A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team this past week. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off below the article.
ARROW, "The Man Under the Hood", 16th April, 2014
Bradley Adams: Felicity "I'm a bomber. I can't believe I'm a bomber. I wonder if I can list that on my résume under special skills."
Thea "I tried to kiss my half brother - before my real father killed him! That's how screwed up I am!"
BATES MOTEL, "Presumed Innocent", 14th April, 2014
DarkUFO: Norma "You're going to patronize me over this? I've done your laundry."
COMMUNITY, "Basic Sandwich", 17th April, 2014
Dahne: Abed "That's an emoticon. That person wants to indicate happiness but can't convey it with language so they misuse punctuation to form a smile."
Borchert "That is so…stupid. Only an idiot would think of this. Idiots won."
Borchert "So anyway I sealed myself up down here with 50 years of food, 50 years of toilet paper, and 50 years of cocaine, which I somehow ran out of after about 10 years."
Jeff "Wow, the 80's happened down here too."
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DarthLocke: Jaime “If you were to marry Cersei, she’d murder you in your sleep. If you somehow manage to put a child in her first, she’d murder him too, long before it drew its first breath. Luckily for you, none of this will happen, because you’ll never marry."
Loras “And neither will you."
Joffery "Serve me my wine. Hurry up, the pie is dry!"
sandi: Oberyn "I expect it is a relief, Lady Cersei, giving up your regal responsibilities, wearing the crown for so many years must have left your neck a bit crooked"
Tyrion: "One taste of combat was enough for me your grace, I would like to keep what remains of my face. I think you should fight them, this was but a poor imitation of your own bravery on the field of battle, I speak as a first hand witness. Climb down from the high table with your new Valyrian sword and show everyone how a true king wins his throne, be careful thou, this one is clearly mad with lust. It would be a tragedy for the king to lose his virtue hours before his wedding night"
HANNIBAL, "Su-zakana", 18th April, 2014
Geo N: Hannibal "With all my knowledge and intrusion I could never entirely predict you. I can feed the caterpillar...I can whisper through the chrysalis, but what hatches...follows its own nature and is beyond me."
Hannibal says to Will immediately after he prevents Will from shooting this weeks killer, Clark Ingram - what made the quote even better was the slight cynical laughter Hannibal adds near the end of it while speaking the words
DarthLocke: Hannibal "We will absorb this experience, it will change us, we are all Nietzsche-ian fish in that regard."
Peter "I think I hate him."
Will "I envy you your hate. It makes it easier when you know how to feel."
Peter "Makes what easier?"
Will "Killing them."
Tonya Papanikolas: Kensie "My gym bag.. where is it?"
Deeks "Evidence locker. Your gym bag was part of the operation so it had to go to the evidence locker."
Kensi "My sports bras are not supposed to be part of any operation. This is a gross invasion of my privacy."
Deeks "The good news is, this team totally respects your privacy so you’re fine. Also this team thinks it’s totally awesome, yet a little bit predictable, that you wear a Wonder Woman sports bra."
Kensi "Okay, I wouldn’t exactly call them Wonder Woman…"
Deeks "No, I saw it, that’s what it was. They’re perfect because they match my Superman underwear."
Kensi "I didn’t need to know that."
Deeks "I didn’t need to tell you that."
Sam "Covert - always works for me.... What?"
Callen "Covert is not a word I would use to describe the Hanna family. You guys can't even make it out of a Little League game without choking someone out."
Sam "The guy had it coming."
Callen "Because he heckled your kid's team? Heckling is part of the game."
Sam "Words have consequences, G. You can't just say what you want to somebody's kid. And Michelle did what she needed to do."
ONCE UPON A TIME, "The Jolly Roger", 13th April, 2014
Samy: Emma (trying to read a book full of magic spells) "What is this, Spanish?"
Regina "We're not making tapas, we're making magic. It's Elvish."
Regina "So while we're here, who's looking after Henry? The Un-Charmings?"
Love you Regina!
Bradley Adams: Reese "Can we put the screeching cat out of its misery?"
Finch "It's not feline. It's Verdi."
Reese "I could shoot you in the leg, sir."
McCourt "Pardon me?"
Reese "Might get you out of the opera."
DarthLocke: Shaw "Six months ago, I would've already put a bullet in that guy's head. But ever since hanging around you guys, I've kind of gotten used to saving people, but we've only been able to do that by trusting the machine. And if it's saying that this guy's gotta go, well I think we should still trust it."
Finch "Since we started this, things have changed. We've changed. But the mission, our purpose has always been constant: to save lives. If that's changed somehow, if we're in a place now where the Machine is asking us to commit murder... that's a place I can't go. I'm afraid this is where I get off."
REIGN, "No Exit", 17th April, 2014
sandi: Catherine "Oh good lord! Where is Penelope?"
Henry "She's gone to get supplies. The waiting is horrible...I love it!"
Henry "Leave me alone. Get out. Please! Go! Will me sins never leave me?"
I'm loving Henry's decent into madness, they aren't rushing it at all but are taking time to explore the many facets of his deranged mind as it unravels. Brilliant to watch, Alan Van Sprang is simply playing one of my favourite characters of television at the moment!
REVENGE, "Allegiance", 13th April, 2014
Virginia Fontana: Emily "Jack, I'm so sorry."
Jack "I know. I guess that's why I came. I needed to talk to someone who gets it."
SURVIVING JACK, "Something to Talk About", 17th April, 2014
Dahne: Jack "Wow, that went from zero to crazy really fast."
Jack "Well look on the bright side. At some point that succubus you're with has to be summoned back to the depths of hell."
Dahne: Chancellor "Volunteer? For what?"
Dad "Section 17, sir. Anyway you do the math, some of us are going to have to jump ship if everyone's going to make it, so I'm going to jump."
Abby "You'd leave Reese without a father?"
Dad "This morning you told me my daughter was going blind. There was nothing I could do to help her. Turns out there is. Count me in."
Kane "One decision does not define a man. Jake Griffin is gone; you're here. Our survival depends on having a leader who can inspire people to self-sacrifice. You're that man, not me."
THE FOLLOWING, "The Reaping", 14th April, 2014
Bradley Adams: Mike "I know this isn't gonna fix anything for me. But it will fix you."
THE MENTALIST, "Silver Wings of Time", 13th April, 2014
Virginia Fontana: Fischer "You ever wonder what Jane thinks about it?"
Cho "Never."
Fischer "Really, why not?"
Cho "My brain would explode."
Lisbon "Goodnight, Jane."
Jane "Goodnight, Teresa."
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Virginia Fontana: Elijah "I have denied every single impulse that I have ever had for that women out of some misbegotten respect for intentions that you don't even have."
Klaus "I'm warning you-"
Elijah "I'm warning you. I've forgiven you. I've stood by you. I've forsaken every single one of my desires in the name of your ridiculous redemption. No more. If I want something, I'll take it. And nothing - nothing - will stand in my way."
