Previously - Meg made me love Ellen/Jo and squicked me out with Cas, shape shifters have a Daddy, Crowley lied through his teeth (probably) and made Dean and RoboSam his errand boys - yeah I find that one hard to process too.
We open to Crowley chained to a chair, getting knocked around with a baseball bat by Crowley. Don't get too excited -it's not two Crowley's for one day at the Demon Mini-Mart. Free Crowley is rocking a butcher apron. I'm guessing Shape Shifter Alpha tried to gain empathy by taking Crowley's form. He has obviously never met Crowley. "I'm sorry but your exceptional good looks aren't going to buy you any mercy." Didn't this Alpha get away? I wonder who bagged him. Shifter Alpha says he can't help with purgatory but Crowley's sources disagree. "You’re the father of your entire species. You're really not pulling off this dumb blonde act." Crowley worked hard on a new iridium torture knife, but Shifter Alpha is not easily impressed. Crowley threatens to kill Shifter's baby shifters but he says they'll make more. Your parenting skills could use a little work Shifter. Crowley isn't a patient supposed demon king and promptly beheads Shifter. First, ew. Second, I guess Alphas aren't as hard to kill as we thought. Third, this makes no sense. If Crowley had the patience to plan a coup in hell, shouldn't he be able to control his temper to get what he wants? I see a round of "Liar, Liar" coming on. Crowley goes to change aprons before Bobby Flay comes on.
Over at abandoned factory (I miss the place cards), the show spoils me. Christian's in this. Man! I so do not want to deal with his smarmy ego trips. Just die already! We have to put up with Grandpa Creepy too. Unfair! At least Gwen's AWOL. Dean and RoboSam have bagged (literally) a Rugaroo and I'm glad we skip the details. They're disgusting! Dean wants to see Crowley but "he's banging a hooker in a sweet spot called None of Your Business." Prince of Snark Demon has channeled his inner Christian and delivers a snark smackdown. Dean of course does…nothing. What? It's not like Dean to let someone get the verbal KO. I'm not used to Speechless Dean; I don't like him. "Remember when we used to gank demons." Yes I do Dean. Could we get back to that?
I guess Dean and RoboSam spent last week's holiday bagging monsters for Crowley instead of eating turkey. Dean "needs a daily rape shower." RoboSam has no sympathy - "stock up on Soap-on-a-Rope". The allusions to sex and violence are just getting started folks. By the time we're done, we all might need that shower. We enter conversation #642 of "do you want your soul back"/side-stepped answer, and much as I love RoboSam, I will be glad to be done with this. Dean questions Crowley's honesty. RoboSam disappears. I take the beautiful shot of Dean's pistol as a shout-out to our weekly question. Apparently Dean wanted it to make the list too.
Huh! One gigantor robot down. How did that happen without Dean hearing him hit the floor? (The Things that Confuse Me list makes its appearance.) Dean goes down too when a demon bashes him with a bat(?). Perhaps demons love baseball. The Winchesters awaken in bondage while Meg practically purrs at Dean's threats.
Dean: "Evil b***"
Meg: "Keep sweet talking me, this could go a whole other direction."
Dean: "Meg, I've been dying to see you again."
Meg: "Well here I am, Big Boy. What should we do know?"
Dean: "How about I rip you to shreds."
Meg: "Kinky, I like."
Me: Skanky - I need that shower.
Meg wants Crowley , but the Winchesters are just delivery boys. Meg gives Dean a lap dance but he's not giving tips. "Ok. Foreplay's officially over. Satisfy me or I please myself." I like Meg 2.0 better than the original but my squick meter's overflowing. RoboSam laughs, but Dean doesn't love the snuff film vibe. RoboSam: "She can't do jack squat; she's totally screwed." Crowley wants Meg dead. Dean wants them to nuke themselves but RoboSam wants to work together. Dean and I protest. "We'll hand you Crowley with a bow on one condition. We go with you and you help us wring a little something out of him before you hack him to bits." RoboSam questions if she can do it. Meg: "I apprenticed under Alastair in hell just like your brother. So Dean, can I make Crowley do whatever I want?" Dean: "Yeah she can." Nice work here by Jensen. His face shows how much he hates being reminded of torturing people in hell. Meg agrees to RoboSam's plan, while Meg's minion invades Dean's space. "Are you going to kiss me?"
Dean and RoboSam argue about the plan, since Meg (with help from Satan) caused Ellen and Jo's deaths. RoboSam says Dean can't think emotionally, reminding us that he is indeed a cyborg. But Sam's plan includes everyone screwing each other, so Meg's on board. Still, RoboSam has insurance in the form of the Angel Cable Guy (thanks Bruce_F). Luring him with the plot of Raider's of the Lost Ark, RoboSam defines awesome! "I can't believe you fell for that…idiot." Cas tries to explain but RoboSam cuts him off, neatly avoiding conversation #387 of why Cas is AWOL. Go RoboSam!!! "I'm sorry. Do you think we're here to talk this out…If you don't help us, I will hunt you down and kill you." Aww, RoboSam, I forgive all those "to soul or not to soul" conversations. You rock my world. Cas: "Will you, boy? How?" "I don't know yet, but I will look until I find out and I don't sleep." Awesome delivery, Jared. Cas agrees to help and Dean owes Sam chicken. Dean asks how RoboSam got Cas there. "No big! This is what friends do for each other." Bwah!!! I love the gestures when he says that. Dean is skeptical but wisely drops it.
A good threat goes to waste, as Cas can't find Crowley with his malfunctioning angel mojo. It does that a lot this season. And everyone sings - "Over the river and through the woods to Grampa Creepy's we go. The address is here but we can't see clear through Grandpa's sap right now - Hey!" Perhaps I should feel for Grandpa's tale of dead daughter woe, but he's increasingly pathetic. While he hasn't properly grieved his daughter, he does know how demon deals end. He should know better. Also, I think we ruled out Crowley meeting Gramps at the pearly gates. I don't see the deal going down like this: "I pulled you out of…wherever…let me offer you a deal." More like, "You want to stop the torture? Here's what you have to do." You're doing this for Mary? Yeah right! While I love how Dean reasons with Grandpa Brainless, I'm ecstatic he stays behind. Good riddance! Go back to Lisa, Dean. Remember her saying that though she loves her family, she wouldn't make deals to resurrect them. This is a normal family. Embrace it. Great acting all around!
Back at Casa Erotica, Cas studies porn while the Winchesters study Crowley. I try to keep a straight face as the pizza man arrives. A knock at the door rescues us all from the awkward moment, but oh joy, it's Gramps again. Cas tells him they don't talk porn. Grandpa bears a gift - the address of Crowley's death trap. Santa, he is not. Redeeming himself slightly with the info, he promptly disgraces himself again by leaving his grandsons to go into danger alone. Your vampire-slaying Puritan ancestors would be so proud. Former Team Free Will meets up with Meg's Minions where she promptly switches loyalties. First season you practically hump Sam, next you lap dance Dean, and now you get "dewy" over Cas. You're like a rabid fangirl, Meg! Neither RoboSam nor Meg are stupid, but Meg hands over Ruby's knife anyway, which RoboSam promptly plunges into "Kiss Me" Demon since he might ruin the party. All are shocked but Bottomline Sam just wants to do the job. Meg agrees and they consent to leave for Crowley's Home for Tortured Monsters in one hour. RoboSam's keeping the knife though. Good! It was useful to kill off Ruby. RoboSam gets a gun from the Impala and looks..pensive…disturbed..worried…oh who knows? It was weird.
Meanwhile, Dean chastises Cas but Cas is ambivalent about the plan. "Well, breaking into Monster Gitmo is not exactly a two-for-one in the Champagne Room." Dean misunderstands; Cas is worried about Sam. He doesn't think retrieving Sam's soul is a good thing. I don't think I trust Cas. Still, he makes his point. If Sam's soul is truly trapped with Lucifer and Michael, a souled-Sam might not keep mind and soul intact. Dean wonders if it will kill him; Cas worries that it won't. Nice to know all options suck. Dean is still adamant, but Shifty Sam overhears them. I think the car scene makes more sense here instead. Moreover, I wonder why Lucifer and Michael would bother with Sam's soul when they have an eternity of hatred to work out. I know Sam ruined their plans, but really. It's a piddling thing compared to infinite sibling rivalry. That'd be like stopping in the middle of world war so both sides could blow up an ant colony. I don't buy it and I don't think TPTB need it. Fans understand how bad this is for Sam's soul. We ache for Sammy regardless; they don't need to ratchet the conflict for us to get it.
Crowley's Pet Fun House is surprisingly easy to enter, which can only mean TRAP. What do you know? Djinn girl is here. Bet you regret messing with the Winchesters now! However, hellhounds are no surprise. They try to outrun them, and the 2 demon red shirts become chew toys. Why does salt effect hell hounds when it doesn't stop their demon owners? Why, if the demons died on the outside, is their blood running down the wall on the inside? Meg plans to leave her body and buy them a few seconds but Crowley is smarter than that. He's locked her inside her meat suit (hate that term), so she's stuck. Dean smirks, "Karma." What! RoboSam puzzles me by giving Meg back Ruby's knife. Nooo, we've been too long without it already. Meg double shocks me by refusing the knife and proceeding to suck face with Cas. How many knew she was heading for the angel sword? Yep, all of us. How many knew Cas was going to throw Meg against the wall and kiss her too? Yeah, me neither. We are in good company as the Winchesters are shocked too. Meg: "What was that?" Cas: "I learned that from the pizza man." The brothers are left speechless while I howl with laughter. Nice pacing writers - a little fun between action.
Meg hacks the hounds with the angel sword. Take that Grandpa Creepy. A demon has more guts than you. I know some people don't like the hell hounds but I love the way they do these scenes. Good tension without cheesy special effects. Cas gets light vanquished and loathe Gramps more. Not only do you leave your grandkids to die but you feed them to a demon like lambs to the slaughter. Hate replaces squick as my prime emotion. There is no excuse for you. You DIE!!! Soon!!! Crowley commends himself on buying Grandpa and I am tired of the political jokes, writers. Can it! Crowley: "Shame I have to do away with you both. I've rather enjoyed your indentured servitude." Come now, Crowley. You know they always get away. What the heck! Meg finishes off the hellhounds only to get sucker punched. I literally jumped at this point! Never saw it coming! Well, faaantastic, Christian has the angel sword and Meg. I actually hope Meg makes it out alive this time.
Dean and RoboSam check out their new cells. Dean: "I'm standing in pee." RoboSam: "Consider yourself lucky!" Gross and still funny. Grandpa Traitor comes to gloat/explain and I hope Dean punches him in the throat. I hate you more than John. Dean's right. Out of all his sucky relatives, you suck most. Forgive me because it is really late here, but when did Dean choose between Mary and Sam? Obviously not when he was 4. Anna was going to kill Mary so that wasn't a Sam vs. Mary choice. Dean was all about killing YED the first time, so I'm not sure what Traitor Grandpa is talking about. Grandpa asks Dean who he is supposed to be to him and I think, right now, you're worst nightmare. You seriously ticked off a lethal hunter, one better than you. You put his brother in danger. You are the latest in a long list of betrayals that still cut deep. And you did it when Dean doesn't have much to lose. I'd run and hide really well. Dean puts it this way: "I'm the guy you never want to see again. Cuz I'll make it out of here. Trust me. The next time you see me, I'll be there to kill you." Pure awesome! Dean and RoboSam will get out. No way Dean kills you but I wouldn't want to receive the beat down coming to you. You completely deserve it, Traitor. Now go away!!!
The Prince of Snark hauls Dean past Traitor. RoboSam is caged. Meg is questioned by Christian, held down by 7 leather straps in the torture porn phase of tonight's seamy journey. Again, what the heck! I thought Sam was brooding but he takes a big chunk out of his arm. Gross! Please do not start the demon blood story line again. I can't take it. Dean enters a room in clear violation of health codes and for some reason checks out what's behind the bloody curtain. Leave it alone Dean. Something's are best left unknown. Ew! Thanks Dean. Apparently, he is to be a monster meal. Meanwhile, RoboSam is next on the Prince of Snark's to-do list. But wait, RoboSam is smart and has a high pain threshold. He used the blood from his wrist to make a devil's trap. Way to go! Now snag a toothbrush and help your brother. Speaking of, Dean is does pretty well handling two ghouls. I think he says, "Freakin' ankles." but I don't get it. (BTW, if it will make me feel squicky, please don't explain. I'm good with not knowing. Remember the blood curtain.) RoboSam shows superior strength by wrenching a pipe of the wall and ends the ghouls. And, we're back to Torture with Christian. I'm not sure which of the 3 scenes (Dean, Sam, or Meg) disturb me the most. Christian cuts her up but Meg laughs, making Christian curious. FINALLY! Dean punches Ruby's knife through Christian. Meg: "Dean Winchester's behind you, meat sack." Second best death ever with that knife after Ruby herself. So long Christian. Can't wait until Traitor Grandpa joins you! I just might do my happy dance.
Dean undoes Meg's restraints so it's back to plan A. Not that it's worked stupendously so far. Crowley is swilling scotch and torturing the djinn when the fire alarm goes off. Unlike a smart Winchester foe, he checks it out himself. Isn't that what minions are for? He sees Meg's gone and Christian's dead (yeah!) as Dean turns off the fire alarm. RoboSam whacks Crowley a good one with the pipe to get him under a devil's trap. Crowley, you have much bigger problems than dry cleaning. You've angered the Winchesters and that is never good. Meg twists her hand, and he's coughing out his lungs. Say what! When did Meg learn this nifty trick? I don't remember it when she was after John. RoboSam wants his soul back NOW, but I'm confused since he wasn't keen on it before.
In a non-shock, Crowley lied. He can't get Sam's soul back, but he can snark under duress. "I meant can't you mop-headed lumberjack." Crowley still claims he got RoboSam out of hell but couldn't get his soul. Crowley, Meg, and Cas all agree that Sam's soul will leave him a "drooling mess". Dean hands Ruby's knife to Meg and I love how Crowley is surprised by this. She speechifies for Lucifer and of course, Crowley takes her down. Who knew? Sticking Ruby's knife in a devil's trap lets you out. But Cas saves the day. "Leave them alone." Crowley: "Castiel, haven't seen you all season. You the cavalry now?" Now that's my kind of meta. Score one for the writers. Crowley gloats that Raphael is winning the angel civil war. Seems it's getting nasty up there.
Cas comes bearing Crowley's bones. What? If a magic spell can hide Crowley from Cas, shouldn't he be able to hide his bones too? I'm not buying this. Crowley's getting sloppy, but he still can't re-soul Sam. Did anyone think he would? Um, why is Cas burning the bones right now? Shouldn't they question Crowley further? Maybe ask if he knows anyone who can. This is as implausible to me as Crowley beheading the Shifter in scene one. How did these two ever become leaders without some self-control? Man! Now Crowley's dead and I really love him. He brings class and fun to villainy. Something missing from other opponents. Plus, now I have no idea who the big bad is going to be. I didn't think Crowley was it, but it wish he'd stay around awhile. Bye Crowley! I am sorry to see you go.
Meg vanishes as RoboSam grabs Ruby's knife. They're all on the same page it seems. Dean would give Cas "an hour with her first" because that's the kind of guy he is, but Cas doesn't understand. Cas laments returning to heaven and says they will find another way to re-soul Sam. He suggests Cas take care of the monsters first. RoboSam is done pretending; he wants out of the re-soulling business. "When angels and demons agree on something, call me nuts, but I pay attention." Maybe this will end these conversation too. Dean: "You don't even know what you're saying." RoboSam: "No, I'm saying something you don't like." Gotta admit he's right Dean. Given the facts as he knows them, I wouldn't be on the bandwagon either. You've told him having a soul will make him miserable. He knows how complicated having a soul was before. He thinks he's a better hunter without it. Why exactly would he want a soul? Sam walks off to end the conversation, leaving Dean to find a new way on his own.
Next week - Dean becomes Death, RoboSam re-enacts The Shining, and Bobby may be screwed. Yikes!
Screencaps found
here. My recaps
here.
We open to Crowley chained to a chair, getting knocked around with a baseball bat by Crowley. Don't get too excited -it's not two Crowley's for one day at the Demon Mini-Mart. Free Crowley is rocking a butcher apron. I'm guessing Shape Shifter Alpha tried to gain empathy by taking Crowley's form. He has obviously never met Crowley. "I'm sorry but your exceptional good looks aren't going to buy you any mercy." Didn't this Alpha get away? I wonder who bagged him. Shifter Alpha says he can't help with purgatory but Crowley's sources disagree. "You’re the father of your entire species. You're really not pulling off this dumb blonde act." Crowley worked hard on a new iridium torture knife, but Shifter Alpha is not easily impressed. Crowley threatens to kill Shifter's baby shifters but he says they'll make more. Your parenting skills could use a little work Shifter. Crowley isn't a patient supposed demon king and promptly beheads Shifter. First, ew. Second, I guess Alphas aren't as hard to kill as we thought. Third, this makes no sense. If Crowley had the patience to plan a coup in hell, shouldn't he be able to control his temper to get what he wants? I see a round of "Liar, Liar" coming on. Crowley goes to change aprons before Bobby Flay comes on.
Back at Casa Erotica, Cas studies porn while the Winchesters study Crowley. I try to keep a straight face as the pizza man arrives. A knock at the door rescues us all from the awkward moment, but oh joy, it's Gramps again. Cas tells him they don't talk porn. Grandpa bears a gift - the address of Crowley's death trap. Santa, he is not. Redeeming himself slightly with the info, he promptly disgraces himself again by leaving his grandsons to go into danger alone. Your vampire-slaying Puritan ancestors would be so proud. Former Team Free Will meets up with Meg's Minions where she promptly switches loyalties. First season you practically hump Sam, next you lap dance Dean, and now you get "dewy" over Cas. You're like a rabid fangirl, Meg! Neither RoboSam nor Meg are stupid, but Meg hands over Ruby's knife anyway, which RoboSam promptly plunges into "Kiss Me" Demon since he might ruin the party. All are shocked but Bottomline Sam just wants to do the job. Meg agrees and they consent to leave for Crowley's Home for Tortured Monsters in one hour. RoboSam's keeping the knife though. Good! It was useful to kill off Ruby. RoboSam gets a gun from the Impala and looks..pensive…disturbed..worried…oh who knows? It was weird. 
Crowley's Pet Fun House is surprisingly easy to enter, which can only mean TRAP. What do you know? Djinn girl is here. Bet you regret messing with the Winchesters now! However, hellhounds are no surprise. They try to outrun them, and the 2 demon red shirts become chew toys. Why does salt effect hell hounds when it doesn't stop their demon owners? Why, if the demons died on the outside, is their blood running down the wall on the inside? Meg plans to leave her body and buy them a few seconds but Crowley is smarter than that. He's locked her inside her meat suit (hate that term), so she's stuck. Dean smirks, "Karma." What! RoboSam puzzles me by giving Meg back Ruby's knife. Nooo, we've been too long without it already. Meg double shocks me by refusing the knife and proceeding to suck face with Cas. How many knew she was heading for the angel sword? Yep, all of us. How many knew Cas was going to throw Meg against the wall and kiss her too? Yeah, me neither. We are in good company as the Winchesters are shocked too. Meg: "What was that?" Cas: "I learned that from the pizza man." The brothers are left speechless while I howl with laughter. Nice pacing writers - a little fun between action. 
Cas comes bearing Crowley's bones. What? If a magic spell can hide Crowley from Cas, shouldn't he be able to hide his bones too? I'm not buying this. Crowley's getting sloppy, but he still can't re-soul Sam. Did anyone think he would? Um, why is Cas burning the bones right now? Shouldn't they question Crowley further? Maybe ask if he knows anyone who can. This is as implausible to me as Crowley beheading the Shifter in scene one. How did these two ever become leaders without some self-control? Man! Now Crowley's dead and I really love him. He brings class and fun to villainy. Something missing from other opponents. Plus, now I have no idea who the big bad is going to be. I didn't think Crowley was it, but it wish he'd stay around awhile. Bye Crowley! I am sorry to see you go. 
