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Scandal - Episode 3.12 - We Do Not Touch the First Ladies - Review

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Welcome back Scandalites! The wait for last night's episode was long and arduous but we finally made it through. And Shonda & Assoc. rewarded our patience with an intense first scene between Liv and Fitz! We see Jake and a few secret service agents waiting in a hallway trying hard not to listen to a very LOUD fight between Liv and Fitz. We quickly find out that said hallway is in a hotel and Olitz just finished their weekly "Campaign Strategy Meeting".  He's mad with her about using Jake as her political beard and says he doesn't trust him with HER. She tries to assert that she's not a prize to be won and he ignores her and just yells at her like always. He thinks she's "dating" Jake for his sake. After creating a safe distance between herself and Fitz, Liv tells him he's dating Jake for herself, so she can keep working on campaign. So she can live a life and be respected and not be known as the President's mistress.  Fitz realizes his mistake and tries the "let me soften my tone and try to woo her panties off" trick but Liv shuts him down.

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Since nothing is ever really resolved between these two, they leave the room straightening their clothes and all about business as if everyone didn't just hear their argument. And Fitz being the baby that he is, gives Jake an epic side-eye as he walks past him. Pick your battles bro! You can't be mad at the entire world!

Back in the Casa Blanca, Andrew and Mellie are alone setting up for a meeting. A few flirtatious glances are thrown her way and she coyly tells him to cut it out (she doesn't really want him to cut it out). He tells her that being VP select is cool and all but he's just glad to be near her again. We get a Shonda approved flashback to 14 years ago. Mellie and Fitz are arguing about why she's been so distant lately and Andrew gets a front row seat to their argument. You can tell he feels sympathetic towards Mellie and maybe there's something more there?

Meanwhile in Ex-Sex land, Adnan and Harrison are still hooking up. Guess no one told him that ex-sex is literally the worst idea ever, but I digress. She has a briefcase full of money and she wants him to do something with it. At first he refuses, but she asks if Liv knows about Clearwater (?!?!) Maybe this is why he knows how to shoot a gun!!! We know Liv has a penchant for collecting the damaged and the damned, but I would be really shocked if Harrison was into something other than white collar crime. Pretty sure that Huck has already filled the position for resident psycho killer.

James is scared that Cyrus knows about Publius and is desperately trying to throw him off the scent. James says he'll ask Vanessa for information and Cyrus falls for it…or does he? I can never really tell when Cyrus has that diabolical "Who else can I kill and ruin?" look on his face. He doesn't have much time for murderous musings though. There's rumors that a story is about to break about Andrew using illegally obtained Oxycoton while he Lt. Governor. Liv says she can shut it down quickly as a baseless rumor but Andrew confirms that it's true. Looks like Fitz' campaign is in danger once again.

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Sally "The Devil Made Me Do It" Langston is hanging out with her sleezy campaign manager when our favorite country-fried asshole (Hollis Doyle if ya nasty) comes to pay a visit.  I could say I've missed this guy and not be 1000% lying; he's actually pretty entertaining. It appears as if he's promised to make a huge donation to Sally's campaign but she's too busy listening to the voices in her head to pay much attention. Hollis is obviously perturbed by Sally's lack of sanity and he gets out of there quicker than Honey Boo Boo on a sketti binge.

Andrew tells everyone that he had an illegal drop of Oxy because he pulled his back and didn't want to get doctor's involved. Everyone calls BS on it, but Fitz still wants Liv to fix things before the story hits. She goes to the journalist that's revealing the story and throws a bunch of threats at her, but nothing sticks. The journalist is not concerned since her source is 100% solid. She then turns to Jake and tries to get him to keep tabs on her dad (the likely source of this new information about Andrew) but he shuts her down saying "I have a job. One that doesn't involve your family drama."

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But Liv doesn't take no for an answer and she yells at Jake to handle it, because that's what she's good at: yelling at powerful men and lip quivers. Oh girl...

Anyways, Mellie runs after Andrew and asks him why he admitted to stashing the Oxy. He says he's going to look out for her because Fitz sure isn't and boy do we get the mother of all flashbacks! Turns out Andrew had NOTHING to do with drugs! He was finishing up some work and noticed Mellie lying on floor with a bottle of empty pills on the table next to her! He pulls Mellie of the floor and forces her to throw it all up before the damage is done.

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Speaking of "love", James is still working to deter Cyrus from trying to reveal Publius. Cyrus tells him not to worry about it and James is understandably freaking out. He turns to David for advice and David tells him to send the NSA tape to Vanessa. But apparently, that's not enough for the intrepid journalist, she wants to meet Publius in person. James says he can't go because Vanessa will immediately recognize him and then it will be curtains. David finally agrees to go in his place.

Liv is still trying to get information about the drug problem so she goes to dinner with her dad. She plays the concerned daughter card but Rowan/Eli is smart and knows that she's just digging for information. Since he basically threatened her boyfriend's life, she doesn't stick around for desert and storms out of the restaurant...only to see Quinn spying on her from across the street. Liv goes into Mama Bear mode and tells Quinn to quit with the stupid games. Quinn tells her about Huck's little "bonding" moment and says there is no way she could ever come back. Liv tries to convince her and tell her that "B6-13 will destroy you. And just like an insolent teenager, Quinn is like:

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"I'm helping myself, now get out of my car." she says and points a GUN at Liv!!!  Liv tries to call her bluff, but Quinn isn't having it. "Get out of my car, or I'll shoot you!" she says again and Liv leaves. I really have no words for this situation. I don't think a GIF could even properly express my emotions, but let me try...

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 There's about 10000000 other GIFs I could use, but I'll spare you guys. 

Since having your life threatened by a former employee is pretty traumatizing, we find Liv sipping a giant glass of wine and waiting for someone. Turns out it's Jake and that he's living with her!! She tries to pounce on him about letting Quinn work for him and he shuts her down with a quickness.  He claims that he's not her errand boy and that he has a super important job to worry about.

And for the piĆØce de rĆ©sistance of the argument?

"Stock Your Damn Fridge!" he yells  "If I'm going to be your fake boyfriend all day, I'm going to come home at the end of it and drink REAL beer, and eat REAL food. Wine is not beer and popcorn is most definitely not food. I'm going to take a shower. It's been a long day and I want to wash it off me before we have pretend sex"


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Whooo Jake!! That was super hot!! It is so nice to see him asserting himself and calling Liv out on her annoying tendency to demand first, ask questions later. It seems like the writers that used to write Fitz's epic soliloquies have jumped ship!

Also....

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Mellie tries to tell Fitz she'll talk to Olivia about dropping Andrew and he says that Olivia isn't her problem to solve. He also confronts her about the girl's luncheon they had last episode aka List of Men-Leave My Husband Alone Convention 2014. "Olivia is not your problem to solve"he says again. Mellie looks at him and is desperately trying to figure out what it's like to risk you've accomplished or someone. It's actually a valid question but Fitz dismisses her saying he doesn't have the time, because he is mean. We get another flashback and learn that Mellie told Andrew why he found her that way:
"Because my father and law forced himself on me and I don't know if my son is his and sometimes that makes me not want to be alive. Are we done?"

Pope & Assoc. does some recon and learns from the source that it was a woman that had the Oxy delivered. Olivia immediately figures that Mellie is the mysterious woman and that Andrew is willing to give up the White House to protect her. Harrison suggests that they pay off the source, even though that's not how they normally do things. But Olivia is desperate to save Fitz's presidency, so they go on spread a rumor that the source was paid off and the story is officially dead. However, Olivia takes it upon herself to confront Mellie about her relationship with Andrew. "I'm not going to ask why," Liv says,"I'm going to tell you it has to stop!" Mellie's reaction?


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Well not really, but I'm sure Mellie is itching to slap some sense into Olivia. She actually laughs at Liv for thinking they are same when it comes to breaking marriage vows. "You actually think we are the same? I kept my knees together and said no. We are NOT the same!"

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Well...she's got a point there Liv. 

It's flashback time and we see that Mellie is telling the truth about Andrew. He admitted that he's falling love with her and she is starting to develop feelings as well. It looks as if something might happen between them but she stops it immediately, saying that she's married and she's the Governor's wife. And there you have it. Mellie and Andrew have never taken their relationship past a level of mild inappropriateness.

Since crisis was averted, Fitz is eager to start earning money for his campaign. He introduces Andrew at a stuffy donor's banquet and notices Hollis Doyle sitting in the audience. He turns to Cyrus and demands to know why the country-fried asshole is there. Earlier in the episode, Hollis came by and offered to give the donation he reserved for Sally to Fitz. But Fitz is pissed off that he's there and is like


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There should be a game called Who Said It? A 15 year old girl? or President Grant? 

Fitz doesn't care if they're desperate for money, he wants nothing to do with CFA (you guys it is pure coincidence that country-fried asshole is the same as the abbreviation for Chik-fil-A!! I did not plan that!!) Cyrus is upset by the turn of events but he gets a call from Charlie. Turns out Charlie is ready to kidnap and kill Publius when he shows up for his meeting with Vanessa. James freaks out and tries to call David, but it's too late! David ends up getting kidnapped first and thrown into the back of a van! And naturally there is a commercial break right after this!

Ok after the commercial break, we see that Charlie failed and it seems as if someone grabbed David (please by Pope & Assoc.). Cyrus is trying to figure out what happened and it looks like he's starting to put two and two together until Adnan introduces herself to him (seems like Harrison used that huge briefcase of money to buy her a ticket to the banquet) . He's upset that she would dare come to a public event and says he can't be seen with criminals or their briefcases full of money.  Oh Cy, pot meet kettle. Adnan isn't phased by his insults and says her money is clean. She knows the campaign is struggling and she's willing to keep donating. Cyrus is never one to turn down a shady deal and accepts her offer. We don't know much about Adnan, but it's pretty freaking obvious she's not to be trusted.

We find out that Huck and Abby were the ones to kidnap David and ultimately they saved his life. I wonder if they will try to find out who Charlie is working for. Actually, why have they NEVER tried to figure that out? Jake is also trying to do a little damage control of his own and is meeting with Quinn about her freelance stalking. He tries to call her off but she's on Level 10000000 of cockiness and gloats that she's already managed to follow Rowan without being seen. She e-mails him a few pictures of Rowan meeting with Bergen that she got by hacking into some cameras. Jake is obviously stunned by her capabilities.

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She tells him he knows where to find her if he wants more info and walks out on him. I don't know about you guys, but I get the feeling that Charlie is going to be pissed about Quinn going rouge and also cramping his style. I can guess that it wont take long for their relationship to sour and for him to turn on her.

Huck is brining Olivia another coffee (he's been doing it all episode..very weird). She finally asks what's the deal and he says"People get people coffee when they're sorry." HAHAHA, oh Huck, you little weirdo. Liv doesn't buy it and says that he went too far with Liv. And since this has been the Let's Call Liv Out On Her Shit 44 Minute Extravaganza, Huck snaps back and says that SHE went to far. He calls her out on bringing him into normal society when knew knew he was damaged and still let him hang out with Quinn who was so impressionable. "You hold the leash." he tells her, "You wen't to far. Monsters eat people, Liv. It's what we do." She has nothing to say because he is absolutely right. Although, in her defense I don't think she expected him to go Hannibal Lecter on Quinn. I don't think ANYONE would've seen that coming.

Back at the White House,  Mellie walks in on Andrew admiring all of the portraits of the former first ladies.  He tries to touch the portrait of Jackie O and she says "Oh no, first ladies are not to be touched". They end up making googly eyes (they're not so bad when they're directed at you, are they Mellie??) at other and eventually start making out! In front of Jackie O!

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If Christina approves, we all approve. 

Mellie pulls away from Andrew before things can go any further and runs away from him. He looks after her and then lovingly touches the picture of Jackie O. So sweet! I'm all down with Mellie getting some TLC, especially since Fitz has been so absolutely terrible to her lately. Girlfriend deserves some love too.

Speaking of Fitz, Liv is trying to be all about business but of course he's all about pleasure. *sigh* She's still mad at him about their fight earlier and is tired of always worrying about him. He drastically changes the subject and asks if she has feelings for Jake, but we don't get our answer. Cut to TOM (Fitz's loyal Secret Service agent) brining a flash drive of information to Jake. Turns out Tom has been B6-13 the ENTIRE time! Jake plugs in the flash drive and we see an overhead shot of Fitz and Olivia in the Oval Office!!!

DANCE BREAK: Ok, so if Command has always had daily updates from the White House that means that Liv's dad ALWAYS knew and a had a front row seat to Olitz's Oval Office shenanigans! DANCE BREAK OVER. 

Jake gets the answer we've all been waiting for. Liv says she honestly doesn't know if she has feelings for Jake. That's apparently good enough for him and he looks super happy and looks up towards the sky.

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Is Jake maybe thanking the big guy upstairs for his change in fortune?

You might think that all the drama is over seeing as how we're at the 42:59 point in the episode, but this is Scandal and there always has to be one twist at the end that makes you clutch your heart. And sure enough, we see Adnan walk into a hotel room and a woman's voice asks "Are we in?" Adnan says yes and the camera pans and sure enough it's MAMA POPE! She's was noticeably absent last episode, but now here she is popping up like a damn whack-a-mole!!!  So Adnan and Mama Pope are working together and we can only assume that they are planning to wreck shit. This show definitely keeps you on your toes.


SCANDAL TALLY

Number of times Liv got cursed the hell out: 5 (I honestly can't keep count)

Number of times Jake grew some balls and asserted himself: 2

Number of times Jake took his shirt off: Doesn't matter, it wasn't enough 

Moments where I gasped aloud/ Yelled WTF?!?!: 3

There's really not much to say about last week, except that something crazy is going to happen in the last 30 seconds of the show that's going to make all of us go OMG! So what did you guys think of this week's episode? Sound off in the comments below!



About the Author - itsalanna
Alanna is Co-Founder/Co-Editor of Big Girls Don't Gossip along with fellow Spoilertv writer, Jasmine Alyce. Alanna works in the post-production industry by day is a full fledged TV-fiend by night. She also loves fashion, romantic comedies, and traveling.

Alanna graduated from Georgia State University with her Bachelors in Broadcast Journalism and Film.

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