Scandal- Episode 3.14 - Kiss Kiss Bang Bang- Review

Hello Scandalites! So I must admit this episode had me all up in my emotions last night. We find out who Jake shot in the first few minutes and I was so shocked that I couldn't even form coherent thoughts.  I want to show you guys my notes so you can really see how insane the first few minutes were.

Words are hard, ok?

So let's dive into last night's episode. Grab your kleenex and Thin Mints because this is going to be a depressing one.

We are taken back to last week's episode when we see Vanessa Chandler and the NSA agent getting shot. Sorry for everyone who was hoping it really wasn't Jake because he was in fact the shooter. James immediately tries to run to safety and David just freezes. But alas…poor James was the one to fall. Jake expertly shoots him from a distance and James falls to the ground. 

Jake points the gun at David and says “I like you. I don’t want to hurt you.”  He convinces David to go along with his plan and the next morning David is at the crime scene. Apparently they are trying to play James’ murder off as a car jacking gone wrong. And naturally David will be the prosecutor handling the case to make sure things go right. 

Next we see Cyrus in a catatonic state. Liv is promising him that they will put the person that did this behind bars for good but he has no reaction. Cyrus' assistant comes in and immediately starts sobbing. Liv doesn't have time for this kid's antics and is like:

She leaves Cyrus after calming his assistant down and immediately whips out her phone to call Jake. He answers looking like he just came back from an extremely long and dirty run. Liv asks him to look into what happened to James and he says he will but can't right now, because he's busy...busy burying the bodies of Vanessa and NSA girl in a shallow grave in the woods!!!!!

Meanwhile, Mellie is pacing around the oval office while Fitz and Andrew are deliberating suspending their campaign out of respect for Cyrus and James. Mellie doesn't think it's a good idea and I couldn't help but think:

Seriously girl, how uncouth. 

Before Fitz can reply, he gets a call from Sally. She tells him that she thought James was a good person and that she plans on suspending her campaign as well.

 

But we all know that Sally is full of shit and she immediately plans to attend a gun lobby event in some southern state I forgot to note. It's clever on her part but I really really just hate her ass. 

There's also a press conference going on and the girl handling it is obviously incompetent. That's when Liv notices that Vanessa Chandler is missing. She soon discovers that NSA girl is missing as well. Pope & Assoc. quickly puts two and two together and Abby immediately goes to check on David. He tells her that he's fine and that nothing will happen. She tries to push further but he tells her to leave him alone and let him grieve for his friend. Abby isn't buying it though:

Meanwhile in sub-plot land, Adnan gives Mama Pope a huge bag of money. Mama Pope is clearly pleased and tells her that all they have to do now is find a terrorist. "I thought you were a terrorist," Adnan says. "You did blow up that plane". "Oh, that was personal," Mama Pope says nonchalantly. Adnan doesn't feel comfortable about the turn of events but Mama Pope assures her they need a terrorist as a fall guy. I'm sorry but is there a Tinder for terrorists or something?? How the hell are they just going to find a rando like this?!?! 

We are also treated to flashbacks to when Cyrus first met James. They have an instant connection although Cy tries to initially deny that he's gay. It's very sweet but also very very sad. I'm not ready to accept that James is gone yet, so we are thrown back to the present where Huck quickly figures out that Quinn was the one who broke into Liv's safe. Turns out he installed a camera in the back of the safe. 

Speaking of Quinn, she's finally off the bench and is working with Charlie to convince some random ex-con to take the fall for James' murder. It's actually very clever how they convince him to do it since he's dying on liver failure and would get free healthcare courtesy of the US Government. He's subsequently arrested with tons of evidence in his possession but David is hesitant to prosecute for very obvious reasons.

Cyrus wants to keep working because he feels that’s the only way to deal with his grief. They decide to send Andrew and Mellie to the gun lobby to beat Sally at her own game. Sally is going over her notes with Bergen in the car when she notices that her convoy has been diverted. Turns out that Air Force 2 has been grounded and Bergen automatically knows that Cyrus is behind this. 

After temporarily thwarting Sally, Andrew and Mellie are at a shooting range. She's telling Andrew holding a gun isn't enough for the gun lobby, he has to know how to shoot one as well. She takes a shotgun in her hand and we find out that Mellie is a good ass shot.

Speaking of shooting, Mama Pope and Adnan are meeting with some very scary looking men (guess Tinder for Terrorists worked for them) and before anything can really happen, Mama Pope shoots one of the sketchbags and tells the other one to send a message. As if this wasn't cleared up before, it's now pretty damn obvious that BOTH of Liv's parents are certifiably batshit insane.  Still not sure what is going on with this storyline but we can assume that whatever Mama Pope is planning, it's bad. 

Huck shows Liv the picture of Quinn and she realizes that B6-13 knows everything. So she goes to yell at Jake. I find it incredibly amazing that she is so comfortable going off on a known killer the way she does, but hey, to each their own. Guess I have this little thing called self-preservation but I digress.

She's very angry at him for sending B6-13 after innocent people. “Innocence is in the eye of the beholder” Jake says “Life is unfortunate. Bad things happen to good people all the time”. Liv assumes that someone put him up to it and demands he tell her. “I am Command, Oliva! Who do you think?” Jake yells back and just like that, the cat is out of the bag. “James Novak died in a car jacking you need to accept that" Jake says as she begins to storm out of the room room.  "And if I don’t?" she shoots back defiantly. “Bad things happen to good people all the time.” he responds. 

You've been warned Liv. 

Cyrus is still walking around as if nothing as wrong but as soon as he walks into his office and sees a ton of flowers, we're thrown into another flashback. It's of the night of Fitz's inauguration ball and James is angry that Cyrus refuses to tell Fitz about him. James wants him to come out to Fitz so they can go to the ball together. The fight is unresolved at the time but we obviously know they end up together.

Meanwhile, Adnan is beginning to realize that shit with Mama Pope is getting a little too real for her. She tracks down Harrison and asks if his friend (Liv) still has ties to the Justice Department. He says yes but before she can get anymore information, a screeching car scares her and she runs off. I was honestly afraid something was going to happen to her as well, but I get the feeling Mama Pope is already keeping a very close eye on the long lost Kardashian. 

Jake goes to confronts David about his hesitation to prosecute the fall guy. David tries a bunch of excuses but Jake is in no mood. “I gave you a suspect, I expect you to use him, soon”. Oy...

Liv meets with her dad in the hopes of understanding Jake's actions but Daddy Pope acts like he can't be bothered by her. "Could you just be nice to me for a minute," she begs. "Could you be a nice normal regular dad?” 

He concedes and Liv is basically having an existential crisis. She wants to know what's the point of life if everyone is evil. And Daddy Pope just chuckles at her. She wants legit advice but realizes she's not going to get what she needs from him. Liv tries to walk away but he stops her. "You want me to be your dad, I’ll be your dad” he says and turns out he was responsible for the deaths of 183 people while he was Command. And cue the signature Daddy Pope I Better Get a Fcking Emmy monologue:

“You have to chose you lives and who dies. So you become the hand of God. It marks me, it stains me, it never leaves me. So before you try to punish Jake for his actions, being the hand of God is already the worst punishment in the world. There is a point. Everyone is worth saving. In the face of darkness you must drag everyone into the light. At least I like to think that’s the point of you” He then grabs her hand in a silent gesture of comfort.  But like any good Daddy Pope moment he has to out-douche himself. “Am I finished being dad now?” he asks after a few SECONDS. "Are we done? ”

Then he walks away leaving Liv to work on her 2.1 update of the Liv-Lip Quiver. I think we should all band together to get Liv a really good therapist and send the bill to her shitty parents.  

We're taken back to the gun lobby and Andrew has obviously impressed the 2nd Amendment fanboys, but they still want to roll with Sally. Mellie quickly steps in and says that maybe Fitz will make a grand gesture in support of gun lobbyists...like a major speech. Andrew relays the news to Fitz and Fitz is grateful for his hard work. Andrew tries to tell him that it was all Mellie's idea and asks if Fitz wants to thank Mellie himself. But Fitz is like:

He hangs up without thanking Mellie when Cyrus walks in. Fitz is worried that Cyrus isn't taking the time he needs to grieve and I totally agree with him. I get the feeling that Cyrus is going to lose it at the most inopportune moment** (more on this later). Cyrus refuses to leave and tells Fitz he should not support lax gun control laws. He wants Fitz to change his position and pander to the Left.
Sally Langston, who might love guns even more than she loves Jesus, (Cyrus' words not mine) can keep the gun lobbyists. James' untimely death is the perfect opportunity to shift positions and Cyrus is ok with Fitz using it to get more votes.

We get another flashback and flashback Cyrus tells Fitz that he’s in a serious relationship but doesn't reveal it's with a man. “Do you want to tell me anything else about this person” Fitz asks after Cyrus gives him know real information and it's pretty obvious that Fitz knows what's going on. He goes on to tell Cy it doesn't matter as long as he loves this person. And here go the writers switching me right back over to Team Fitz. 

Back in present day, Fitz making a speech about putting an end to gun violence and strengthening gun control laws. Meanwhile, Mellie and Andrew are drinking while sparring about their different views on gun control. They look pretty darn comfortable and Andrew uses this moment to capitalize on Fitz's indifference towards her.  “It’s a shame," he says, "That he can’t see you the way I do” Mellie looks at him for a moment then launches herself at him. They end up making out on the floor and we can all assume what happens next! 

This is now the go-to GIF representing sexy times

David is having issues coming to terms with what he's involved in. Abby confront hims about his strange behavior and wants to know what's going on. “Are you danger or in trouble?” she asks "Something bad has happened to you. You don’t hide that from me. You let me share it. What happens to you, happens to me” David finally caves and tells her that he has to send an innocent man to jail because he's still alive. “They’re all dead and I’m alive.” he says and looks like we have a case of survivor's guilt. 

Meanwhile, Quinn walks into her apartment and immediately knows that Huck is there. “Are you here for more teeth?” she quips. She tries to pull a gun on him and he stops her. "You’re good Quinn, you’re special I should’ve seen it." He says while pinning her to the wall. Apparently he assumes that she purposely showed her face on the hidden safe camera so they would know what Jake and B6-13 were up to.  "You’re not broken. Somewhere in there is still a gladiator." You think Quinn might finally cave and come back to the light. But nah, instead Quinn spits in his face. Instead of killing a bitch like he should they start making and it was seriously the most awkward and uncomfortable thing I’ve ever seen.

They eventually break away and Quinn tells him if he's not there to kill her then get the hell out of her apartment.

Before we know it, all of Pope & Assoc. is running to Liv with their various issues. Abby is worried about David and his deal with Jake. Harrison is concerned that Adnan is acting like a whore in church i.e. nervous and jumpy. And Huck is worried that Quinn is in too deep with B6-13 and needs saving. He conveniently forgets to mention his awkward make-out/sexual tension with Quinn (hallelu). But Liv is just sitting there too busy continuing her existential crisis.

However, it seems as if everyone's problems has inspired Liv. She meets with David and asks him to continue persecuting the fall guy. She tells him that the problem isn't Jake, it's B6-13 as a whole. She wants to team up with him to take down B6-13. "We need to be patient," she assures him, "Patient and alive. Lose this battle, so we can win the war."

WOOT WOOT! WELCOME BACK SEASON 1 LIV!!! We've missed you!

It seems as if her speech inspired David and he finally agrees to press charges. Liv goes to tell Cyrus that the perp is in custody and that it was only a car jacking. He seems to accept the news and decides to take over the press conference announcing the perp's arrest. Liv begs him not to do it but he's unstoppable. On his way to the press room, Cyrus begins having more flashbacks of all his moments with James including how he set him up with DD. Cyrus starts his speech and then we have the most heartbreaking flashback of all. It's an the inagural ball and Cyrus finally decides to let the world know about his relationship with James. They end up sharing a first dance in front of all of Washington and I end up shedding some facial raindrops. 

Cyrus finally realizes that James is really gone and just as I predicted earlier, he completely breaks down in front of the entire room and essentially, the country.  He starts ugly crying at the podium and I'm ugly crying right along with him. Ftiz comes out of nowhere and puts his arm around him. “Let me work,” Cyrus sobs. But Fitz just carries him off while cameras are flashing. 

Liv gets on the stage and takes over the press conference detailing everything about the perp and the investigation. We see Pope & Assoc. watching the press conference and Jake. And we get one last flashback to the night he killed James. Turns out he sat with him while he died and it was probably the saddest and most disturbing scene I’ve seen on TV since the Red Wedding. He tells him he’s sorry he had to shoot him like that but he had to make it sloppy so people will believe it was a car jacking. Jake assures him that his daughter will be safe and that’s she’s fine. Then James slowly dies.

So there you have it guys. This was probably the saddest episode of Scandal to date. And there’s really only one tally that I can come up with tonight.

NUMBER OF TEARS CRIED: ENOUGH TO FILL 5000000 OF THOSE HUGE WINE GLASSES LIV USES.

NEXT WEEK: We finally get to see the elusive Grant spawn, Jerry and Karen, and seems like they’re little terrors just like normal teenagers. Melly is still fooling around with Andrew and judging by the shot of Cyrus trying to strangle Jake, I’m assuming he finds out what really happened to James. 

Well what did you think of tonight’s episodes my dears? If you cried, there is no shame! Sound off in the comments below. RIP JAMES!

About the Author - itsalanna

Alanna is Co-Founder/Co-Editor of Big Girls Don't Gossip along with fellow Spoilertv writer, Jasmine Alyce. Alanna works in the post-production industry by day is a full fledged TV-fiend by night. She also loves fashion, romantic comedies, and traveling.

Alanna graduated from Georgia State University with her Bachelors in Broadcast Journalism and Film.