A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off below the article. Sorry this is a bit late. My computer is down so I had to make due. Also there weren't too many original shows last week, so there's not much variety. Here's to the end of hiatus.
1. Phil: Did you really cry in a car commercial?" Nina: You know what? Everyone hugged, even the Wheaton terrier." Phil: "Well that is a very lovable breed." (Dahne)
2. Nina: "She's a divorcée with no standards. I told her that you were like the hit it and quit it, one and done, woof it and hoof it, love 'em and leave 'em, lick it, stick it, leave before you get a ticket, kind of guy. She was all about it." (Dahne)
3. Judge: "It's an emotional rollercoaster huh? It's like a season pass to Tragic Mountain." (Dahne)
4. Carlos: “No one’s going to laugh, Phil. Did they laugh at Susan B. Anthony? Did they laugh at Rosa Parks?” Phil: “In what universe is this the same as either of those?” Carlos: “Did they laugh at the ladies from 9 to 5?” Phil: “Yes, it was a very popular comedy film.” (Dahne)
5. Micah: “Wild weekend?” Nina: “What? No, no, I stayed in. I stayed in and I uh, watched some TV. Got caught up on my old DVR. I cyberstalked a few people from high school so they’re doing well.” Micah: “I was being sarcastic.” (Dahne)
6. Nina: "What did you think of Francine?" Phil: "What, like a number?" Nina: "Yeah or words like an adult." (Dahne)
7. Harold: “You’re a person, you know, and then you’re just so many objects on the sidewalk.” (Dahne)
8. Phil: “Uh, do you need any help?” Nina: “Oh no, no, no. I mean there’s probably still time. You can go find a rando. You guys could find some secret tequila bar inside of a post office or whatever cool guy thing you do on a Saturday night.” Phil: “Well you know it’s not going to be cool if dorks like you know about it.” (Dahne)
9. Carlos: "Micah, what does she mean overruled?" Micah: "I think she's means, didn't I get you a sex tie." (Dahne)
10. Nina: "Wow, I don't know what's more surprising, the fact you didn't strip her or that you know what Malbec is." (Dahne)
11. Phil: “So it seems that the key to this case is just don’t be you.” (Dahne)
1. The Doctor: "There's a horror movie named Alien? That's really offensive. No wonder everybody keeps invading you." (Nirat Anop)
2. Danny Pink: "Do you know why people get together at Christmas? Because every time they do it might be the last time. Every Christmas is last Christmas and this is ours. This was a bonus, this is extra. Now it's time to wake up." (Nirat Anop)
3. Santa: "I can commit several million housebreaks in one night dressed in a red suit with jingle bells, so of course I can get back into the infirmary." (Nirat Anop)
4. Shona: "I need the toilet!" Bellows: "No, you don’t. We're monitoring your bodily functions." Shona: "And how are you monitoring that? Cuz that’s rude! That is … perverted." (Nirat Anop)
5. Shona: "You're a dream who’s trying to save us?" Santa: "Shona, sweetheart, I'm Santa Claus. I think you just defined me!" (Nirat Anop)
6. Clara: "I've always believed in Santa Claus, but he looks a little different to me." (Nirat Anop)
7. Clara: "Can you really see no difference in me?" Doctor: "Clara Oswald, you'll never look any different to me." (Nirat Anop)
8. Doctor: "The TARDIS is outside." Clara: "So?" Doctor: "So, all of time and all of space … is sitting out there. A big, blue box. Please … don’t even argue." Clara: "Merry Christmas, Doctor." Doctor: "Merry Christmas, Clara Oswald." (Nirat Anop)
9. Shona "What are you doing here?" Santa "It's the North Pole. And I own it." Ian "He means the actual pole." Wolf "It goes right through the middle of the workshop." Ian "I've got a selfie with it!" Santa "Show her. Look at Ian!" Shona "The North Pole isn't an actual pole." Ian "Of course it is. Look!" Shona "If it was an actual pole, it would not be stripy." Wolf "It's got to be stripy!" Ian "Otherwise, you couldn't see it moving round." Wolf "It's actually, basic physics." (Sandi)
10. Albert "They're a bit like Facehuggers, aren't they?" The Doctor "Facehuggers?" Albert "You know, Alien. The horror movie, Alien" The Doctor "There's a horror movie called Alien? That's really offensive. No wonder everyone keeps invading you." (Sandi)
11. Shona "Um, now I'm pretty sure I can remember my number so if you memorise it then you text me, we can go for a curry" The Doctor "The chances of you remembering any of this are very slim." Shona "Well, don't say that. We'll remember, won't we, Ashley? Ashley?" Ashley has disappeared back home "Am I next? Is it me now?" Clara "Shona, you're going home. You're surviving." Shona "Do you want to hang out sometime? We can just hang out." Clara "Sure." Shona "Santa, can I stay a bit longer?" Santa turns round, and Shona is gone. (Sandi)
1. Baird: “And you’re going to talk in the third person all day. Awesome.” (Dahne)
2. Jake: “He’s Odin, the Viking god of battle and death.” Baird: “What? The hell kind of Santa is that?” (Dahne)
3. Cassandra: “Mrs. Claus is real.” Jenkins: “Oh shiny balls, yes.” (Dahne)
4. Baird: “Great. Road trip with a psychotic, shape-shifting avatar of goodwill.” (Dahne)
5. Ezekiel: “So that’s why everyone’s always cranky around the holidays. Because we’re running low on goodwill.” (Dahne)
6. Santa: “Somebody jacked Santa’s ride.” (Dahne)
7. Baird: “You suck at being subtle. Work with that.” (Dahne)
8. Jenkins: “The being often called Santa…” Baird: “Not calling him Santa.” Jenkins: “…is an immortal avatar of goodwill. All year long he travels around the world, witnessing, participating in acts of kindness, humanity…absorbing all of that good spirit. On Christmas Eve, he rises into the atmosphere, releases all of that goodwill back into the human race, recharging our karmic battery as it were.” (Dahne)
9. Jake: “Architecture is just art we live in. Why doesn’t anybody get that?” (Dahne)
10. Santa: “You have to let Santa get to the third ho, otherwise it sticks in Santa’s head.” (Dahne)
1. David: “It’s never a sunny day with you, is it Charlie? Huh? It’s never simple. You never make anybody’s job any easier. You’re just lucky that you were right this time.” (Dahne)
2. PotUS: “She’s hiding something, David. I get the feeling that she is buying time.” David: “Well then stop selling it. Why do you trust her so much anyway? Because she was going to marry Eric?” PotUS: “Because she’s family. She’s almost family.” (Dahne)
3. Kurt: “You’re sweating, you’re glassy eyed, and your hands are shaking. I don’t know how many nights you’re into this bender, but trying to sober up now is slowing us down.” (Dahne)
4. Nick: “What is my relationship with Omar Fatah? Oh it was just a one-time thing." (Dahne)
5. Dash: “That boy’s got it so bad for Maureen I can’t even enjoy mocking him anymore.” (Dahne)
6. David: “So you want to smuggle the most wanted man in Qatar out of the most watched location in Qatar and bring him to the most popular shopping center in the country.” Charlie: “That about sums it up, yeah. Would you like to know more?” David: “No, sounds great.” (Dahne)
7. David: “You’ve thought this through.” PotUS: “I’m not just a pretty face, David.” (Dahne)
8. Maureen: “Okay Charlie, if you absolutely need to remember this, there is a way to do it. It’s painful, it’s dangerous, and it’s totally illegal.” Charlie: “How are you going to get it?” (Dahne)
9. Lucas: “What’s that going to give us?” Kurt: “What’s that going to give…It’s going to give us his known associates, his current location, a cure to cancer. Who knows?” (Dahne)
10. PotUS: “And you trust Kamal?” Charlie: “I’m inclined to.” PotUS: “Based on what?” Charlie: “Training, instinct, faith.” PotUS: “So once again, I should just take your word.” (Dahne)
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