Supernatural - 6.05 - Live Free or Twi-Hard - Recap by Selina

Live Free or Twi-Hard: The episode which boldly dares go where no episode has ever gone, and give a certain hysterical fan base what's coming to them. Unless, of course, you're a Twilight fan in which case, how dare they!

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"Papercut."

Opening scene: very scetchy bar, "Emily Fang" approaches the bar. Looks around, apprehensively. Her bottom lip quivers as her browner-than-brown chestnut, and hazel all at the same time eyes scan the darkened room. Phone in hand, she moves through the crowded space. A tall dark stranger approaches, and disarms her with his smile, which glitters as if reflecting off the purple-if-not-burgundy phone......

Okay, that's it, I'm done. This is clearly an episode playing off and mocking the Twilight phenomenon, let's not beat around the bush about it.

In a I'm sure totally random coincidence, the broody teenagers in this scene are named Kristen and Robert. Oh my. She writes soulful poetry, which pouty guy reeeally wants to sink his teeth into. It's probably like his own personal brand of heroin, or something.

Pout face leaves, but after a full moon interlude, Robert comes back to meet Kristen. He shouldn't be here, but he can't stop thinking about her! Kristen breathes heavily. She opens her mouth a number of times as if to speak. She's seventeen!

Robert shows Kristen his teeth, and oh it's all so sexy and dangerous isn't it??? Sigh!

But vampire fantasies are only fun until they bring death and reality into the picture. Robert leads Kristen down a dark alley and he and another, far less sexy vampire trap her. Aaaand SCENE.


A red moon rises. Blood has been spilled this night... no, wrong franchise.

Dean and Lisa have a lovely conversation (and Lisa is wearing the same shirt as Kristen, hmmm) about Dean coming back to see them. He doesn't tell Sam though, hmm.

By the look of the victims, it looks like Robert the Vampire is riding off the crazy Twihard wave and preying on stupid, delusional girls who are just waiting for their very own Edward. I love it when Supernatural makes controversial commentaries on contemporary pop culture phenomena like this, don't you?

"Kristen's a good kid. A little naive, sure," the single dad tells them. Sam and Dean go to her room and yes, she has Edward Cullen bedsheets! Well... it isn't actual movie merchandise of course, no way Summit would allow that, but they're pretty damn good imitations. I had to pause to make sure.

"These aren't vampires, man, these are douche bags." You tell them, Dean! All the Supernatural fans, we are sooooo much cooler with our Sam and Dean posters on the walls, right girls? Right?! Totally.

They break into her laptop, and man... hope they don't find any fan fic huh?


"Look at this. He's watching her sleep, how is that not rapey?"

You know, I wish I had a TV show where I could write episodes about all the weird things in the world I wanted to make comment on. I think it's funny too because I bet, considering the Supernatural content matter and what I know about its fan base, that SPN and Twilight have a lot of fans in common. Now we'll just have to see from the episode feedback which fandom the fans will be more loyal to. That's why Supernatural is great though, most of the time it's just down right fearless of who or what it offends, whether it be the critics or the ones that love it the most. We should have more pop culture which isn't afraid to be self-critical or referential.

Through Dean's disbelief that the "My Summer Blood" book is a national best seller, Supernatural is also soap-boxing about the fact that while Twilight (which let's get real, is 99% crap - hey, if the show says it, so can I) is a worldwide phenomenon loved by millions, how can Supernatural (with what it implies has much better, realistic and complete characters than that) be so overlooked? The message isn't as hit-you-over-the-head-and-stuff-you obvious as the many direct Twilight jabs, but it's there.

"Hey try "Lautner"."
"Wait, he's a werewolf, and how do you even know who that is?"
"Are you kidding me, that kid's everywhere it's a frickin' nightmare."


Good thing we've got Sam and Dean to save some unsuspecting Bellas from the preying Edwards of the world.

The vampires steal donated blood, and kill the delivery guy. Sam Sr. tells Sam Jr. all about it (and I'm already tired of this partnership), and Sam and Dean check Emo Chick Central for clues.

"When was the last time we had a beer together anyway?" Dean asks Sam, trying to establish some lightness, but Sam isn't listening. They scout out the various potential vampires, and get uncomfortable when two dudes make out. Really, fighters of darkness? Guess it's not that rights battle SPN is fighting this week.

"Right, you go with Efron I've got Bieber." I sense some general teen phenomenon resentment here. Just don't mock on the Buffy and I'm cool with anything. :)

Sam beheads... Efron... while Dean goes after the other one. But he turns out to be a real, living creep who wears glitter to get laid. Which, to Dean's amazement, works. "Mmbop your way out of here, and use a condom!"

The creepy vampire from before thinks Dean is pretty... don't we all? But then he throws him into the trash. Gasp, blasphemy of the Dean! Luckily Sam skedaddles around the corner... but he stops. Observes. What the f..? He smiles a little, enjoying it - and then slips right back into Sam character and chases off the vampire.

And I wonder. Clearly, this is our first "proof" since the season 5 finale that something's really amiss with Sam, let's not even question that. But what exactly has changed about him can at least partially be determined when we know whether this little smile indicates what Sammy Sr. later accuses Sam of, wanting Dean to become a vampire to help them take down the alpha vamp (which would mean that Sam had become devoid of emotion and 100% mission focused no matter who got caught in the crossfire), or whether this smile was a sign of satisfaction that Dean was going to die - indicating that Sam is not so much emotionless as full of malevolent, soulless evil. Probably the difference between whether his soul has been taken away, or whether he is somehow controlled or possessed by something evil, like Lucifer. I think the latter is probably more likely, but what are you guys' theories? This is one mystery I hope isn't spoiled before the big reveal, because that would ruin a lot of good speculation.


"Newsflash Mr. Wizard, vampires pee!" Oh goody, I always wondered about this.

Dean's already ingested the blood though, and sounds and light begin to hurt him.

He believes he's turning into a vampire, and knows that Samuel will kill him when he gets there - because Sam won't. But he notices that Sam is way too calm through all this, his heartbeat way too steady.

Dean begins to grow teeth... and wait, is he really a vampire now? I was like, say whaaat? Random turn of events for the show much!?

Dean flees out the window, and goes to... watch Lisa while she sleeps. Cuz you know, that's what all the cool vampires are doing these days. Good job Dean, next you'll be putting vampire babies into her and sparkling in the sunlight. Turning into what you mocked, is that an anti-bullying lesson in disguise?

"I need you to know, you and Ben... just... thanks, for everything [...] Oh god, I'm Pattinson."

Lisa, rationally, asks Dean to stop and explain what the hell is happening. She doesn't believe in cryptic - clearly she's never read Twilight.

In some convoluted way, Dean realises through this experience that he can't bring the kind of work he's doing home to his domestic little family. They have some pretty awesome chemistry, but Dean's gross teeth ruin it. He escapes into the hallway, and slams Ben into the wall as he tries to escape.


The Sam & Sam show is looking like more and more of a reality... save us.

"He's not himself, Sam! He's a monster, and he's hungry." Damn, I gotta start watching the promos because all this caught me by total surprise. I mean even though I figured they'd probably miraculously find a cure (we already had the show about the vampire with a soul, after all, and I'm not talking about Moonlight), it was still pretty crazy that they'd actually turn Dean into a vampire. I shouldn't be so surprised, after all they did kill both boys several times but still. Scary upsetting of the status quo.

Sam & Sam draw their weapons on Dean - and it suddenly occurs to me why this is so odd to watch: besides from the time when a shapeshifter was Dean and made it look like he was evil, we've never actually seen Dean on the dark side. We've seen plenty of ambiguous!morals-Sam, but Dean's always been painstakingly proper, whatever attitudes he's assumed along the way. Now, suddenly, the tables are turned and we've got a monster-Dean versus... well, still an ambiguous!morals Sam (goes for both of them actually), but it's weird. Unnerving. Dean is supposed to be the big brother, sometimes helpless in the face of his struggles but somehow he always pulls through. Now he's the one asking the others to kill him, not the one desperately loyal to his brother and refusing Sam's demands for the same thing.

He hasn't drunk any blood yet though, and isn't there something about drinking blood completes the process? Hmmmm........ yes, turns out there is! Samuel explains that he can turn Dean back (convenient, innit?), which surprises both Dean and Sam - and was that disappointment we glimpsed? Damn it Sam, we love you! Don't be evil!

Samuel has a grandfather journal... which has a cure for the vampire itch. Of course it requires him not to drink human blood. Cue temptation...


Actually I take that back, make it a Dean the Vampire With a Soul show and I'm in! Only, give it a better title.

When Dean leaves, Samuel confronts Sam: he knew about the cure. And here's where the show really gets interesting, because of course both Sam and Samuel were brought back, and until now we were led to assume that Samuel was the evil one... but now it's him working to save Dean, while Sam seems to want him dead. So could it be the other way around? Or is it really a triple-catch where the tables will be turned on us once again? I sure hope so.

"Cause if you had known, it's almost like you let him get turned. Get a man on the inside, help us find that alpha vamp we've been looking for?" Wow... when Sam will sacrifice not himself but Dean for a mission, we know something's up... or down... muahaha. It's heartbreaking, looking at the road they've been on together, isn't it? Just, hearts a'breaking all over the place.

Dean sneaks into the vampires' lair. He meets Robert. Sup. Roberts leads him, predictably, to where he's keeping all the blood... temptation waits Dean. Wow.

"Company line is we don't just kill people anymore." Hmm, sounds like what Lenore was preaching about in an earlier episode. Apparently the recruiters get to bang all the chicks, while everyone else gets to drink blood band blood. The new vampire apprentice Kristen doesn't look too happy about her poetry assignments... and Dean meets a vampire who claims to be 600 years old.

He wants vampires in cages, girls catching boys catching girls... I'm totally confused about what's going on but it sounds dirty.


My, aren't you a vision?

So, the vampires think they do God's work... and the old vampire really really wants to give Dean the private tour. Dean brings out the Dead Man's Blood - and fyi, I was watching this on the train, and when that drop hit the floor I gasped so loudly the people around me jumped. Good to know the show still has such an effect on me!

But then... the voices in the glass speaks to him... and all the vampires drop to the ground. They see a vision - of girls, fangs, blood, and a man pointing them outside. When Dean wakes up, the big vamp guy is letting all the new ones out of their cages to fight Dean, but he decapitates Robert (woooo Supernatural beats Twilight! I love me some heavy metaphors!) and starts slaying.

Crazy Jack Black vampire is still at large though, and tells Dean that "this is much bigger than you and me." As if he hasn't heard that line before!

"Looks like your brother has some Campbell in him after all," Sammy tells Sam as they survey the bloodshed - good line, though kind of moot since only a few episodes he told Dean how much he was like Mary. They find him, silent, foot resting on the decapitated would-be kickass vampire king.

Dean is cured... he pukes and pukes, all the vamp blood out of his system, and sees all the events backwards - his brain graciously taking the time to freeze-frame on Sam's small smile of evilness. He chooses not to divulge this information, of course, but I imagine we'll see it reflected on in a call to Bobby in an upcoming episode.

"At least eh, you got my back. No matter what happens I can always count on you, right Sammy?"
"Yeah. Of course Dean." Sincere smile, except not.

Wow, such a lighthearted episode turned very, very dark - just the way all the best Supernatural episodes do. We're left wondering about the loyalty of Sam, whether his smile meant he was happy he'd now have a way to destroy the alpha vamp or whether his main aim was to get Dean dead, and why alpha!vamp is building an army... but at least we've now got the certain knowledge that Supernatural pwns Twilight any day. Woot! We wish Dean good luck explaining all this to Lisa... and are left wondering, what the hell happened to the Kristen vampire? Pregnant, y'reckon? Dun dun dunnnn...

Hope you enjoyed this recap, leave a comment and stay free till next week!