baby. It's a toy. Somebody stole my toy. I'm going to get attitude from my son's pretend wife. Can someone call the police or Toys 'R Us?"
4. Adam: "Look it's not Dana's fault. Please don't fail her. Fail me." Beverly: "No, it's my fault, If you're going to fail anyone, fail me." Teacher: "I can't fail you, Mrs. Goldberg. You're an adult. Also why are you here?"
5. Murray: "It's just Adam's baby. I'm using it for lumbar support."
It was a busy night on Empire right from the cold open. In the big battle between Empire and Beretti is it sad that I hope they both fail, that they cannibalize themselves and let another company swoop in to defeat them both? I just want to see all these big egos taken down a peg. Andre has already gotten there, and as such, I am sympathetic to his plight. The best scenes of the night all revolve around him. For me watching the 3 brothers sing Lean on Me in the elevator was a highlight of not only the episode but the series. It is good to see Andre as part of the family and not some side project. I also like how Andre told it like it was and yet Jamal recognized how to talk him down. I expect it isn't the first time. I really wish that Lucious had made keeping Andre from the CEO position a matter of his illness instead of playing the race card last week. That would have made for an even more compelling scene than Andre's meltdown in the conference room already was. It also would have made Lucious' refusal to sign the 48-hour commitment form even more powerful. I still think that is telling for the character. Probably the most improved character of the last 2 episodes though is Hakeem. Sure he threw his little baby fit of the episode, but I love how he told Tiana that he wasn't going to get into a relationship with her again because he wasn't going to lie to her. It made a lot of sense and showed great growth.
Grade: B
Best Reason to Watch - music battle royale
Best Scene - Andre flips out in the elevator, Jamal calms him down, and they all hug it out
Most Intense - Andre flips out in the conference room
Best Action - Malcolm beats up a mugger
Worst Way to Make Business Decisions - hiring the last person who can walk after a bender
The "I Blame You" Award - Cookie, I put the blame for Anika's defection at your feet and Lucious'. I hope the company falters just so you can stop being so obnoxious.
Biggest Idiot - Hakeem wants to blow up Beretti
Most Surprising - Cookie outs Anika's trip to Beretti's place in the cold open
The "Say What?" Award - Why are these guys fighting in an elevator?
Best Music - I am a Conqueror / Lean on Me
Best Quotes -
1. Jamal: "You know what? You're right about one thing. Sexual proclivity is what put us in this position. Your proclivity and the fact that you can't manage to simply keep it in your pants."
2. Lucious: "When a man like me says, 'Hear me out,' you hear me out 'cause your life could depend on it." Anika: "Are you threatening me?"
3. Cookie: "Lucious cares more about business than he does about Hakeem's hurt feelings. It's sad but true."
4. Jamal: "They are coming for us. You can sit and you can stew over some embarrassment about some party that doesn't even matter anymore. You can step up and take some heads off. Now Delphine idolizes you, alright, but she wants to work with me, the gay one. You said that families put aside their differences so put aside your played out homophobia unless it's more important to you than Empire."
5. Cookie: "Look, no matter what Tiana, you're family to us and Empire was built on family."
As you might have heard, Allegiance has been cancelled so the best I can hope for is that the final episodes air later and that there is some closure. I don't have much hope for the latter but the former is likely. I often hear comparisons with this show and The Americans, but I feel that's more surface summary than anything. Granted I haven't seen the last 2 seasons of The Americans, but the tone, characters, and setting are all very different. I'm sorry that many wrote this show off before even trying it. For me it has been a fun ride in its short life with this episode being its best. I loved watching Alex try to process everything that has been thrown at him all at once. His reaction added some needed humor and his klutziness at the spy trade made for good tension. I have no idea why Mark and Katya had Alex join them at the end though. He's already in systems overload as it is. Listening to his sister pimp herself out for a job might send him right over the top. I'm also not sure why Katya is getting the brunt of the scorn when Mark has been in on it since before Alex was born too. This family is definitely biased against Katya and it feels like everything she does is automatically judged lacking by her kids. The biggest problem though is Victor threatening Sarah's boyfriend and essentially involving him in the spy trade too. Shouldn't that have significant risks? Victor is smarter than that.
Grade: B
Best Reason to Watch - everything went nuts starting with telling Alex the truth
Best Scene - Alex gets polygraphed
Most Suspicious - Alex while watching the videotape
Least Smooth - Victor threatens a kid on a park bench in order to get him to bug the O'Connor house
Best Way to Back Story Secondary Characters - lie detector test
Most Surprising - Alex straight out lies to the judge instead of halving the truth
Best Reaction - Alex starts squirming when he hears someone hitting on his sister
Biggest WTH - Mr. Douche takes out Natalie and Katya before Mark tries to brain him and Alex stops him
The "Welcome Back" Award - Paul Ben-Victor from In Plain Sight
Best Quotes -
1. Michelle: "I could have sworn you still had your spine when we left Philly."
2. Alex: "Our whole life, it's…it's a lie." Mark: "No. Not the love, not the family. I know this is a lot. I can't imagine what you're thinking." Alex: "I think you are traitors."
3. Faber: "Do you work for the FBI?" Brock: "That and I do a little exotic dancing on the side."
4. Alex: "I have to get up early in the morning and go commit a felony."
5. Faber: "Have you had contact with any suspicious individuals in the past year?" Sam: "Besides you? And no, I have never told anyone you lied about your handicap when we played Pinehurst." Faber: "Your bosses have any idea how insolent you are?" Sam: "Insolent? Is your son studying for the SAT's or something? No way you know that word on your own."
6. Katya: "You would get so far ahead that I had to choose. Do I stay with Alex or do I chase after you?" Natalie: "I remember. You always chose Alex." Katya: "It's not because I love you any less, but I had faith in you. I knew that if you got lost, I knew that you would find your way home."
This episode is all about the acting and Johnny Lee Miller was on fire. The subject matter, with Sherlock being arrested for murder, was already a great hook but adding in his past where he blacked out and was given to paranoia was genius. We rarely see Sherlock doubting himself so to watch his utter disgust at not being able to remember, to allowing himself to be so out of control, was mesmerizing. The writing gave him strong scenes, the best of which was the argument with Joan in which he tells her that she never met his detached, drug-addled self and therefore could not know what he was capable of at that time. It was raw and passionate in a way that Sherlock almost never is and a real treat to watch. The case itself was a little flimsy but it was never about the case to begin with. Sherlock facing his demons, the ones he tried so hard to put down, is an actor's dream scene. Watson, while not having as much to work with, was also strong tonight. They bickered as is par for the course these days, but this time she was defending Sherlock to himself. I loved her unwavering loyalty and how hard she worked to help Sherlock see what she knew all along. No matter how bad he got, he's no murderer. Still, my guess is that judging by his high standards, there is blood somewhere in his past addict days and if it creates scenes as memorable as this, I am all for revisiting it.
Grade: B+
Best Reason to Watch - Johnny Lee Miller's acting
Best Twist - Sherlock is a suspect
Best Scene - Sherlock and Watson argue over whether Sherlock is guilty in Maria's murder
Most Intense - Sherlock's extreme self-loathing over the drug addled part of his history
MVP - Johnny Lee Miller
Most Loyal - Watson, who refuses to give up on Sherlock or let him give up on himself
Best Sleight of Hand - Sherlock picks the wallet of the man who jumped him
Worst Plan Ever - Sherlock tells the brother that he can hit him with a wrench if he answers his questions
Least Surprising - Bell helps clear Sherlock / the politician did it
Worst Timing - the phone rings keeping Watson from responding to Sherlock about whether she would still hold him somewhat responsible for Maria's death if his drug use kept him from seeing something that could have saved her
The "Welcome Back" Award - Richard Brooks from Law & Order / Michael Weston from Supernatural, White Collar, and Burn Notice
Best Quotes -
1. Watson: "I'm sorry, okay? I know it hurts, but there is nothing you can say that's going to convince me that you killed that woman." Sherlock: "Let's adhere to our sunniest theory for a moment, shall we? That my note to Maria Gutierrez was not in fact an invitation to murder but an agreement to lend my help as a detective. What if she knew she was in danger and what if I missed something that my sober self would have observed in an instant that might have saved her life? Would you still consider my hands blood-free?"
2. Watson: "If you really want to beat yourself up…" Sherlock: "You think it's an exercise in self-pity." Watson: "I think this is an Olympics in self-pity."
3. Sherlock: "It's a form of torture having to swim through my old life. I know that over the years you've suffered through your own travails and you can relate to a profound sense of guilt. You cannot relate to a profound sense of shame."
4. Oscar: "I can't believe it's been 3 years." Sherlock: "Yes well, time flies when you're on heroin."
5. Sherlock: "Those women are from China not Japan, but the racism works either way." Oscar: "Don't suppose I can interest you in a handbag." Sherlock: "That depends. Does your supplier always spell Prada with 2 D's?"
6. Sherlock: "There are few circumstances more amenable to picking a man's pocket than a thrashing. It's better to be the thrasher obviously but beggars can't be choosers."
The best thing about The Big Bang Theory this season has been Sheldon's slow but steady character development. Tonight he was actually human. That's 2 episodes in a row where I really enjoyed Sheldon. Consider it a minor miracle and the show is so much better for it.
Grade: B
Best Reason to Watch - Sheldon
Best Scene - Sheldon tells Amy they can live on Mars together
Best Payback - Emily makes Raj nervous about what's in her closet
Most Funny - Emily's gruesome humor
Best Reaction - Leonard and Penny to Sheldon and Amy saying they have big news
Worst Practical Joke - throwing a pie in Leonard's face, although his reaction was priceless
Best Character Growth - Sheldon not only recognizes that he hurt Amy but he asks if he can cheer her up
Best End Card - a tribute to Leonard Nemoy
Best Quotes -
1. Penny: "See this is why I've been saying we should keep champagne on ice." Sheldon: "Sarcasm?" Amy: "Yes." Sheldon: "That was tricky because when it comes to alcohol she generally means business."
2. Howard: "You'll have to nail it." Raj: "With what?" Howard: "Does she have any pillows or wineglasses?" Raj: "She does." Howard: "Great. Neither of those. Try a hammer."
3. Sheldon: "Do you want me to withdraw my application?" Amy: "What I want is for us to be planning our future together?" Sheldon: "And in that future, are we on the same planet? Because I've seen people make the long distance thing work." Amy: "We're on the same planet." Sheldon: "Okay. Does that planet have to be Earth?" Amy: "Are you asking me to go to Mars with you?" Sheldon: "I am. If I'm going to a barren, lifeless environment where the chances of survival are slim to none, I want you there with me."
4. Emily: "Oh don't worry. She's in Palm Springs." Raj: "Oh good." Emily: "Well her torso is. Just kidding. I put her in a wood chipper."
5. Sheldon: "This again. I've already had one new hole torn in my body today. I don't need another one."
6. Sheldon: "I can't believe you almost had me bring a wild animal in my home." Amy: "No one told you to poke the turtle's face." Sheldon: "I was playing Got Your Nose. That's how you get children to like you."
I like The Odd Couple but I don't love it and in a busy TV world, I don't have room for it. I will say that the ending scenes were filled with heart and warmth. They were Oscar at his best. For that reason alone, it goes to my summer watch pile instead of the "Eh, I'll Get to it Sometime" list.
Grade: C+
Best Reason to Watch - the ending scene
Best Aww Moment - Oscar passes up time with Casey to cheer up Felix
Worst Moment - Emily accidentally sucks the bird up with the vacuum
Biggest Stalker - Oscar when casing Casey / Emily going through Felix's public records to find his birthday
Best Friends - I'd tell Oscar to deal on his own if he saddled me with an instant party. These guys are much nicer or far less busy.
Best Gift? - only Felix would get this happy over a vacuum cleaner
Most Thoughtful Gift - Dani gets Felix a bird to cheer him up
Strangest Cameo - Dwight Howard shows up…for reasons I don't get
The "So I Guess You Don't Facebook" Award - Why Emily has to look up public records for when Felix is born is beyond me. Facebook never stops letting me know.
Best Quotes -
1. Teddy: "My wife reminded me that I promised to host the sleepover. I'm not sure I did but is this the hill I want to die on?"
2. Oscar: "I completely forgot about your birthday and I threw the whole party together at the last minute." Felix: "Yes, yes, I kind of figured that." Oscar: "Really? How?" Felix: "Well the guest list gave it away. Also, I found the violinist using my shower." Oscar: "Ah." Felix: "Still, you are a good friend." Oscar: "Ah, how can you say that?" Felix: "Because you showed up."
3. Casey: "I thought you said sleeping was bad for jet lag." Oscar: "You know I'm not really a doctor, right?"
4. Teddy: "This is your life or death emergency. I figured you got shot by a jealous husband or an angry athlete or your ex-wife. Damn, a lot of people hate you."
5. Teddy: "Well Roy, don't I look like a pretty princess?" Roy: "Yes." Teddy: "Damn right. Keep walking."
You have to hand it to The Musketeers. They know how to leave you on a cliffhanger. I thought last week ended on a high note. Now we've got Rochefort confirming his crazy all over the palace. He's definitely more exciting than the Cardinal, a high point of the season. Now if he can manage to kill King Louis, he'll become my favorite villain of this TV season. I didn't realize The Musketeers finale was coming so quickly because I was shocked when the queen told Constance about Aramis. Then I was doubly shocked when Rochefort declared his love for the queen. In fact, I was also shocked when Lemay declared his love for Constance. There must be something funky in the water in 17th century France. All of these twists almost overshadowed the subplot I have been waiting for all season long - Porthos meeting his father. Too bad Daddy Dearest was certifiably insane and likely in league with Satan. I'm beginning to think Porthos was better off not knowing. Being part of a kidnapping and brothel empire isn't exactly bragging rights. Being a part of the Musketeers is and I'm glad he's made up with Treville. Still, you have to wonder if every Musketeer is from secret nobility. What's next? Is Aramis a prince?
Grade: B+
Best Reason to Watch - finally answers about Porthos' parentage
Best Reason to Fast Forward - Constance and D'Artagnan
Most Insane - Rochefort attacks the queen and then poisons the King if the promos can be believed
Best Scene - Porthos confronts his father about remembering his mother's face
Biggest Shock - Queen Anne confesses to Constance that Aramis is the dauphin's father
Biggest Douche - this one belongs to the Levesques and Belgard, although it would be more apt to call them the Biggest Evil.
Most Sympathetic - Porthos but closely followed by Lemay, who really is a good guy
The "Say What?" Award - Lemay asks Constance to marry him. Didn't see that one coming.
Biggest Idiot - The king for not reading the fine print before he signs what Rochefort puts in front of him
Biggest Hmm - So Athos is a noble. Porthos is a noble. What's next? Surely someone in the ranks is actually the king.
Most Cathartic - Porthos beats up Levesque
Most Surprising - Rocheport confesses his love for Queen Anne
Fondest Wish - King Louis dies in the next episode
Best Quotes -
1. D'Artagnan: "I've never killed a woman before but for you I'd be willing to make an exception."
2. Milady: "Give me what I want and you won't regret it." Athos: "I gave you everything. If you can't do it for France, do it for your own salvation. My God, there really is nothing in there left to save."
3. Porthos: "But you found me later and made me a Musketeer." Treville: "Yes." Porthos: "Because you felt guilty." Treville: "Because you deserved it. I would never give the uniform to someone who didn't. You know that."
4. Aramis: "All for one." Porthos: "Yeah, I know."
5. Athos: "What about your inheritance?" Porthos: "This place, not interested. Still it is bigger than yours."
This episode is all about the acting, specifically that by Barbara Sukowa and Xander Berkeley. In all honesty, I don't see much difference between Jones and Foster (New Abraham). In fact, I think they don't get along because they are so similar. They both manipulate people in the name of science, they are both driven by dead loved ones, and they both think they alone hold the key to the future. For all that Jones is able to send people back without getting them killed now, exactly none of the things they have done have changed the future in regard to stopping the plague. Every time they think they have, nothing really changes. At this point, both theories are like spitting in the wind. We root for Jones because she is on the side of the protagonist but I don't blame the other characters for being skeptical that she can do what she claims. She's been reckless in their time crunch and now appears as ruthless as she accuses New Abraham of being. Not that New Abraham sounds sane because he doesn't. Still the scenes between them are powerful simply because they are both so stubborn. It's a fascinating look at two geniuses at odds and neither capable of giving in. Yet even in the midst of their drama, my favorite part is still the Ramse back story. It's about time we learn more about him and discovering he has a kid, and that he's good with him, was heartwarming and unmarred by time travel issues. I hope Jones doesn't orchestrate her own coup because I would love to see Ramse with his family some more. Until the end with still alive Cole's mysterious 2-year time jump, this was a pretty good episode. I could have done without that.
Grade: B
Best Reason to Watch - Ramse
Best Scene - Foster and Jones debate whose theory will ultimately save the world
Best Character Interaction - Foster vs. Jones
Biggest Aww Scene - Ramse tells his son he'll teach him how to play Go
Most Painful - Cole performing surgery on himself
The "Say What?" Award - So now Cole can jump whenever in time without the time machine? Huh? That makes no sense.
Biggest Hmm - It doesn't look like Spearhead has been even visited by scavs. You'd think there'd be some resistance at least on the road to it.
Least Surprising - Cole is not dead
Most Surprising - Ramse is a father
The "Welcome Back" Award - Xander Berkeley from Nikita and Salem
Best Quotes -
1. Jones: "Where shall we talk? Your office?" Foster: "I think over dinner would be more appropriate. I'd like to welcome all our guests." Jones: "Charming but I'm hardly a guest here and certainly not welcome."
2. Amanda: "Foster, he gives you something. Something to believe in." Ramse: "Yeah, you believe in me or die. That's how a coup works."
3. Jones: "There is no cure and there never will be. Every day we're losing more and more people." Foster: "What is it that you wish for that we don't already have besides bringing back the dead? Have you forgotten, Herr Frankenstein, that that was never part of the natural order?"
4. Ramse: "I don't want to be involved in this. A lot of lives are at stake and you guys are having a d** measuring contest right now."
5. Ramse: "Please tell me you're not praying right now. Lady, you don't seem like the type. Secondly, it scares me the fact that you might need some divine intervention bringing our boy back home." Jones: "I'll take whatever I can get."
Grade: B-
Best Scene - Angela pulls out all of the stuff Maura bought
Best Moment - Maura and Susie geeking out over their new science toy
Best Plan - Jerry gets the murderer to confess in front of the cops
Worst Plan - purposely failing your gun test to try to get a date
Most Annoying - Jane and Maura treating Angela like a teenager about money
Biggest Hypocrite - Maura and her stress shopping
The "Poor Baby" Award - Jerry, who just wants to help, ends up kidnapped when Jane ignores his calls
Best Twist - the woman Frankie failed his gun test for is married
Best Addition - Jerry. I hope he comes back.
The "Welcome Back" Award - Julie McNiven, the awesome Anna on Supernatural
Best Quotes -
1. Jerry: "Well do I have to have him sign the confession too?"
2. Jane: "Oh my gosh, remember when you girls got that new DNA splicer and you talked about it for weeks." Maura: "Yeah." Susie: "Yeah." Jane: "This is even more boring than that."
3. Jane: "Go to your room." Jerry: "What am I, six?" Jane: "Go to your room, this instant."
4. Maura: "Sometimes I shop." Jane: "This isn't shopping, Maura. This is building inventory for your own store….or a zoo."
5. Stanton: "Last chance before I start shooting holes in you." Jerry: "Well that seems a bit extreme. Whatever happened to breaking fingers? Let's go old school." Stanton: "God, I'm tired of your mouth."
6. Jane: "Snails. Es-car-gross."
I don't have time to write a review of Perception but I will say that if Daniel and Kate hook up in the end, I am going to be truly ticked off. In fact, it will be the season that I do NOT buy on DVD and will ruin the show for me.
Grade: C
Best Reason to Watch - the woman who feels other's pain when she sees them get hurt
Best Scene - Kate and Father Pat talk wedding vows
Best Motivator - Donnie tells the murderer that he either confesses or they turn him over to Bangladesh
Best Reason to Fast Forward - anything about Daniel's feelings for Kate
Most Helpful - HalluAussie and his dirty feet
Least Tactful - Daniel accuses the head of Navilet of murdering the Consul
Worst Plan - Kate tries to bribe her priest / Kate asks Daniel to write her vows
Biggest Douche - Daniel with the way he treats Max
The "Welcome Back" Award - Pej Vahdat from Bones
Best Quotes -
1. HalluAussie: "Are you writing wedding vows or the world's worst greeting card?"
2. Daniel: "Great, my hallucinations are making friends with each other."
3. Kate: "It's a traditional Catholic ceremony. We're not even supposed to write our own vows." Pat: "There's nothing traditional about you two getting married, divorced, annulled, then remarried."
4. Donnie: "Look I want to help you guys. You know this, but you've got to bring more than a puddle of puke."
5. Daniel: "We have a new case?" Kate: "Yes, the Case of the Missing Vows." Daniel: "What?"
