Hello, everyone. Another Supernatural episode has passed. I know this recap is pretty late, I had some busy days. Anyway, we start with the previouslies – Sam's wound (They keep mentioning it, but where is this going?) and Dean killing Amy. Wow, that was short. Nothing on the Leviathans? That's a bad sign already.
A note before we begin. The saddest thing about this "meh" episode is that it had SO much potential! The plot sounded good, they brought Alona Tal back, and we were starting to see the old formula again. It's like they were given ingredients to make an awesome cake, but went for a chocolate chip cookie. And I have nothing against cookies, but I would've preferred the cake.
It all made sense when I found out the man responsible for this cookie is Adam Glass, the writer of the bad Two and a Half Men and the horrible All Dogs Go to Heaven. I was pretty surprised to find out he also wrote Like a Virgin and Mommy Dearest, two episodes that were good+. I mean, come on, the guy invented Jefferson Starships! While the first two remain sucky, the latter two he wrote also had the same problem – they could've been cakes, but they came out cookies. Sigh.
Cars Are So Advanced These Days
The episode begins as usual in Randomtown, Randomville where a man is being chased by a car. Typical. But wait! No one seems to be driving the car! Still typical. This is Supernatural you're watching, remember? Dean was already chased by ghost car before (In another terrible episode I will not name).
Anyway, the guy (Mr. Suit, for the record) runs into his building and goes up the stairs and into his apartment. He's safe here, right? Cars can't climb up stairs, right? Well, no, they cannot. But ghost cars can. So poor Mr. Suit screams in terror as the car rams him into the wall and there's a harmonic splash of both human blood and LeviaBlood. A Promising start.
As usual, where ever something crazy happens, our boys go. Sam hears Lucifer whispering his name (And I frown for the lack of Mark Pellegrino) and grabs his wound again. Come on, that still hurts him? A decent amount of time has passed since he cut his hand. We had the whole Impala fixing and then they stayed at Rufus's for some time. By now, it's probably just a scar. And scars don't hurt when you press them. I just tried.
"Thanks for Amy. I know you didn't wanna let her go, but it was the right thing to do."
Drunks and Driving
Dean's insides just got nuked with guilt. Come on, Dean. You gotta practice what you preach. You always give Sam crap for hiding things and not being honest. Wonder who he learned that from. At this point, I remember again the plot of the episode, and get excited about a possible intense reveal. Oh, the expectations I build…
The boys enter Mr. Suit's place and look for clues using the EMF detector. Wow, been a while since we saw that thing. They find red dirt on the floor. They also find out that Mr. Suit went to AA. He visited Neal's Tavern recently, where he almost fell off the wagon.
And why? because he killed a girl once by accident. But he felt really bad about it and had flowers sent to her grave every month. They assume it's the girl's spirit killed him and give her bones the fastest S&B in Supernatural history. What happened to the days they took their time with this?
I Hope They Serve Alpo In Hell
Meanwhile, a guy is running away from a dog. And he should be, 'cause that dog looks pissed. He runs into a diner, and everyone looks at him like some kind of weirdo. He goes to the bathroom to tell the police about this vicious hound. But before he can tell them enough, the dog pops up in the bathroom and turns the man into Alpo (Which, like always in this show, causes a gigantic blood splatter).
Sam and Dean return from the bone burning, which as opposed to the short clip we were shown, apparently took all night long since they come back with a new paper. They discover that Alpo was running a dog-fight operation, and now one of them came back with a vengeance.
"Do dogs even have ghosts?"
-"First I've heard of it."
"That sounds weird. Ghost dog?"
(At this point, the 1960's batman intro is playing in my head – Na na na na na na na na, GHOST DOG!)
They find out that Alpo also felt really bad for his crime, so he donated money to the animal shelter. Dean looks like he wants to sleep for a week, but Sam's a hard-worker, so they go to check out Alpo's body, which, like mentioned above, has red dirt under his nails. They discover the dirt comes from an apple farm, since it makes great apples.
Late Judgement
"I'd be so interested in that if I ate apples." Does he even eat ANYTHING healthy? Looks like his menu consists of hamburgers and pie. Didn't you see Supersize Me, Dean? Eating that stuff all the time can be dangerous. Dean complains about the size of the farm, but luckily, just then they almost hit a man.
The man, named Warren, tells the boys he was just sentenced to death in a trial. I don't know about the death penalty laws at Randomville, but I guess it might make sense. Except Warren's crime, killing a liquor store owner and his wife, happened 30 years ago. Me and Dean are surprised it took the justice system so long to act. But Warren says he was just released from prison.
"Ok, you are making less sense the more you talk."
What? Come on, Dean. You've heard way crazier stuff. I think the reason Dean is so grumpy the whole episode is part guilt about Amy and part sleep deprivation. Oh, and part issues about the morality of the case. We'll get right to that.
Warren says he got jumped at Neal's Tavern, like the first victim. He says there was a judge, but the trial was held at the barn in the apple farm. Not your typical courthouse location. He also says he saw symbols around the courthouse. While he draws them, Dean asks Sam for a word in private.
"When did our black and white case turn to mud?"
Again, come on, Dean. This isn't the first time you had moral differences about the case (Metamorphosis, for example). Sam says it's not their job to judge, but Dean calls Bullsh*t. Sam reminds him that they also killed people before.
"Yeah, and you know what, when those ghosts come to kick my ass, they got a compelling case."
They already did, Dean, in Are You There God?...But it was you who kicked their ass. Sam asks if Dean wants to quit the case, but Dean says all he wants is "one simple day on the job". I'm gonna use Dean's quote against him, and say that he's making less sense the more he talks. When was the last time they had a simple day? Then Dean decides to go drown his sorrow in Neal's Tavern.
A Guilty Guy Walks Into A Bar...
Sam goes back up and tells Warren to come with him so he can identify the barn. But Warren refuses, saying he's seeing the ghosts of the people he shot. Sam, who is already pissed about Dean, tells Warren to stay put inside a salt circle while he goes to the barn. But we know better than that. Warren is doomed.
At the bar, some creepy guy with a hat bumps into Dean. He starts talking with Mia, the bartender that he feels guilty for "doing something behind someone's back because he had to." Mia smoothly asks Dean out, while creepy hat guy is watching.
Sam arrives at the barn, and finds…Dirt! In a barn! What are the odds? He gets a call from Bobby, who figured out the symbols. They belong to the Egyptian god Osiris, who weighs people's guilt, and if it's more than a feather worth, "boom, you're done." Now that sounds kina unfair. If I shoplift a candy and feel bad about it, then I'm doomed? I hope Osiris is focusing on the bigger fish. Anyway, Bobby says Osiris hones in on people that feel guilty.
"Who does that sound like to you?" A. Dean B. Dean C. Dean or D. All of the above.
Sam to the Rescue
Dean tries to cheer himself up so he can have sex (Apparently killing someone behind your brother's back is a major turn-off) but gets snatched by Osiris seconds later. Back to Sam…
"Dude, third message, you better not be loaded. Call me, this is important."
Ummm….Third message? How long were you in that barn, Sam? Were you counting the dirt pieces? Making hay angels? Horse-whispering? But then Mia proves to be more of an idiot than Sam is.
"I picked this phone off the ground where I've been standing for ten minutes listening to it ring."
Really? If I saw a suspicious phone ringing on the ground, I would either start running or answer it. I mean, maybe it's normal to wait a minute or two, but ten? Sam tells Mia to wait there and he'll come to her.
Back at the apartment, the electricity begins to spaz out. Warren panics, and leaves the salt circle. Yup, he's screwed. He tries to escape, but runs into the ghosts of the liquor store owners, who shoot him in the face.
Now, this is another bothering inconsistency. Osiris sends Ghost Dog to kill the dog-fight manager, the liquor store owners to kill their killer, and later, sends Jo to kill Dean (Which also bothered me, but more on that later). That's all fine, but then, the first victim is kind of weird. Ghost cars are cool, but why not send the girl he killed after him? I mean, I would get the car if the guy was a chop-shop owner or something. But he felt guilty for killing the girl. Isn't she supposed to be the one who kills him? That's kinda weird…
Guilty or Not?
Sam shows up at the bar, and conveniently finds red dirt where Dean was snatched. He goes back to the barn, where Dean is tied up and Osiris sits on a cool throne. He fills Dean up on who's judging him, and then it's Sam's turn to go out of character.
"You're gonna respect his rights or not?"
Uh, hello? You're talking to a freakin' EGYPTIAN GOD. Why do you think he gives the tiniest crap about humans or their rights? And it doesn't stop there. Osiris gets ten words in before Sam objects about Osiris bringing witnesses from the dead.
"This isn't fair!"
"Fair? I'm sorry. Moving on."
A few seconds later he objects again, about the "witnesses called without prior notice." Wow. Yeah, you're right, Sam. Osiris should've sent an E-mail two months ago to all the people Dean killed that he's being put on trial. This has to be the stupidest Sam has ever been in the series. It's pretty painful to watch. Osiris tells Sam to stop whining, or he'll kill him. And to paraphrase Dean, I'm with the god on this one. Osiris calls his first witness…
Welcome back, Alona Tal! Like I've said more than once in the comments, I'm really happy that she's back. But while watching it, I had mixed feelings. I was annoyed she came back into a poorly-written episode. I would've been much happier to see her in any of the previous 3. But still, she's one of the episode highlights for me.
After some nice season 2 flashbacks, Osiris tries to get Jo to admit that not only she had a crush on Dean, but that he's also the reason she became a hunter, which started the long road that ended in her death. My dad was a lawyer, and I'm pretty sure this is called 'Leading the witness'. So this time it's Dean who rightfully objects, but Osiris force-chokes him. See what a fair trial this is, Sam?
Sam questions Jo, this time asking if she became a hunter because of her father, who she idolized, or because she wanted to "impress a loud-mouth jerk you just met." Ha. Jo is about to tell Dean she doesn't blame him (That's a pretty sure guess, I think) but Osiris cuts her off mid-sentence. She didn't say it if he didn't hear her, right? Osiris says he's gonna call the next witness. I know this isn't Amy, 'cause they'll save her for the climax. So who can it be?
"Prosecution calls…Sam Winchester to the stand." Interesting.
Osiris tries to lead Sam too, telling him that instead of becoming a lawyer and marrying Jess, Sam followed his brother into the hunting world, which started a domino effect that caused many deaths. Sam says it's not Dean's fault, because he would've been dragged into the world sooner or later.
Osiris accepts his answer, but tells him Dean's fate is not up to him. He only weighs Dean's guilt that's already there. Meaning, Dean will die only if he feels guilty. But of course he does! They wouldn't be there if he didn't. But I stopped trying to figure out this episode's logic. Then, Osiris says the most interesting thing in the episode.
"People want to be judged. They really do. When your heart's heavy, real punishment's a mercy."
I disagree with the first part. People don't want to be judged. You don't see people lining up at court. The second part is true, though. Why do many people go to jail or refuse settlement deals? Because they don't want to admit what they did. They prefer the punishment over facing their guilt.
Sam decides to call Dean to the stand. Osiris says there's an order, but agrees. I'm sorry, but is this guy really an Egyptian god? Compared to bad-ass gods we saw at Hammer of the Gods, this guy's a wuss. Even Sam scares him. I mean, he's kinda entertaining, but this is a god we're talking about, not a Trickster.
Sam asks Dean if he knew that Jess is doomed when he came to ask for his help. Dean, obviously, says he didn't.
"Right. How could you, I mean, are you psychic?...That's a question."
Dean says he isn't psychic (Shocker), and Sam says he can't feel guilty about things he didn't know beforehand. Sam asks Dean if he feels guilty about Jo's death, or just plain sad. Dean picks the latter.
Osiris asks Dean if he wants him to summon his last witness (And we get another Amy flashback. Yes, show, we know who he meant) and I get excited. This is it. Showtime. Any minute now…
"I find you, Dean Winchester, guilty in your heart, and sentence you to die."
Wait, what? That's it?! No Amy? You gotta be kidding me. This should've been the climax! The reveal! The big crescendo! But no, the trial is over. And Adam Glass misses his opportunity to redeem this episode. And I sigh in pain. I'm not even scared for Dean. We know this scenario too well from Faith, Yellow Fever, etc. Bobby finds a way to kill the bad guy, and Sam ganks him just before Dean dies.
Guess Gods Don't Know Much About Synagogues
Back at the motel, the boys find out that Warren died. Don't worry, Warren. Nobody's gonna remember you by the time the next episode airs. Bobby discovers Osiris can be killed by a ram's horn, which is being used by Jewish people as a "Shofar", which they blow in on Rosh Ha'Shana (The Hebrew New Year).
"The dick's gonna sick Jo after me, Sam."
And then I think of something great. Amy might not be gone yet! What if she's the one Osiris will send to kill Dean? How awesome would that be?! Sure, it won't be the reveal, 'cause Sam won't see her, but it will be sweet! But no, my hopes are crushed yet again as Jo appears. I love Alona, and it's great she got more screen time after her two minutes in the trial, but I would've really loved to see Amy.
Meanwhile, Sam goes to steal a Shofar, but is discovered by someone in what I think is supposed to be a comic relief. Not working, show. It's too random, and I'm already too pissed about this episode.
At the apartment, Dean has a heart-to-heart with Jo that everything he said in the trial is BS, and that feels guilty, about her and Sam. Jo says he should let go of all his guilt. She opens the gas valves, and breaks Dean's salt circle (Why? Do they protect you from explosions too?). But as expected, Sam easily stabs Osiris at the last minute, and saves the day. YAWN.
I'm too pissed at this episode to focus on the touchy-feely ending scene, but basically, Dean still doesn't confess about Amy, and Sam says he wasn't judged because he doesn't feel guilty.
THE END
Rating – 5 Apples out of 10.
Yes, five, and it's not harsh at all. I mean, wow. When I watched this episode, I thought it was kind bad. But after writing this, I realize it was horrible. The writing sucked. Everyone was out of character. No climax or tension. And after all that, Dean didn't learn anything and stayed exactly the same. This is a pure filler episode, and a very very bad one. So what did this episode did get credit for?
-The concept. When I first read the synopsis, it sounded really good! It had so much potential; they could've gone with it in so many better ways. I think that if someone else, like Ben Edlund for example, would've written this, it would've been awesome.
- Alona Tal's always welcome. Plus, she was my favorite character in the episode. (Osiris and Mia were also pretty nice, but I liked her part the most).
- "License to kill". Dean's only good line in the episode. That's classic Dean humor.
-Shofar! Go, Judaism! (I'm an atheist, but it was still pretty funny).
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