Finally the True Blood season 3 finale has come and gone and now it is time to recap. In my own personal opinion it was just okay but I will let you decide for yourself. Onto the recap!
Sookie/Bill/Eric: Wow. Sookie goes through like 3 major character changes in the span of one hour so this might be a long section… The episode starts off right where it left off with Eric and Russell burning in the sun. Eric sees the angel/spirit of Godric who tells him he needs to forgive Russell, but he isn’t having any of that. Also we find out that Russell only attacked his family because he was looking for goats to feed his werewolves. That’s not cool. Next we see Sookie running in the woods of Bon Temps and coming across a big purple faerie (?) chandelier and it is obvious that Sookie has again slipped into the faerie dream world. Unfortunately for her, she is woken up by Bill and back in the real world with the man who seemingly just sold her out and let her be fed on. She gives him the obligatory “you’re a big jerk” slap before finding out that it was all part of Eric’s plan and that Eric and Russell are outside now dying. Sookie does not like this one bit and goes outside to try and free them. After some goading from Russell she zaps off their handcuffs and drags Eric inside, zapping Russell further out into the sunlight for not watching his mouth. Sookie tells a reluctant Bill to bite her and she lets Eric feed on her until he is healed. Bill takes off his silver handcuff with medical gloves, which seem to shield him from its effect. Hmmm. Against what most people would call better judgment Eric asks Sookie to bring in the crispy Russell because Godric told him to save him and even the words of ghost Godric still mean a lot to his progeny Eric. She drags him in via silver chain and they chain him to the stripper pole to wait while the vampires take a nap in the coffin. Eric makes a call to a mystery person and tells him that he is going to need his services for Russell. Looks like Russell is getting something, even though he has been saved from the true death.
Bill tries to stay and watch with Sookie but she is still really mad about the whole fake deceit thing so she tells him she doesn’t need him and watched Russell by herself. Russell is not looking very good after all of his time in the sun and his face looks like a charred California raisin. Even close to death though, Russell continues to stir the pot by telling Sookie that her blood is like tantric sex for vampires (gross) and that Bill doesn’t love her, just her blood. This seems to resonate a little bit with Sookie but she still doesn’t like him ogling her blood and promptly silver sprays him in the eyes. To make matters worse she finds the urn filled with Talbot’s remains and goads out Russell that he was only keeping it around because he thought Sookie’s blood could save him. At this point Sookie goes kind of crazy and decides to poor Talbot’s goop down the drain while laughing semi-crazily at Russell’s anguish. It really needs to be seen because it comes across as so abnormal and not like Sookie at all. Another un-Sookie moment happens when Russell tries to bribe his way out of his chains and offers to kill Eric and Bill for her, and give her 5 million dollars/ his house, and she actually seems to consider it or at the very least play along and see what else she can get in the deal. But I guess this episode is all about learning things about people you didn’t know. Dun Dun DUN!
Following the duns Alcide arrives! Turns out he was the guy that Eric called and if he does this one job then his dad’s debt will be settled once and for all. Sookie naturally thinks that he came for her and the two share an awkward, yet flirtatious moment. Also Debbie has gone missing. Seriously? Not even a scene of Debbie after the whole home invasion a couple of episodes ago? Booo. After Bill and Alcide eye-screw each the gang sets off for parts unknown with crispy Russell in tow. Later Sookie and a newly shorthaired Tara share dinner and talk about old times. They forgive each other and Tara goes off to Merlottes to see Lafayette, leaving Sookie alone… Over at the construction yard it is revealed that Alcide has taken Eric and the gang to a construction site and they are going to cement Russell into the ground. It’s not exactly a true death but it is still pretty bad. I mean being stuck in one place for like hundreds of years with no one to talk to would make you pretty crazy. As soon as the cementing is done Bill has his own crazy person moment and handcuffs Eric with silver handcuffs. Yep, turns out Bill took the medical gloves with him and plans to take out anyone that knows about Sookie’s special blood. The reason he claims is because he loves her but it’s probably not that simple. Bill then cements Eric and uses a vampire trick (?) to emulate Eric’s voice and send an assassin to Fangtasia to kill Pam. Oooo Bill, you nasty. Bill then super speeds back to Sookie’s house and tells her that Russell and Eric are now gone and that Pam is dead too. He even admits to her that it was all his doing because they tasted or knew about her blood and therefore were dangerous to her. He tells her he loves her and is just about to leave when all of the sudden a cementy Eric speeds up to the door! It seems Eric has friends in high places that could help him out of the cement and now he is ready to lay the smack down. He gets Bill to confess that he was working for the queen to procure Sookie because of her blood and kept her from him, but then forces Bill to cut his lies and admit to Sookie why he really kept her from the queen. Turns out Bill let Sookie get beaten up badly way back in the first season just so she could taste his blood and so that he could better control her delicious and rare faerie blood.
It seems like Russell was right back at Fangtasia when he said that Bill didn’t really love her, he just loved her blood. Sookie is very upset and rescinds her invitation for Eric and Bill, which results in Bill being magically thrown out of the house. I still don’t really understand how the whole “Vampire’s have to be invited in” thing works but its good for plot movement. Eric goes back to Fangtasia and we find out that Pam was the one who saved him and Bill goes back to his house where he has invited the vampire queen and then challenges her to a fight to the death. The only problem for Bill is that she is twice his age. But the show isn’t going to kill off a main character so it looks like it will be bye-bye for the queen next season. We are left to guess. Finally the episode closes out with Sookie running out of her house and to her grandmother’s grave, where she cries and tells her she wishes she were still around to comfort her. All of the sudden Claudine, Sookie’s faerie Godmother shows up with a bunch of other toned looking faeries and invites her to come over to her world. Sookie accepts and they both touch glowing hands before disappearing into faerie world.
Okay that was a HUGE part of the episode but I will also run down the multiple other side-plots that went down in this episode. Be warned that they are short and set up a lot of micro cliffhangers/ “wait, what just happened?” moments.
Sam/Tara: Okay so remember when I was talking about crazy moments? Well they don’t just happen for the main three characters. Sam and Tara both have their share of crazy town this episode and I’ll do my best to make sense of it. First off Tara and Sam wake up after their alcohol induced hook-up and after some chitchat Sam reveals to Tara that he is a shape shifter, which of course she is none too pleased about. I do kind of feel like with all that Tara has been put through this season she probably would have been none too pleased with any revelation that involved the supernatural. Tara leaves Sam’s shack-o-love and goes to her mom’s house in a rare moment, only to find her mom is hooking up with the married pastor! Damn! After some initial anger Tara’s mom tells her that the pastor is going to leave his wife for her and that she is finally going to have a good life/ be cared for. Tara seems to be relieved at the sound of this and hugs her mom goodbye in one of the few awww moments of this episode.
Meanwhile, Sam goes back to Merlottes and let’s in Lafayette who is unusually early. Sam then heads over to his house and over the radio we hear the Vampire rights amendment isn’t going to get the votes to pass. For shame. Sam runs into Terry who he yelled at the other night and he apologizes to him, even telling him he is a good friend/employee. Terry tells him everything is great on his camp and now that Sam has apologized he is overjoyed and starts crying. A lot. I mean seriously this guy does the most crying in this whole episode in these 3-ish minutes he is on camera. Sam goes into his house and finds it not quite ransacked but not quite in place either and then discovers that Tommy has run off with all of his/Merlottes money from his safe. Hew boy. Back at Tara’s we see her with scissors and are tricked into thinking she is going to kill herself when really all she does is cut her hair and give herself a sweet new short hairdo. She drives off after eating with Sookie to see Lafayette and all seems well for Tara. Does it? Over at Merlottes Sam angrily comes in to see if anyone has seen Tommy (they haven’t) and then goes to get his gun from his office. I guess you don’t steal from Sam unless you want to die. Outside we see Tara waiting to go in, when all of the sudden she has a change of heart and drives off to parts unknown. Where are you going Tara!
Speaking of driving, Sam finally tracks down Tommy in his car and tries to stop him from leaving with his big duffle bag-o-money. Tommy doesn’t budge and when he continues walking Sam actually takes out his gun and shoots him! Well technically we don’t know if he actually shoots him because we only see it from Sam’s side, but it doesn’t look good for Tommy…
Jason/Crystal: So remember how last week Jason accepted who Crystal was and everything seemed totally awesome except for the impending DEA raid? Well let’s just say things get very complicated for these two. First off Jason goes to the Sherriff’s office to try and stop the raid and runs afoul of Andy and the head DEA agent who is a big jerk and tells Andy to go and get him some cigarettes when he offers to help in the bust. With this option neutralized Jason picks up Crystal and the two drive to Hotshot to literally warn everyone that the DEA is coming and that they need to leave. Well this doesn’t go over so well for Crystal’s ex-fiancé/half-brother (ewww) Felton who is also hopped up on V. Felton wants to take their V and drive off with Crystal and is willing to kill anyone who gets in his way. This becomes super clear when Crystal’s dad tells him he doesn’t have the guts and is then promptly shot in the face/killed in front of everyone. Crystal tells Jason she has to go with Felton to protect everyone at Hotshot and tells him that he is now in charge of all of the residents, who look like they really need a bath. Jason introduces himself to them and they all hide/evade DEA capture.
Back at the Sheriff’s office we see Andy contemplating using V to heal his broken arm but he is interrupted by the DEA head who is upset that Jason ruined their raid. Jason comes in and gives a speech about how sometimes the right thing is actually the wrong thing and then leaves. Looks like Jason is now the new head of the were-panthers/ no longer a deputy?
Hoyt/Jessica: The mushiest part of the season finale came in the form of every scene that Hoyt and Jessica were in. Vampire and humans, together and in love! Crazy! First we see Hoyt arriving at his roadwork job, only to see his super fat/meanie mom, Summer, and an anti-vampire counselor in lawn chairs waiting for him. They gasp at his fang marks from Jessica and try in vain to convince Hoyt to be with Summer and not Jessica. Hoyt lets Summer down easy and tells his mom that if she doesn’t like Jessica then she can hit the road/he will not be talking to her. She doesn’t take this well at all and next thing you know we see her buying a deer-hunting rifle to kill (?) Jessica. Speaking of Jessica, Hoyt takes her on a nighttime secret trip to their new house. Seriously, he is madly in love with her, wants to marry her, and now wants to live with her. Hoyt, buddy, you should probably do one after the other and not all three at once. But I guess it moves the plot along for next season. Also when they go into the house and hug after he tells her he wants to marry her the camera pulls back to reveal a super creepy doll laying on the floor. What is the deal with that?
And finally for the craziest part of the season finale....I present Lafayette and Jesus!
Lafayette/Jesus: Okay so somehow this episode’s Lafayette/Jesus sub-plot was crazier than the magical trip through time sub-plot a few episodes earlier. First of all Lafayette is still having a ton of scary visions and sees Sam’s hands covered in blood and Arlene being chocked by the dead Rene. He calls up Jesus who is actually working and he tells him he will be over soon to help him with his hallucinations. He comes by Merlottes and this is the point at which the finale gets super weird. Just out of the blue Jesus says that he too has experienced hallucinations when he was learning magic but he got a hold of them after mediating/gaining control of himself. Did you catch that? Jesus is a wizard! Well technically he is a Brujo, which is like a Mexican witch of sorts but none-the-less crazy and cool. Or as Lafayette describes it, “So you’re a witch, who’s a nurse, who’s a dude?” Well said indeed. The craziest part though is that this is the cliffhanger they leave this subplot on. No more scenes, just I’m a witch…. What!
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