Survivor Nicaragua - Episode 13 Recap: "The Dreaded Loved Ones Episode"

Here is Sean Furfaro’s recap of Survivor Nicaragua – Episode 13.That sound you heard about 4 minutes into this episode? That was me vomiting.

You knew it was coming. I've warned you for weeks. And now, with tonight's episode being the last one before the Season Finale on Sunday, it's time for the dreaded "Loved Ones" episode. Just look at the picture above, as the Survivors check out the handy new Sony Evo.

What the hell is happening in that picture anyways? Jane looks like she's looking at picture of a fish she can sneak away with and eat on her own, Dan is confused, and Fabio is fixing his hair. Once again, I submit to you, Survivor Nicaragua is a candidate for worst season ever.

My Random Thoughts:

- Previously on…Survivor: as Holly said, What the f*** is wrong with Chase? Jeff’s voice-over reminded us of Chase’s indecisiveness, and his maddening trend of voting out his supposed alliance-mates. Remember when the “Previously on…” segment was simply a recap of the last episode? Now Jeff is constantly telling us what we need to know for the theme of the episode. Did anybody not think this episode was going to involve a significant amount of Chase?

- The loved one videos are painful to watch. Did they all get told by CBS to have a dog on their lap, in their arms, or in the background? Call me heartless if you want, but it’s the same crap season after season. Same with the introductions of the loved ones who (gasp!) are actually there. Have you never watched the show before? They’re always there. Don’t act like it’s a shock…we’ve seen it 21 times now.

- All of that notwithstanding, my Random Thoughts on the Introductions/Reward Challenge:
o Nice to see they’ve upgraded from the Palm Pre to the Evo, but Sony is still clearly paying a heavy price to finance this episode. Did you see all of the features, and hear that it’s Sony’s first 4G phone? And the quality of those photos and videos…wow. Gag.
o When Dan’s son ran up to hug his dad, Dan made some sort of sound that was like a cross between a squeak, an injured cat, and someone playing the bagpipes who has no idea how to play the bagpipes. And how awkward was the incessant kissing? I’m all for an affectionate family…I still kiss both my mom and dad when I see them, but that was just weird.
o Jane’s daughter Ashley came barreling out of the woods and looked like she was going to smash right into Jane, knocking her airborne and probably right into the ocean. I braced myself for what was sure to be a 10-million-hit YouTube sensation, but alas, Ashley geared it down and simply picked up peanut brittle Jane in a hug, careful not to snap her. Hey, how do you think that go-kart got broken?
o Chase wins the Reward Challenge (again), and even though he promised Fabio that he would take him and Sash on the challenge, you knew based on the “don’t forget how indecisive Chase is, and how he goes back on his word” montage at the beginning that Fabio was getting screwed. And how perfect would that Reward have been with 3 boys and their moms? Colby Donaldson was home on his couch, drooling…saying “Man, that would be awesome!”
o Once I saw the challenge setup from the air, I thought to myself “Dan has no chance.” Then Jeff said that the Loved Ones were going to be participating (and they were shocked. Again, have you never watched the show?), and I thought, ‘OK, maybe Dan has a chance.” Then Jeff said that the Survivors would have to jump into the water, get the bags, and run them back, and I switched back to "Dan has No Chance" again.
o After Chase chose Sash and Holly, Dan told his son, the human kissing booth, that Chase was a scumbag. Then, Fabio called him out on his promise. See what I’m saying? The Loved Ones episode is nothing but trouble!

- So off they went on a boring reward, took lots of pictures, and after 30 minutes of Hallmark schmaltz, we’re back to the game.

- I’ve had a lot of fun this season at Chase’s expense over his job description of Pro Race Car Jackman. I was thinking today, I understand what the job entails…I mean, the name isn’t really cryptic at all…but what exactly is the act of doing what Chase does called? Is it car jacking? Isn’t there a negative connotation attached to that?

- At the Immunity Challenge (another one where Dan had no chance), I could tell by the ‘retribution music’ that was playing, that Fabio would win after not being taken on the Reward. This season is painfully predictable.

- Best line of the challenge from Probst: “Holly is struggling…but she’s got her last bag. That’s gonna help.”

- At the pow-wow between Chase, Sash, Holly, and Jane, the crazy old witch was shooting daggers at the other 3 before being told she was likely going home. Then she gave Sash the finger (why even disguise it as a face scratch at this point? Why not just double-barrel it right in his smug face?) And then, she went on to tell us that Sash’s mom raised a liar. First Marty’s kids, and now Sash’s mom? When Jane gets angry, she brings the whole family into it, doesn’t she?

- Then, all hell broke loose as Jane was yelling at people not to even look at her, and doused the fire before they left for Tribal Council with a dramatic “By God, I started it…I’ll put it out.” It was a valid point, and arguably the best moment of the season so far (and how sad is that?), but I had to think to myself: Where the hell was Jane with that bucket of water when the camp was burning down!

- Tribal Council was dramatic as well: Holly’s a thief, Dan and Fabio are next, both Idols got played (how much of a non-factor were the Idols this season? Lame.), and Chase was put on the spot. Long story short, adios Jane. See you on the Jury.

Next Week (well, Sunday actually): It’s the Season Finale of what may go down as the worst season in history.

Once again, my apologies to those of you expecting my recap by 9:30 ET as usual. I am still on the West Coast, but I will be home this weekend, so my recap for the Season Finale this Sunday will go on as normal. I’m hoping to get it posted during the Live Reunion Show, and then updated after the reunion show.

My predictions for the reunion show: Shannon will get booed, NaOnka will get booed harder, Purple Kelly will giggle and shrug, Brenda will look amazing, Marty’s hair will not be crazy, Jane and Holly will both look totally different, Jeff will re-iterate his disgust at the quitters, and at one point, Benry will let out a whoop.

Survivor Fans, feel free to check out the archive of Survivor Recaps at Sean's Random Thoughts, or you can also add me on Facebook, where I post all of the recaps as soon as they go up. Don’t forget to mouse over the pictures for captions.

Thanks for reading. See you Sunday for the Season Finale.

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